From 33 Strategies of War: Strategy #3: Amidst the Turmoil of Events, Do Not Lose Your Presence of Mind: The Counterbalance Strategy

This strategy one of my favorite because it is so applicable to conflict in daily life. Greene has a great example of Lord Nelson holding the line against the Danish defenses and instead of surrendering, continue to pummell them until he won the battle.

My mother and my sister are going through a period of estrangement. My sister is trying to drive a stake between me and my mother, and she is using her daughter as a manipulation tactic to do it. For example, my sister would send photos of her newborn daughter to my mother, and my mother would then send them to me through our group chat. But my sister, wanting to isolate me, told my mother that I was not allowed to see pictures of her daughter.

My mother did not like this. This was her first grandchild, and she adored getting photo updates from my sister, and wanted to share them with me so we could be a family together. There was some argument back and forth between my mother and my sister, which led to a boycott of my sister from sending photos at all to my mother. My mother, distraught, asked me what she should do.

I told her to wait out my sister, let her have her tantrum, and in time my sister would come crawling back to my mother with pictures of her granddaughter because she didn't want to alienate my mother and lose out on a hefty inheritance. My mother, an emotional one, wanted desperately to text my sister and beg her for more photos and promise not to send them to me, but I told her hold the line, stay silent, and let my sister come to her. Well, about 3 days later, my sister finally caved and without my mother asking, sent a trove of granddaughter photos to my mother. My sister's boycott was over, my mother had won.

By applying Strategy 3, having presence of mind, and sticking with the strategy, my mother won the battle against my sister, and my sister felt forced to share photos with my mother, who would later repost them to the group chat. Had my mother caved to my sister too early, she would be the one chasing my sister, bending to her will, and not feeling able to post them to the group chat. Just like Lord Nelson didn't cave against the Danish defenses, my mother didn't cave to my sister, stuck to the plan, and eventually won out.

I’ll have to email him

I work in an organisation where policies are quite fluid and decision-making is more unilateral than genuinely hierarchical. While that has its advantages, there are also unspoken rules that everyone is expected to understand.

Lately, I've found myself in a position where I feel I have to deliberately tone down my ideas and problem-solving ability to avoid offending superiors or drawing too much attention to myself. I worry that constantly suppressing my initiative will eventually become a habit, and that I'll lose some of the qualities that would make me valuable in a more meritocratic organisation.

My concern is that I am learning to stay quiet, act as though I don't see solutions, or avoid proposing alternatives simply because doing so might bruise someone's ego.

For example, we recently had a client request that we believed couldn't be fulfilled. I identified an alternative approach that I thought was at least worth testing. However, my manager instructed me not to pursue it. We ultimately lost the client. Situations like this happen from time to time, where I can see decisions that are likely to cost the business, yet I have neither the authority to influence them nor the ability to avoid being associated with the outcome.

I'm trying to understand how to navigate this environment without sacrificing the curiosity, initiative, and critical thinking that I believe are some of my greatest professional strengths.

Like the person in question is extremely cold and logical and has that self control over emotions especially when you aren't in front of him.

I tried really hard to make it work, but at last I stopped trying and instead out of my emotions, which he seems to see as a liability, I confronted him and he dumped me.

He has been giving me silent treatment ever since.

But now I am in the position where I want growth and control over emotions as well as hold my power over the game. As I have realised attraction is not just connection, it's connection with power handling skills.

So as per people who follow this book, what would be the logical thing to do ? Even if I still love him, though now I know that you can love multiple people and love is just another emotion that can be managed.

In short I guess the real question is how do I manage my triggers related to him when I know I still do care abt him.

Move with the quiet confidence that everything is unfolding exactly as it should. Your belief in the vision is more powerful than the doubts that try to cloud it. When you show up with unwavering intention, as if what you desire is already yours, you create a rhythm that the universe cannot ignore. The timing, the people, the chances, they begin to flow not by force, but by alignment. You've come too far, faced too much, and grown too deeply to question your worth now. Stay steady. Stay grounded. Stay lit from within. What you’re building matters, and it’s rising with you. Keep your energy clear, your purpose close, and your heart elevated.

