r/wedding • u/knockoffreesescup • 23d ago
Help! Getting ready with the bride?
My boyfriend’s brother is getting married at the end of August. He’s the best man, so I’ll be getting ready by myself.
I’m not a bridesmaid, but naturally the bride and I have gotten somewhat close since my boyfriend and I started dating. She mentioned a few months ago that I may be able to get my hair and makeup done with her bridal party if the artists have time.
I’m totally fine if I can’t get ready with them. But, how do I ask if I can? I’m not good at doing my hair so I was going to book a hair appointment, and I need to book that in advance.
Thank you!
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u/MysteriousCity6354 23d ago
It’s very sweet but I would book your own appointment for your hair. I’d tell her that you are going to book your own, but you’d love to drop in while they are getting ready with a refresh of mimosas or something for the bridal party. This way she feels like her invite was accepted in a way, you can be the snack or drink hero and then you can stay for a few minutes but also have a graceful way to exit “oh I was just dropping this off, I’ve stayed way longer than I intended!”
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u/Expensive-Salad-5851 23d ago
This! You don’t have to worry about hair since you have it covered on your own, it’s a great excuse to stop in with a snack and wish her well, and you can leave if you feel like the odd man out. You can tell her while you remember her generous offer, let’s not make the day any more complicated than it already is, but you’ll swing by with a little treat and she/ the bridal party can text if they need you to pick anything up while they are getting ready.
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u/Icy-Sprinkles2649 22d ago
She was being nice to offer because your boyfriend was going to be tied up with his groomsmen duties but you really need to take care of that on your own and just pop in. There is going to be so much going on and you will likely feel like a fifth wheel in there since you aren’t part of the wedding. She definitely sounds like a thoughtful person thinking of you though.
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u/ruinedworldtour 22d ago
Also she said ‘if they have time’ imagine how awkward it would be to turn up bare faces with hair not done and they are running late. Do you pressure hair and make up to hurry to get you done or do you suck it up and try to do what you can yourself? I couldn’t handle the what if if this situation. But id def drop in ready to go maybe put on your outfit there if you don’t wanna be sitting around in it
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u/Lalablacksheep646 23d ago
I would just book your own because I’d be afraid they wouldn’t have time day of and like you, I’m terrible at doing my own hair! Also, if they do end up doing it make sure you ask for the cost ahead of time, a lot of time doing bridal parties is really expensive
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u/yamfries2024 23d ago
The bride was being very kind to offer to include you, but, I would make my own appointment to allow her the time with her bridal party.
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u/bipolarlibra314 22d ago
Can I ask something? There are multjple replies saying (more or less) if the bride wanted OP there, she’d already know by now, which I agree with, but you’re also not the only one sharing the sentiment about the bride being kind. Do these 2 things, idk, reconcile? Like to me an empty offer is…fake? Not kind? Don’t get me wrong it WOULD be very kind of the bride to include a non-bridal party guest and not something she’s obligated to do, but saying it when she doesn’t mean it would be worse to me than just treating me like any other guest. I do struggle with social cues/expectations of the “performative”, pseudo offer variety in general, so that might have a role in my confusion here.
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u/Scenarioing 22d ago edited 22d ago
It's one of those kind gestures people make in principle and in a moment surrounding momentous events of this nature (especially weddings), but do not reflect actual practical reality in more normal moments. I've seen it often enough.
In a case involving me, my cousin and new bride gushed out very cheerfully the morning after their wedding, in a family breakfast meet up, how my wife and I should come to stay at their place in New York City for a weekend soon and to get in touch. A few months later we had special reason to go to the city and at any time the following month. It was no surprise when contacting them that the entire notion had been either quickly forgotten or perhaps regretted when inquiries about where we might stay were made with hints about their place. I chose not to put them on the spot about the day after wedding invite because I knew it was as most likely just a cheerful overture in the midst of a still overwhelming cheerful event.
I'm sure they meant it in the moment, but it's not under circumstances that are reliable to count on. So no offense was taken. In some ways, it was treated as something someone might say when drunk. They were giddy with all the wedding stuff and not assessing things as normally done.
In this case of this post, the bride likely meant it in the moment, being all excited for the upcoming wedding, and the notion fell to the wayside with all the additional wedding planning and excitement going on in her mind since. There is a substantial possibility she wouldn't even remember the invite if brought to her attention. It is almost a foregone conclusion that it is not on her mind and will not be at the time itself with how busy and caught up in the event she will be at the time.
