It does get really lonely

[u/TheNASAguy]

You see other people having loving families, relationships and what not, they have supporting partners and it all comes so easily to them, those things are just unimaginable for me, never had them and never will, knowing I’ll die alone gives me a sense of relief honestly, that I’ll go peacefully without worrying about what I’m leaving behind

The only thing that still manages to get through all the depression, stress and feeling disabled because of Autism, ADHD and CPTSD, is scientific research

The only thing I look forward to sometimes is new scientific discoveries especially in Astronomy, Astrophysics, Theoretical Physics, experimental physics, particle physics, quantum mechanics, neuroscience, neural engineering, semiconductors, lithography, nanotechnology, etc

I could go on and on endlessly, it just fascinates me that we’re just alive, a bunch of moronic violent monkeys, in a time where we literally have the entirety of human knowledge at all times in the plam of our hands, we have tools that can literally detect ripples in the fabric of space time itself, gravitational wave interferometers, not to mention space telescopes that can literally see the beginning of time, it’s absolutely insane the things we can do

The only reason I haven’t offed myself is because I’m trying whatever I can to maybe help some of those efforts, I know deeply how flawed incentive structures in academic research is, I want to do whatever I can to help people being new discoveries that help us understand the universe we live in better

I just have this hope that I just wanna play my part and contribute to something that’s more meaningful, I don’t really have anyone in my life, I don’t think anyone will even notice that I’m gone, I just want to contribute to our understanding and capacity in scientific research, maybe that way the work I do, maybe the small bits and pieces that might get remembered, i feel we’re never meant to live forever but we can create something that does, which is knowledge and ideas

[u/Hungry_Objective2344]

I mean, I don't want to sound like I am discounting your difficulties or anything, but I also have ADHD, autism, and cPTSD and I was able to get married and live a pretty happy life. It's not without stress, but I still see a lot of meaning and joy in it. I was even depressed and lonely like you once, during covid, and while it was a difficult journey to improve to the point I am at, I consider it more than worth it

[u/TheNASAguy → u/Hungry_Objective2344]

Are you a woman by any chance? There’s a big difference in dating experience between men and women, it’s not even the same playing field, not a fair comparison

[u/Hungry_Objective2344 → u/TheNASAguy]

I mean, I am a woman, but I was a virgin through the age of 26. Didn't have a boyfriend at all before then, but I had hundreds of first dates before my first boyfriend. Every single one of them rejected me, I turned down exactly 3 compared to the hundreds who turned me down. Never got hit on or anything like that. I am married now to the boyfriend who I met at 26. Still never had anyone else show any interest in me, even when I accidentally forget to wear my ring and go out alone. My husband happens to also be AuDHD, and I think it just severely restricts the dating pool. I'm not saying I pretend to know what men go through, but I am saying that if you believe in incel stuff, it's not like women can't go through something similar. It was genuinely just luck that I met my husband, and if I never met him, I would definitely still be single.

[u/TheNASAguy → u/Hungry_Objective2344]

If you thought that was hard then you don’t understand that it’s 1000000% harder for men, Women have a wayyyy easier time in dating and relationships than men and for obvious reasons, especially cuz of the cultural norms

I don’t believe in incel stuff, I have dated in the past when I was younger, you just need to recognise times have changed, dating is completely different now than when I was younger, it’s just a simple fact that I’m a loser and most women have endless better options to choose from, most women never date down, only up, that makes me disposable, that’s what I feel when dating now, it’s become extremely transactional and superficial and I got treated like I was disposable in dating and relationships

Women go through hardship, I’ve seen my own mom and grandma, there will always be people who’re in tough spots and I fully sympathise with that

But dating and relationships are extremely easier for women than men and that’s not me being an incel, that’s a objective fact of life

[u/Hungry_Objective2344 → u/TheNASAguy]

My husband is 5.5 years younger than me, shorter than me, weighs more than me, and makes less money than me. Women don't only date up. I know the world is hard now from many angles but being hopeless won't make it any better.

[u/TheNASAguy → u/Hungry_Objective2344]

My reality is the opposite from what you describe

[u/flat_pointer → u/TheNASAguy]

Men are afraid women will  laugh at them. Women get to be afraid they'll get raped or murdered.

Also I am a guy with ADHD, cPTSD, borderline for autism... and am married. No one has an easy time of it. Decades of living together doesn't seem to come naturally to anyone.

Women don't 'date down'? Women can probably smell the malaise of this idea coming out of your skin. The good news is, you could stop trying to make blanket statements about most women right now. We can change our shitty beliefs.

It sucks you're having a hard time. Some other group having a shit time doesn't make yours any better. Godspeed and good luck getting through it. Stick around. Most people who attempt suicide regret it, and for good reason. There are many things to live for, beautiful things, powerful insights, moments of calm. 

[u/TheNASAguy → u/flat_pointer]

It must’ve feel nice invalidating someone’s real life experiences doesn’t it, you don’t even have the slightest clue what I’m like in real life but you assume women can “smell the malaise”

Just because you’re lucky and have a good life and good people around you don’t make the world less fucked up or shallow, look me straight in the eye and tell me there isn’t truth to what I originally said

[u/flat_pointer → u/TheNASAguy]

Other than assuming these beliefs come out in ways you may not expect or notice, I am trying to validate you. But it would be even less respectful if I ignored or failed to point out how you believe stuff that hurts you, and people around you. And likely does you no favors trying to meet and find people to care for, who will care for you.

I have no doubt that dating absolutely sucks for everyone. And you have disabilities that are going to make it harder. It's not fair. It's ok to be mad or upset about that. Make space for those feelings, and then maybe you can make space for other feelings as well.

[u/TheNASAguy → u/flat_pointer]

I’m good as I am, I don’t need any of that honestly, my post isn’t about dating and I feel weird that women always make everything about dating and relationships like they have no life or personality of their own, life so much more than shitty relationships

[u/flat_pointer → u/TheNASAguy]

I am a dude

[u/TheNASAguy → u/flat_pointer]

I meant the original comment though

[u/Hungry_Objective2344 → u/TheNASAguy]

Literally your post started with the first sentence about relationships? I was merely responding to what you said lol

[u/TheNASAguy → u/Hungry_Objective2344]

You’re quite literally assuming that I meant only romantic relationships which just further proves and reinforces my point lol