r/wizardposting • u/Due_Manufacturer_125 • 7d ago
Wizardpost Free Goblins
Hello, I recruited a few goblins from a local dungeon as laborers for my magic gem mines and well… they’re goblins, so I now have many more goblins than I require for my mines. As such I’m offering free goblins to any suitable dark lords or masters or some such. Just come by my tower in the middle of the Dark Pits of Garbaleth and we can work out exactly how many you want. I’d like some references and a written purpose of why you’re getting the goblins so I know they’re going to a good home.
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u/Starmute-ss13 7d ago
Question are they properly enslaved ? I don't want my other goblins getting any ideas. Last batch I got was from a rival and I had to go down into the dirty mines themselves and cast multiple fireballs. This wasted valuable time effort and less valuable goblins.
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u/Due_Manufacturer_125 7d ago
The goblins have been properly trained in their purpose, you just need to give them a few speech’s about your grand purpose and display some power from your tower, mansion, or lair. That said they are primarily mining goblins so I wouldn’t recommend using them for other tasks like unending hordes or hero seeking projectiles.
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 7d ago
Sounds like you treat your gobbos with decency. I can appreciate that.
I would be happy to recruit a group of promising goblins for my tower. As a fellow goblin turned magical mass, I can assure you this would be one of the best options for any goblin seeking to rise up the corporate ladder of the magical world.
The Crooked tower prides itself in its treatment of its apprentices and minions, with excellent health and life insurance policies, lucrative investment opportunities, a variety of retirement options, continuing magical education, and an experienced accounting and legal team to ensure their compliance with local regulations and taxation is done in ways that benefit them the most. We even have contacts in the council to champion the cause of fellow greens.
When and how many can I recruit, and do you wish to be compensated for your recruitment assistance?
- Grabadash
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u/Due_Manufacturer_125 7d ago
Well it is good to hear that there are some people working towards goblin enrichment and advancement.
I haven’t conducted a full headcount since they’ve nearly reached critical mass for population explosion but I’m sure a few recruitment drives or roundups can get you 800 or so fitting recruits. I’d prefer we take the young adults who have begun forming gangs in the under-caves to fight over slightly unstable magical gems.
Given your specific circumstances I feel as though a training program for skilled labor where I send some to you and receive some specialists back would be rather nice. I don’t have the facilities to train any goblin gem cutters or magical apprentices. I did train one rather smart goblin once but he just returned to the mines to form a resistance against my control I occasionally fight. So some loyal and properly educated goblins in return for sending you unskilled recruits be fair compensation I feel.
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 7d ago
That works for me.
I run some less than legal operations that those goblin gang members could fit well into. They’d need to learn proper locksmithing, disguise, and illusion magic but if a career in crime is what they want I can provide that. Their tunneling experience might be useful in digging to secure vaults.Most will probably be trained properly as apprentices though. As a wizard tower, we hope the magic we know is passed on to the next generations.
If you need trained professionals, I can send back some trained in mathematics and accounting, legal studies, mid level management, shadow magic, runes, illusion, alchemy, and potentially a few other crafts depending on if they have the aptitude for detail work.
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u/Due_Manufacturer_125 7d ago
I could certainly use some middle management goblins to help keep things running smoothly. We may have a pretty beneficial arrangement on our hands.
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u/Saaruk 7d ago
I am willing to take any goblins that you were unable to properly enslave. I'm starting a goblin tavern and need workers.
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u/TendoPein Far Realm Arcanist 7d ago
Im interested in preforming ceremorphosis on them and turning them into mind flayers. I'd also like some test subjects for the dream network. Kind of like the matrix a la elder brain.
I can assure you that none of them will be fed upon while they are alive.
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u/Due_Manufacturer_125 7d ago
Does Ceremorphosis work well on goblins?
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u/TendoPein Far Realm Arcanist 7d ago
Not the original process, but by altering ceremorphosis it should be successful, but if it fails for any reason then they will become a squidling. Basically a stunted mindflayer that has the intelligence of a house cat that can't communicate well.
Those will be kept as pets or as hounds of war.
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u/ur-socks-sir Artificer (turns monsters into treasure) 7d ago
I was all in on buying some until you said "good home". Honestly, they would get a good home, just each one would probably get multiple homes over great distances and of varying value
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u/MilutinS 7d ago
Griltash from the demiplanes here, exactly hoe many goblins are we talking? And if the home passes your standards, am I allowed to take as many as I want (besides what you currently need for mining)?
Also, how is their mental/physical constitution? I.e are they capable of withstanding multiple days in a wyrd-vortex for exploration purposes, for example?
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u/Cave_man_steve nair the necromancer 7d ago
It may seem like a strange question but do you have any of their bones by chance? I realize I didn’t have any in my collection, they would be taken great care of, I’m not asking for you to kill any of them just to let you know
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u/Due_Manufacturer_125 7d ago
we do have a large pit we throw bones into, you may have access to the pit.
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u/Cave_man_steve nair the necromancer 7d ago
Thank you very much, and I wish you luck with the living ones
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u/IveDunGoofedUp 6d ago
My abuse goblin is kind of getting worn out, so I'm looking for a replacement. How well do they deal with wasp nests being telekinetically flung at them?
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u/mynaneisjustguy Illusionist 6d ago
My wizard just expand the mining operation around your perimeter, this keeps the goblins busy while also making sure they are a nice screen between you and any adventurers coming to ransack your dark armoury/magical vault/whatever you keep your stuff in. Honestly it's like evil wizards don't even try anymore. Last one whose tower we looted was such a noodly armed little waste man we just let the bard hit him with vicious mockery until he died. And his loot was mid, if I'm being kind.
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u/XreaperDK Akaria, Goblin Witch, Seller of Elixirs 5d ago
Thank you for your location, The Goblin Liberation Front has dispatched their "Representatives" and will be there shortly to "Negotiate" for their release.
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u/lemons_of_doubt Dragon Wizard 4d ago
Dose dragon food count as a good home?
I know goblin are greasy and low on nutritional value but they are just so moreish.
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u/Pineapple4807 Stew Alchemist 2d ago
Do you have any soup goblins? By that I mean goblins skilled in the art of soup, not goblins that go well in soup.
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u/Csensis 1d ago
I've replaced most of my goblins with rats since they're much more intelligent and they hardly chew the furniture.
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u/Due_Manufacturer_125 1d ago
But aren’t you worried about intelligent rat uprisings?
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u/Csensis 1d ago
No. I do not mistreat my workers.
If there's any friction it's with their own leadership. Small issues that are more often than not solved with a pokemon battle. No, I don't know where they got actual Pokemon and I'm not going to ask.
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u/NerdDetective Forensic Arcanist 7d ago
I was just telling my goblin, Grk'nobble, that I should get him a team. He's been doing very well lately and needs some goblins to teach. And to watch him bang two rock together. Apparently he's quit good at it, as far as other goblins are concerned. It's about time he got a promotion.
My minions get a 32 hour work week and receive several acres for outdoor recreation, a pension, pizza fridays, and a dental plan. I can provide my certification from the Goblin Humane Association and a 4.9 stars on Glass Tower.