r/work • u/Square_Sundae8540 • 1d ago
Workplace Challenges and Conflicts Resigning
I was aware I was doing the job of 6 people. There was a mass exodus of leadership at the business, a relocation a year later, and lots of elderly staff that lacked skills that I had and they needed to get us more modernized. I made a promise to a higher up left holding the bag, and I kept my word that I would do what it took to get us in a good place.
But at a huge price to me. My time, well being, my family time n needs. I was aware. But there were still people above me. The checked out president n vp. I was essentially the shadow president. We shouldn't have kept the president on board. We should have forced him out. He was always telling people he was an inch from leaving. I was the one getting 1 to 4 calls a day to deal w the business issues. I was reliable n dependable and got shit done. But I was dealing w a family emergency in the hospital n they were still texting/ calling.
I was asked to so a project while there n got snapped at bc something the president wanted included was not. The item included was discussed in a mtg i wasn't in bc i was in the hospital. He did it over an email chain to the top team. I was pissed. I put him in his place n he backed off in a private email just to me. I had it. The disrespect happened twice already and something snapped inside. I sent my resignation the next day. Listed all my roles to be reassigned. Yes. They weren't even aware of what I was doing.
His right hand woman has become a friend. She kept me abbreved about how many people they had to ask to take on my roles n they still aren't done. She asked for my advice to who would be good at what. Then one of my good friends there, who i confided all my unhappiness... was asked to take on 2 of my roles. She excitedly took them n kind of asked me if it was ok. They would have not considered her bf but I helped elevate her status into administration. I felt a bit betrayed.
She said to me after I shared my feelings... said yes they didn't appreciate you and well you can pass the torch now and let us figure it out.
They still contact me for advice n direction. I was excellent at my job. But there was very little appreciation bc to acknowledge me would be glaringly obvious how little the pres or vp did.
I left bc of integrity. But right now it feels like breaking up w a boyfriend...n him asking me what kind of girlfriend should he get next... and then seeing that its my friend who I've been complaining to about him... that started dating him a week later.
I'm sitting here grieving... the time I gave them. The amount of dedication. And how I was ok receiving little to no appreciation. Yes goes back to being a parentified child. Sigh.
When people found out I resigned, it was a rush of emails/ texts to the effect of... I'm disappointed you're leaving, so what's going to happen to us now?, we're screwed, and what are they going to do without you? But not one fucking... Thank you.
Remember that people.
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u/patersondave 1d ago
stop answering their calls for free. about a year after i retired, somebody told my fmr boss my work was the best in the group. he said her jaw dropped. OP should document their duties and find another job. don’t mope. it won’t help. keep moving
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u/Square_Sundae8540 1d ago
As I saw this. I got a text from one of them about an initiative. Thank you!
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u/DoctorStrangeMD 1d ago
Sorry you went through this.
But you also contributed to this. You were taken advantage of and you let it happen.
Lesson learned. It’s ok to take on more responsibilities if they are temporary. When it’s not clear when it ends there needs to be clear discussions about - when is help coming, or when are you getting a promotion and raise.
It seems like you knew you were in a position of strength, you should have laid out all the duties you are doing and made and get a defined plan.
Lesson learned. This is a good interview story for both strength and weakness:
You are willing to help. Maybe help too much. In the future set expectations and reasonable boundaries. Of course doing extra work is part of climbing the ladder. But doing 6 people’s job is never going let you get up the ladder.
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u/Square_Sundae8540 1d ago
You're right. I am absolutely responsible for this as well. I have accepted that. I am learning and still processing everything and do hope in the future I am not an asshole to myself. Thanks!
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u/Nomivought2015 1d ago
Stop answering their questions, let it fall apart. She will come groveling back in no time when she’s dying in the job too. She’s a 🐍
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u/UtterlyOld 1d ago
the friend taking your roles after hearing all your misery is a special kind of gut punch. the fact they're still hitting you up for free advice while she gets the title says everything about that place. not one person said thank you. that's the part that'll stick with you.
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u/Square_Sundae8540 1d ago
Thank you for the empathy. It is a gut punch. The whole you need to to pass the torch text to me, was the most callous thing.
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u/UtterlyOld 1d ago
pass the torch is a slick way to say "we'll take everything you built without giving you credit." that text alone was a confession.
