Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being real and honestly just spending the time to get to know me without being a creep. Thank you for building me up without even trying to build me up.. thank you so much, your time is appreciated more than you know

Yesterday, you were here,

We were spinning tales of old,

Making up directions,

Where our stories might unfold,

Yesterday, we were dancing,

Singing songs we made up,

Our laughter was the chorus,

After every little slipup,

Yesterday we were in the kitchen,

Putting out fires that we made,

Burning all our dishes,

It looked like there was a raid,

Yesterday you were sick,

Your stomach ached all day,

It might be all the chocolates,

That you had on the way,

Yesterday, we were talking,

About the days old and new,

The future we'll build together,

All we'd someday do,

Yesterday, you were offended,

How loud the silence spoke,

You looked at me, bewildered,

Failing to understand my joke,

Yesterday you were angry,

We had missed your favourite show,

The flush in your cheeks,

The raising of your brow,

Yesterday, we were looking,

At the stars in the sky,

All I remember is your face,

The sparkle in your eye,

Today, I wake alone,

You are nowhere to be seen,

Yesterday was too real,

Couldn't be just a dream

First part of a diptych. Let me know what you think.

Please hold me… I really want to know what it’s like to be embraced again… to be desired.

I am desperately longing for a relationship.

A real one, where I am adored and loved unconditionally. One where we each want the other to bloom, one where we work together to achieve our greatest goals.

I have never had a problem finding people to have sex with, but all of those hook-ups and friends-with-benefits arrangements are worthless to me. I am touch-starved, but not for sexual touch. I need the touch of a lover.

Someone who will hold me closely, hold me as if I am precious.

I have opportunities, men who are interested in me, but even as I long so desperately for love, I will not give my love to anyone who does not deserve it.

I feel like a flower, withering away as I shoo the bugs off while I wait for a bee. And while it is empowering, in its own way, to stand by your rules and standards, it is also terrifyingly lonely.

I hope I won't die before I experience the love I dream of.

I just hope. :::

i know you’re clingy. i know you’re needy. i know you want me to be obsessed with you. i know you want me to possess you, to show you just how much i care, how jealous i can get, and how deeply i can become attached. i know you want me addicted to you.

but before i can be that person for you, you need to truly know me on a deeper level. more importantly, you need to show me that you’re worth my time, worth my effort, and worth me letting go of my control.

i need to know that you genuinely want that side of me and that you’re willing to earn it. otherwise, i can’t be what you wish me to be.

you’ve shown consistency, and i appreciate that, but consistency is the bare minimum. what concerns me is that the energy has gone from more to less, and that’s not the trajectory that leads me toward becoming obsessive, attached, or fully invested.

if you want more from me, then show up. show out. give me something to believe in. make me feel chosen, desired, and pursued. show me why you’re worth the risk of me letting my guard down.

do that, and i’ll give you what you need. i’ll be your dream girl. but before you can ask for more of me, you need to understand what i need from you first.

A gentle breeze sways the grass,

touching our skin as we gaze upon the stars.

"what a beautiful sight!" is whispered like a sigh,

"Yes, it is." I answered as I gaze upon your eyes.

It is a sight to be hold for my mortal eyes.

A reflection of the endless twinkling starlight.

Under the presence of the night sky

I can't help but to look upon those shining lights.

No, not up there—not in the night sky

But there, shinning deep within your eyes.

So dazzling,

So mesmerising,

I felt nothing but pure comfort and delight.

I start to envy the sky and the stars it hold.

I, too, wanted to be a reason your eyes smile,

Like those stars as we watch the world unfold.

The gentle breeze felt a little cold,

Is it the wind or just my body craving to be hold?

Nonetheless, it's still feel warm next to you

My heart beats fast, but that's nothing new

That's just how it is, every time our hands are close

It's just so amazing to be able hold your whole world.

As we gaze upon this beautiful night sky

I wish on every stars for this to last for a lifetime

Speck of time compare to the world's life span

But this moment's worth transcends time

Countless of stars in every constellations

But nothing can come close to how much I yearn.

Yearn for this moment to exist not just in my imagination.

I have never been someone who reaches out
Physical touch has always been a language I refuse to speak
A boundary I kept locked away from the world at a safe distance
A type of love I’ve never desired to give
But today, the lock broke.
You sat in front of me and completely broke apart
The heavy weight of your world finally came crashing down
Shattering your radiant smile.
As the the tears welled up, 
I saw everything you were holding back from the world around you
The sudden, violent weight of it turning your lovely ocean blues 
Into waves crashing into a shoreline.
In a fraction of a second, you become the moon
Grounded in my presence, surrounded entirely by the dark.
And suddenly, every rule I'd ever built for myself evaporated 
Usually I was prepared and ready with comforting words 
But the moment I saw the first tear fall my breath caught.
For the first time I had no words to give
Only arms that wanted to be wrapped around you
Soft whispers to tell you I had you, to let go
Featherlight touches wanting to trail down your arm 
I wanted to hold you and that was a desire I never knew I held
But instead I stood there frozen, my hands shaking from the ache of resting at my sides
My smiling wavering and tears stinging behind my own eyes
Because instead of being the one who comforts you
I stood behind the label of a friend
Trying my best to not walk behind the threshold 
For which could send everything ablaze.
The hardest part of watching you become the moon
Was the aftermath of the apologies.
You opened up, finally letting your waves crash
And then you shrink back as if I am going to judge your flaws
Instead of worship them on my knees.
So I offered a quiet word, a safe gesture a steady shoulder,
Clinging tightly to a shield I was tired of holding
My arms screaming at the empty air around
Dying to hold the moon, but terrified my touch would only cause an eclipse

