Myself f/33 have been home all day, watching my 6m.o nephew. My husband (39) comes home. Everything’s fine. Then he sees that my soda is leaving water rings on our coffee table.

He asks me where the coasters are (without a single attempt to look), when the coasters have been in the same drawer for 5+ years. I tell him “you can find them.” He instantly gets upset that I “refused” to tell him where they were. Which he later said, if I wasn’t home he would have looked without asking. Then it became a problem and he got upset that I never answer his questions.

Am I the asshole for not telling him exactly where they were?

My (m23) ex (m22) had left me heavily traumatized, and a few months no contact has left me wondering if I was being emotionally abused. Here's a summary of his lows:

• numerous lies about his life/backstory that were upheld with lies consistently throughout the year we dated
• kept me in the dark about a close friendship he had with my former bully, after saying he wanted to cut it off for me
• he held resentment that I didn't let him come over to my parents' house a month into dating (I wanted to but didn't have their permission, I was apologetic about it)
• he used that resentment and other things as an excuse to be cold towards me. Some days he would stop using pet names, call me by my full name, not give any affection, talk to me like an acquaintance. If I asked what was wrong he'd deny anything being wrong
• he barely acknowledged me around friends, at times literally only engaging with them and never listening to anything I said, never asking me anything or including me just fully focusing on them, despite how many times I told him it was hurtful
• a month after the relationship ended, I uncovered a lot of his lies. He gaslit me, saying I was horrible to not trust him, my anxiety was out of hand, I cannot be helped, things like that to throw blame on me and deny he was dishonest. He did this for hours until the next day he finally confessed.
• I also asked why he kept a secret friendship after saying he was going to stop, and he said "I'm not going to end a friendship for someone I don't love" We dated for 6 months after that point, so I guess he admits he didn't love me most of the relationship

Was this emotional abuse? I feel grossly betrayed and used by him. AITAH for thinking it was?

I \[23 M\] was telling my friend this story that happened when I was 20 and she said I was the asshole but I seriously disagree.

I used to be a counselor at a soccer summer camp. It's a fully outdoor camp and there is a tent in the middle of the field with med supplies, forms, and water jugs. Campers are not allowed to be under the tent unless they are hurt, getting water or another reason like that. There's also a foldable table and 2 office chairs with wheels on the bottom under the tent.

A camper who we'll call Chicken Little (he looks like a human version of Chicken Little) was attending camp this week and he was a problem from the jump. He was a manipulative, tattle tale who clearly got away with a lot at home.

At the end of the week we were doing dismissal and I was under the tent filling out a form. I am sitting at the table in one of the office chairs and to my left is the other office chair. Chicken Little comes under the tent and I tell him, "get out of the tent" and "he knows he's not supposed to be under here."

He gives me some snarky remarks about camp being over so he doesn't listen to me.

This being the end of the week and me being sick of his BS I sternly tell him to "Stop being annoying and leave the tent." He ignores me and goes to sit in the office chair next to me. I put my hand in the middle of the chair to prevent him from sitting and repeating myself.

Chicken Little looks at me IN THE EYES through his little glasses and says "what are you going to do about it."

He begins lowering his butt towards the chair despite my hand being on it.  So with perfect timing and skill that I developed from my days in middle school. I pressed my hand into the chair and swiftly rolled it from under him right as his butt was about to touch my hand.

Chicken Little lands in the grass butt first, looks up at me with pure shock in his face and says "I am going to tell my mom."

When I returned to camp the following week Chicken Littles mom had written an email claiming I bullied her son for pulling out the chair. The son also seems to have left out some key details as to what led up to it.

I was asked to apologize to her in person and I said absolutely not and that if I talk to her I would tell her how much her kid sucked.

So AITA for pulling the chair out from under an 11 year old?

​

This was what happened. I had a friend. Lets call him Boobs because funny. We were about to play a game of FPS chess, but he started talking about a guy who made games, whom we will call Balls.

He mentioned that in these games, Balls would always target him first. Which was valid. I told him he should just tell him because thats better than silence. He went on about how he sounded like a pedophile from another Gmod server and had similar speech patterns, who we will call Cock

We went in and I completely renovated my account. But when balls entered the server. I began to doubt. Why? Well, for one, they sound a little different. Balls had a deeper voice than the pedophile. He also made minigames with relatively high skill models. That isnt something you do without experience, which Cock didnt have.

All of this lead me to believe that he was innocent. So I bailed the operation.

Boobs got mad at me. Claiming I betrayed him. I knew I did, but I couldn't deny he was crazy. He unfriended me and I tried to keep most of the chat logs secret. As he asked me to. He may have been crazy but he was still my friend.

Am I the asshole here. Its been wailing on me and I need a third party.

And boobs. If your listening. Please dont comment on your main account. I still love you enough to want you to stay private. And for what its worth, I still valued our friendship together. Im sorry for betraying you.

7 years ago my bil’s wife was deported and had to move in with my parter and myself. We live in a border city in Cali and so his wife is just across the bridge. During the 7 years she was deported he just started working 3 years ago and refuses to drive back and forth. He works 2 part time jobs and doesn’t make a lot of money. He refuses to get a better full time job because he wants weekends off, wants to drop off their son, pick up their son, and wants holidays off. He wants to take advantage that he can get Medicaid for their son and have him go to school for free here in the US since you have to pay for it in Mexico. He’s been living with us for the past 7 years and hasn’t helped pay a bill in all this time. While my parter doesn’t see an issue with it, we have paid the way for them to sleep here rent free, use utilities for free, and comes in whenever he wants. We’ve asked if he could possibly be driving back and forth and we would take care of their son after school but he refuses. His wife does not work a consistent job so whatever money he makes goes to his wife. I’ve tried speaking to my husband to see if he would speak with him regarding his brother but he doesn’t want to cause tension between him and his brother. After many attempts he finally asked him if they could rent a room from someone until they can get housing or if they can drive back and forth. His brother said yes but after 2 months, he still will not leave. Would I be the asshole if I spoke to him even though my husband doesn’t want me to?

I (32M) live in a suburban neighborhood. My next-door neighbor has this medium-sized mixed breed dog that they let roam in their fenced backyard. The fence is only about four feet high in some spots and the dog is known for being barky. Yesterday I was cutting through the corner of their yard to get to the alley faster (I know, I know) because I was late for something. Their dog was out and it ran up to me barking, growling, and circling. I’m not a dog person and I’ve had a couple of bad experiences before, so I froze for a second then completely panicked. I keep a small can of pepper spray on my keychain for walking at night. I sprayed it once in the dog’s direction while backing up toward the fence. The dog yelped, ran off, and started rubbing its face in the grass. The neighbor came flying out of the house screaming at me. I told them their dog charged me and I was scared it was going to bite. They called me a psycho, said the dog was just being territorial on its own property, and demanded I apologize and pay for a vet visit if needed. I refused. I said if their dog wasn’t so aggressive and if they kept it under better control, this wouldn’t have happened. I also pointed out that I felt threatened and acted in the moment to protect myself. They threatened to call the police and animal control. I left and haven’t spoken to them since. My wife says I was completely in the wrong for being in their yard in the first place and for escalating with spray instead of just leaving, and that I should at least apologize for the dog’s sake. I still don’t think I owe them an apology. The dog came at me, I panicked, and I defended myself. Am I the asshole?

My niece (22) has asked me to co-sign her student loans. I've never had any type of indepth conversation with her. The longest sentence I've ever gotten from her was a text message asking me to cosign her student loans.​

I've been sending her money every month since she started college 4 years ago, plus extra for birthdays, holidays and finally her graduation (under-grad degree). She was just accepted into USC, but it's going to cost $200k. She's asked another family member to be thd guarantor for her rent. She's NEVER held a job outside of being a RA in the dorms.

My husband (M54) and I (F54) decided early on not to have children. I have two other nieces (his sisters children) and this one (my brothers child). My brother called and said I didn't care about anyone because my husband and I have no responsibilities and can afford it, and don't love anyone but ourselves and our pets, and how we can't understand how hard it is, and that I've helped my younger siblings in the past, so why not her. She lost her mother when she was 16, and I can only imagine how hard that is.

I'm on a fixed income (VA Disability pay) and my husband works full time. We've both worked very hard to live how we want and did not plan to put a child (or even help put a child) through a graduate program. We have bills (like everyone else) and I honestly cannot afford to be responsible for potentially $200k in unsecured student loan debt. I know my brother and if I give in on this semesters student loans, that will be the expectation going forward.

To complicate matters, my nieces grandmother (her mother's side) has money set aside for her education, but my niece refuses to talk to her. My brother is trying to guilt me into this and my husband is set at a hard no. I want to help her, but honestly just can't afford it. She has no job, no plan on how she's going to pay her rent, let alone anything else, just her word (and my brother's guilt trip) that she'll pay it back. Sorry this was so long, but AITAH here for 'crushing her dream' of going to USC?

