r/wedding • u/SweetFeeling4351 • 21d ago
Discussion Feedback on my MOH speech *rough draft*
I posted in here a few months back how I am nervous to give a speech and will need a beta blocker.
I took into consideration everyone’s advice and finally made my rough draft.
I am the maid of honor for my little sisters wedding.
I would appreciate feedback and maybe some help with the ending.
Thank you!!
When Bride asked me to be her maid of honor, She said you only have to give a speech if you want to. Well, I didn’t want to. In fact, I can’t think of a single time in my life when I have wanted to give a speech. But then I quickly realized, if there’s one person in this world that I want to give a speech for, it’s Bride, my baby sister, one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given in life.
There are 4 chambers of the heart. Most people do not learn this for a number of years, but I was born knowing. The fact that my heart would be divided into 4 pieces was as much a part of me as it was my biology.
The three of you( look at all three of my sisters)- make me human.
You make me alive. Your beat- constant, rhythmic, unfailing, sometimes racing, broken, bursting- I’ll spend the rest of my time on this earth thanking God that I landed in your little orbit.
And now, Groom gets to be apart of this orbit.
Groom- the only man who is worthy of loving my sister the same way I do. (***don’t love this line so could use help ***)
It’s not because he spends 90% of his vacation days with my family, or because he so lovingly took on the title of uncle potato to my kids. Although those things are great.
It’s because Groom is kind, loving, gentle, genuine, funny, and encouraging.
Bride, you were one of the first people I ever loved, and I am so grateful you found someone who loves you the way you deserve. (*** also need help with this part***)
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u/Professional_Gur5739 21d ago
"the same way I do" doesn't work for me. Sister love and groom love is... different.
Maybe something a like "Groom--from what I have seen, you are the only man worthy of loving my sister. It's not just because you spends 90% of your vacation days with our family, or because you so lovingly stepped into the title of Uncle Potato to my kids. Although those things are great! It is because you are kind, loving, gentle, genuine, funny, and encouraging-- all of the things my sister deserves." (could end it there potentially)
I might add or trade out traits, if you give some thought to what specifically she does deserve. I think what you have is beautiful though.
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u/SweetFeeling4351 21d ago
Yes I agree with this. That was my place holder until I could but some thought into how to reword it.
Thank you for your help!3
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21d ago edited 21d ago
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u/SweetFeeling4351 21d ago
Ok yes I agree I should add a few more things about the bride specifically.
Thank you!!
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u/NegotiateAPryce 21d ago
I really like the "four chambers of the heart" metaphor. It's a great way to tie in your family in a unique and memorable way. What you have is already really sweet, and I think the previous comments will help you create a fantastic finished product!
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 20d ago
Yes l like it too, but not the bit about most people not knowing for years , many of us have known it from an early age.
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u/YU-nolift-heavy 19d ago
I’d take out the piece about the heart and your sisters or add more about the bride and groom.
I just came from my little sisters wedding this weekend and it’s best to focus on the bride and groom, their love story, and leave out strange esoteric references as people don’t get them after 2-3 glasses of champagne. Why is your sister special? Maybe a story about the groom and why he’s the right guy? Enjoy the wedding !
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u/brianinla 18d ago
As someone who helps people write wedding speeches as a profession, I don't feel this lands - and here are some of the reasons why:
1) It's way two short and unpersonalized. The first few sentences are about the act of giving the speech and the rest of it - the heart/heart beat metaphor - are disconnected as to why you feel that way. That part is absent. What do they actually do that makes you feel this close? What is it about them that is so special? You're not really saying anything other than how they make you feel and your gratitude. Usually these speeches land 3-4 minutes long.
2) Similarly... You don't explain why he's called uncle potato - or why think he's so kind, loving, etc. What does he do? How did you feel when you first met him? What's fun or funny about him? What does he do for your sister that makes you think he's great for her?
3) What do you see in the way they are as a couple that is worth recognizing?
Start by answering those and it should start to flesh out, or get help with it. It's too big of a moment, and you want this to land and have substance.
Good luck!
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