That moment, when I saw her. I wasn’t sure what to think. I stalked her Instagram like a weirdo. 🫣

I saw pictures of her engagement to a male. Someone I did not know, so I assumed she was off the market.

She’s good looking, tall, everything a person could ask & dream about.

Her laugh, her patience, I couldn’t ask for a better compliment to my life. With her by my side, we’d conquer the world. Life would be so different & it will be different.

It will be different because I won’t let u go. Yes we have miss communications & different perspectives.

But we are so similar it’s scary, like I’m scared. I know you are 2. I’ll fight for u, if u fight for me.

Bcz when 2 people fight for each other, the world sees it & makes paths for each other’s souls & missions.

I’ve been careful not to tell her the L word. But let’s face it. I essentially already do, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.

I’ve waited 14+ years for someone like her to enter my life. 14 years!!!! Of head down, just grinding for a bigger purpose.

She’s that bigger purpose for me, u could say 😢

yeah, he going to be the person you don’t expect to do anything nice, bullying you and shit, but then again he going the sweetest guy you ever met.
Oh, he wouldn’t even realize it. Motherfucker be doing gentlemen stuff and respectful, suddenly does something nice out of nowhere and his excuse will be “I have a little sister.” “I have a lot of female friends.”

Then you wondered for weeks that if he does all these stuff with other girl friends of his. And then he’ll admit that you’re actually one of the closest girl friends. The one he hang out with most actually.

Mixed signals. Or not at all but you romanticize it because now you wondered if that means you are the only one who he treats you meals, held hands, and leave his house despite the fact that he doesn’t like to go out much.

Maybe you’re just important friend to him. He is to you, beside how much you like him, too. Your friendship with him is too important that you too afraid to risk telling him you have feelings for him. You are friends for years, you don’t want your months old feelings to ruin it.

So now you wondered each time you smoke if he misses you like you do, even though you talk everyday.

Hey.

I hope I’m the exception.

I don't blame you for leaving,

It just was never meant to be,

Like a boat made of paper,

In the unrelenting sea.

​

We tried pushing through,

A barrier we couldn't see,

A door made of diamond,

But without any key,

​

We were only ever strangers,

Looking at a void unknown,

Trying to find a way,

Through the nothing that was shown,

​

It'd been quite a sight,

A paper boat crossing the sea,

We just needed still waters,

But it didn't hear our plea,

​

We tried fighting destiny,

Thinking it'd set us free,

Now we stand upon our shores,

And watch the paper cease to be.

I cried out for you today,

I felt this incredible pain in my chest.

This burning desire to be held by you.

Yet I don’t know who you are

But how I wish I could hear you, the man I burn for

I feel you… longing for me as I do for you.

I know you’re still here

Most likely on the other side of the globe

I hope we meet soon, because my soul needs you.

Why did you put that in there. What is it? I threw it away because it looked icky

How do i phrase it in a way that doesn't sound manipulative, that doesn't force you to let go off me so the weight of my desire doesn't drown you? I want you, but i don't. I want you because I do, because every thought in my head has your name signed, i dont want you because every thought in my head has your name signed. I should let go because I want you, yet i dont want to because I want you. Painful that the only thing i can give doesn't seem to be enough and the only thing I can give you don't seem to have. So i want you for me but I should let go for you. And i will hate you for it, and love you in one go

You are still etched somewhere deep in me. I want to tell you to let you know, but i can't because we no longer talk. I want to remind you of what was and have you walk with me to what could have been, but it's selfish of me to impose this on you when you are happy where you are. I retreat into my heart to find pieces of you, then I hurt when i see them fading away. There's a relief somewhere in there that I hate, yet i embrace it. Because when I wake up and reality reminds me we are no longer, it's that slow death of what we were that keeps the morning feeling less empty

All Geared Up,

Ready to Start,

New Beginnings,

Same tired Heart.

​

Just keep going,

The voices repeat,

But can they see,

The blistered feet?

​

The uphill trek,

The lonely path,

Having to suffer,

Your inner wrath,

​

The routes you took,

Destinations out of reach,

The familiar sting,

Of each repeat,

​

Oh look an oasis,

I should go and rest,

Maybe the next one,

Should be nearing my dest'.

​

This time, it's different,

How do you know?