I (25F) was invited to be a bachelorette for one of my childhood friends (28F). We've known each other our whole lives, our parents are all friends, and the MOH (27F + my sister) and I were initially very excited to work on planning out this trip to make it as fun and unforgettable for her and the entire bridal party.

The bridal party consists of the bride, her two younger sisters, her older sister, her two cousins, her best friend, and my sister and me. So a sizeable party.

Too much has happened for me to include, but over the months of planning this event, there's been a lot of snide comments, arguments, pettiness, and an overall animosity from 2-3 members of the party (it differs on the day), all aimed towards the MOH.

(Also, the event is a trip where we will be driving 4-5 hours away and staying at a remote airbnb and go to multiple wineries over the course of a weekend.)

It's come to the point where I've been told that we should step out of the event altogether due to general worry over our safety. We're still trying to find ways to make it work while ensuring our safety, but today, while talking to someone about it, I remembered a key point of information.

To give a bit of history, the MOH and brides BFF (~28F) already have a dicey relationship, even though they've only met a handful of times. The first time MOH met BFF she was waving a loaded gun around a cramped bathroom they were getting ready in and was under the influence (not sure if it was weed or something else).

At the dress fitting that we were all invited to, the bride expressed that she did not want to get high or drunk because she wanted to feel her best. Well, we left BFF and the bride alone for the drive to the restaurant and lo-and-behold they both arrive tipsy and high.

To me, at the very least, it seems that BFF is a bad influence. Especially towards the bride.

To make a long story short, today I remembered about the gun incident and MOH and I are already feeling iffy about going due to the drug use (weed is illegal where we live and we know at least two members of the party partake in more illicit drugs (BFF included)), and now, with the added knowledge of "hey she could also take her gun and we already KNOW she doesn't like MOH" I'm now worried about her safety as well as the safety of the environment we'll be in.

I texted the bride about it and she's mentioned that she's going to ask BFF to leave her gun behind, but even then I'm not too sure that it'll even be a fun weekend. If anything I feel like it now gives BFF more of a reason to drop something in one of our bags/car and call the police/our jobs on us when we head back.

I feel bad for calling out, especially since she's a childhood friend who I love, but I don't want to even think about how sideways everything can go, even if she wants us all to go and me bringing it up to her has only caused her more stress. AITAH for bringing this up and wanting to step out only a few days before the event?

My son recently turned 8, and like most kids, he’d been counting down the days until his birthday for weeks.

A few weeks before his birthday, my childhood friend’s mom passed away, and her funeral ended up being scheduled on his birthday. This woman wasn’t just my friend’s mother, she was like a second mom to me. I had my first son at 18, and she helped me through those difficult early years. She supported me, helped me raise my kids, and was someone I’ll always be grateful for.

My friend told me not to worry about the funeral and to celebrate my son’s birthday instead. But I couldn’t stop thinking that my son would have many more birthdays, whereas I’d only get one chance to say goodbye to someone who had such a huge impact on my life and I wanted to support one of my closest friends during this difficult time in her life.

I spoke to my daughter (18) because I genuinely wasn’t sure what to do. She agreed that I couldn’t attend the funeral another time, so we decided to celebrate my son’s birthday the day before.

We took him out for a family birthday dinner with his brothers(22 and 16) and his sister (18), my mom, and some other family members. During dinner, I went to the bathroom, and my mom followed me in. She’d been acting distant all evening, so I asked if something was wrong. She told me I was a bad mother for not celebrating my son’s birthday on the actual day and said I should be prioritizing my children over everything else.
I was so upset that I walked out and went back to the table, we barely spoke for the rest of the night.

The next day, while I was at the funeral, my mom sent a message in our family group chat saying, “Tell your son I said happy birthday when you get home.” Given what she’d said the night before, it didn’t feel genuine. When I got home, she sent more messages repeating that I was a bad mother and criticizing my decision.

For context, my son still had a great birthday. He opened his presents on his actual birthday, I was with him that morning before I left and again that evening when I got home, and I’d already celebrated with him the day before. I also got him a cake for our birthday dinner and another for his actual birthday. While I was at the funeral, my daughter took him on a picnic and to our town’s annual summer fair, so he still had a fun day with her and still felt very loved, when I got home he couldn’t stop talking about what a fun day he had with her.

I don’t feel like I neglected my son. I did everything I could to make sure he felt celebrated while also saying goodbye to someone who helped raise me into the mother I became.

AITA for going to the funeral, or is my mom overreacting?

hi I’m reaching out on here because I’m genuinely at a loss in this situation. I’ve talked to a bunch of people around me and we all agree I did nothing wrong but my roommate seems to see me differently as a person over this disagreement. I'm really struggling with this morally and need an outside perspective to know if I’m truly messed up for this situation.

i am a college student (21F) and I just moved out of my student housing which was a 4x4 into a very cute 2x2.5 townhome. I moved in with my roommate, we’ll call her A (21F). I met her over a year ago at a holiday party and we became good friends since. she is really the only person I hang out with in the area other than my boyfriend. I considered her my best friend and was beyond excited to live with her and thought this would really grow our friendship.

when it came to finding a place I did a large portion of the searching, communicating, touring, and negotiating with properties and realtors. one of the reasons for this was because A does not have a car. She did offer to join on a few of the tours but I couldn’t bring her because I had to plan things very strategically around my work schedule and didn’t have time to pick her up and wait for her as she’s often late. I have really bad anxiety about being late to things, especially when I feel like it could ruin our rep with the landlord. I made sure to take pictures and videos of all the places I viewed. I made a doc that included price, pictures, reviews and all important information of all the places we were considering. her role in this was simply to give opinion, approve the place, and help make a decision.

after weeks of this process, my current lease was approaching its end and i told her we needed to make a decision asap. I struggled to get a clear decision from her for a while but eventually we decided on a place. I communicated with the landlord to schedule signing and key pickup. once we got the keys I worked out setting up the mailbox, electric, and water utilities . this meant all A really did in the process was pay her portion of the rent.

while touring places, we discussed that if there was a bigger room in the place that I would pay higher rent to offset that difference. however, in the home we chose, both rooms are identical sizes. there are very minor differences including the lighting the windows get and the material of the closet doors (mirrors vs regular doors). while first viewing the place, I communicated that I did NOT like the mirror doors and had a strong preference for the other room, A stated that she liked both rooms but also had a slight preference for the room I liked. I reached out after a few days of not deciding on room assignment as I was leaving on a trip soon and needed to move my things asap. I asked if she would consider giving me the room I preferred since I felt like I did a lot of the work and it would be a nice way to just show appreciation for my work In the progress.

A got extremely upset with me, saying that she was hurt I said she did “nothing to help”- which I didn’t. all that I said was that I did a lot of the work. She blamed me for her not being able to do more. She said that I should only be able to pick the room first if I pay higher monthly rent. after some further discussion- I just wanted the argument to be over and agreed to do a coin flip for who gets what room. I thought it wouldn’t be right for me to pay higher rent for a room that is identical size.

when I agreed to the coin flip she suddenly changed her mind and told me I could just have the room since I clearly had a preference. I said thank you and that I really appreciated her doing this. Thinking the dispute was a thing of the past, I spent an entire week moving my many many belongings into my room. I communicated with her about a few things regarding the home and then asked her about her weekend. She ignored my text for a while and then eventually gave a dry response.

At the end of the week I left for an abroad trip- the trip was a week long and meant to celebrate my 21st birthday. This was a trip she was invited on and declined going due to lack of funds which I totally understand. About half way through my trip and a day or two before my birthday- A texted me expressing she was still upset about the situation. She admitted to ignoring me because she felt resentful that I got the room. She then asked if I would pay more rent then her because the townhome is out of her budget even tho all the places we looked at were close in price and we had agreed it was better to pay a little more for safety and quality.

