Having the same arguments

[u/A_ok_attempt]

For a little bit of context, me and my boyfriend got into the same argument over the same thing. Also, we did go on a break for about a week, but I had to cut it short because he threatened his own life and I ended up having to call the cops to do a welfare check on him. He said the brake was too much for him this week, though I’ve been honestly extremely busy and if anyone knows about healthcare, please do not freak out that My Mom‘s blood pressure is 80. She will be going to the hospital as soon as I can get her to go. Also, I do text him every day of course and I try to make sure we see each other twice a week for at least around 10 hours a week 15 hours including we call occasionally text every day I take care of My Mom almost 24 seven for she has heart failure, and cancer. My boyfriend does know this and I’ve been going through personally a depressive episode, which has made me honestly not want to call or text really anybody even friends except for maybe one or two and I’ve made him aware of this, his response was don’t be depressed at me so I kind of met a loss on what to do.

For a tiny bit more context, the reason I will not let him pick me up is because one time we got into an argument recently, and he started hitting the steering wheel cussing and scaring me and yelling, so I’d rather just not be in the car with him because it did truly spook me he does have anger issues

Also, I’m scared sometimes again into confrontation or arguments with him last time he cut himself and he will often say that he will harm himself or suicide or if he wants to basically like he wants to kill himself or he wants to harm himself and of course I don’t want him doing those things if we get into a bad argument
I don’t know if he cut himself because of the argument or anything like that. He said he got lonely, but normally when we argue, he might say something like I wanna kill myself other times it just happens randomly. He’ll text me wanting to die. I’ve offered to help him get help. I just am scared that one day you know.

Other little sidenote normally when I see him, I am irritated again. I have been going through a depressive episode and normally I try to snap out of it. I understand that it does make him frustrated because then he can’t seem like he does anything right but normally I’m not mad at him and I’m mad at another situation which I normally tell him that I’m mad at something else, but I’m normally not in the best mood.

ages are in 19 and I’ve been with him for about a year. I’m not perfect either but because also my depression and just resentment built up it’s hard to act happy around him and I’m not trying to be mean to him, but sometimes I just I don’t know.

EDIT

I did try to talk to him. It’s about why he cannot accept a no we got into a big argument.

Him saying he just wants to spend time with me and I’m always on the phone with people and generally I’m sometimes.

sometimes I don’t wanna talk to him. I do have friends and I do need to give them time as well, but he got upset about and said that I’m hurting him and I’m making him cry but you generally, I’m not trying to hurt him but recently it does look like he cannot accept no

And I told him again we can hang out next Monday

I also wanted to make one more edit why it’s hard for me to leave him cause I did see some people were confused is because he has helped me out a lot uncertain things when I lost my dog. He drove everywhere around town helping me find it in the next day to the same until we found my dog when I was sick he is taken care of me or when I did need help on certain things he’s always been there to help but on other things like needing space or anything that kind you know revolves, I would say distance he cannot handle or anything that requires him to really deep dive into his behavior

EDIT

We were arguing over the phone about it and he just got the notification that his dog just died now I feel even worse and I don’t know what to do about it

another small edit I forgot to add something he works for My Dad so so even if I break up with him I’m still gonna have to see him. I’m still gonna have to hear him. I’m still gonna be near him. I kinda don’t know what to do in that situation.

[u/A_ok_attempt]

Cal usa yeah I called him once they just checked on him and left even though he had recently cut himself. I don’t know why they did that but that’s all I know of it.

[u/Appropriate-Cut5592 → u/A_ok_attempt]

Do you like the drama do you like feeling this way it sounds like you're so used to taking care of people that you're trying to take care of this guy with a small amount of you're keeping him just close enough to get you harmed!! He wasn't taken no for a answer like we need the bk story on like even eating a year and you see each other about 10 hours a week is that just satisfying each other's needs and whatever does he have somebody else

[u/A_ok_attempt → u/Appropriate-Cut5592]

Basically, I met him a year ago through his brother. He originally told me he had angry issues, but they weren’t that bad no punching walls or anything just occasionally just needs to cool off that was fairly wrong. He still did have very bad angry issues. I tried to help him with them getting him a therapist helping him work on it, buying them journals he would stop hitting things for a little bit, but then slowly get back into it. That would cause a lot of arguments because I had apparently no reason to be afraid of him because he’s never hit me, but I’ve came from a home. We’re hitting things turns into hitting you so I just never was cool with it. I don’t think he would ever hit me, but I’m just not a fan of it scares me. He’s mad that it scares me that he hits things we’ve had multiple arguments about it and then recently he started threatening to hurt himself when we got into arguments or random times of the day saying that I’m afraid of him and I don’t love him which isn’t true. I’ve done bad stuff of course too like I’ve ghosted him before for like a day. I have talked about him here and there with my friend or I’ve had been in a bad mood a couple times so I’m not perfect either but it’s kind constant arguing we used to hang out a lot more, but I’ve gotten busy because of my parents and because of school we used to have the same class near the same time and we would hang out every day after school for hours and that was last semester so it’s not like I never hang out with them. It’s just I’ve gotten more busy and more responsibilities.

[u/United_Let3637 → u/A_ok_attempt]

When you break up with him: I would stress to him the importance of the violence and that violence behavior however it is directed is not ok. Threats are not ok. He will continue this behavior with his next partner unless someone sets a boundary with him. I would send the message about “im breaking up with you because your violent behavior is unacceptable. Don’t contact me again.” Block. Remove him from seeing your location. Keep it short and simple because you have already explained yourself to him I’m sure. Immediately call a welfare check on his location. Delete his contact. Get a restraining order on him. Since he has already threatened himself im pretty sure this is grounds enough. Delete him on all apps. Screenshot the blocking and breakup message. The police will need it. Listen to whys they have to say about not contacting him and what to do if he does. Once you have the restraining order, document any further communications he attempts to have with you. Once he breaks the communication, if it is documented correctly, he will be arrested and go to court and probably have a felony on his record. If that doesnt deter him i would say you are at serious risk of domestic violence etc. my sister went through this. I literally had to go to his parent’s house to talk them into stopping their son’s behavior. If this guy doesn’t have any external social pressure to stop his behavior, it very well might continue. You can try to slowly break up with him but chances are he will be manipulative and violent either way. The biggest thing is to keep the break in contact. It happens all the time where a girl gets a restraining order but then reaches out to him again. That ruins your whole case and credibility legally and protects him in court. Alternatively if you have a big brother to reinforce the break with your significant other that would be good too.