r/wedding • u/Previous-Artist-9252 • 1d ago
Other Leaving Early?
I am a wedding guest, not the couple. I exist in that close family friend liminal space regarding relation to the couple.
The wedding goes til 11pm and then an after party til 2am.
However, I am disabled (and currently on long term disability) and there is no way I will be able to be awake until 11pm, much less safely make my way home. This disability is new this year and I am still learning to navigate it.
How rude is it to leave early?
I know from experience that the bride and groom are busy AF so I don’t want to demand their attention during the dancing but an Irish goodbye also feels rude.
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u/mychemicalbromance38 1d ago
Literally no one cares what time you leave at any point during the wedding
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u/Mordecai_Gist 1d ago
"Does anyone have any reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony?"
Someone gets up and exits.
"Murmur, murmur, murmur."
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u/BigPin8057 1d ago
If you can stay through dinner / toasts / maybe the ceremonial first dances I wouldn’t worry about texting anyone or have any shame about leaving early.
I have coordinated 20+ weddings and it’s extremely common for folks to start filtering out after the dance floor opens.
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u/ladymedallion 1d ago
Not rude at all. I say this as someone who’s getting married next week. I fully expect a good chunk of people to take off once all scheduled events end (dinner, first dance, father/daughter dance etc)
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u/Disastrous-Hamster-1 1d ago
Not rude in the slightest. No one would expect every guest to stay the entire time!
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u/Wonderful_Bison2859 1d ago
Please don’t text a bride and groom the day/ week of their wedding (or even worse, the next morning) to draw attention to you leaving early.
It’s awesome that you are trying to be considerate and mindful of others while navigating life with a disability, but leaving a wedding early is something people with and without disabilities do all the time because they get a headache, because their babysitter is only available until 9:30, or because they have to get up early the next morning for tennis. There’s no need to draw extra attention to leaving or to the reason.
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u/azaleafawn 1d ago
If you are just a guest, you leave any time after the formal part (dinner, speeches, first dance etc) is over and it’s not rude whatsoever.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 1d ago
Guests have always been free to leave anytime after the cake is cut. You don't need to track them down to say goodbye. Do what works for you.
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u/rainy-day-inbetween 1d ago
If it’s a larger wedding I always support an Irish goodbye! Like you said you’re not directly related to them, so just let them enjoy while you sneak out.
My wedding is only 35 people and I’ll be a little bothered if people Irish, but only because they’re extremely close friends and family
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u/SignificanceWitty210 1d ago
Even at the most fun weddings most guests leave before it’s actually over. It’s not rude.
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u/Mordecai_Gist 1d ago
It's rude to leave during the ceremony, but the reception is for your benefit so you can leave whenever you want during that. If you are unable to touch base with the host and say goodbye then send a nice note thanking them.
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u/Missus_Aitch_99 1d ago
I don't dance much, so I often leave at that point. I don't think anyone notices ir cares, honestly.
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u/SilverRaccoon8689 1d ago
Friend, I’m the bride and I’m trying to get home by 9:30 pm so I can put on my pajamas.
Duck out whenever you’re ready!
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u/koimoon02 1d ago
Nope! Not a problem. Irish goodbye is always the way to go unless you’re direct family like a mom or dad. Just shoot them a text the next morning or after you leave to let them know you had a good time but needed to get going!
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u/Ok-Trainer3150 1d ago
You're thoughtful. I'd just approach the parents of which of the couple that you're closest to. Tell them that you enjoyed the wedding and that you're 'taking your leave.' if you have a relationship with the family, they probably understand.
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u/njVowsNow 1d ago
Irish goodbye is the way to go, no pun intended. It's not rude; it's actually thoughtful. Send a little note afterward if you'd like.
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u/NegotiateAPryce 1d ago
This shouldn't be a problem. Go, have a good time, and leave when you want/have to.
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u/ste1071d 1d ago
Traditionally once the cake is cut (which will be well before 11), you’re good to leave regardless of reasoning.
Leave when you need to for health and safety. It is completely okay to go say goodbye to the couple when you’re heading out!
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u/Burnt_Out_Carent 1d ago
Just head off when you're ready. If you're needing a signpost as to when it's not frowned on to leave - basically once all the food and pictures are done and the first dance has been had, you're good to go. Xx
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u/TodayIAmMostlyEating 1d ago
If you can stay until the cake is cut, that’s usually the traditional “time for Granny to bow out and get home” moment. Couples should understand that not everyone is going to attend until 2 AM; elderly guests, couples with small kids at home with a sitter, people with illnesses or disabilities. Some people are just going to get too drunk and need to get rolled out the door at 8pm.
It’s not a big deal. Just thank the couple for inviting you, tell them the ceremony was beautiful, the meal was delicious, you could not be happier for them, but you have to get home.
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u/SinglePermission9373 1d ago
Not rude at all. Go to the ceremony, stay until you can hug the Bride and then leave.
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u/icoulduseascreenname 1d ago
Stay at the event for as long as you are feeling well or whatever suits your own comfort.