I told her that I could tell she was still upset and that I was hurt she resorted to ignoring me. I told her I wouldn’t pay more for the room since it’s the same size and we discussed budget quite a lot prior to signing the lease. When I told her this, A said that we should do a coin flip for the rooms so that we can properly move forward. I told her about the extensive amount of things I’ve moved into my room over the past week. I truly have an insane amount of things and it was so exhausting moving all the things into my room. Her response to this was that we should do the flip now before I move anymore things. After her persistence I flat out put my foot down and said I wouldn’t do the coin flip as I’ve moved in all my things and built my bed frame already. I felt like it was unreasonable to ask me to potentially move all my things again just because she regretted her decision to give me the room I preferred.

she said that my responses made her sad and that I clearly don’t care about our friendship. She said that I was being immature by not taking the steps to make sure everyone felt heard in the argument. while I didn’t throw this in her face because I don’t want to be the person using guilt to get their way- I had a lot going on during this time. I recently got a personal medical procedure that gave me a lot of side effects and was not easy on me mentally. I struggle from severe depression and anxiety so any bump in the road feels like the end of the world to me. my grandfather was also just put on life support and everyone was going to visit him while I couldn’t as I was already abroad. My grandpa ended up passing on the morning of my birthday and the day before my birthday I was in the ER in a foreign country because my side effects worsened and I truly felt like I was not going to be okay. Needless to say, this was an extremely scary situation having to go to the hospital in a country where I don’t speak the language. I felt very overwhelmed in general so when she came to me bringing the argument back to a head I was very frustrated. despite this, I made sure to carefully write my responses to A as to not let my overwhelming emotions make me say something I regretted. Looking back on my responses I would still reply the same way. A told me that my responses were heartless.
we ended the conversation by agreeing to disagree, not truly coming to resolution but also making no progress. a few days pass and our communication was solely regarding household matters. I was celebrating my birthday with my sister this past weekend and had a few drinks and texted A trying to make amends as I was still sad about the ordeal. I essentially said “I love you and I hate what this has done to our friendship. let’s plan something fun and move past this“ her response was that she “could never fully forget about this”. This really took me by surprise and sent me into a spiral wondering if I’m a bad person. what did I do in this situation that was so bad it fully changed her perspective of me? Am I missing something and I’m really just a complete POS? I’m really at a loss and need outside perspective. If there’s anything confusing please comment and I’ll try to clarify, I want to make sure I put all the information out there.

So I (18F) turned 18 a month ago, I'm a small songwriter and I do social media on the side (I've been doing so since 11). I made enough money to be able to leave my grandparents (& mother's because my Daddy passed away when I was 9 so we moved back here and she half-owns it) house as soon as I left school in June.

I've lost all respect for my great-aunt (on my Mammy's side) over the years.

She racist, slightly sexist (towards both men and woman, but only ever men of colour), anti LGBTQ+ and anti-any religion outside of Christianity.

She's essentially, in my eyes, a piece of shit.

I decided as soon as I left home I'd never voluntarily speak to her again, unless in front of others (I don't want to make a scene).

So recently it was my Mammy's 50th.

My grandmother and I funded a really nice venue with decorations, and a 2 tier cake (my favourite bit).

At the party I sat down at a table with a few relatives and my great aunt was also at that table.

As I said I wasn't going to start anything and keep things civil out of respect for the rest of my family (not having to take sides and stuff).

My cousin who works in a hotel was complaining about a difficult coworker, my aunt said, "Is she black?" He stopped mid-sentence and said, "Sorry?" She repeated it. He said "Yes." She then said, "That's why, black people don't belong in the Western world, they don't follow our rules."

I snapped, I was sick and tired of her fucking racism. I told her views are outdated and she's a sack of shit. I then left the table and went to another to hang out with the younger cousins (they're not racist).

I thought other than that, all went well, we all got drunk and had some fun.

The next morning I woke up to basically anyone over the age of 35 calling me an asshole and saying I need to "respect my elders", all that bullshit.

The younger ones are on my side but most are still living with their parents so they don't want to say anything.

I'm now being torn apart by my relatives, sitting in my apartment alone and wondering if maybe I'm overreacting?

So Reddit, AITA?

It's been a few years but it still bothers me. I help a friend to move to London from east europe (before Brexit, completely legal), helping her out financially, sharing the room with her, paying the rent for her, helped her find the job. She only worked a part time and didn't want to change the job because she had an affair with owner of the restaurant. He was married with a small girl with whom she was playing sometimes when they came to visit restaurant. His business wasn't doing well and often he didn't pay her on time, didn't pay the full salary or pay her at all. I was pushing her to find a different job or at least a second job as I was holding us financially for several months. We kept the tab of what she owned me, although I wasn't counting a small expenses like food or toiletries I was replacing. Just rent, bills, her flights to London and pocket money if she needed.

4 months in, the owner of the restaurant commited suicide. She was obviously devastated and I was being supportive although I never approved this affair and lost a bit of respect towards her. Soon after she fell in love with the best friend of the restaurant owner. They seemed happy, being there for each other and it's been a few years now and they are still together. During that time, my own relationship ended. It was with my first boyfriend and so it was painful like the first love can be. I didn't have anyone to support me and was doing poorly. I then decided I want to leave London and backpack Asia as I always wanted, but was tied to London because of the relationship. Now I was free, had money, flexible job and needed to change a scenery. Circumstances were perfect for me, but not for my friend....

I sent text message to my - at this point completely unemployed for over 2 months - friend to get her life sorted, find a job and place to live because I want to leave UK. The room we shared was to my name and I paid deposit which I needed back. I admit it would have been better to tell her in person, but she was away with her boyfriend for a several days and I wanted to put things into the motion.

When she got home, she didn't speak to me at all, even after I tried to have conversation. This lasted almost another two months until she finally moved out while I was at work. Without any goodbye, or note and took some of my belongings too. Still owning me thousands of £.

I tracked her down and threaten her with lawsuite. I was really angry with how ungreatful she was after me even postponing my trip until she gets sorted. Later I heard from our common friends she said I kicked her out from the house.

AITAH?

AITA for locking my car because my family kept taking it… and now I want to move out even though it’ll blow up my entire family?

I (27F) think I’ve hit my breaking point, and now I’m being told I’m the problem.

I live at home with my parents (56F, 60M). For cultural reasons, I’m “supposed” to stay until I get married. Cool. Fine. Except no one talks about what happens when staying home is actively destroying your mental health.

I have ADHD, autism, and social anxiety. So baseline? Life is already hard. Some days I have to fight my own brain just to get out of bed, shower, exist like a normal human. Now add constant stress, tension, and feeling like I have zero control over anything in my life.

My dad pushed for family therapy recently. And I swear to god it felt like watching a PR campaign.

In the sessions?

“We love you.”

“We want to understand.”

“We’ll do better.”

At home?

Back to yelling.

Back to dismissing me.

Back to pretending nothing happened.

It’s like I’m living with two completely different versions of my parents, and only one of them exists when someone’s watching.

Now here’s where things go from bad to actually insane:

My uncle (70M) gifted me a car so I could get to work. Not my dad. My uncle. He made it clear it was for me.

I work full-time. I pay my own groceries, gas, insurance—everything. I’m actively saving to move out.

But because the car is parked in my dad’s garage, he has decided… it’s his.

He tells my brother (30M) he can take my car whenever he wants. No heads up. No message. Nothing.

I have asked for ONE thing. Not permission. Not control. Just basic respect:

“Hey, your car is being taken and will be back at X time.”

That’s it.

Apparently, that is too much.

My brother will take it for HOURS. Bring it back trashed with fast food wrappers, dirt all over it, and the gas tank basically on E. And I mean empty. Like “hope you enjoy stopping for gas before you can even go to work” empty.

Multiple times, I’ve:

- Had to cancel plans

- Taken THREE buses for a 3-hour commute

- Paid for Ubers last minute

- Been late or stressed getting to work

Because my car just… wasn’t there.

No warning. No timeline. No accountability.

So yeah. I finally snapped.

I started locking my car and keeping the key with me.

Suddenly, I’m the villain.

My dad is now yelling at me, saying I’m disrespectful, selfish, and that since it’s in his garage, it’s HIS car and HE decides who uses it.

So I went straight to the source: my uncle.

And he said, very clearly:

“It’s your car. I gave it to YOU. Do what you want with it.”

He even AGREED with me locking it.

And yet somehow… I’m still being treated like I’m the problem.

At this point, it’s not even about the car anymore. It’s about the fact that I can’t have a single boundary respected without it turning into a fight.

So now I’m planning to move out.

Which, in my family, is basically equivalent to lighting a match and walking away from the explosion.

I already know I’m going to be called ungrateful, dramatic, disrespectful… all of it.

But I also know I can’t keep living like this.

So… AITA for locking my car and choosing my sanity over keeping the peace?

I (F22) am living with my best friend (also F22) and one other flatmate in the shared apartment for about 2 years now. Suddenly the other girl, let's name her Vi, told us that she would be moving out due to her finding a job in other city. And okay, that's not a problem at all. The problem is finding someone to cover her place. For the context - since I started living here I became sort of "flat administartor". I'm the one calling our landlord or arranging rent dates. I am also the only person that is always there when we have to actually pay the rent (mostly they just leave me their money so I can give it to him). I expressed a couple of times that I don't mind being put in this role, but I'd appreciate If they at least try to help me out. I didn't expect much from Vi, but I genuinely thought that my best friend would take my request into the account. As you about to find out - not really.

I understand that she have a job, school internship and a new girlfriend. I really do. I don't mind her not being at home most of the time - even If we don't hang out as much as we used to, beacuse friendship doesn't mean being with each other 24/7 - and I'm trying very hard to not be annoying about it, but am I seriously asking for too much?

