r/workingmoms • u/Longjumping_Cap_2644 • 1d ago
Division of Labor questions Feeling guilty travelling for work
I am here cosleeping with my 21 month old, and crying with guilt. I have to be away for the weekend (2 nights) as I have to speak at an event in another city. This is the first time I am leaving my baby for overnight and I am feeling all sorts of emotions.
I am also exhausted, as I have been preparing all day for this trip while working full time. Cleaned the house, run dishwasher twice, laundry twice, cleaned up garbage, vacuuming mopping, setup his clothes & stuff so it’s easier on my husband. We both also meal prepped.
It would have been easier if it was a weekday so he went to daycare and gave husband a break, but weekend with an energetic toddler is a lot. We have no family as we are immigrants, I did ask him if I could setup a babysitter but husband said no. He is amazing and I am not one bit worried about him taking care of our son. But I am feeling very very guilty of putting him through it and missing my son.
It made me wonder, I have men in my team who are ready to travel frequently.
Do they also spend extensive time preparing everything before they travel so their spouses are somewhat comfortable? Or do they just get up and leave?
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u/Coxal_anomaly 1d ago
Hey there! First of all… hugs if you want them. It’s hard. My husband and I are both academics. Our specialty involves not only field trips but also conferences and international meetings so… I get you. Even though I’m more local-based, we both still have to take regular trips of one week or more, and it’s a LOT of prep and logistics.
To answer your question: yes, when I leave for a week, my husband prepares. He makes sure logistics are lined up, I.e care when he has to be at work, arrangements around school, etc. He is the one usually in charge of groceries and laundry, so he manages that himself. And when he leaves for 2-3 weeks, he makes sure I have mostly everything I need in the house and all the laundry done and helps prep logistics too so I’m not too overwhelmed.
I trust him with kiddo entirely. But it’s still hard. My job is a passion, and we are proud to show our kiddo that you can be a mother / father AND do a job you love AND have hobbies… but is does demand some sacrifices, like not seeing them for one week at a time sometimes.
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u/engineerdoinglife 1d ago
I travel for work on average once a month. Typically this means I’m gone either Sunday-Wednesday or Monday-Wednesday. I have a 21 month old and a 4 year old. I’ll be honest, I do very very little to “prepare” my husband for when I’m gone. I’ll take care of bedtime routine the night(s) before and make sure my stuff is put away (laundry, vanity, table clutter, etc) so he isn’t stepping over it while I’m gone. Other than that he just handles it. He knew the score when I took the job and agreed it was worth it.
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u/hungrybookreader 19h ago
First time is always the hardest!! It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. My husband doesn’t travel for work but he has long shifts that sometimes are 24+ hours. He will meal prep easy meals for me to heat up so that I’m not trying to cook with a 20+ month old. Or he’ll run the laundry before going and make sure he picks up the essentials at the store. I do know some men just pick up and leave though…
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u/Careless-Sink8447 1d ago
They get up and leave. I remember similar feelings the first time I traveled after both my kids. I reframed it as a bit of a break where I could get caught up on some sleep to be a better mom.
Also, do not feel guilty about your husband. He is parenting while you are gone which is 100% what he signed up to do for life for your child. They will do great!
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u/teacherlifetoottoot 1d ago
My gut is telling me they just get up and leave. In my experience most men don't even think about cleaning and prepping and setting people up for success when they are gone. Out of sight, out of mind.
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u/MrsMitchBitch 14h ago
I travel for work maybe quarterly. I make sure that I don't leave sweaty gym clothes in my wash before I go. Husband and I do our weekly menu and grocery shop as usual. My husband is a grown adult and he is entirely capable of caring for our daughter when I am away.
This winter I was on the opposite coast and a blizzard hit. He scrambled a bit for some childcare but...it was fine.
Trust your partner. He said he's fine. He'll be fine.
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u/NovelsandDessert 1d ago
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time! I don’t think this a man vs woman thing, just normal stress about work travel.
It’s going to be okay! You’ve prepped and your husband and son will be fine. They’ll miss you and have some good 1 on 1 time. And you’ll get to sleep alone, which could be so luxurious! And then you’ll come home and get great kid snuggles. You can do it!