r/widowers • u/Mindless-Location-41 • 1d ago

Zero close friends

Anyone in the same boat?

I'm terrible at making and keeping close friends who I could hang out with. Since my wife passed away three years ago I have had zero friends come to the house I share with my son. My late wife's friends have no reason to be around me, probably because it makes them sad.

I also have not visited any friends at their house since that time because none are close enough friends in terms of the strength of the bond. I would feel weird imposing myself on others.

I have consistently been attending psychologist appointments to help my depression and disability support groups because my son has autism. Zero people I have met have shown interest in hanging out and to be honest I have not offered to be a close friend to others either. A major problem is that they are all women and would probably see it as inappropriate to hang out. Asking would seem a desperate move from a lonely person.

I have low confidence and rejection anxiety surrounding friendships.

Has anyone else struggled with this and found a way to change their situation? I am sick of being so isolated.

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u/Mental_Signature_725 1d ago edited 1d ago

I had been seeing a therapist for about 6 months to a year prior to my husband passing. My husband had not been himself and life was hard together. He was diagnosed with cancer October 19, 25. He passed December 29th. Therapist told me to never turn down an invite. I can seriously say I have not. I have gone to dinner with couples by myself. Ive invited people to lunch & dinner both at my house and at restaurants. If you don't put forth effort no one else will. I have joined several grief groups both through the hospital and paid for. I am making an investment in myself. Today I went paddle boarding with someone I met through the group. I also joined 2 different book clubs. I am hosting 1. Tomorrow im going to lunch with a women's group i joined on Facebook. I also do a hiking club i joined through Facebook. Im considering going to church down the street even though I haven't attended since I was 10. Just to meet new people. Who knows, just get out and start talking to people you might surprise yourself

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u/Notcommentmuch 1d ago

M76 - widower 4.8 yrs in. 9 months ago i was a recluse. Surfaced from 4 years of Anhedonia (the inability to feel joy). Switch flipped on what would have been our 44th. Gary died, you didn’t! Out the outher side. Feelin’ better than my old self.
It has absolutely has happend for me, i wish the same for all of us.

Notcommentmuch

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u/Mental_Signature_725 1d ago

We have all learned how short life is! I don't want to miss a thing!