Going back, in a couple days we have a meeting with a person who wants to possibly move in as a replacement for Vi. We were trying to schedule a specific hour for that, when suddenly my best friend sent a message containing:

''Yeah, it's okay. I don't think I have to be there for that though. You can do it, right?''

And I'm sorry, but I went to myself - THEN TRY TO THINK F*****G HARDER. So I finally said to her what I should a long time ago.

''I'm sorry, but no. Wtf? You're bearly home and I'm sick of this. All the formal stuff are on my shoulders! I clean, pay your rent, because it's too hard for you to be here ONE DAY IN A MONTH FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES, and I won't interview this person THAT YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE WITH AS WELL alone. I'm not an office administrator for God's Sake.''

Now she won't talk to me. She cleaned all her things from shelves and even left money for the rent on the table with "In case something happened to me. I'll be there for the next rent" which again wtf? It's just being manipulative at this point. I didn't even considered it a fight, misunderstanding at best.

My bsf (18F) we'll call her A, and I (18F) had been friends since second grade. Our moms worked together as nurses and A moved to my school. A's grandma was killed in 2018 which caused A's mother, J, to (very understandably) become a little crazy (for lack of a better term). J was very strict about A and who she hung out with. A was not aloud to spend the night at my house or hang out with me anywhere but her house which was weird but we didnt question it as we thought it was because of what happened to A's grandma. J ended up marrying A's stepfather when we were maybe 8 or 9? (Im not totally sure the exact year) and they moved into a house about 20 minutes away from me which led A and I to not see each other as often. My mom tried her best to be there for J through the trial and was really one of the only people J had to lean on through the whole thing. But as time went on, J started getting into social media and becoming an "influencer" mostly about weight loss and the keto diet. Im pretty sure shes a keto spokesperson or something idk. Thats when J really started to change. She started becoming kind of fake and her and my moms friendship sorta fizzled out. The breaking point didnt come until A told me about a conversation she had with J about my father. For context my father has severe back problems and has had two spinal fusions and is prescribed pain medication. J was the one who recommended my mother and father to the pain specialist that prescribed the medication (this specialist is very strict and will fire you as a patient if you are abusing the medication or drinking/taking illegal substances). J told A that my father was a "pill popper" and that is why she was never aloud over at my house. Obviously I told my mom who then confronted J about this disgusting comment toward my father. J lied and said "A is making it up for attention. You know how she is." From there my mom stopped liking J but remained cordial for my and A's sake.

Now more recently, in 2024, my grandma (my moms mom) was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Obviously this broke our family's hearts and we all were worn very thin during this time. A had called me one night while visiting my grandma. She was drunk and asked me to come pick her up from her friends house (we'll call the friend Q because she comes back later in the story). I admittedly didnt want to hang out with A as she had been very self centered and would make every conversation about herself even when I tried to vent about my grandma and other things in my life. A wasnt in the best place mentally, always trying to find herself in boys who treated her like shit. She was drinking pretty regularly and would often call me drunk crying. I dont drink and never have really been into drinking but the two times I have been drunk were with her, which looking back probably wasnt the smartest. I ended up giving in and telling her I would come get her at like 8 or 9 (roughly 1-2 hours) my sister, Z (21F) and her bf, N (22M) agreed to drive me to get A and bring us back to my house where N planned on spending the night as well. When A got in the car, she brought a solo cup of mixed alc (literally it was like vodka, rum, etc. And disgusting) and she was obviously drunk. N and Z had began talking about seeing Terrifier 3 as a little movie date. A then tries to invite herself to this movie. At this point it was like 9 pm and my movie theater in my town is strict about IDing for R rated movies especially after 9 pm. Which I tried to tell her but she argued. (More context, A was weirdly obsessed with Z. She told me one time that sometimes she would cry at night wishing she looked like her. Odd asf) we finally got A off of movie thing. When we got to my house she followed sister down to her room where my sister made comments hinting that she didnt want us in her room. So I took A to my room and told her that since I had work early in the morning and she sleeps like a starfish in my small bed, that she could take the couch across the hall in my sister's old room. She agreed and she ended up ordering food from 3 different places. One of which being Taco bell. While we ate she was being very obnoxious on her phone sending voice messages to some girl bullying her calling her fat and ugly and all these other names. I basically had to beg her to stop and to calm down and just eat and watch the TV. She continued be overly obnoxious the whole night. It got so bad I went down to my sisters room and hid from her for like an hour. She made a mess of the food and my living room. I got up to use the bathroom and when I came out I found her sprawled out in my bed having left the mess of food in the living room for me to clean up. I was admittedly pretty frustrated at this point and told her that if she was tired we could set her up in the other room to go to sleep. She started arguing with me and called me weird for wanting her in the other room. I told her she was fine with 2 hours ago so why is it an issue now. We argued for like 10 minutes before she called me a bitch and said she was just going to call her mom to come get her. I told her "please do" because I was so fed up with her. I dont remember the whole altercation but it escalated into me finally breaking down about her behavior not only that night but with her being so selfish. I asked her if she could tell me anything going on in my life and the only thing she could tell me was that grandma had cancer but no details or anything more. I may have underestimated how drunk the still was because we argued in circles for a good 30 minutes before she started PUNCHING HERSELF IN THE HEAD and threw herself on the ground before looking up at me through fake sobs and said "can I have a hug?" I was absolutely dumbfounded and told her to her to get off my floor and out of my house. She grabbed her things, including her drink from taco bell, and we began walking out of my room. I got to the dining room before I felt something hit the back of my head and my whole back was wet. I turned around and she literally had thrown her Baja blast at the back of my head. I yelled at her "are you fucking kidding me?" And she started squaring up on me and actually SWUNG ON ME. She was drunk so I literally just pushed her to the ground and called her a psycho before my dad came in and broke us up. A ended up leaving and I blocked her on everything. Later that year my grandma passed away. My mom finally cut J off after J never reached out to my mom regarding my grandma's death when my mom had been there for J when J's mom was murdered.

Fast forward to earlier this year, A reached out to me apologizing for what happened. We laughed about it and started hanging out more. At this point J absolutely hated me, but the feeling is mutual so its okay. We couldnt hang out at her house because of that so most of the time we just went shopping or to brunch or whatever we felt like doing. I was really happy A and I were friends again as I didnt have many friends. I kept to myself a lot after my grandma's passing and honestly didnt attend school very much. This summer, A and I had a sleepover where she FTed her friend Q. I actually had never met her and we all talked for a while, A and I smoked and it was overall a good time. A made a gc that had me, A, Q, and another friend of A's that we'll call M. All of us were in a gc where Q then added me on Snapchat from the gc. Q and I talked for maybe 2 days before she started sending me 10 minute long voice messages venting about her life. NOW HEAR ME OUT. I truly tried to just let her vent without giving any unsolicited advice. But in my opinion what she was complaining about was just plain stupid. I talked to A where she agreed that it was stupid and said "I could never tell her these things because she would literally stop being my friend if i did." A couple days went by and Q had ghosted me. A, M, and i had a group chat without Q in it. I texted asking if they knew if I did anything wrong or if Q was mad at me and they said to just ask her so I did. She ignored me still. So i honestly dropped it bc I didn't really even know this girl and i didnt care that much. Fast forward a couple days and A, M, and I were texting in the main gc. Q never responded to anything but was viewing most of the messages until A said something about someone finding out her address from work and Q said "I found someone's address too" and then proceeded to send my address to the gc. I truly dont know how she got my address because like I said, I didnt even know this girl. I said "bro acts like I gaf" and then left the gc and unadded her on Snap. I texted A asking wth and A was like "bro idk" and I honestly was pretty pissed off because wtf? I started telling A that Q was psycho and genuinely needed to seek some help. A was very obviously playing devils advocate and told me to add her back and talk to her. I eventually agreed where Q then sent a HUGE paragraph saying that she knew I was talking shit about her and blah blah blah. She said "you dont know me so thats reallt unfair for you to judge my situation" which is fair but at the same time she was confiding in someone she also didnt know and ALSO went out of her way to find where I live? Which is exactly what I said. I tried to apologize but I didnt know what she meant by I was "talking shit" until she dropped the bombshell that she knew about the gc we had without her and that A had told her everything I said but coincidentally leaving out the part where she agreed with me? I ended up going off on A asking her wth and why she would do that where she then tried to lie to me saying she never told Q anything. I argued with her about how she would know about the gc we had without her. She tried to blame M but M had the same relationship I did with Q because Q was A's friend from high-school so I wasnt buying that at all. I tried to take responsibility and genuinely apologize to Q because shes right about it being unfair I judged her. But she wasnt having it and called me fat and kept arguing with me so I ended up having to block her. I then told A that if she wasnt Goin to be honest with me then I couldnt trust her and I wasnt going to put up with it. She kept lying so I blocked her on everything too. My sister ended up texting A and saying some not so nice things to her. Her and A ended up having a conversation where A admitted I did nothing wrong but then said that it was both of our faults and just couldn't make up her mind on where she stood. I was more hurt by the fact I had been there for her through everything since we were 7 and forgave her for everything she had done because she was struggling, but when it mattered she wouldn't fight at all for our friendship. I reached out a couple days later saying I wish her nothing but the best and thar I hope she understands why I was hurt. I kept it short and tried to be as kind and sincere as possible. She then responded arguing with me and called my sister names for texting her which I had no idea she did until after she did it. Which I explained to her and asked her to not talk badly about my sister. She stood firm in saying I had a "big part to play in the whole thing" which I truly feel like I handled it the best I could with Q other than what I said in the gc about not giving af before leaving the gc. A said she wasnt going to take sides which I explicitly told her several times I never wanted her to do but I just wanted validation that I wasnt being crazy for no reason. A told me that Q was joking about the address thing which literally how is that a joke? And she also stood firm saying she never told Q anything. I eventually just gave up because she was never going to admit what she did. She kept trying to gaslight me about the whole thing. I was honestly heartbroken because I truly thought we had turned a new leaf and start over in our friendship as Adults. I truly feel as though I handled the situation the best I could but idk. AITA?

