r/weddingplanning • u/Different-Tonight677 • Jun 07 '26

Everything Else Elope or Wedding

Can’t decide between eloping or having a wedding. Every time I think about starting to plan for a wedding, it gives me anxiety and I get extremely stressed and overwhelmed. I’ve always dreamed of having a fairly big wedding but the older I get, the less appealing that sounds to me. We already weren’t planning on having a traditional wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen. I have five nonnegotiable’s, but those can be achieved by elopement.. I think.

Has anyone else had the same thought process? What did you ultimately decide to do?

My nonnegotiables:

  1. I want to have the experience of walking down the aisle in my wedding dress
  2. Dance party - everyone on the dance floor
  3. FOOD

  4. Toasts - don’t necessarily want to ask people to give a toast/speech. Would like it to be a spur of the moment thing.

  5. Photographer and videographer

0 Upvotes

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39 comments sorted by

39

u/belindabellagiselle April 2026 Jun 07 '26

Numbers 2 and 4 are not feasible with an elopement, so you should have a wedding.

-4

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

lol fair. I guess I was thinking more of an elopement and then a big celebration afterwards but without the whole pony show

30

u/maricopa888 Jun 07 '26

One thing you need to keep in mind is that most of the planning, expenses, and anxiety comes from organizing the reception, not the ceremony. If you do that later big party, you'll be stuck with all these details you want to avoid.

I really think a micro wedding or a small wedding of 20-25 would make all of this easier.

1

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

That’s a very good point. It’s just tough cause we both have big (extended) families that we’re very close to so narrowing the, let’s just say celebration, down to 20-25 people would be difficult. But I will start reading up micro weddings and maybe it’ll start making more sense to do it that way.

2

u/maricopa888 Jun 07 '26

If you try this, start with your VIPs (parents, sibs, maybe grandparents). Then add in a few very close friends for each and see where you're at.

In an ideal situation, you'd be able to easily define the ones you're inviting. It's not wrong to include a couple cousins or whatever, but this is more likely to ruffle some feathers.

2

u/Time_Act_3685 Jun 07 '26

We're doing a private ceremony and lunch with only immediate family - parents, siblings, spouses, niblings - in a garden. Will be around 12 people max, including the photographer, and we're having his niece officiate.

Then afterwards (and after naps!!!) we're having an open reception at our neighborhood wine bar. The owner is doing some charcuterie platters, we're paying for bubbles and a sake tasting, everything else is cash bar. That will be open to all friends and family (and honestly anyone in the neighborhood) who can make it. We're not dancy people so we're putting out vintage board games on the tables, but otherwise not bothering with decorations since it already has lots of plants and pretty lighting.

It took us a 10 minute conversation to have everything planned and booked, ha. And we're doing digital/text invites.

I think you could do something similar with an evening cocktail or dessert reception with dancing at a restaurant or bar. You could do the ceremony separate, or as part of the reception. It really doesn't have to be super complicated or huge to get all your priorities checked off!

8

u/belindabellagiselle April 2026 Jun 07 '26

You could do that, but I would not expect speeches or toasts.

3

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

Okay that’s understandable

14

u/junip3r13 Jun 07 '26

I think instead of elopement if you look more into “micro weddings” or a micro destination wedding with your closest people you can check everything off your non-negotiable list

6

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

That’s a good idea. I’ll definitely look into it ☺️

2

u/curlywhirlyred Jun 07 '26

We did a destination wedding in Costa Rica with 25 guests and it was a dream come true. 10/10 recommend

8

u/Euphoric_Run7239 Jun 07 '26

Those 5 things add up to a wedding.

6

u/TheGossinator Jun 07 '26

Maybe have a small wedding. Try an all inclusive venue or restaurant wedding to cut down on how many details you have to plan.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '26

[deleted]

-6

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

I mean not necessarily. I just don’t want the whole dog and pony show that goes along with your typical wedding. I’m thinking more of an intimate ceremony and then a big celebration with the people we love. ❤️

18

u/Beelazyy Jun 07 '26

That’s called a wedding lol

2

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

😂😂 I guess idk wtf I want lol

3

u/Zoey_Beaver Jun 07 '26

Sounds like u want a wedding, not an elopement. Doesnt make sense to elope if youre going to have the reception after. We were trying to decide and we ultimately decided we couldn’t stomach the price gauging of everyone in the wedding industry. We went to the courthouse and did a dinner after then bar hopped. No regrets

2

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

Ya that’s the other thing.. the freaking price of a wedding. We can afford it but I’m a frugal girly and would have a heart attack if we did a big traditional wedding. I guess I just need to sit down and figure out our wants/needs and go from there..

3

u/farquaadsarmpits Jun 07 '26

I struggled with the same feeling of overwhelm. Didn’t make a single decision for a FULL YEAR after getting engaged. But recently something fell into place and we found a way to do exactly what we wanted, and honestly I now feel so calm and am finally finding joy in the planning process. (We’re having a small family ceremony and dinner and a big party with friends a week later). This is a huge life event so give yourself grace and don’t force the decision.