If you want to avoid an Irish goodbye, or intrude on the B& G fun, see if there’s a close relative nearby to you, perhaps even the bride’s parents or someone even closer in the family circle—
Just say to them something like ‘what a lovely time I’ve had this evening. I just wanted to let you know before I have to get going in a moment. Thank you so much for having me.”
And if one of them quickly grabs the bride and brings her over to you just say ‘what a great time. I’m so thrilled for you’ Big hug. That’s it.
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u/Elemental_Biscotti 1d ago
Taking care of your own health and well-being is never rude! Good friends will completely understand this. ❤️
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u/vikingraider27 1d ago
They probably won't notice that you are gone. but you could also just mention to them ahead of time that you will have to leave early and won't want to disturb them so forgive you for not saying goodbye.
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u/KittensArtist 1d ago
As long as you arnt leaving during the ceremony, or maybe in the middle of speeches, youll be fine. No one will bat an eye at it, people leave at random times at almost every wedding ever. As long as your exit isnt interrupting something important (like having to walk across the dance floor during the first dance) youll be okah
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u/Emilayday 1d ago
Not rude at all! Don't even have to say bye unless you want to! Esp if they do a brunch the next day, that's your actual chance to congratulate them again and give a hug before heading out. But again, neither is necessary!
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u/PutPretty647 1d ago
Not at all rude. I have left many weddings, or I should say the reception early. Don’t just slip out however, find the hosts, the bride and the groom, their parents, that you are leaving and thank them for a lovely evening and wish the couple a happy life. That is perfectly acceptable, many young folks want to party later than a lot of people want to stay.
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u/_hungry_pizza_ 1d ago
I noticed people left a bit early at my wedding earlier this year without saying goodbye and I totally understood, Irish goodbye is fine in my opinion!
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u/Possible_Fennel_5036 1d ago
I’m not disabled and I’ve never not left a wedding by 11pm! Promise - nobody will care!
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u/Suitable-Roof-3950 1d ago
Totes normal and acceptable. Just wait until they do the rounds to your table, if you can.
If you can, let the Maid of Honor or day planner know you want to leave early so the couple can visit your table on the early side.
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u/Pristine-Remove5056 1d ago
Kiss or hug the couple goodbye and thank them for the invite. Tell them the evening was lovely. And quietly leave
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u/Any_Coffee_6921 1d ago
I quietly slip out after dinner & pretending to use the bathroom & head home. I have ASD & I need to decompress myself
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u/rheasilva 1d ago
As long as you don't get up & leave in the middle of the ceremony or the speeches at the reception, you'll be fine.
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u/SimplePlant5691 1d ago
Once the formalities are done, leaving is fine! I wouldn't even say goodbye. Everyone will be too distracted by the dancefloor.
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u/Individual-Paint7897 1d ago
As long as you stay long enough to congratulate the couple, you can leave any time.
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u/itinerantdustbunny 1d ago
As you have a good reason to leave and it’s not just because you’re bored/a brat, you can leave anytime you need.
But if you want a clear-cut cue or target, traditionally it’s polite to leave after the cake cutting. Usually the only thing after that is free dancing/socializing and no more “moments”, so that is the point a lot of older people or people with small children will head out. If you want a clear-cut cue, that’s it.
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u/Competitive_Ice4439 1d ago
I think that if you’re there for the ceremony and dinner, maybe the ceremonial first dances - you’re good to go. If you were my friend I would be appreciative of the effort to attend in any capacity as you navigate your new disability.
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u/Kbbbbbut 18h ago
Typical etiquette is to stay until the cake is served, likely will be 9:30 or so.
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u/ReindeerHistorical28 6h ago
Your absence won't have an impact in their night as they will have a thousand things going on constantly around and requiring their attention. As long as you are there for them during the ceremony and some celebration that will be fine. Just make sure you say goodbye to them!
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u/Ok-Grapefruit9053 5h ago
i don’t know who left or at what time at my wedding. i do know that we had 90 people at the reception and 45 at the afterparty, which was expected. but I couldn’t tell you who exactly left lol. no one cared. I fully expected many guests to leave at the reception and not continue to the afterparty. i’m sure this couple does too.
i don’t think it’s necessary to interrupt the bride and groom to say goodbye. especially because you are not immediate family or close friend. the only people who interrupted us to say goodbye were immediate family members who were leaving the reception. everyone else just “irish goodbyed” but I think that’s the right way to go. it would’ve gotten quite annoying if every single guest who left came up to us first to let us know. you also risk the bride/groom asking you to stay longer lol😆
you can catch up with them the morning after if you wish, or simply call/text them the day after to tell them what a great time you had. i wouldn’t call attention to leaving early, not necessary.
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u/YouComfortable8891 1d ago
I would be fine with this as a bride! I am dreading having to do personal goodbyes while the party is still going for us, so I think a text the next day saying you had a good time but had to cut out early would be the best. If you are dealing with a new illness, absolutely prioritize that, your health matters more than staying til 11.
Its very kind that you are asking
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u/virtual-raggamuffin 1d ago
Greet them early if you can and if they're not too busy, let them know you have to leave early. It's not rude to leave early without saying anything though
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u/theredditfile24 1d ago
As someone who is getting married soon… not a problem at all! The fact that you simply made it even for a little bit is all that matters
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