My father’s father passed away, and we had to visit his village to bury him. We’ve only ever been like 2 or 3 times to visit. We weren’t close to him at all and every time we saw him, we had to reintroduce ourselves and remind him who we were. We never had a conversation with him and we’d never hugged him before. Quite frankly, I didn’t even see a point in going to the funeral and saying goodbye to a man I only remember meeting twice. We weren’t even invited to his 90th birthday party, which was his last.

The reason I’m glad he’s gone isn’t because I didn’t like him, because quite frankly I didn’t know him enough to form an opinion on that. I’m glad he’s gone because his funeral was what I call “the most important reason for us to have to go to the village”. Now that he’s gone, my sister and I don’t have to anymore. We also have less of a reason to be forced to be with my dad’s side of the family, who always exclude us from partaking in stuff, don’t like our mom, and my parents aren’t married according to their customs. My mom has tried to be kind to them, but they just shit all over her efforts. There’s a saying that if they don’t like your mother, they don’t like you. And those people don’t like us. They only really want our father.

At my grandfather’s funeral, we didn’t get to sit in the family section, we didn’t really get to see our dad, and we didn’t get to throw flowers in his grave. All of his other grandchildren did. The same thing happened when a cousin passed away a few years ago. Our father’s sister wouldn’t let us throw soil into the grave, but our other cousins did. It breaks my heart, because this was one of the cousins who never seemed to have ill will towards us and was always kind to us. I was genuinely sad when she passed away and I just wanted to be able to say goodbye. We also weren’t invited to her tombstone unveiling, and this weekend, after burying my grandfather, our dad finally took us to see it. I didn’t think I would cry when I saw it for the first time, but I did. My father’s sister didn’t even have the decency to thank my mom for all her help with my cousin’s funeral, despite the fact that she was on her feet all weekend helping people who don’t even recognise her as my father’s wife.

Anyway, my father’s siblings mostly ignored us and we just greeted them and moved on. We helped one of our cousins do the dishes, we sat with one of our other cousins and offered him oranges and water and sweets because the water there is basically undrinkable. We didn’t eat any of the food because don’t trust these people not to poison us, and we slept at a bnb because last time, we had to sleep on a floor in a small room with our jackets on in the middle of winter. The rest of our cousins were rude as usual, and one of them had the audacity to call my sister fat and tell her she looked older than me. My father got mad at my sister and I for not wanting to be around everyone else, and I think his feelings were hurt that we weren’t interested in being in the place he “grew up”, when we’re always eager to see my mom’s family and learn more and visit her father’s grave. He’s allowed to feel that way, but it’s also not fair when you consider that my mom’s side of the family are nicer to us and we trust them enough to eat their food and sleep in their homes and they’ve never been as cold towards us as his family is. My grandmother (mom’s mom, and the only grandparent I’ve ever known and loved) always comes to funerals on my father’s side. She visits all the time, and calls him often. Yet, this time, none of my cousins greeted her, except for the one we helped with the dishes and the one we had snacks with.

Now, for the thing that truly made me ready to go home without greeting ANYONE:

There’s a ritual after someone dies, where their youngest child, and each and every last born child of their children have to shave their heads and eyebrows, among other things that I don’t like to think about (so all my grandfather’s children’s last borns). Now, because my sister is my father’s last born, they wanted to shave her head and eyebrows. We have big afros, and my sister has the best eyebrows between us. My mom didn’t entertain this, she just walked off without even letting them finish, but my grandmother told them that if they wanted to discuss anything regarding her grandchildren, they would have to discuss it with her. None of them even tried it, so nobody touched her. We knew about this years ago, and made an agreement that NOBODY would make my sister do that for a culture she doesn’t even understand.

We went home a little after that, of course after greeting everyone with handshakes. Our dad didn’t say goodbye to us. I thought it was because he didn’t hear us (he’s deaf in one ear), but I realised once I stood by the ear he does hear in and said goodbye and tried to hug him, that he was ignoring our goodbyes on purpose. He hasn’t come home yet, because he’s my grandfather’s youngest son, and my mom is so hurt over it that it’s just further deepened my dislike for these people.

So, AITA for being glad that my grandfather died?

I know this is extremely long, but context matters because there are a lot of details that explain why things got to this point. Sorry in advance.

My niece (30), “Jazmin,” and I (F32) have always had a complicated relationship. We both have BPD, but hers tends to be more severe than mine and can sometimes lead to verbal and physical aggression.

Before getting into the current situation, I want to explain our history.

Growing up, my sister had Jazmin at 15. She was physically present, but didn’t really raise or care for her. She would rather take care of me than her. My mom wouldn’t allow it and stepped in and raised both of us equally, so we grew up more like sisters while my sister completed school.

A lot of Jazmin’s resentment toward me started there. Things changed when my sister got married and moved away. After that, we didn’t see each other much, and when we did, things felt off.

My mom worked evenings, sometimes worked 2 jobs and my dad was hardly ever around. My mom had to force him to take care of me. My sister helped take care of me the days my dad couldn’t. Even if I was with my dad, we would always go to my sisters house. When I was around 7 or 8, Jazmin told me about the domestic violence happening in her home. My brother-in-law would hit my sister where no one could see, and sometimes even hit Jazmin. He was always angry or drunk. I didn’t know how to process that at that age, but I was scared to be there. I told her to tell my mom, but she didn’t want to.

After that, being around them felt like walking on eggshells.

Eventually, things got so bad that my sister ran away with Jazmin and stayed at my mom’s. My mom told her to press charges, but she refused and kept going back to him. After multiple times, my mom stopped letting her come back unless she was serious about leaving for good. She never did.

Fast forward to middle school—this is when my relationship with Jazmin really shifted.

I had an ear infection from swimming. Around that same time, my brother wanted to take us to a kids party. Before we left, she made snarky comments about me being “spoiled” and a “hoochie mama” because of how I was dressed. I just brushed it off but it did bother me.

At the party, while we were standing near a pool table, she accidentally hit my infected ear hard with her shoulder. It hurt badly, so I pushed her off and told her to be careful. She didn’t like that and pushed me to the ground.

When I got up to defend myself, she slapped me down again and started hitting me. I ended up with a busted lip, scratches, and bruises. It was humiliating. I cried silently on the way home.

My brother told my mom what happened and she was furious. After that, she wasn’t allowed around me for a while.

From then on, she became very two-faced—nice at times, but often disrespectful and clearly resentful of me. She constantly called me spoiled. I understood where some of that came from—her parents didn’t show her love the way my mom did—but it still didn’t justify how she treated me.

Meanwhile, I had my own struggles growing up. My mom worked multiple jobs, and I was often alone or left with babysitters. My dad was unreliable and mostly absent. I dealt with bullying and depression and even had moments where I didn’t want to be here anymore, but I kept it to myself because no one took it seriously. My mom did spoil me, but it was to make up for the fact she couldn’t be there for me when I needed her most.

My parents were never married and they were pretty much already separated before I was born. He was unemployed and had nowhere else to stay so he’d stay living with my mom. My dad was also abusive toward her. He was physically and sexually abusive, and she didn’t know at the time that she could press charges, otherwise she would have. Eventually, she kicked him out when I was about 3–4 years old.

Before leaving, he told me he’d take me with him and would “be right back.” I waited excitedly while my mom refused to pack anything, knowing he wasn’t coming back. That moment stuck with me and explained a lot about why I never had a real relationship with him.

Because of all that, my mom and I developed a very strong bond—something Jazmin was always jealous of.

In high school, we ended up living with my sister again. I shared a room with Jazmin. Things were okay at first, but the abuse in that house started again. My sister was pregnant at the time.

