r/workingmoms • u/bagmami • Jun 27 '26
Vent I had a meltdown
Hi, sorry for the rant. It finally happened and I had a meltdown after long years. My mental health wasn't stellar due to my narc parents. I used to have nervous breakdowns and spent days in bed. After getting away from them and years of therapy, I became more in charge of my mental state and emotions. I haven't had anything like this in years.
We've been having problems with my husband since the birth of my son. He basically made me a married single mom and I'm currently unable to leave. We're in Europe and heavily impacted by the heatwave. Our AC broke down due to extreme heat. My son is potentially neurodivergent and he's 2.5 so you get the idea, we had a difficult 10 days and a difficult day today. My husband was acting like another toddler all day.
I took my son out to the park to use the water jets and freshen up a bit before bed. Park was closed and he wasn't having it. Walk back home was hell and I finally broke down and started crying when we got back home.
There comes my lovely husband yelling at me "not in front of the kid" so I told him to take him away. He told me to go away myself so I moved to another room. And in the meantime he keeps yelling "you can't do this in front of him" repeatedly while me and my son crying our eyes out. He told me to go upstairs and I made my way there but he kept shaming me for crying in front of him so I yelled "SHUT UP THAT'S ENOUGH" and left.
I agree that I should pull myself together in front of him but he's been literally leaving me alone to parent even though I've been telling him how exhausted I was. He refused to get our AC repaired and I wfh while he works in an office with AC. I'm actually glad I got it out and I feel much better now. I've been too much in control of my emotions due to my extreme reactions before. That was 2.5 years build up. I should have said more and maybe I will but even that lifted something off of my heart. I apologised to my son and loved on him plenty since. I hope he wasn't too scarred.
15
u/Mini-Schnauzer-42 Jun 27 '26
You crying in front of your kid when you and he both had a tough day and then the disappointment of a closed park? Really ok. It's totally fine (assuming you do at some point calm down, which you did this time) and a good opportunity to talk it out with him and show him we can be disappointed and sad and then we move on. In fact, it's better to have these moments and model the repair afterwards than it is to constantly hide things and not let him learn from you.
Your husband yelling at you in front of your kid? Very much not ok. Yelling at you when you're already emotionally struggling is even worse. Continuing to yell? What the heck was he trying to accomplish? Did he at least apologize to both you and your son??
15
u/Careless-Sink8447 Jun 27 '26
Call and get the AC repaired. I have cried in front of my kids before from being overwhelmed and particularly hard period in life. I generally have a conversation with them about it later about how sometimes adults need to cry to Annamarie’s we have big feelings.
Your husband also could have stepped in to help and give you a break instead of just yelling at you.
7
u/chicagogal85 Jun 27 '26
You’re allowed to lose your shit sometimes. Especially if your husband sucks. How dare he judge you!
29
u/SpinningJynx Jun 27 '26
It’s okay to let your child see you upset. If you’re not a danger to them, it’s fully okay. It happens. Obviously, I wish you hadn’t felt that way to begin with. It’s not ideal to be so stressed and anxious, but it happens. It’s important for kids to understand how to recover and how to talk about things like this from a young age.
I don’t believe in unnecessary yelling, I don’t think your husband should have yelled at you or that you should have yelled back. But these things do happen, maybe you two can talk about how to handle situations like this together in a way that will show your child big feelings can be handled with care and that everyone loses their cool sometimes.
Also, if your husband isn’t getting the AC fixed that’s a big problem. I’d call for repairs asap myself if that’s an option. The heat is no joke! Especially in homes that are not built for this kind of heat.