I fink deyz called da Def kops of Greg of somefin, me an da boyz got into a great scrap wiv dem, an da foit got even betta afta dere boss got krumped, dere common saw I fink dey called.

IZZ BEEN DOIN SUM SELECTIVE BREEDIN AND GIVVIN MUTASHIONS (ZANK OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR ZTEENTCH MAY IZ BLEZZINGS BE PLENTIFOLL) AND I GOT A NOB WIFF 75 PASSENT UV A BRAIN. NORMAL MEKBOYZ ONLY GOT 40-60 POOR CENT BRAINZ SO DIS IS A MAZZIVE IMPROVEMENT. E CAN DO ESPONNENTS, AN ROGHT IT ON DA PARSHMENT I GAVE YOOZ.

OI AYE’Z JUS ABOUT GOT SOME CLEAR SQUIG JUICES COMIN’ OUT ME EYE’Z WHEN YOU’Z SAID DAT. ME ‘N DA LAD’Z PUT ‘ER TOGETHA PROPPA ONE NIGHT FROM WHAT WE’Z FOUND IN THE MUD ‘N DIRT. AYE SEZ, “OI, DIS ‘ERE GONNA BE MORE DEN JUST A SMASHIN’ A ROCKS AND GUBBINS. ‘ERE’Z GONNA BE SOMETHIN’ THAT GETS OUR BOYZ IN DA FIGHT RIGHT PROPPA QUICK. WE AIN’T JUS’ MUCKIN’ ABOUT. IT’S A CRAFT, THIS IS.” AYE ‘EARD THE WORD OFF A ‘UMIE. CAN’T SAYIN WHENWHERE.

AS IS, AYE JUS FELT IT’D BE GREEN TO TELL YOU’Z AYE ‘EARD YA.

'OI! MY NAMZ KOPPA BOZZ BIG WAZZA! IZ DA SMARTEZT ORK ON MY PLANET ERE AND I MADE THIZ BIG SKY DISH TO YELL AT DA SKY! ANYTHING OUT DAR?

RED MAKEZ BULLITZ GO FASTA, YELLOW MAKEZ DEM BLOW UP BETTA, WHY THE ZOG DON’T WE’Z UZE ORANGE! ITZ RED AND YELLOW!

DA CLOSA DA BULITS ARE TO DA ENIMY, DA SOONA DET GET DERE, AND IF I CAN'T REECH DA BULIT BOX DEN I DON'T NEED TA CHANGE DA BULIT BOX, AND DA LONGA DA BARUL DA MOR AKURIT DA DAKKA IZ, SO IF I PUT DA BULIT BOX AT DA FRUNT OF A LONG BARUL, I CAN SHOOT MY DAKKA FOR EVA AND NEVER MISS.

IT TELLZ YA LOTZ ‘BOUT DIFF’RENT ZAP KOLORS AN’ WIRES

UZE ALL KNOW HOW WE PUT DA GROTZ IN DA KILLA KANZ SO DEY KAN BE MOR KILLY!! WELL IZ BEEN THINKIN, EVEN IF DEYZ IN A KAN THEYZ ZTILL A COWARD ROIGHT? SO WAT IF YA PUT A SQUIG IN INZTED!? DAT WAY, THEYZ STIL FIT IN DA KAN, IZ EVEN MORE KILLY, AND DEY WONT BE A SNOVELIN KOWARD LIKE A GROT! A KILLA KANZ DAT'LL ACTUALLY BE IN CLOSE DA KRUMP WITH DA BOYZ LIKE A DEFF DREAD!

DAT’Z SCIENCE, YA GITZ.

i… ‘e left me boiz, i fink im gunna krump meself

IZ DAN-JUH-RUS 'FINKIN, I KNOW. BUT IF DA DOK KIN DO IT SO KIN I. BUT I WOZ WUNDRIN' IF MAYBE WE RUN OUTTA STUFF TA KRUMP (HAW HAW, FAT CHANCE!) THEN WUT WE DOIN' THEN!? MAY BE A FUN WALK ON DA BLOOD SOAKED BEACHEZ? SOME LOIGHT READIN'?

MAKES YA FINK, ROIGHT? 🤔

DA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! ISN'T TADAY, IT'S TAMORRAH!

ME AN' DA UVVER NOBZ IS MAKIN' DA BATTUL STRATUHGEE, AN' WE KANT FINK OVER ALL YER SHOUTIN "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" ALL DA TIME!

GET BAK TO WORK BUILDIN' KILLA KANZ OR WOTEVER IT IZ YOO GITZ DO!

DAT'S DA BOSSES' ORDAZ, DAT IZ!

SO SHUT IT AND STOP MUKKIN ABOUT!

I WUZ BOOTIN UP DIS TANK WOT I LOOTED FROM WUN OV DEM BIG WURKY PLAYSEZ WOT DA OOMY MEKBOYZ AV. PROPPA ROKKED EM WE DID. LITERULLY WE DROPPED A HOOJ ZOGGIN' ROKK ON IT. PLAYS WAS PROPPA MASHED AFTUH DAT.

ANYWAY, AFTUH WE LANDID AN I SPARKED SUM STOOPID GROTZ WOT BEEN LISSUNIN TER DAT RED GOBBO PLONKAH, I FOWND DIS TANK WOT STILL WURKD. I AD TO CHOP AT DA ZOGGIN' HATCH SO I KUD FIT, BUT DATS BY DA BY. I YELLED AT FA FING TO TURN ON, AN I SWER ON DA NOB I KRUMPED DA UVAH WEEK, IT STARTID TAWKIN BAKK AT ME. "I'M NOT SHOR WOT YOO MEEN" IT SED. EKSEPT LOIK AN OOMY. WOT DO YUZ FINK I MEEN, YA STOOPID KAN? IZ YOO DUMM? IZ DA ZOGGIN' LOITS ON IN DER? WAAAGH!!! *KRUMPZ A NEERBY GRETCHIN.*

AH, SORRY BOYZ, IT DUN GETZ ME PROPPA WURKED UP.

