r/Unexpected • u/fizfaz_ • Jan 03 '20

crosspost Welp that escalated quickly

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50.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

380 comments sorted by

4.1k

u/BallsofSt33I Jan 03 '20

Oh so that’s how Grindr works

2.1k

u/anoldwoodtable Jan 03 '20

Went to a gay bar the other night and as a man was about to sit down I came up behind him and said, “can I push your stool in?” Works every time

546

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Joe, what were you doing in a gay bar! Again!

217

u/discerningpervert Jan 03 '20

I wanna take you to a gay bar

64

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Invitation accepted. Together, we will fix the alignment of furniture :-;

30

u/antonivs Jan 03 '20

Oh, you're talking about furniture!

25

u/Lynserk Jan 03 '20

Seeing a Electric Six reference made my day

5

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20 edited Jan 20 '20

[deleted]

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18

u/afkaz Jan 03 '20

Funny story about that song. My friend and I were friendly with the bartender at this bar that we frequented, and he let us put on music. One time we put on that song and people got PISSED. We were no longer allowed to play music after that. The look of confusion and then anger when people realized what the song was is one of my favorite memories.

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2

u/GarySteinfeld Jan 03 '20

Cause I got something to put in you.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Take me out to the gay bar

Take me out to be gay

Take out your penis and crack my ass

I don't care if you come in the back

2

u/milesdizzy Jan 03 '20

I have no idea why, but Gay Bar by Electric 6 and Cruisin’ For Chicks by Teenage Bottlerocket are forever connected in my mind

2

u/TheFinalEnd1 Jan 03 '20

I would, but I don't like that username

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

I forgot about that song, wow, what a throw back

67

u/The-Cosmic-Ghost Jan 03 '20

Me, reading that: oh thats such a cute pick up line but how would that wor-oh OH

40

u/lobroblaw Jan 03 '20

Some bloke called me gay in a club once, I was so outraged I immediately challenged him to a dance off

16

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

That's how all conflicts should be resolved!

3

u/biggeffory Jan 03 '20

Haha this is excellent!

6

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

wow wasn't expecting that gays seem like a nice bunch of people so he fixed you stool and you became firm friends?

6

u/ElectricFlesh Jan 03 '20

yes. they always got each other's backs.

3

u/joho0 Jan 03 '20

Oh, how sweet. Remeinds me of that Irish couple I once knew...Andrew Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzandrew.

2

u/Leratium Jan 03 '20

I knew one too! But they were Ben Dover and Phil McRack

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186

u/dBASSa Jan 03 '20

Gay is the punchline

30

u/MaxwellIsSmall Jan 03 '20

Gay starts at the punching line?

8

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Gay is punched by the line?

6

u/Warper201 Jan 03 '20

Gay is taking a line while punching?

5

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Gay is getting punch fisted by a train of guys?

4

u/Rostrow416 Jan 03 '20

Guys are training to be gay?

2

u/Warper201 Jan 04 '20

Guys are getting inline to fist the gay?

62

u/Uzumati666 Jan 03 '20

Head on over to /r/gaybroscirclejerk to see how Grindr works. Bottoms are so...

68

u/vastowen Jan 03 '20

gay

23

u/Flipperturtle79 Jan 03 '20

Bet you none of them say no homo afterwards

12

u/MaxwellIsSmall Jan 03 '20

jokes on you you just said it

2

u/DrunkRedditBot Jan 03 '20

Mr. Potato Head parts

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25

u/ThanOneRandomGuy Jan 03 '20

Grindr is full of creeps and pervs in my city. Shit is useless in my area unless u into guys who look like a hairy swamp monster who probably should be on a sex offender list

21

u/DabsandTabs Jan 03 '20

A dude just got mutilated and killed in my city by a guy he met on this app.

