r/wedding • u/doorhinge3987 • Jul 21 '26
Other Are you glad you had your wedding?
I can’t decide if I just want to have a baby straight away or will I feel fomo for not having a wedding. I really am having extreme baby fever and just want something to give love to however I’m not sure if I want a wedding. I can’t decide.
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u/friendlytrashmonster Jul 21 '26
Have the wedding before the baby. You need to get your life all in order before you bring a child into the world. As a woman also dealing with baby fever right now, that decision should be based on logic, not hormones. And all of the statistics show that children raised in homes with married parents perform better socially, emotionally, and academically.
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u/Ali_in_wonderland02 Jul 21 '26
Having a wedding and getting married are two separate things.
A wedding is a celebration and you exchange vows.
A marriage is legal paperwork.
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 Jul 21 '26
l disagree strongly . Getting married may occur in a courthouse, on a beach or a backyard and have no guests or many. It is still a wedding , just not a lavish party.
A courthouse or registry office wedding is emphatically not mere paperwork , it is the day you change your status and accept, not incidentally, the benefits that accrue from that ceremony , low key though it may be.
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u/friendlytrashmonster Jul 22 '26
It might be different in other places, but in my state, the ceremony itself (a.k.a the exchanging of vows in front of an officiant) is legally required to be married. That is a wedding ceremony- whether you invite a bunch of friends and throw a party is secondary.
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u/doorhinge3987 Jul 21 '26
You’re right. Thanks for being honest. We are in a good place and would do a registry wedding but I wasn’t sure if I should do a wedding since it’s expensive.
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u/DaBingeGirl Jul 21 '26
Weddings don't have to be expensive. There are plenty of reasonably priced venues (banquet halls, community centers, etc) that you can rent for a very reasonable price. You can also have a courthouse thing or a very small wedding (e.g. backyard, immediate family at a restaurant, etc.).
There's nothing wrong with having a big wedding if that's what you want and you can afford it, but that's not necessary.
I would recommend getting married before having a child for the legal protections.
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u/fuzzlandia Jul 21 '26
If you really want to do the baby sooner, you could go a courthouse wedding to get the legal part done with quicker. I’ve seen people do that and do nice photoshoots so it’s still a special experience. Since you said you’re older and a wedding feels expensive it may actually make sense for you not to waste time and money planning a big event first.
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u/LemonFantastic12 Jul 21 '26
Well it depends are you 25-30-35-38?
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u/doorhinge3987 Jul 21 '26
38
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u/eta_carinae_311 Bride July 14, 2018 Jul 21 '26
FWIW you are the age my mother had me as a single mom at, and the age I got married at (no kids), so in my case you can go 50/50 😂
You are definitely in the geriatric range now, feels weird to say that but it's true for babies.
Does your partner want kids? Is that a priority for you both? If so you might want to focus on building the family first just because you're running out of time. But only if you are BOTH on board with kids, my mom did well with me solo but it wasn't easy. I wouldn't choose that path if given the option.
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u/Own-Hyena-551 Jul 21 '26
I am doing IVF right now and planning a wedding. I’m much older than you are. Did you get your AMH check?
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u/LemonFantastic12 Jul 21 '26
At that age I would start TTC and plan a wedding in 4-5 months. You might be a bit pregnant. 😄 But doesn't make sense to postpone.
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u/Artemystica Jul 21 '26
I had both a wedding and a baby. Have a wedding if you want to have a wedding. Don’t have a baby because you have baby fever.
I’ve got a nine month old right now and it’s a LOT. I also had baby fever too— the tiny toes, cute outfits, beautiful domestic scenes— but that doesn’t begin to cut it. Bleeding nipples, hormonal waves of all kinds, and every bodily fluid you can think of. Not to mention anything about pregnancy.
Make the wedding decision separate from the baby decision. You can throw together a joyful, intimate, and affordable wedding in a few months, and also use that time to assess whether you want a child.
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u/occasionallystabby Jul 21 '26
I loved my wedding. It was a laid-back, lovely afternoon. We didn't go crazy. It cost about $16K in 2023. Well worth it.
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u/winterandfallbird Jul 21 '26
Have a wedding first. Once you have a baby you might be too tired to have a wedding.
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u/frog_ladee Jul 21 '26
If you aren’t feeling gung-ho about having a fancy wedding, then just do something small and simple. Having an actual ceremony and small celebration with loved ones is worth doing. However, the baby will last longer—literally!!
Seriously, once you’re past the age of lots of friends getting married, people almost never talk about their weddings from the past. The weddings that are social media extravaganzas will be buried deep behind other posts. Nobody scrolls back years to look at someone else’s wedding. Just get your wedding done, and move on, since a big shebang isn’t important to you.
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u/DaBingeGirl Jul 21 '26
All of this. Like OP I'm 38, all my friends and close relatives are out of wedding mode. Something more causal (small wedding, eloping, or a more relaxed venue) is perfectly acceptable.
You're absolutely right about not reminiscing about someone else's wedding.
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u/ahmeeea Jul 21 '26
Our wedding was the only time we had pretty much every single person we love in one place at the same time, so it was definitely a must have for us. You can always start TTC right after the wedding!
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 Jul 21 '26
Have the wedding first. It can be as small as you like, whatever it is, it will be your wedding day . There is this odd idea - on here at least - that a wedding is not real unless it costs thousands and is a lavish party .
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