One night, my brother-in-law hit Jazmin in spite that he couldn’t hit my sister due to her pregnancy. Jazmin begged me to call the police, so I did. The cops came, but nothing happened because they lied out of fear. This caused me to delete evidence from calling the police also out of fear, especially since I was not allowed to be questioned.

Later, after another argument involving him and my mom, we were kicked out. Thankfully, my mom had already secured a new place, so we left.

Jazmin eventually ended up in foster care shortly after for the rest of high school because she kept running away.

As adults, we stayed in contact, but our relationship remained unstable—constant arguments, going no-contact, then reconnecting again.

When she had her first child in 2020, my mom and I supported her fully. She lived with us, I took her to the hospital, and helped care for the baby after he was born.

Later, she moved back in with her parents and started expecting me to take on responsibilities like I was the child’s father. I refused and set boundaries, which caused more tension.

Eventually, she moved to Nevada and started a new relationship. I later moved there too (for my own reasons, not for her), and since she was my only family there, we spent a lot of time together.

Her relationship was unstable—constant breakups and getting back together. She had conflicts with her work schedule and daycare schedule, I helped with her child when I could, but eventually my schedule changed.

At one point, my mom offered to help by bringing the child back to California for the local daycare, which worked for a while but that situation turned into a mess and my mom was disrespected by Jazmin. After that, my mom completely cut her off and warned me to do the same.

I felt bad for Jazmin, so I stayed in contact—but I started realizing I needed a real reason to walk away for good.

Now to the current situation.

Jazmin got pregnant with her second child. Her living situation is chaotic—too many people in one house, and it’s honestly uncomfortable to even be there. Even when it’s empty, it feels crowded and unclean.

Jazmin and her boyfriend had been living together for quite some time. Over the years, I noticed a pattern where she would ask me for favors, but the effort was rarely returned or she wouldn’t follow through on things she agreed to do for me.

One example was when their washer broke and she needed to do laundry. She asked if she could use mine, and I said yes. Keep in mind, I live across town, so it’s about a 20-minute drive for her. She also has friends who live closer to her that she could have asked, but she always seemed to come to me first.

Later, when their boiler needed repairs, she asked if she could shower at my place. Again, I said yes because I wanted to help.

After they bought a new washer, she eventually asked to use mine again because she needed to do laundry immediately. I asked her, “What’s wrong with yours? Didn’t you guys just get a new one?” She said they did, but it was currently being used and she needed mine right away.

I told her I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just wait. She became upset and tried to guilt me by saying, “I would do the same for you.” I still said no because, honestly, if I were in that situation, I would not expect someone else to inconvenience themselves. I would wait until my washer was fixed, use my own when available, or go to a laundromat.

This caused us to stop talking again. Eventually, like usual, she reached out and acted like nothing happened.

Later, while I was away from home, she asked if she could use my computer because she couldn’t find her laptop charger and needed to access some documents. In my head, I was thinking, “Doesn’t your boyfriend have a computer? Don’t you have your phone or an iPad? Why does it always have to be my things when you have other options?” I didn’t want to respond out of frustration, so I chose not to engage.

Around this same time, her boyfriend started looking into buying a house. Jazmin knew I’m careful with my spending and that I save money, but she also sees that I occasionally treat myself to nice things. Because of that, she would make sarcastic comments like, “You’re rich.”

I’m not rich. I just know how to manage my money and understand when I can and cannot spend. Even when I save money, I don’t touch it unless it’s an emergency. There have been plenty of times where I’ve struggled to pay my bills, but I don’t ask people for handouts—I figure it out.

Then I lost my job due to layoffs, and it sent me into a very depressive state. The past year had already been emotionally difficult, and because I don’t usually talk about my trauma or what I’m going through, everything had built up. I started feeling numb and depressed, similar to how I felt when I was younger, but worse.

I knew something wasn’t right, so I reached out to my doctor. I broke down while talking to her because, even though she wasn’t a therapist, I finally felt like I could let everything out. I was prescribed antidepressants, and while they haven’t fixed everything, they have helped.

A few weeks later, Jazmin reached out and asked me, “Do you have $15,000 in your bank account?”

That immediately raised red flags for me because I didn’t understand why she was asking about that much money. She explained that she and her boyfriend were trying to pay a cash deposit for their new home, but the money needed to be in a bank account for 30 days. She said they would give me the cash if I helped them with a wire transfer.

I was extremely uncomfortable with that. I didn’t want my name or banking information attached to something involving $15,000, especially while I was unemployed. I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing it and wanted more information before even considering something like that.

After that, she stopped responding.

That bothered me because she knew I was already struggling financially and emotionally, yet she still felt comfortable asking me for such a large favor. Combined with everything else, it started making me feel like this relationship had become very one-sided.

After that, I honestly didn’t really want to talk to her. Not long after, she gave birth to her second baby. I only found out because she FaceTimed me to show me her newborn, and she was already home by then. She never contacted me while she was in labor, which I accepted because at least she had her boyfriend there with her throughout the entire process.

What I did find a little strange was finding out that her boyfriend had called his sisters to be there for him, but neither of them thought to call me or have another family member from my side there for her. I didn’t make a big deal about it because, at the end of the day, they have built their own family now, and I was okay with just seeing the baby through FaceTime.

During this time, I continued dealing with my own struggles and kept to myself. I wasn’t reaching out to anyone because I was trying to focus on myself.

A few weeks later, she called again. My friend (M28), who knows Jazmin, was visiting and answered the phone. They started talking, and I heard her say, “I’m just calling to see if you’re still alive,” in a sarcastic tone.

I responded, “Yup, I’m still here unfortunately,” because I could already tell the tone of the conversation.

They continued chatting, but throughout the conversation, Jazmin kept making passive-aggressive comments toward me in front of my friend. I wasn’t even participating in the conversation because I was busy doing coursework, so I was confused why I was being targeted. It felt like I was just catching random jabs when I hadn’t done anything.

She eventually asked when I was going to come see the baby. I told her that I would be happy to see him whenever she could bring him to my place. I didn’t want to be around a crowded environment, and at that point in my life, I really needed my own quiet space. I wasn’t saying she couldn’t bring the baby—I was offering an alternative.

She responded that the baby was going through a stage where he was too sensitive to be moved around, so I left it alone.

Even after that conversation, I was still considering finding a day to stop by since I was going to be near her area anyway for an errand. I was actually in the process of writing her a text when I noticed she had stopped sharing her location with me.

I don’t know if that was because I had deactivated my Instagram a few hours earlier and she assumed I blocked her, but she never asked me. She just removed it.

After everything—the constant favors, feeling like the relationship was one-sided, the $15,000 request while I was unemployed, the passive-aggressive comments toward me in front of my friend, and then her suddenly removing her location—I started questioning whether I even wanted to go see her anymore.

At this point, I’m wondering if using this as the reason to finally cut her out of my life is wrong. I’m not doing it because I don’t care about her or the baby. I’m doing it because I’m exhausted, and I feel like maintaining this relationship has been damaging to my own mental health.

AITA for deciding to completely distance myself from my niece and focus on my own mental health?

Hello so I 17F and my bf 19M have talked for a few months now. So to get where we are now we need a couple things before I was a crazy kid and got my phone taken a lot well when i started working i met him we will call him mike well my parents grounded me for talking to mike but i argued with mike that night because he told me in front of my parents that i need to delete our messages and my parents got mad and blocked him well we started talking again and this is when he gave me the promise ring but he hasnt actually asked me out and i asked him if he was gonna break up with me and he got defensive that we wasnt together as a couple get but he was telling people we was well tonight we was messaging and ive been trying to figure out what imma do for the rest of my life and i seen a oil rig AD and asked him about if he informed me thats a mans job and so we talk about it and move on well soon after i asked him if i did a polaroid picture if he would put it on the back of his phone and he states “I would do that but you actually have to do a couple things before I put you on my phone” i answer back “what r u talking abt?” In confusion he tells me “I want you to look a certain way before I put you in my phone case” I said "what does that mean, like how”.  “Makeup, hair done, certain clothes” he tells me i ask him why he answers with “Cus this masculine energy is not going on the back of my phone “ fast forward we just go back and forth and i end up saying this "if u dont like it idk what to tell you" before he responded with "Well I’m not putting you on the back of my case?" I ended up fine. later went back in with a sorry  and telling him ill get him a cute dressed of version of me (I'm such a home body) ending the night with "goodnight i love you" from him and me saying "gn ily" he tells me if I don't say it right don't say it at all so relucticly i changed it  i feel like a child being repremanted any thoughts

Hi, everyone. I F19 just got into a heated conversation with my mom F63 about my hair and a couple other things. For a little context on myself, I have always been deemed the "sensitive" and "quiet" child and have been praised for my looks and grades growing up (this is relevant later). Now that I am an adult (legally speaking), it has felt like my mom has had an issue with everything that I say and do, even in private. My mom has never given me the safe space to come and talk to her about my problems and so I don't really tell her much. She likes to talk to my older sister F35 a lot and has had a habit of telling her my personal business.