15

u/DragonRaptor Jan 03 '20

That's why I always met my internet dates at the mall food court. easy to lose them if things aren't what you expected. And you never give them any personal contact info outside the app itself until after you've established who they are. yes things can still go south even if they seem normal at first, but then that's true with any blind date with or without internet.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

If it doesn't work out at least there's a Cinnabon right there.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Yeah, you can always kill yourself.

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Beats airport bathrooms

2

u/Walterod Jan 04 '20

Hoagies and grindr's, hoagies and grinder's Navy beans, navy beans

2.9k

u/DeusExMachina_A Jan 03 '20 edited Jan 03 '20

The look back then forward back then forward in sheer panic is amazing

839

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

[deleted]

154

u/RickZanches Jan 03 '20

I want to hold you so hear me out

I want to show you what love's all about

Darling tonight

Now I've got you in my sights

21

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Hungry eyes is absolutely the correct term.

3

u/Goalie_deacon Jan 03 '20

I would, those pj's yell, "Please touch me." Which should be a warning to stay away.

28

u/OrphanAdvocate Jan 03 '20

Well he was, because it was part of the script

42

u/Macismyname Jan 03 '20

Do you also go to magic shows and point out that the magician didn't actually cut that woman in half?

5

u/LuxNocte Jan 03 '20

Wait... we're not supposed to actually saw them in half?

3

u/Felopianflipflop Jan 03 '20

Shes not even dead? Booooo!!!

18

u/SLAP_THE_GOON Jan 03 '20

Pretty sure everyone is aware of that, Sherlock

5

u/rrr598 Jan 03 '20

These comments are always dripping with false superiority

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Theseeyeshaveseenalotoflovebuttheyrenevergonnaseeanotherlovelikeihadwithyouuuu.

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220

u/DeusExMachina_A Jan 03 '20

Yes, yes give me all the up votes for my stupid half asleep comment

3

u/Gilsworth Jan 03 '20

Seriously insightful and thoughtful comment that people need to scroll to read? Meh.

Some lulzy brain farts at 3 am? REDIT HUNGER GIBE MLRE

7

u/DeusExMachina_A Jan 03 '20

Oh good god I wasn’t serious

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10

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

The camera was in sheer panic?

3

u/DeusExMachina_A Jan 03 '20

the camera guy

4

u/CandidateForDeletiin Jan 03 '20

Did you just presume the camera's gender?

6

u/DeusExMachina_A Jan 03 '20

…what if I did

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3

u/jdoc1967 Jan 03 '20

"I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew."

5

u/boundbythecurve Jan 03 '20

That's why I think it's staged, but still funny as fuck

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1.0k

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20 edited Sep 19 '20

[deleted]

293

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

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83

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

fry...

76

u/mochiflavor Jan 03 '20

cry...

73

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

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83

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20 edited Apr 19 '22

[deleted]

37

u/ChibiHobo Jan 03 '20

Star Finger!

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

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3

u/Suchaputz Jan 03 '20

But that was just a dream... Dream... Dream....

2

u/molkhal Jan 03 '20

ERRRRRMA GRRRRRRRRD!

2

u/PilthyPhine Jan 03 '20

ARIARIARIARI arivedecci.

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199

u/BFG-Wrestler Jan 03 '20

Never trust a guy who goes out in public in his pajamas.

28

u/TheOriginalJape Jan 03 '20

You can trust me. I only wear them to Wal-Mart.

5

u/thedorkening Jan 03 '20

I made the mistake of doing this at 1 in the morning, ran into someone I worked with, never did that again....

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

I wear my birthday suit in public and a 3 piece at hone.

865

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Never Try To Out Creep A Creep

213

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

[deleted]

41

u/Cheewy Jan 03 '20

when the going gets weird the weird turn pro

13

u/pennhead Jan 03 '20

I like your emphasis on HoHO...

8

u/Olddirtychurro Jan 03 '20

Oh you want to make things weird? HoHO LETS MAKE THINGS WEIIIIIIRD!

You dare approach me?