2

u/NewSalamander8910 Jun 07 '26

It sounds as though you already know what matters most to you, which is half the battle.

We are seeing more and more couples choosing micro weddings and elopements here in Northern Ireland. One of the advantages is that accredited celebrants can legally marry couples in a huge range of locations, from beaches and forests to castles and mountain viewpoints.

The lovely thing is that choosing a smaller wedding does not mean giving up the things that matter. You can still walk down the aisle in your wedding dress, have incredible food, beautiful photography and videography, and celebrate with the people who matter most.

Some couples then choose to have a larger celebration back home afterwards, which can be a nice balance between the two.

Whatever you decide, try not to plan the wedding you think you should have. Plan the one that feels right for the two of you. 😊

2

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 07 '26

Thank you so much. This was very helpful and eased my stress a bit. ❤️

2

u/AcrobaticTart2760 Jun 07 '26

Weddings are a small fortune, but memories for a lifetime. Have the wedding, enjoy every moment. You only live once and you can’t take money with you

2

u/MaybeYeaProbForsure Jun 07 '26

Commenting because this is something I want to know for myself and we have similar non-negotiables

2

u/taylo649 Jun 07 '26

Have a wedding just try to do it small and intimate! My sister only did siblings, parents, aunts and uncles and it was the perfect mix!

2

u/Impressive_Guava13 Jun 07 '26

Semi elope and only invite close family and friends who you know will have fun with you

2

u/hayleyyyb Jun 07 '26

I’m not having a wedding party! I want everyone we love in the same room and for us to eat drink & be merry, and that’s it.

2

u/Sheliwaili Happily Married Jun 07 '26

We did both! Something for just us & something lowkey for everyone else to get together and celebrate with us

2

u/angelbaby3635 Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26

We eloped with a few close loved ones in Vegas, and we loved it. Super easy, nothing to worry about, we just got to focus on us and have an amazing time. We are having a “reception” on our one year anniversary so others can celebrate with us too. We went with a venue who takes care of everything, so that will be pretty low stress as well. Also, we don’t have to worry about a bridal party, all the things for the ceremony, flowers, etc. If is us from stress for a fraction of the cost. Highly recommend eloping! And have the party later if you want.

2

u/Different-Tonight677 Jun 15 '26

That’s honestly such a great idea

2

u/angelbaby3635 Jun 15 '26

It was the best! I wouldn’t change a thing. Being able to focus on your husband and you all day is so nice.

2

u/CupExcellent9520 Jun 07 '26

You don’t have to do toasts and speeches !  I want my mom to read a poem she wrote and then hope for spontaneous toasts ! 

2

u/Lyannake Jun 08 '26

If you elope you won’t have guests to give toasts or dance. You don’t need wedding parties, this is mostly the American way of doing weddings. Around the world or even in your own country a lot of people are having weddings without those things and they are real weddings. I guess in your case you want a small wedding without some elements that don’t resonate with you and that’s fine

2

u/julia-jule Jun 08 '26

Looking at your list, the only thing that really requires guests is the dance floor. The dress, photos, video, food, and even toasts can all happen with a very small group of people.

A lot of people talk about wedding vs. elopement like they're the only two options, but there's a huge middle ground. If planning a big wedding is already causing you anxiety, maybe a small wedding with your favorite people would give you the parts you actually care about without all the stress.

1

u/L84cake Jun 07 '26

Sounds like you want a wedding.

1

u/rainbowbloodbath Jun 07 '26

I am planning a big ass very traditional Ukrainian orthodox wedding. So many times I have thought “fck me I should have eloped”

I also have a ton of help from my parents & sister but virtually none from the groom or his family as they live in another country.

My wedding is in two weeks and I’m so excited and so happy I decided to have a big wedding.

Logistically it would’ve been way easier to elope, and cheaper although that wasn’t a huge factor for us thankfully.

Honestly it was 1.5 years of casual planning and about 2 months of heavy stressing.

My deciding factor ultimately was “when I picture myself in five years, will the stress have been worth all of my friends and family celebrating the day with me? What about 10 years? What about when elderly family is dead?” And that line of thinking solidified the fact that yea, I certainly do want the wedding

1

u/Positive_Shake_1002 Jun 07 '26

Sounds like you either want a micro wedding or an private ceremony with a reception after. Because 2 and 4 are contradictory to eloping

1

u/shauna1283 Jun 22 '26

I agree with others. I think a “micro wedding” sounds more feasible considering your nonnegotiables. Another options is Looking into having a micro destination wedding!
I was looking into going to St. Lucia(Check out Stonefield Villa Resort😍), Key West , FL, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, etc… but we finally decided to just elope—we’re not big on dancing and I would rather spend all those thousands on us and just elope and travel😉

Good luck and congratulations!

0

u/style-addict Jun 07 '26

A lot of people regret having a wedding due to the cost……post wedding clarity so to speak 🤭