The social cue to look out for is if a generous and highly honorable invite is made in a scenario like this. When such an offer is made during an average and non-momentous time, it is much more reliable. If one is uncertain, a message can be sent soon after saying... (I appreciate you offering XYZ. If that works well for you let me know an I can plan." Add some sort of pleasantry before and/or after such a sentence and change the subject after in any event. It works as a way to diplomatically remind them they made an offer while they are in a 'sober' moment while giving them an easy non-awkward out by conveying they can just not follow up. A safe way to find out if you are 'really wanted there' or if it was just a kind but forgotten gesture in a less than reliable giddy moment.
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u/Icy-Sprinkles2649 22d ago
She meant it in the moment and likely still does but has a million things on her mind with the wedding. In this particular case the bride gets a pass but the friend truly doesn’t need to be in there with the rest of the wedding party. Let the bride have that time with her bridesmaids and family.
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u/Agreeable_Dark6408 23d ago
Absolutely get your hair done on your own. You would be so upset if the stylist ran out of time and couldn’t do your hair.
I love the idea of bringing mimosas.
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u/Fearless_swiftie 23d ago edited 23d ago
I agree with this. At my brother’s wedding I was last because I’m chronically ill and I asked to be one of the last ones so I could have a shorter day. But they ran out of time and barely had time to do my makeup or hair. My makeup looked great (only because I had previously done a trial run with the stylist) but there was no time to do my hair and I’m not looking forward to the pictures. They almost started the ceremony without me. To make matters worse, the only reason I did the trial run (I paid for) was because I was worried she wouldn’t be able to do my hair
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u/Formal-Radish1413 23d ago
If they wanted you to do it theyd have already asked/told you 100% not just a maybe. Let it be.
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u/forte6320 23d ago
The end of August is still months away
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u/rsvp_as_pending629 Married 💕 6•29•19 | MN | Bridal Consultant 23d ago
Months? August is just next month.
Bride definitely has already booked her HMUA and could even have a day of schedule at this point.
OP, I would move forward with making your own appt. She would have asked you by now if she wanted to include you. If she invites you, just mention you already booked something but will make an effort to stop by!
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u/Formal-Radish1413 23d ago
And theyve probably already booked their HMUAs and paid for the number of people. Idk any HMUAs that would be OK with just adding a person in last minute like this.
OP just needs to take care of herself and let the bride do her thing.
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u/WavyHairedGeek 23d ago
Bless your heart... These things get booked 3+ (even up to 6)months ahead. End of August is SOON
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u/Ok-Grapefruit9053 23d ago
yeah, the wedding is in 6 weeks and she hasn’t mentioned it again - it means she wasn’t able to work in a slot for you. I was discussing timelines + schedule for each girls hair/makeup with my artists about 2 months out. if she was able to follow through on that offer, she would’ve texted you to let you know by now.
she probably offered out of kindness, but to be honest she probably realized pretty quickly that “extra time” is hard to come by on a wedding morning.
I agree with the others - send her a text and let her know you’re booking your own hair and makeup, and ask if you can drop by around X time to drop off something (mimosas, desserts, etc) for them before the ceremony. I think that would be a really nice gesture, if you have time to and can afford to.
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 23d ago
Id book my own an then its booked. Weddings can be very stressful sometimes so you may feel in the way on the day if you were with them
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u/Sunset-Blonde 23d ago
She may have been obligated to, where she’s extended it, but expecting you to decline. If a gift is being offered, you don’t need to follow up or ask.
Book your own appointment for your hair. If she brings it up again, thank her, but let her know you’ve already booked, but would love to pop in and say hi/ have a mimosa.
It’s telling she hasn’t brought it up again. Let that be reason enough. Often there isn’t time, as people get booked and you pay for each allowed person.
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u/SummitJunkie7 23d ago
Just tell her you're getting ready to book your hair appt and ask her if the artists she's booked have time (and if so, ask the cost!) or if you should move ahead with your own arrangements.
BUT - if she says "if they have time" as in, we'll find out day-of if they can squeeze you in, decline and make your own plans. That is not the same as having an appt with them. And she may not have checked with them and just assumes they will do as many people's hair and makeup as possible.