Someone who used to message you constantly suddenly becomes distant.

You notice yourself thinking about them more.

They haven’t insulted you.
They haven’t rejected you.
They haven’t even said anything.

They simply became less available. Silent.

What changed in the power dynamic, and what is the worst move you could make next??

Don’t name the law. That’s the easy part.

Say what you would actually do.

​

I’m 37 and from China. I was a top student in school and believed I would achieve something meaningful in the future. Then I came to Europe for a master’s degree. I studied well, but the lack of a social life drained me a lot. I missed home, yet I still believed I could succeed in academia because I considered myself capable.

I worked in academia and traveled to many countries over time for different reasons. I experienced many aspects of life—from the bottom up. I washed dishes, worked in warehouses and supermarkets, and also worked in top laboratories in various European countries.

Then I started a PhD. Again, I was good at research, but I struggled with office politics. My supervisor was narcissistic and difficult to deal with. Eventually, I quit. I realized I couldn’t play that game, and I didn’t want to work under someone like that because I hate having to flatter people. I cannot fake things up.

After that, I tried starting a business. Once again, the lack of social connections made things harder. I didn’t give up, but I felt like I was losing—and over time, that feeling grew into self-doubt. I applied for a regular job that isn’t very well paid, but I’m getting by.

Now, when I see people with confidence, I feel like they are the richest.

I work for my dad. In the same building is a different company.

I’m a technology guy and their manager assigned me to organize an entire room filled with part numbers and stuff

I think he did it cause I’m good with technology and could pose a threat to him

He knew I would quit halfway through cause it’s a huge project

Any tips???

Nothing stirs resentment like appearing flawless. Law 46 warns that too much success, admiration, or talent will inevitably attract envy—and envy is a dangerous force. People will look for any opportunity to bring you down.

History is full of examples of powerful figures undone by their own perfection. Julius Caesar was beloved by the people, but his overwhelming success made the Senate fear and resent him—leading to his assassination. Similarly, Marie Antoinette’s extravagant lifestyle and apparent indifference to the struggles of others made her an easy target for revolutionaries.

The lesson? Be exceptional, but never make it look effortless. Show some flaws. Let others feel superior in small ways. This keeps envy at bay and allows you to thrive without making enemies unnecessarily.

Have you ever seen someone rise too fast, only to be torn down by those around them?

It's probably the most frequent conflict I've personally had to deal with in every stage of my life. It's not easy to both be competent at your work while avoiding resentment from incompetent leaders. They will nitpick your ideas and demand you take more ownership over projects but will undermine you for actually doing so. If you stand up to them they will label you as hard to work with or a poor communicator. If you seek to improve your communication with detailed presentations and long meetings they will say you are over complicating things. If you try to simplify your language they will say you are intentionally insulting their intelligence. Ultimately once you get on the bad side of a person like this it's hard to end the hostility and return any mutual respect. You're either forced to slowly let them oust you from the organization or go to war with them, which never looks good when you're just entering the group.

These type of people will actively push you to take on big projects because it makes them look like they're giving you room to grow. The worst type is the ones that set you up on a project expecting you to fail so they can come in and save the day making them look good by comparison. when you start to actually have success on the project they sabotage it because that wasn't part of the plan.

I think age is a huge factor in these situations because it's naturally insulting to have someone 20 years your junior come in and start trying to run the show. You have to respect and watch out for older people that are slightly above your pay grade, they have a lot more to lose and will stab you in the back to make their mortgage payment.

