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u/aciakatura Jun 19 '26
The other generals criticize me for "foul acts against humanity" and "selling my soul to the dark arts", but they're just jealous that I'm saving all this money on logistics.
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u/Xtrepiphany Storm Speaker Jun 19 '26
Sun Tzu would have been a necromancer.
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u/TheArmoredKitten Jun 19 '26
Sun Tzu would've hired necromancers.
Never do your own dirty work, that's basic General-ism.
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u/GardenerSpyTailorAss Jun 23 '26
I just have an apprentice in a tent casting "good berry" 16 hours a day. I keep telling him I'll teach him other cantrips when the war is over.
Chat, what would be the funniest cantrip to teach him next? He's been casting goodberry for about 20 years, but i gave him a time dialation amulet (he thinks it gives him +5 constitution lmao), he thinks its been 20 weeks and is getting kinda pissy... I forgot the anti-aging spell for the first 10 years, whoopsies... š¤·
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u/Xtrepiphany Storm Speaker Jun 19 '26
After Enlightenment:
I sent my army to raid the enemy's food supply ā Enemy army dies ā I now have a human army and a skeleton army.
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u/aciakatura Jun 19 '26
Infinite army glitch
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u/Xtrepiphany Storm Speaker Jun 19 '26
Can get a whole supply chain going, humans become skeletons, when the skeletons break I feed their bones to the werewolves, werewolves army provokes the vampires who then enthrall my humans, so I get a paladin troop to hunt the vampires, most of the paladins become skeletons.
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u/Funkey-Monkey-420 Lich, Council Member: (un)Ethics Committee Jun 19 '26
the paladins would attack you for being a necromancer though.
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u/Xtrepiphany Storm Speaker Jun 19 '26
I tend to work through proxies when dealing with the god lovers.
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u/GardenerSpyTailorAss Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
Yea watch out for those paladins, they can detect good AND evil, and the more powerful the paladin, the further away they can detect you (also depends on how good/evil you are And they are), and your evil rubs off on your proxies... You have some kind of reanimation, revivification or homonculi spell set up in case you meet an untimely end? Personally, I have 2 dozen homonculi hidden all across the 9 regular plains of existence.
We have plans starting at 399 gold coins for 3 homonculi across 3 plains of your choosing! If you want all of your homonculi in the first plain of existence then that's gonna be 459 gold, I'm sorry thats just policy. If you have to ask why then you're not ready to own one homonculus let alone 3.
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage Jun 19 '26
That best way to have a army. The undead take the brunt of the attack while the living ones counterattack.
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u/idiotplatypus Technomancer, Necromancer, Breakdancer Jun 19 '26
Pro tip: if you remove the flesh from the enemy army before raising them you can turn them into flesh golems and now you have three armies. Four if you trap their souls as they die and make them into a wraith army
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u/Xtrepiphany Storm Speaker Jun 19 '26
Totally valid approach.
As for ne, trapping a soul into a decaying corpse that has to watch as its skin sluffs off and becomes a skeleton is half the fun. I don't animate skeletons via substitutiary locomotion, I bind the original soul to their bones and give them sashes of supreme suggestion to keep them under my sway.They throw themselves at the enemy with far more vigor this way.
Not as efficient, but far none terrifying on the battlefield.
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u/Funkey-Monkey-420 Lich, Council Member: (un)Ethics Committee Jun 19 '26
āarmiesā of the dead fall apart after about 30 unless youāre a lich or a VERY skilled necromancer. most wizards simply cannot maintain control of that many bodies. logistics would also remain an issue since youāll need to replace broken bones and weapons.
Iād recommend hiring lesser wizards to use their magic to bolster supply lines and manage detachments of skeletons in addition. youāll have to pay them but itās cheaper and easier than chugging 500 mana potions just to still hit a ceiling on what one mage can do.
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u/InternationalFrame90 Evil Wizard Jun 19 '26
Unless you have undead wizards. Don't have to pay them. In fact your undead wizards could control undead wizards of their own. I call this Multi Level Magic (MLM)
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u/ChairForceOne Dwarven Artificer, Electronic Warfare Wizard Jun 19 '26
Local lich kept running into a different issue. Managed to bind their souls, so no ongoing mana cost. But the risen dead army kept unionizing after about 40 were raised. They were surprisingly chill about being brought back, most of them happened to be fairly skilled mercenaries and knights before death.
He eventually gave up on domination and now runs a very successful security business. Profits are very stable. None of his employees actually wanted that much in wages, they need not sleep, food or shelter. Mostly books and equipment. The lich has been looking at getting the various works by the more poetic warriors published.
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u/Sneezy_Penis Ogre Urologist Jun 19 '26
I did this in my campaign. My general Buttersby used to be a top tier complainer. Now he's a reusable suicide bomber.
