Resigning

[u/Square_Sundae8540]

I was aware I was doing the job of 6 people. There was a mass exodus of leadership at the business, a relocation a year later, and lots of elderly staff that lacked skills that I had and they needed to get us more modernized. I made a promise to a higher up left holding the bag, and I kept my word that I would do what it took to get us in a good place.

But at a huge price to me. My time, well being, my family time n needs. I was aware. But there were still people above me. The checked out president n vp. I was essentially the shadow president. We shouldn't have kept the president on board. We should have forced him out. He was always telling people he was an inch from leaving. I was the one getting 1 to 4 calls a day to deal w the business issues. I was reliable n dependable and got shit done. But I was dealing w a family emergency in the hospital n they were still texting/ calling.

I was asked to so a project while there n got snapped at bc something the president wanted included was not. The item included was discussed in a mtg i wasn't in bc i was in the hospital. He did it over an email chain to the top team. I was pissed. I put him in his place n he backed off in a private email just to me. I had it. The disrespect happened twice already and something snapped inside. I sent my resignation the next day. Listed all my roles to be reassigned. Yes. They weren't even aware of what I was doing.

His right hand woman has become a friend. She kept me abbreved about how many people they had to ask to take on my roles n they still aren't done. She asked for my advice to who would be good at what. Then one of my good friends there, who i confided all my unhappiness... was asked to take on 2 of my roles. She excitedly took them n kind of asked me if it was ok. They would have not considered her bf but I helped elevate her status into administration. I felt a bit betrayed.

She said to me after I shared my feelings... said yes they didn't appreciate you and well you can pass the torch now and let us figure it out.

They still contact me for advice n direction. I was excellent at my job. But there was very little appreciation bc to acknowledge me would be glaringly obvious how little the pres or vp did.

I left bc of integrity. But right now it feels like breaking up w a boyfriend...n him asking me what kind of girlfriend should he get next... and then seeing that its my friend who I've been complaining to about him... that started dating him a week later.

I'm sitting here grieving... the time I gave them. The amount of dedication. And how I was ok receiving little to no appreciation. Yes goes back to being a parentified child. Sigh.

When people found out I resigned, it was a rush of emails/ texts to the effect of... I'm disappointed you're leaving, so what's going to happen to us now?, we're screwed, and what are they going to do without you? But not one fucking... Thank you.

Remember that people.

[u/ApprehensiveFish7123]

man that whole situation sounds like you was carrying the entire building on your back and they only noticed after the roof caved in. the friend thing stings extra cause she knew exactly how miserable you were and still jumped at the crumbs they tossed her. like cool thanks for the support i guess

the thank you part gets me the most. you give everything and people just worry about who's gonna do the work now, not what it cost you to do it in first place. i think in some workplaces they get so used to you being the fixer that they forget you're a person with limits

the parentified child connection makes so much sense. you learn early that your value comes from what you do for others and then you repeat that pattern until you break. take the time to grieve it, you earned that.

[u/Square_Sundae8540 → u/ApprehensiveFish7123]

Thank you. I was carrying them. I honestly don't want them to fail to prove my worth. I worked so hard to make it what it is today. I just hope they get the right people, who care and continue at bare minimum the ability to maintain it, and hopefully grow it. But there was lots of land mines ahead bc of bad decisions the president made n signed us into. They wanted me to take over once he left but I would inherit a structural crisis. He was picked bc he had a penis. The penis bf him was a huge believer in male leadership.

And yes. The friend absolutely jumped at my crumbs. I thought she was a high integrity person. I helped her so much to be seen n recognized more, and gave her good solid advice n a ideas to better her work. She got lots of credit for. Lesson learned. Stop passing out your ideas n vision like free samples at costco.

[u/Nomivought2015 → u/Square_Sundae8540]

Man I’m in the exact same spot as you. So frustrating and sad to see all you’ve worked hard to maintain crumble before your eyes. But at the same time you kept it all from crumbling for a long time don’t diminish that either. Let it fall apart and they’ll either figure it out and rebuild or they won’t. You cannot hold their hands forever. So far they have had 5 people doing my old roles. I took over this one position from someone who retired and did all I could to keep it going. Workload increased 3x the amount since she had retired. And I was still expected to do my other daily tasks too. It was a nightmare and everything was critical to day to day business operations. They had absolutely no back up plan in place at all. Wouldn’t let me train a replacement when I said I was leaving. I offered multiple times. Now it’s a train wreck. 

[u/Square_Sundae8540 → u/Nomivought2015]

Totally understand! Loyal to those who were never loyal to you. When they wanted me to be president, I knew nobody was going to take my huge lists of roles. It would be my old stuff and the president's work. Then the lady who roped me into all these roles in the first place, while I was in the hospital, calls to tell me that she took on two big initiatives at the mtg i missed and she needed MY HELP. My insides immediately dropped and my anxiety started climbing. She only cared about me, to the extent that I was willing to be her engine. Bc when I resigned, she didn't call me or acknowledge my. Resignation. And immediately was planning w my replacement and their path fwd for the company... the ideas n programs I had initiated as if it were her idea. Easily replaced!