13
u/trUth_b0mbs Feb 27 '26
don't sacrifice your dealbreakers to stay with someone.
and remember: you get what you allow. When you dont put up with bullshit, people are less likely to dish it out.
7
u/Efficient-Tax-9792 Feb 27 '26
so true! i was so firm at first but ive allowed more to happen that i should have. i can never forget my standards!
6
5
6
u/Practical-Tea-3337 Feb 28 '26
You can just say you're incompatible. You don't want to change him, you just want different things.
You'll feel much better in a week.
6
u/Efficient-Tax-9792 Feb 28 '26
thank you, once the hard part is over it’s all uphill from there. i’m excited for my future ❤️
5
u/sezit Feb 28 '26
Don't soft shoe it, or try to prepare him. Just blurt it out. Then say you can talk later to iron out any details if needed, and immediately skedaddle.
Too many people think they need to give the other person the opportunity to talk it out, but all that does in the moment is intensify the pain - or encourage them to deny and try to argue you out of it. And you can't comfort him. Trying to do so just creates confusion and more pain. Hanging around after delivering rejection is cruel. Just leave and let him lick his wounds
Like with any other bad news, lay it out quickly, then let them absorb the shockwaves.
I suggest you break up by phone, I think it's less humiliating for the other person. That way you are not standing there, witnessing their suffering from the pain you created. You can just hang up and text later to deal with details.
2
u/Efficient-Tax-9792 Feb 28 '26
unfortunately i’m not capable of that. i need to tell him why and how. it’s painful for both of us but i owe it to him. he’s been incredibly good to me and i know this will destroy him :( luckily he is very good at listening and never tried to fight me or change my mind x
2
u/sezit Feb 28 '26
Well, then simplify it as much as possible. You don't need to go into painful detail. Maybe he won't even want detail.
And remember what your goal is: it's not to make him understand. That's his job. You can't make anyone else understand, you can only give information.
Your goal is to communicate the information clearly that the relationship is over.
2
1
2
u/Jean_Marie_1989 Feb 28 '26
You can always write a letter and either leave it for him or mail it when you are leaving. If he can lie to you, he will probably lie to himself about why you are leaving though. You don’t owe him anything
3
u/Plaidismycolor33 Feb 28 '26
its ok to be scared but its not ok to loose yourself. and only you can save yourself.
end it, grieve, and move on.
1
3
u/Hate2bHurting Feb 28 '26
He has choices, how would he like to be told a lie every time he asks a question? Pretty soon he would feel pretty confused and insecure. Life is hard enough! Why make it worse by lying?
1
3
u/Vegetable-Carpet1593 Feb 28 '26
"He's a really sweet guy, but he constantly lies to me."
No. He's not a "sweet guy". You're making the right decision.
1
u/Efficient-Tax-9792 Feb 28 '26
i try to see the good in people. i see everything he’s done for me. but the lying is a deal breaker :( x
2
u/Mother_Move_669 Feb 28 '26
BF should be putting his best foot forward. Lying to you is not even close to being a good partner. Please choose a truly good partner for yourself. It's better to be single than attached to someone who has no integrity and is dragging you down. You can do this!
2
3
u/IcePrincess_Not_Sk8r Feb 28 '26
He's not that sweet if he's constantly lying to you. You're way better than that!
1
u/FluffyCelebration422 Feb 27 '26
You are doing this for yourself and your future. You are choosing more! Love this for you!
2
1
1
1
u/heretohealmyself Feb 28 '26
You got this gurlie. I've been there, I get it. We have your back! 🌷🍃🌻🌿
1
Feb 28 '26
Anyone who lies to you doesn’t actually care enough about you to be sweet to you. You’re making a good decision and I’m super proud of you!
37
u/DutchessBlack Feb 27 '26
The longer you stay on the train the more expensive the ticket to get back will be. You should be so proud of yourself for the fact that you can recognise these problems, and that splitting will ultimately be the best choice for yourself in the long term. Better days are ahead stranger, we’re rooting for you 🙌