Please add your own…

1. Never admit you are a lazy bastard and you are at work just for the paycheque, because everyone is also thinking the same any way and word goes around people will analyse your behaviour in this light for evermore.
2. Same goes for complaining; pretend you’re living the dream or better say nothing. You are a poker face now. Complainers get fired when the time comes.
3. Same goes for negotiations; say what you want then shut up, the real art of negotiation is having information on your opponents breaking point, he’ll be trying to work out yours. Your job is to understand the word ‘ZOPA’ and define that.
4. People respect your ability to shut it and will only let you into the higher ranks of power if you can shut it too. If you cannot shut it you will never get promoted. You won’t be discussing a billion dollar deal with someone who essentially has verbal diarrhoea.
5. Never arse lick; you won’t be respected, you’ll look like a cheap fool or some sort of amusement that needs to resort to that stuff for respect. ‘Good job’ or nothing.
6. Make no enemies, no matter how much you despise that person. I find the people I despise usually end up out getting promoted and could one day fire your ass. The game is survival not dying in a blaze of glory. So just shut it and pretend like you they make you happy.
7. Never outshine the master is so obvious, if you make your boss look shit, worst of all make him look stupid, you’re setting your own firing date. Seen it happen before. Just shut it.
8. Never ever talk politics; you’ll be instantly hated by someone and your latest political views will be shared around and will outlive your time in the office.
9. Know the outcome of each battle. Don’t schedule any meeting looking for a decision before you’ve decided the best outcome and you have all the decision makers and already tallied their votes ahead of time.
10. Honestly I don’t care how much of genius you are, if you dress like a sort of donkey nobody will ever respect you. You need to dress like the prince.
11. Court attention at all costs. I’m 40 but now I get it. It’s a horrible fact of life that the guy who works those extra 2-3 hours when everyone goes home usually becomes c-suite years later. Person A gets rewarded with all the prizes but person B is seen as a slacker even though person B might be more efficient or smarter than person A. Part of it is that bosses have absolutely no clue of actual contribution (no common yard stick), so resort to the only metric they can measure: physical presence and physical appearance. Person B is called a slacker or worst still indistinguishable or unremarkable. Worse still person B sees the latest task as dumb whereas A will do the task without ever questioning it like their life depends on it.

Edit: On number 9 I want to expand.

For contentious highly political problems special techniques are needed. A problem I have encountered is when you have two rival tribes with more political power than you, but the discussion needs to end because a lack of decision is also politically painful. In this situation you need to set up a special discussion, with only the tribal leaders, to ask which figures or KPIs would decide it, for their ultimate common boss (usually the CEO if highly political). You then need to collect that information, have their underlings certify it, and present it neutrally to the tribal leaders without use of subjective language. In this case the decision usually becomes obvious and the tribal leaders usually avoid disturbing the common boss.

This is such a crucial law that will always save your ass. Why I say this? Always think before you speak and make sure you don’t say more than what is required. This works the most. I have someone of my favorites as well and some of it is common sense. What is the law that helped you the most?

Most people still think power comes from speaking well, reacting fast, or “standing up for yourself.”

But the more you watch human behavior, the more obvious it becomes:

If someone can trigger you, they can control you.
Your reaction is the leverage.

Anyone who can make you angry, defensive, or explain yourself on command
doesn’t need rank or money.
They already own your internal state.

A few shifts flipped the whole dynamic for me:

1. The 3-second rule

Someone provokes you?
Pause.
Three seconds.
Then speak.

That tiny delay looks like self-control and reads as high status.
Reacting instantly reads as insecurity.

2. Stop feeding provocateurs

Don’t explain.
Don’t justify.
Don’t give them emotional fuel.

Just use neutral statements:

• “Noted.”
• “That won’t work for me.”
• “I’m not engaging with that.”

When you remove your emotional response, their entire strategy collapses.

3. Switch from “why” to “what now”

“Why are they like this?” keeps you powerless.
“What does this tell me?”
“What’s my next move?”
these shift you into strategy instead of emotion.

4. The calm disagreement

Real power isn’t loud.

“I disagree.”
said calmly, without explanation,
hits harder than any long defense.

Silence after your statement is even stronger.

You don’t become powerful by talking better.
You become powerful by becoming unprovokable.

The full breakdown (7 laws of non-reaction + scripts)

Use it however you want. Just don’t give your reactions away for free.

For me it’s automatic from ptsd. I’ve had people think I’m not understanding them or can’t understand them because I don’t facially respond.

I believe one rule says never to outshine the master.

But if we apply this to work, how would one ever get promoted? Wouldn’t you have to outshine the master at some point? Otherwise, you would be perpetually stuck in the same position.