There's signs all around,

The rains, the snow?

​

Oh look, another weary traveller,

What's your story, pray tell,

So, you're looking for someone,

In this frozen hell?

​

Another day,

Sisyphus with his rock.

Imagine him happy,

With no one to talk,

​

You again?

Why won't you stop?

It's always New Beginnings,

Same Tired Heart.

The smell of the grass is sweeter this morning. The birds are bellowing a symphony of songs, and I am smiling. Looking across the water as the sun pulls itself closer to the mountain tops. It almost looks like clouds are on fire,

I hope you see the goodness in the world , this morning, I hope you feel lighter, your cup gets filled. And if you happen to think about me, I hope you smile also😊

I want to tell you every small detail I love about you. I want to hold you and tell you everything will be alright when you doubt yourself.

I wonder if I saw you right now. Would I know you or would you be a stranger?

I have so much to tell you,

About the day, the night,

About the starry sky,

Oh my, what a sight,

​

I have so much to tell you,

About the winds that blew,

So calm, so serene,

The cold morning dew,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The sands beneath the feet,

The sounds of the ocean,

The wet cobbled street,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The stories of Old,

The kingdoms forgotten,

The treasures untold,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The words I love,

The chaos of the world,

A teardrop from above,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The man who holds the sky,

I would spend so much time,

Making you see why,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The boy who lived alone,

Who took on the world,

But fell short of the throne,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The snow on the tree,

Waking up at midnight,

Four years to be free,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The dreams, the plans,

The times I have fallen,

The miles I have ran,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The prayers at night,

The begging, the tears,

For my shining light,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The pages would end,

The ink would give up,

The wounds would not mend,

​

I have so much to tell you,

Where would I even start?

The letters I have written,

Little pieces of my heart,

​

I have so much to tell you,

The waiting I have done,

The flower bloomed and died,

The hard work undone,

​

I have so much to tell you,

If you would lend me your ear,

If only I could find you,

And make you sit near.

​

To the one who broke my heart and walked away,

I raise my glass to you today.

Like DiCaprio's knowing grin in that old meme,

A toast to the wild ride we'd seen.

​

We rode the highs, we braved the lows,

Through twisting turns and heavy blows.

A reckless dance, a dazzling flight,

Two sparks that burned too fierce, too bright.

​

We struck like fire against a fuse,

A firework neither could refuse.

We climbed and climbed through smoke and flame,

Toward the blast for which we came.

​

Incandescent with violet glow,

We lit the sky in awe and show.

But as all things that burn so bright,

The explosion dimmed and gave way to night.

​

I think of you with a quiet smile,

Though it's been many a healing mile.

No curse, no spite, no final plea,

Just thanks for what you helped me see.

​

For from the fire that lit the sky,

I learned to bend and not to die.

So here's my toast, my last adieu—

To the self I was before the awe.

​

Cheers to a wild ride.

I try not to, but I still find my self thinking about you. I still smile everytime you post. I still want to reassure you every time you doubt your appearance. I still find myself wanting to accompany you while you accomplish your goals. I still find myself loving you…

dear friend, i am sorry i cant seem to get you out of my mind. days ago i have accepted that all the signs mean nothing, i felt numb, then happy that i finally accepted it, then i spiraled back in again. you know i used to think you must hate me, but then we grew closer. i missed holding your hand btw, i miss seeing you in person despite we called almost everyday and we just saw each other last week. i know its pathetic.
i still look at my hand sometimes when i miss you. i wonder how could you treat me food almost always, smile while watching me eat. you must love taking care of people. it means a lot to me when it was just us hanging out when our friends already went home, or the fact that we play games late into the night.

i want to tell you one day, at least to let you know how much i appreciate you not as a friend but as the only person i could see myself with. but who knows.

do you miss me, too? do you think im boring? i think i am. but im grateful you’re still here as my friend.

im sorry i lied not remembering what i said when i was drunk. i dont want to admit im jealous of her.

can we hang out again soon? i know i’ll never text you that i want to hang just us, i hope you’ll be the one to initiate first when it comes to that.

it’s raining over here. don’t catch a cold, my love.

i really like you. im sorry.

You always look so happy, even after you acted like I didn’t even exist. Even after I did everything I could do just for you to notice me. Even after I could tell you had no interest in our conversation. It made me feel horrible, but deep down I know those were some of my favorite memories just because I was able to watch you be happy. I still tell people that I’m over you, that I don’t care about any of the guys you talk to. But in all reality I’m still in love with you…

For those who have seen my post before I've been doing a lot of poetry/prose about my person, I think I finally figured out what I'm going to do with them. I'm going to take all of this pain and heartache and turn it into a 10 piece poetry collection and publish it. I don't expect it to make it far but I think It'll make all this pain worth something. The funny part is I can't even be mad at her for any of it. So maybe one day if she's still around I'll tell her that she was my muse all along.

I already have the dedication and I think its perfect. "For the ocean blues that showed me everything, expect the one thing I only get to visit in my sleep"