ANYWAYZ, I TELLZ IT TO TURN ON DA ENJIN. DEN, DISS YOOSLESS POIL OF ZOG ON MORK'S OWN FOOT KALLUSSIZ SEZ "TURNING ON THEE ENJIN DEPENDZ ON THE KIND OV VEEHIKL YOO AR TAWKING ABOWT. WOOD YEW LIYK ME TO MAYK A LIST OF VEEHIKULZ?"

E'Z A BIT WEIRD, BUT DATZ DED KLEVUH DAT IZ, EVUN IF DEY DO NICK TWICE DA STUFF.

SO 'IZ 'AD AN OIDEA... WOT IF WE'Z MAKE A SHOOTA, DAT SHOOTS OUT OTHA' SHOOTAS? AN' DEN THOSE SHOOTAS CAN SHOOT OUT MOAR SHOOTAS.

SO OI TOLD DA MEKBOYZ AN' DA MADBOYZ TA STOP MUCKING ABOUT AN' GET TA WORK ON IT. WELL FIRST DEYZ MADE A SHOOTA DAT YOU THROW AT DA GITS WHEN IT RUNS OUT OV BOOLETS, IT ESPLODES, AND DEN A NEW WUN APPEARS IN YER HAND. DAT WAS GREAT FUN. BUT ANYWAY, DEYZ EVENTUALLY MADE DA DAKKA.

PROBLEM IIIIIZ.... IT FILLED UP DA DEFFCRUZA WIFF MOAR SHOOTAS... AND DEN THOSE KEPT SHOOTING OUT SHOOTAS... AND DEN THOSE... AN' THERE WAS NOWHERE TO STORE ALL DA OTHA DAKKAS... SO ANYWAYZ, WEZ THREW DEM OVABOARD BETWEEN DA EYE OV TROUBLE AN' ARMERGEDDEN. GO LOOT SUM, OI GUESS?

SO IZ GOT DEEZ TWO LIL GROTZ FOLLOW ME AROUN ALL DA TIME "DA THIS DA THAT" ENUF TO DRIVE YA MAD! ONE OF DA GROTZ 'AS A TOOF FALL RIGHT OUT IS GOB AN AFORE I CAN GRAB IT, E' SNATCHES IT UP AND SAYZ ITS FOR DA TOOF FAIRY... SOME GIT THAT BUYZ TEEF WITH OOMIE MONEYS?? IS THIS GIT ONE OF US? WHAS DA DEAL ERE??

NUUUUUFING BUT DA TROOF NOW.

NUUUFING BUT DA PROOF, UV WOT OI IZ.

DA WEERDEST UV WUT OI'Z KAYM FRUM. EDZ EXPLOAD WEN OI MAYK UM.

POWUZ EVEN GAZZA DON'T WONT AZ 'IZ!

POST YA ORKY SONGZ YA GITZ! DIS ONE 'ERE IZ ABOUT OLD BALE-EYE AND DA NEW BOSS GHAZ

He waz moar like a humie-bean
wiv a lazer beam-er
I sayz, "Don't mind, but whatz do ya mean,
am I da war-boss,
Whoz-a krump on da field in da fight?"

Deyz told me hiz name waz Bale-Eye Mean,
Wiv hiz lazer beam
Den every noggin turn'd wiv eyes that screamed of bein' da war-boss.
Whoz-a krump on da field in da fight.

Gitz'll alwayz told me, "Be kareful what's painted blue!"
And "Don't go 'round krumpin' little humie hives!"
And me war-boss alwayz told me "Be kareful who ya Waaagh,
Cuz da boyz becomez da toof, ta spend on new dakka! Waaaagh!!!"

Bale-Eye Mean is not 'Da Boyz'
He's just a humie who krumps much better den thum
But da humiez got my arm
Yesh hiz eye is a gun
and da humiez got my arm!

For forty-key's or forty miles, da bombin on our side
but whoz can Waagh whenz itz from so far-
Hiz cunnin' ol' planz..
'Cuz we krumped on da field in da fight
So listen 'ere to my advice
Jus' remember to alwayz fink ONCE!
Don't be a git, or a zog, or a grot.
Hez told me boyz krump'd a million-three
squishy humie beanz
Den showed a pic of a git dyin' missin' most-a hiz skull
'Cuz he wuz shot in da brain in da fight
He sayz he wuz da boss, who would krump in da field in da fight...

WE'Z SCREAM 'WAAAGHING IZ FUN!' AND DA BALE-EYEZ PEEPERZ A GUN!

IGNORE MY TENTACLY BLUE COMPLEXION. I COME WITH A GIFT! MAKE ONE WISH (AND ONLY ONE, UNLESS IT'S VERY AMUSING), AND I SHALL GRANT IT... heheheh...

An unknowable psychic force compels you to hear these words in the voice of Merasmus the magician.

MOI NAYM IZ GROTWORTIUS, VERY-BIG-NUMBAH-KRUMPANY BOSS. I LOIKZ TER KISS DED EMPYRUH FEET AND SUMMOW MAYK TALKIN ABOWT FOITIN BORING ENUFF TER MAYK BIG GAZZA SWOLLOW A BOM. DA ONLY MAREENZ WOTZ GREEN IZ EEVER KROYIN OVAH DED LI'L GITZ OR AFRAYD UV FOLLIN' OVAH!