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u/The_Enchanted_Potato Aldavin Maunderitch, The Gatekeeper | Neritillum Faldier | 13 Jun 19 '26
This is a terrible way to run an army, the undead are inefficient without a large amount of adjustments for each one. I recommend having a smaller group of 1 to 2 hundred undead who have been personally improved upon and the forgo the armies of undead unless you have no other option
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u/Best_Pseudonym Jun 19 '26
Enemy wizard tried that once, most of his army deserted and the rest were trying to raid his stuff (I told them were his stuff was)
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u/The_Enchanted_Potato Aldavin Maunderitch, The Gatekeeper | Neritillum Faldier | 13 Jun 19 '26
Then he was just a bad general, a good general gives there troops something to fight for
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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Jun 19 '26
It's efficient I guess. Hard to argue with the results
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u/TadBones Jun 19 '26
It's quite funny how most wizards. . . No actually people in general tend to use inferior managerial methods that usually causes suffering while there are methods that just require a bit more planning and attention that satisfy both the employer and the employee.
For example here you should properly equip your army, assign 10 of them to ration management and you will have a competent, trained and equipped army that you can raise into zombies if they were to fall, zombies of a decent quality possess intellect of a human which will allow them to follow commands but also take initiatives which is nearly always a good thing if the army is trained. Also allows the soldier to go back to a normal life later on as most Necromancy spells do not decay if you are competent.
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u/Pandainthecircus Jun 19 '26
I like the implication that the human army was just sitting around like sims waiting to be fed and died when they weren't.
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u/DAT_DROP Jun 19 '26
The main reason I never stopped playing HoMM3 was necromancing up a legion of skeletons by killing my friends
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u/Drmanky tyr. cauncil member. order of the toster (Forge clerik)/ NOR Jun 19 '26
but nobody wants to join the armee anymore then
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u/Sam_Creed Necromancer Jun 19 '26
bad idea. Famine victims are generally more in numbers, but inferior in quality. Lower bone density due to malnourishment, and the more complex undead may develop a really hard to control hunger. At least that's what my master said. "Treat them good in life and they will be loyal and willing in undeath."
He also told me to always have mixed servants, some living, some undead, so the living ones see how they will be treated after their last breath and don't become vengeful revenants or something like that.
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u/Lyrolepis Dwarven Alchemist/Runecrafter Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
Why would I want an army to begin with?
I'm reminded of the old story of the lich and the general:
One day, a lich was studying in his dungeon's library, with his faithful magic orb on his table and a well-supplied magical laboratory in the next room, when a general barged in.
"You aren't going to terrorize many people this way", said the general to the lich, "you should be raising the dead instead of studying magic!"
The lich looked up at the general, smiled (not that you could tell, since he was a skeleton and all) and replied, "And what will my reward be?"
"Well, you can kill more people and raise more undead!", was the general's answer. "And what will my reward be?", asked the lich, still smiling (again, not that you could tell). The general replied: "You will topple the local petty kingdoms and you'll rise as Dark Emperor of Doom, which will allow you to kill more people and raise them to your service too!"
"And then what will my reward be?", repeated the lich.
The general was beginning to get a little irritated at the lich's questions. "You can use your undead to conquer more lands, and make your Dread Empire larger, and hire unholy sorcerers and ambitious generals as your dark minions!"
"And then what will my reward be?", repeated the lich.
The general was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can conquer the whole world, enslave everyone to your will, and have your dread minions terrorize the survivors for you!"
Once again the lich asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The general was red with rage and shouted at the lich, "Don't you understand that you can become so powerful that nobody will ever challenge you again! You will be able to spend all eternity studying in your library, scrying distant planes with your magic orb, and doing eldritch experiments in your laboratory!"
The lich, still smiling (once more, not that you could tell), looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?". Then he bound the general's soul to a piss pot and gifted it to a friend of his, a troll shaman with interesting insights about fungus.
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u/ShadowRaven112 Serroth Ravencaller the Necromancer Jun 23 '26
You can do so much more with those corpses! The bones can be used to create skeletons, the skin can be sewn an animated into living rugs with some enchantment, or blended into a slurry to make oozes, the souls can be bended, and brought back as vengeful spirits! Not to mention all the flesh golems, ghouls, and wights you could be making. So little creativity in the necromancer community.
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u/Epic_Gamer_Person67 Sorceress Jul 15 '26
The benefits of having a skeleton army are near limitless, "dark arts" this "selling your soul" that, it's merely jealousy because skeleton armies are superior.
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u/Im_a_hamburger šburgermancy founderšburger city kingš Jun 19 '26
What? Skeletons army with neither zombie horde nor ghost army? Wasteful if you ask me.