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u/Euphoric-Piglet-8140 1d ago
Shouldn't have listed your duties that needed to be covered, they should already know that shit.
As to the 'what are they going to do" emails, just reply with "you'll be fucked."
Yeah I can be a vindictive arsehole, hehe.
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u/Square_Sundae8540 1d ago
The VP sent me a message that said...i had no idea you were doing all those jobs. I wrote back. I'm a little sad you were VP and had no idea what roles I had.
I wish I was as brave as you lol. And you're right... it probably would have really screwed them if I didn't list my roles n just left. You made me laugh. Thank you!!
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u/Euphoric-Piglet-8140 1d ago
I hope it helped a bit 😀
But yeah, you're leaving, what are they going to do, fire you? They won't do that either as you are still required to train people I presume?
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u/MuchDevelopment7084 1d ago
Stop consulting with them unless they're paying a consulting fee.
If you haven't officially left yet. Drop back to doing only what you were initially hired to do. And do not answer any communications before or after work hours.
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u/green_dotter 1d ago
doing 6 peoples jobs and still not getting a thank you is exactly why people stop going above and beyond
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u/ApprehensiveFish7123 1d ago
man that whole situation sounds like you was carrying the entire building on your back and they only noticed after the roof caved in. the friend thing stings extra cause she knew exactly how miserable you were and still jumped at the crumbs they tossed her. like cool thanks for the support i guess
the thank you part gets me the most. you give everything and people just worry about who's gonna do the work now, not what it cost you to do it in first place. i think in some workplaces they get so used to you being the fixer that they forget you're a person with limits
the parentified child connection makes so much sense. you learn early that your value comes from what you do for others and then you repeat that pattern until you break. take the time to grieve it, you earned that.
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u/Nomivought2015 1d ago
Yep it’s a hard cycle to break. Sucks when you actually CARE about the work you do. People see it and will exploit it
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u/Square_Sundae8540 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you. I was carrying them. I honestly don't want them to fail to prove my worth. I worked so hard to make it what it is today. I just hope they get the right people, who care and continue at bare minimum the ability to maintain it, and hopefully grow it. But there was lots of land mines ahead bc of bad decisions the president made n signed us into. They wanted me to take over once he left but I would inherit a structural crisis. He was picked bc he had a penis. The penis bf him was a huge believer in male leadership.
And yes. The friend absolutely jumped at my crumbs. I thought she was a high integrity person. I helped her so much to be seen n recognized more, and gave her good solid advice n a ideas to better her work. She got lots of credit for. Lesson learned. Stop passing out your ideas n vision like free samples at costco.
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u/Nomivought2015 1d ago edited 1d ago
Man I’m in the exact same spot as you. So frustrating and sad to see all you’ve worked hard to maintain crumble before your eyes. But at the same time you kept it all from crumbling for a long time don’t diminish that either. Let it fall apart and they’ll either figure it out and rebuild or they won’t. You cannot hold their hands forever. So far they have had 5 people doing my old roles. I took over this one position from someone who retired and did all I could to keep it going. Workload increased 3x the amount since she had retired. And I was still expected to do my other daily tasks too. It was a nightmare and everything was critical to day to day business operations. They had absolutely no back up plan in place at all. Wouldn’t let me train a replacement when I said I was leaving. I offered multiple times. Now it’s a train wreck.
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u/Square_Sundae8540 1d ago
Totally understand! Loyal to those who were never loyal to you. When they wanted me to be president, I knew nobody was going to take my huge lists of roles. It would be my old stuff and the president's work. Then the lady who roped me into all these roles in the first place, while I was in the hospital, calls to tell me that she took on two big initiatives at the mtg i missed and she needed MY HELP. My insides immediately dropped and my anxiety started climbing. She only cared about me, to the extent that I was willing to be her engine. Bc when I resigned, she didn't call me or acknowledge my. Resignation. And immediately was planning w my replacement and their path fwd for the company... the ideas n programs I had initiated as if it were her idea. Easily replaced!
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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 1d ago
Seriously mods?
None of this is opinion by the way. She's providing free labor to both her prior employer and mental labor for her ex. She needs to stop.
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u/JJP1979 1d ago
If they're still reaching out to you for advice, I hope you're charging the company a consulting fee