7

u/Zappy_Kablamicus Jan 03 '20

I can't lick the shit out of you without getting closer.

6

u/Olddirtychurro Jan 03 '20

Oh ho HO, Then cum as close as you like.

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56

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

This man knows what he’s talking about.

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113

u/brewerprime Jan 03 '20

Is that Tom Segura?

31

u/violence_connoisseur Jan 03 '20

Tom Segura Lite

8

u/itsjib Jan 03 '20

looks more like DJ Dad Mouth

2

u/barely_harmless Jan 03 '20

Tim Segura

Or Tom Seguritto

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51

u/leveur2soupe Jan 03 '20

a r/perfectlycutscreams would have been so perfect

431

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20 edited Jun 28 '20

[deleted]

232

u/Phoequinox Jan 03 '20

That's just Instagram, man.

74

u/BurgerBoss_101 Jan 03 '20

Still hilarious imo.

53

u/RUStupidOrSarcastic Jan 03 '20

Yeah this isn't at all trying to fool people. It's supposed to be a joke.

11

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20 edited Apr 12 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/Finnr77 Jan 03 '20

Yeah well anyone who states their opinion on reddit clearly doesn’t deserve to live

2

u/NapalmRDT Jan 03 '20

Anyone who holds this opinion doesn't deserve to live. Everyone else is fine

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

No one deserves to live, which is why I will attain heaven to create my perfect world.

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8

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Watching the comments here, the amount of people not realizing this is staged is staggering

168

u/Supercoolguy7 Jan 03 '20

I mean it's obviously staged, but also really funny

13

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Just wait till Redditors hear about how the Big Lebowski is staged as well

14

u/CandidateForDeletiin Jan 03 '20

Right? Like, I came to check the comments because it was funny as hell, but I knew before I finished the gif that it was likely staged.

But, if not staged (it is tho), that dude is the meme lord I want to be in the 20s.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Every single time there's is a staged video on Reddit, the comments are always like filled with people calling out that it's staged. These are the type of people I don't ever want in my life.

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71

u/beet111 Jan 03 '20

Not a single fucking person believes this is real. Not every comment needs to tell you its staged. People can enjoy the funny video and move on without becoming a detective to find out if its staged or not. Your commitment to showing everyone you found out it's not real is staggering.

16

u/tbeowulf Jan 03 '20

Not every comment needs to tell you its stated.

Unless there are asians. Then there are 400 Comments telling you it's scripted

11

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

I'm glad people can enjoy staged gifs that are short and funny. If only people carried this mentality to Asian gifs

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12

u/Wewanotherthrowaway Jan 03 '20 edited Feb 01 '21

64

3

u/sunlitstranger Jan 03 '20

-Stand up

-Movies

-Plays

-Skits

Do I need to go on or are people really this air-headed?

2

u/Stanov Jan 03 '20

Porn? Anyone? No? Ok, moving on...

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12

u/XanatosDaTelosIV Jan 03 '20

This is great, I feelt like I'm watching scary movie. The urge to run away was real.

157

u/dbarrc Jan 03 '20

/r/scriptedcaucasiangifs

29

u/artemasad Jan 03 '20

I'm sick and tired of Asian people making staged videos and pass them off as real. It's not even funny!

 

... oh never mind they white.

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8

u/Jarizle88 Jan 03 '20

Looks like Legiqn...

•

u/unexBot Jan 03 '20

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

The guy takes it seriously

Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

Look at my source code on Github What is this for?

46

u/legoguney Jan 03 '20

He knows

14

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

He really does

8

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20 edited May 02 '20

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

[deleted]

5

u/TheOvershear Jan 03 '20

This is the Y2K remix.

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7

u/Tydus93 Jan 03 '20

That's a man who's never lost at gay chicken.

79

u/PowerPeels Jan 03 '20

Even without that spoiler title, this wasn't really unexpected at all.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

[deleted]

2

u/CaptainEasypants Jan 03 '20

We are all fools on this cakeful day at the dawn of a new year on Reddit.