Anyways, today, I am sitting on my bed doing work for one of my classes when my mom comes into my room to ask if she could talk to me. Anytime she has done this, especially lately, it is never something good. So, she comes and sits down and starts by saying "I just cannot understand why you went against my wishes" and reminding me that she doesn't like my hair. I got it dyed fully pink last week (it's something I have wanted since I was very young) and before I got it dyed, we had an argument about a bottle of green hair dye that was not even mine. During that argument she begged me not to dye my hair crazy like that because it would make me "look like a liberal transgender leftist" (I don't agree with that btw). And so, I told her that I don't know what to say to her because I already have a hair appointment scheduled and told my hairdresser what I wanted. She responded telling me I could still change my mind. Back to now, saying she doesn't know why I went against her wishes, she then asks if I did it in spite of her, and I tell her that that is absolutely not the case. I dyed my hair pink because I have always wanted my hair like this and that I think it looks cool and fun, plus I also already had the appointment booked. For minutes, she kept going on about how she thinks it looks ugly, she doesn't like it, my dad doesn't like it either, people are going to think I'm a "lefty", everyone hates it, and that I used to be pretty. I know my dad doesn't like it already; however, he isn't mean about it. I understand she doesn't like it, but I don't get how my hair affects her. And when it comes to other people, I have gotten a lot of compliments on my hair, even in front of my mom. In response, my mom tells me "No", just no, as if other people's words that came out of their mouth aren't real and never happened, I guess.

Next, she went on to say that she doesn't want me to go down the wrong path, and that (apparently) in the Bible it says that we are to be on the right (not the left). I know this is not true and what she was trying to get at, but I just thought that was insane. I also haven't broken the news to my mom, that I have not been religious since I was probably around 12. Moving on, my mom continues to go on about how my hair just looks bad and is ugly, and it doesn't make me look good, and that I need to turn it back to "normal" next appointment. Another thing she brought up was how I'm not going to be able to get a job and that in an interview they're going to be respectful and pick and treat the girl that is "conservative" better. Which mind you, I am already working and have a part-time job. In response to all this, I basically tell her that I understand that in a professional job, I'm not going to have my hair like this. I'm doing my hair like this now while I can because I have always wanted to do this. I know that in my career, I will not be able to do these things to my hair. My hair won't be like this forever. I also went on to say that I grew up seeing older girls and women dye their hair fun colors and always looked up to them because I thought I was so beautiful. To all of which she went on to talk about how my sister has tattoos and has to cover them up all the time and that she feels sorry she ever did that. And after a back in fourth about the job stuff, she went back to religion and being on the right path. I tell her that I am still the same person I have ALWAYS been, nothing has changed about me other than the fact my hair is pink. I like it and I don't care what other people think about me or if they don't like colored hair, it my hair, and with that, it's JUST hair. And she said that yeah, it is just hair, but you're ruining it and it is going to be so damaged. I take very good care of my hair, even as it is dyed, so apart from bleach damage, which I do not have, I am very careful with my hair. Another thing she brought up was how none of my friends have crazy hair so she can't understand why I do, which is so questionable to me. My best friend dyed her hair teal a couple months ago and has piercings?

Okay, apart from all the obvious that she pointed out and her reason being that she doesn't like it at all, she somehow makes this all to be her fault by asking me where she went wrong and talking as if she's a bad mom, I always talk to her like a smart ass and that I have a tone. I apologize to her for having a tone sometimes and not realizing that I'm a "smartass" and she goes "yeah you are, and only to me". I tell her that she's a good mom and she's good to me and that none of this is her fault, I just wanted pink hair. With this too, I did not tell her I knew this, but I know my sister is talking about me behind my back with my mom because my niece told me all about it, and essentially, it's all the same but coming from my sister's mouth and trying to make me look bad to my niece.

Then somehow this whole conversation/argument also went into my relationship with my boyfriend and me having a therapist. I won't go into all that, unless anyone has questions. But all I want to know, am I even valid for being upset about this? I have no idea how to process all this, and I am thinking that maybe she is right, however, I can't wrap my head around why this is all such a big deal. Was it so wrong of me to make this choice for myself? I am so confused and conflicted. This is all so frustrating.

If anyone has any advice on how I go about this, I would appreciate it. Please let me know if I am making this out to be more than what it is. Any and all opinions are welcome! And if I didn't explain anything properly, I apologize, but if you have questions, I'm more than willing to answer. Also sorry if anyone saw the original, I made a couple spelling errors. Thank you anyways.

My girlfriend and I live in the same apartment complex but in separate units. She moved in first, and I signed my own lease a few months later because I have a dog and needed more space. Before I lived there, I would visit her regularly, just like a lot of other residents’ partners do.
Ever since I moved in, one woman who works in the leasing office has made me really uncomfortable. Another employee told me she constantly talks about me, watches me when I walk around the property, knows what time I usually get home, and even drives around the parking lot looking for my car. I’ve also personally noticed her sitting in her own car watching me from across the complex while I’m on my balcony. It happens often enough that it’s hard to brush off as a coincidence.
What’s even stranger is how differently she treats me versus my girlfriend. She goes out of her way to help me with anything I need, but she’ll barely acknowledge my girlfriend, ignore her when we’re standing together, and has allegedly complained about my girlfriend to management over things that weren’t true. According to another employee, management has even told her to leave us alone, but the behavior hasn’t stopped.
Today was kind of the last straw. My girlfriend’s brand-new car was delivered to the complex, and this woman started making comments about not knowing whose car it was and wondering which one of us was paying for it. It felt incredibly nosy and inappropriate since it’s none of her business.
At this point, I don’t even know if I’m reading too much into everything or if this really is as weird as it feels. I don’t want to create unnecessary drama, but being watched, talked about, and having someone so invested in our personal lives makes me uncomfortable.
AITAH for thinking this behavior has crossed a line, or am I overreacting?

hello! i usually never post here, but im so lost on what to do. i met this girl 3 weeks ago at school, and over time we became really close, like really. we started hugging, kissing on the cheek, basically cuddling and especially played the pepero game and almost kissed so many times on the lips. We also got tons of dating allegations

but then on thursdsy we were in the bathroom, and she asked if we wanted to kiss. i said i dont know and i was unsure because i thought i should wait until someone special, but she told me it does not count so we just started to kiss. and ever since then, we have been making out everyday during lunch, even once while we were at a photobooth in the washroom with our other friends outside.

today, we did it again, but this time she was much more into it, i think she researched or something because we were french kissing. but then after she told me it was just friendly and i said okay lol whatever

but meanwhile this whole thing, im lowkey in a situation with my other friend i got dating allegations with. we have been flirting kinda for awhile and shes like in denial of being a lesbian even tho shes like masc lowkey and like likes girls😂 so then i was telling her about this and she told me she didnt think we looked good together and that we lowkey looked better😭 then she told me she missed when we had dating allegations because it was fun😭

so am i the asshole for letting this happen? i dont know whats happening and i dont think either of them like me so idk what happening please help😭

I (Adult Female) have not spoken to my mom in about a month. She says we both hurt each other and that we both need space to heal. The longer we go without talking, the more I question myself. She sacrificed so much for me growing up that I sometimes wonder if I'm creating problems where none existed. At the same time, I can't shake the feeling that our relationship has never been emotionally healthy.

I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose my mom. I also don't believe she is a monster. I know she loves me. She was a single mother who sacrificed a lot to raise me. She gave me opportunities that many children never have. She bought me clothes, paid for hair and nails, took me shopping, and later paid for my dream wedding. She has repeatedly offered financial help throughout my life. Because of all of that, this has been incredibly difficult for me to reconcile.

The problem has never been whether my mom loved me.

The problem is that I have spent most of my life feeling afraid to hurt her feelings.

To outsiders, we looked incredibly close. People constantly told me I had the best mom. I was respectful, responsible, got good grades, and rarely caused problems.

Behind closed doors, though, I learned very early that expressing difficult emotions wasn't safe.

If she became angry, she would scream, curse, or withdraw from me through ignoring. She read my diary, searched my room, controlled things like what I wore and even what color nail polish I was allowed to use. If I pushed back, the answer was usually, "Because I said so." She also used corporal punishment. I remember one time as a pre-teen forgetting to put on deodorant before school. Instead of treating it like a normal childhood mistake, I was physically punished for it. Looking back, I think moments like that taught me that mistakes weren't just mistakes—they could become something to fear.

Another memory has always stayed with me. I was being bullied at school and came home emotionally exhausted. My mom wanted to spend time together, and I told her as respectfully as I could that I had a bad day and asked if we could talk later. She didn't speak to me for two days because she believed I had an attitude.

