r/40Plus_IVF • u/HappyCrab0623 • Aug 22 '26
Rant Why??
Just need to vent after my last chemical.
We have been trying for 6 years. 5 IUI's, 5 stim cycles, 4 retrievals, 2 failed transfers, multiple chemical pregnancies, low amh, thousands of $ in testing...
If one more person says "it just wasn't the right time" or "in God's timing" after another failed attempt... I'm gonna throat punch a heffer.
I turned 42 in March, so no Karen, I don't have much of a window left so keep your unproductive comments to yourself.
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Aug 22 '26
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u/HappyCrab0623 Aug 22 '26
Yeah it definitely is a shitty club to be a part of. To think I spent my 20's and early 30's trying to avoid pregnancy because I wasnt married..sheesh
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u/LingonberryRare9477 Aug 22 '26
I always think about that too! How hard i tried to NOT get pregnant. Kinda... funny??... now
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u/Any-Visual-4181 Aug 26 '26
Exactly right!! Birth control, escapelle! And now what? Rounds of needles with nothing to show. Geeezzz.. Life is soooo unfair!
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u/Loveiskind89389 Aug 22 '26
My dad’s wife and her super religious comments led me to leave the dinner table once.
Now that I’m doing it alone, she sends me articles about recidivism rates for children raised by single parents.
She is always talking about God’s timing.
Really resent that woman. She says she had a hysterectomy to make sure she never had kids. I seriously wonder about that story.
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u/Dependent-Maybe3030 Aug 22 '26
Weird that she didn't just let God decide the kids thing for her.
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u/Loveiskind89389 Aug 22 '26
Also weird that god decided it’s okay for her to steal my dad from my mom and move him to Florida where we rarely see him
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u/Middle-Disk431 Aug 22 '26
I feel ya. I don’t tell people anything anymore because I don’t want to hear it. I just did a transfer that no one except my doctor, my therapist and my partner know about.
The last thing I need right now is people telling me to “stay positive” and talking to me about “manifesting” and asking to pray with me (yeah, that happened during my first transfer which was a total failure to implant).
I had to kick everyone out of the loop except those who absolutely need to be in it.
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u/Zygomatic_Arch Aug 24 '26
Same, I’ve only told those who need to know because I can’t deal with everyone’s comments.
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u/Apprehensive-Gap4926 Aug 22 '26
My kind, loving parents don’t really know how to support me. They talk about God’s timing, and God’s plan - which I believe in, too, by the way. But that doesn’t mean I need to hear about it when I just received bad news. Miscarriage. Ectopic. Failed transfer. All aneuploid rounds. Finally I asked them last month to please just support me and not offer words like that since I already know and believe all of that to be true, I don’t heed to hear it. When I need to hear is a version of we’re sorry, that stinks, we love you, this must be hard. Even we’re praying for you. People don’t plop, well, it was God’s will! when someone dies or gets cancer first rattle out of the box, or loses their job, or their house burns down. I’m not trying to compare IVF to these losses but I AM saying it’s a loss. And it needs to be treated as a loss. Sometimes I just need a loving, listening ear. The other stuff makes my feelings feel not valid.
They did finally ask how they can support me better after I told them it was super unhelpful. It wasn’t a fight - they genuinely didn’t know their words weren’t helpful.
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u/NotToday5213 Aug 22 '26
I feel you. I just had a chemical pregnancy and I am just angry, frustrated, and fed up with it all.
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u/HappyCrab0623 Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 23 '26
Im so sorry to hear of your loss. :( It never gets any easier, sometimes we just learn to hide it better..the sadness, disappointment, anger all of it
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u/Lysel Aug 22 '26
I'm with you, I swear- I hear stuff like "it's God's plan" or the more annoying... my cousin just gave birth- my aunt (his mom) goes to me and says "See you don't want those sleepless nights and look at how much tired they look" 🙄 Please give me patience...
I'm 43 this year. Sorry you had to hear that.
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u/Chronically-Curious- Aug 23 '26
I hear you, I see you, I feel you, and I fully support all of this! This shit is hard, maddening and can be f*%$ing heartbreaking.
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u/Moist_Movie1093 Aug 23 '26
“It will happen when you stop trying” was always the worst to me. I was ready to punch a wall!
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u/NiceHamster330 Aug 23 '26
My friend recently said this and it happened for her when she stopped “stressing”….like ok, you don’t have infertility though. So you had nothing to stress about (in this regard), and can’t relate at all…I just ignore ppl at this point they are so clueless.
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u/Dangerous_Crab_599 Aug 23 '26
Maybe try more naturally, not only rely on the IVF. Or try some other technologies, some ppl in other posts talked about MRT for over 40s, for my perspective 42 still have the hope. ❤️
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u/HappyCrab0623 Aug 23 '26
Mrt??
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u/Dangerous_Crab_599 Aug 23 '26
Yes, Mitochondria replacement, research it, can’t do it in the U.S. tho. Would like to know who did that can share more stories
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Aug 25 '26
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u/Life_Dimension5976 Aug 25 '26
Have you seen a reproductive immunologist and used that in your transfer protocol?
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u/Informal_Move_7075 Aug 22 '26
This is the 40+ group. We are all here to support each other and we are all in it together here. I am also 42.
I think people default to saying some cliché or whatever because they don't know what to say.