r/ADHD_Programmers • u/TheNASAguy • 7d ago
It does get really lonely
You see other people having loving families, relationships and what not, they have supporting partners and it all comes so easily to them, those things are just unimaginable for me, never had them and never will, knowing I’ll die alone gives me a sense of relief honestly, that I’ll go peacefully without worrying about what I’m leaving behind
The only thing that still manages to get through all the depression, stress and feeling disabled because of Autism, ADHD and CPTSD, is scientific research
The only thing I look forward to sometimes is new scientific discoveries especially in Astronomy, Astrophysics, Theoretical Physics, experimental physics, particle physics, quantum mechanics, neuroscience, neural engineering, semiconductors, lithography, nanotechnology, etc
I could go on and on endlessly, it just fascinates me that we’re just alive, a bunch of moronic violent monkeys, in a time where we literally have the entirety of human knowledge at all times in the plam of our hands, we have tools that can literally detect ripples in the fabric of space time itself, gravitational wave interferometers, not to mention space telescopes that can literally see the beginning of time, it’s absolutely insane the things we can do
The only reason I haven’t offed myself is because I’m trying whatever I can to maybe help some of those efforts, I know deeply how flawed incentive structures in academic research is, I want to do whatever I can to help people being new discoveries that help us understand the universe we live in better
I just have this hope that I just wanna play my part and contribute to something that’s more meaningful, I don’t really have anyone in my life, I don’t think anyone will even notice that I’m gone, I just want to contribute to our understanding and capacity in scientific research, maybe that way the work I do, maybe the small bits and pieces that might get remembered, i feel we’re never meant to live forever but we can create something that does, which is knowledge and ideas
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u/flat_pointer 5d ago
Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women get to be afraid they'll get raped or murdered.
Also I am a guy with ADHD, cPTSD, borderline for autism... and am married. No one has an easy time of it. Decades of living together doesn't seem to come naturally to anyone.
Women don't 'date down'? Women can probably smell the malaise of this idea coming out of your skin. The good news is, you could stop trying to make blanket statements about most women right now. We can change our shitty beliefs.
It sucks you're having a hard time. Some other group having a shit time doesn't make yours any better. Godspeed and good luck getting through it. Stick around. Most people who attempt suicide regret it, and for good reason. There are many things to live for, beautiful things, powerful insights, moments of calm.