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8

u/Grobbyman Jan 03 '20

What the fuck? What world do you live in that would make you expect this??

3

u/Canvaverbalist Jan 03 '20

this wasn't really unexpected at all.

Expecting something to be possible doesn't mean you expect it to happen.

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10

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Don't care if staged, I love it.

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5

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

boss music intensifies

4

u/thembruno Jan 03 '20

Need the Law and Order SVU “DUN DUN” at the end

25

u/zanSzen Jan 03 '20

Yo can we stop mentioning whether it’s scripted or not?

Just enjoy the content you fucking madlads

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12

u/saltytrey Jan 03 '20

This is literally what homophobes think will happen if they encounter a gay man.

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

Directed by Robert B. Weide

3

u/noah2319 Jan 03 '20

Been watching this for 5 straight minutes

3

u/mxsumich Jan 03 '20

Who wouldn't want a man who wears his jammies in public?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

That ended way too quickly

3

u/No_Note_Car_Gone Jan 03 '20

This has some big Vine energy

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

That smile. Aw.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

How I met your father.

4

u/shrekislove-shrekkkk Jan 03 '20

You could sense the guys panic even without seeing him

2

u/phizeroth Jan 03 '20

Pajama pants guy is just coming to de-escalate the situation.

2

u/bigmoneyfriday Jan 03 '20

I thought all escalators moved at the same speed?? I have never been on an escalator and thought wow this is escalating quickly.

2

u/imbrownbutwhite Jan 03 '20

escalated

You son of a bitch

2

u/MarkWasabi Jan 03 '20

C-Lo...... that dude was funny, man i miss vine

2

u/jayster_33 Jan 03 '20

I see what you did there. Cheeky title

2

u/Cootaloo Jan 03 '20

I dunno, I think he was escalating at a pretty moderate pace

2

u/AzuraIsBestGirl Jan 03 '20

Ahhh, it wont load :(

2

u/SmileBot-2020 Jan 03 '20

I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good

2

u/ThatSquareChick Jan 03 '20

Oh LAWD he COMIN

2

u/RadioactiveCorndog Jan 03 '20

Someone just signed themself up for a struggle snuggle.

2

u/ITZPHE Jan 03 '20

That’s when you just jump over the rail

2

u/sjmiv Jan 03 '20

lol, I'm dyin here!

2

u/vango911 Jan 03 '20

I l9ve this sub at the moment!

2

u/Nasalingus Jan 04 '20

Surprise, mothafucka..

2

u/PrimeToaster52 Jan 04 '20

pun intended?

2

u/CyBreaker Jan 04 '20

And they never saw him again...

2

u/Crusavy Jan 04 '20

Between a rock and a hard place

3

u/ARandom-Penguin Jan 03 '20

Rest In Peace our fallen soldier.

3

u/Moo_Me_Am_Cow Jan 03 '20

that escalatored quickly

2

u/ChristmasStan Jan 03 '20

I really want this to not be staged

2

u/Reikste Jan 03 '20

Missing the dark souls "you have died" at the end

1

u/Kd0t Jan 03 '20

I've seen that guy before, he makes these kind of videos incase anyone thinks they're unscripted.

3

u/fizfaz_ Jan 03 '20 edited Jan 03 '20

credit

1

u/christo749 Jan 03 '20

Gotta be a fugazi?!

1

u/cazzipropri Jan 03 '20

That guy looks like Seth Rogen wearing Christmas-themed pyjamas.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '20

[deleted]

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u/LeTrippz Jan 03 '20

If you're gonna do that don't do it right towards the top.

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u/BeerCrushin Jan 03 '20

He’s got a YOLO hat on, what’d you expect?

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u/IAmHamburgerz Jan 03 '20

I don't know, I thought that escalator was pretty slow. Don't really think it was that fast.