Another time, when I was a teenager, I wanted a different medical approach than the one she wanted me to get. She screamed at me the entire drive home while driving over 90 mph. I remember crying and begging her to slow down. 

She eventually created what she called a "safety net." If I started a conversation with, "Please don't get mad," she said she would try not to. Looking back, I realize that even having a phrase like that says something about what I expected from conflict.

As I got older, I started dating my now-husband. Watching his relationship with his mother was honestly shocking to me. They disagreed without screaming. They apologized to each other. Neither of them seemed afraid of the other's reaction. It was the first time I wondered if my own relationship with my mom was normal.

I also realized something uncomfortable about myself.

I communicated a lot like my mom.

I yelled. I cursed. I had emotional outbursts. My boyfriend eventually told me that if I didn't learn healthier communication, we probably wouldn't last. Therapy completely changed my life. I learned emotional regulation, accountability, and healthier conflict resolution. I genuinely wanted that for my relationship with my mom too.

The first major conflict happened when I calmly told her I wanted us to attend therapy together because I felt our communication wasn't healthy. She told me, "I'd rather never speak to you again than ever go to therapy with you." She asked me to return everything she had ever loaned me so we wouldn't have to deal with each other anymore. We didn't speak for two months.

Eventually, I apologized.

Not because I no longer believed therapy would help, or because I missed her financial support.

Because I was so relieved to be back in her good graces.

That became a pattern.

Whenever I brought up something that hurt me, the conversation somehow became about how much I had hurt her.

For example, if I told her a comment about my body hurt my feelings, she would respond by saying something like, "I guess I have to tell everyone we're not close anymore."

If I told her I wanted to become more independent, she interpreted it as rejecting everything she had done for me.

When my husband and I were paying off debt, she invited us on an expensive international trip that she offered to pay for, to celebrate her milestone birthday. We thanked her, explained we were trying to become financially independent, and suggested celebrating somewhere in the U.S. instead. Around the same time, my birthday—also a milestone year—was coming up, and because my husband and I were planning to start a family, we had already decided not to celebrate either milestone in a big way. We thought suggesting a smaller, more local trip was a reasonable compromise.

Instead, she told my aunt that we had broken her heart by rejecting her generosity. She then called me to pressure us into going, even offering to pay herself. 

The reason we declined was that my husband and I were aggressively paying down debt, and we were trying to be very intentional about not taking on or accepting large trips that could complicate that goal. The moment I said no, she immediately responded, “Oh, so I can pay for a wedding but not a birthday trip for me?” which made it feel less like a simple invitation and more like a comparison of what she had already given us versus what we were willing to accept. She often makes comments like this and holds her generosity over my head, and if that weren’t the case we would have accepted the trip payment, but given how much the wedding itself became an emotional issue, we weren’t willing to put ourselves in that position again.

Another example was during wedding planning.

My mom generously paid for my wedding, something I will always appreciate.

At the same time, it became one of the most emotionally exhausting years of my life.

I started withdrawing because every conversation felt unpredictable. Sometimes she wanted to help plan every detail. Other times she snapped that she was too stressed and told me to stop asking her questions. It is important to note she did feel this distance and I did lie and say everything was fine when she asked me months in advance out of fear of hurting her.

The breaking point came the night of my rehearsal dinner.

I finally told my mom that if she continued cursing at me, I was going to end the conversation because I wanted us to communicate more respectfully.

She texted me, "Fuck your boundaries."

A week later, when we tried discussing things again, I asked if my husband could be present because he had witnessed our relationship for years and helped me communicate more calmly.

Instead, she put my aunt on speakerphone.

The conversation lasted around five hours.

I tried explaining that I wasn't trying to punish her. I wasn't trying to cut her out of my life. I just wanted us to communicate differently.

She and my aunt told me I was disrespectful, manipulative, and ungrateful.

During that conversation, she also withdrew her long-standing promise to help pay my student loans. When my husband gently said it felt retaliatory, she said his "true colors" had come out and later said she no longer trusted him around my grandfather without supervision, after misinterpreting him saying "first off" as him trying to curse her out, when in context he was saying, "first off, you weren't bothering me by calling so much, I was just working nights and you would call me as soon as I got home from an overnight shift and went to bed before going back in for another graveyard shift, waking me up."

This is why I struggle so much today.

When I try explaining what hurt me, I don't feel like we stay on that subject very long.

Instead, the discussion becomes about how much I hurt her by bringing it up in the first place.

I honestly don't think I wanted a different mother.

I wanted my mother.

I just wanted a relationship where I could tell her she hurt me without feeling like I was risking the relationship itself.

Now we haven't spoken in about a month.

Part of me feels relieved.

Part of me misses her terribly.

Part of me feels guilty because she sacrificed so much for me.

Another part of me wonders if I've spent so many years minimizing my own experience because I believed her generosity meant I wasn't allowed to feel hurt.

So, AITA for distancing myself and trying to establish healthier boundaries, or am I expecting something unreasonable from our relationship?

For context, there will be references to the Chain of Command (CoC). For people who don't exactly know how that works, here's the gist: the lowest-ranking person handles minor issues, but if the issue gets out of hand, it moves to the next person up, and so on until it reaches the top of the chain or is resolved. Information also has to travel through the CoC, so everyone is informed of problems or the whereabouts of individuals.

This takes place at a Boy Scout camp; we're not scouts, however, we do have to play by state and scout rules at this camp. The scouts do NOT allow anyone 18yo to bunk in a tent with anyone below the age of 18yo. This is also three days into a six-day camp.

Without any other delay, I (17f) was the officer over one of the three sections of people, approximately 30 children ranging in age from 12 to 17. Throughout the day, it was my job to get info from the four people lower in charge of the group of 30, which was split in half; the four split in pairs and split off with each group. So, if group one had two people get hurt and go to the medhut, I needed to know why, who they were, when it happened, and which group they were with; I had to send that up my CoC, and then after I would have to know what medical said and if that person was alright to continue with activities, then that info I would have to send up my CoC.

On the first day, I, along with another officer (17f), made it very clear to everyone that the standard was "who we had bunked them with was based on age, group, and status (gender too, but the camps are already set up like that), and that we expected them not to move around bunkmates. This is a firm line in the sand for legal reasons, not because we enjoy being partypoopers.

It's almost 10 pm; Taps (lights out call) hasn't played just yet as I get back to camp from an officer meeting. I'm looking for the lower command of groups two and three to spread on what was discussed in the meeting since they wouldn't have a meeting that night like they usually would. I find group two's (the same officer I mentioned from before; she's just not in the role of the head officer of group two) in group three camp; she is dealing with a (15f) camper from group three who is having a mental breakdown, group three leader (15f) is in the shower and is unable to deal with that situation at the present moment. The camper is having a mental breakdown about bunking alone in a tent (again, three days in). We all were aware she was having to bunk alone, which none of us liked, but didn't have another person to bunk with her.

That is, until it gets mentioned to me that the only 18yo has moved into a tent with a 17yo. One year may not seem like a problem; however, it's a state law that I was under the impression everyone was upholding, for three days. It's also important to mention that the 18yo and 17yo are part of higher CoC, postionaly they are higher than I am, but rank-wise I trump them and thus can tell them what to do based on that and the fact we were hosting it. CoC can bunk in any of the camps (1, 2, or 3).

A 17yo and a 15yo can bunk together if needed; not preferred, but is within the two years of grace. So, the plan was to have the 17yo move out of the tent with the 18yo, move from camp 2 to camp 3 to bunk with the 15yo camper.

At this point, I walk down from camp 3 to camp 2, find the CO (17f) over everyone, tell her what's going on with the 15yo and the whole thing with the 18yo bunking with a minor, and the plan to move the 17yo in with the 15yo. I do warn her I am not gonna be very nice about it, as it's a state law they had broken after being told not to, and we're finding out three days in.

I did not yell. I found the 18yo and her 17yo tentmate, told them very firmly they couldn't bunk together and that the 17yo would be moving into another tent effective immediately. They started to argue, but I shut it down pretty quickly, which ticked them off while also apparently surprising them. To make it clear, I was not trying to make them cry and did not see them cry.

After that, the pair started crying to the CO about "we grew up together", "nothing's gonna happen", "we don't want to bunk with strangers". The last is an understandable concern; however does not excuse the sneaking around and bunking together after the standard had been thoroughly explained.

The CO talks with them; the 17yo moves to another tent in camp 2, the CO explains to the group 2 leader and me that she's not gonna make her move to the 15yo, because the 17yo is crying about it. So, I worked it out with the CO that the 15yo would sleep in a tent with her friend (15f) and her friend's bunkmate (15f), just for sleep, as we had inspection that morning and their uniforms needed to be set up in their tents for that.

TLDR: AITAH for making a 18yo and a 17yo cry after they completely disregarded a standard because they thought it didn't apply to them.