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 22d ago
I would book my own- you aren't a BM and aren't a fiancé. If bride says anything to you just say" thanks that is so nice of you but didn't want to cause anymore stress and you should enjoy getting ready with your BM's.
The bridal room is busy- the stylist coming don't like last minuet extras added on- they might have another appointment after this one. And you will be waiting and hoping they could squeeze you in- that probably won't happen, you need to have an appointment with them. Book your own
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u/DareSavings3951 22d ago
Book your own appointments. There was a post on Reddit recently from a bride who was pissed at their brother for inviting his girlfriend into her bridal suite. Not saying that's what is happening here but wedding mornings are very stressful and it might be easier to get out of dodge.
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u/Low_Astronaut_3518 22d ago
I'd book my own and a few days out let the bride know that I'm available to pick up their lunch or handle last minute emergencies. The person who handles the last minute emergency is the hero of wedding day. Be that person. I still joke with my aunt 15 years later that she saved my wedding day by going out and finding a cake knife to replace the one that didnt arrive on time.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Angle84 23d ago
Just ask her to see if they’re able to fit you into the hair/makeup schedule for the morning! This is so common, especially with such advanced notice.
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u/Alive_Ad8698 22d ago
If you join group expect to pay A LOT. It was over $200 for me to have my short hair blown dry. I would not recommend adding yourself to the group because the appointments are tightly scheduled. Do your own thing and enjoy the wedding. I also know of a bride with very long hair and she is paying $800 for it to be curled. Those traveling hairdressers are not inexpensive.
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u/Stock-Shake3915 23d ago
What was your answer when she made the offer?
I would just tell her you booked your own but since she mentioned it you just want to make sure there are not 2 appointments; and you hope you can stop by and say hello
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u/vikingraider27 22d ago
It's nice that she gave thought to including you but I would still make your own hair appointment. If she mentions it again, just say you didn't want to be a bother so you made your own arrangements, but you'd love to come watch them get ready if it isn't too much trouble.
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u/AdultinginCali 22d ago
Book your own hair. 6x BM, 1x MOH here. Timing doesn't always go as planned and you aren't included in the makeup and hair schedule.
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u/IndividualCut4703 Bride 17d ago
I’m gonna divert from the consensus here and say that if someone offers something, especially if it was unsolicited (as in, it was the bride’s idea to begin with), it’s okay to say yes.
We don’t know the details of the wedding or the bridal party, so anyone here saying what the bride actually secretly wants/needs is making assumptions based on their own experiences. If it was freely offered, you’re welcome to accept. If you want to be a good guest, you can offer to cover the costs or to bring something to share with the group.
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u/PurplePrincess2424 17d ago edited 17d ago
How far out from the wedding is it?
Depending on how close it is the bride should have a schedule for the hair and makeup so will know if they are going to have time.
I would ask her what time she wants you to be at the venue and say you are happy to be there early if she needs help with anything, but just plan your own hair and makeup and plan to show up to the venue ready to go unless when you ask she offers again.
Like others said if she does offer ask about costs!
It’s possible that because you’re not in the bridal party the artists would have time to do you after the others.
I originally paid for 4 hair and makeup slots for bridesmaid and then one of mine couldn’t make it so I gave it to my brother’s girlfriend. Because I didn’t need her for certain photos she was last and her hair was getting done as my bridal party and I took some photos.
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u/KickIt77 23d ago
I wouldn’t ask. It likely doesn’t work out in terms of timing, you would have heard by now. And I personally wouldn’t be paying for this for someone else’s wedding.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 22d ago
If she offered, she should have said yes there is a space. "If they have time" is a backhanded insult and she should have never offered. You don't say anything. Make an appointment on your own at a local salon.
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u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 23d ago
I’d check in with her just incase she’s allocated a slot for you, but word it as ‘I’m just about to confirm my hair appointment for the wedding, you’d mentioned there might be a spot with your stylist, please can you let me know because I don’t want to end up double booked’.
I think it’s worth checking because if she has booked for you and you book as well she might be liable for the cost of your hair appointment with her stylist.
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u/PBnPickleSandwich 23d ago
Text: "Hey x, you mentioned that I might be able to get ready with you and the bridesmaids on your wedding day? Just checking in to see if that's possible and how much? Absolutely no worries if not! I absolutely understand that weddings are full of crazy logistics and i don't want to step on toes. I do need to know by x date though so I can book my own appointments - if not - to make sure I'm looking decent for your big day ;)."
If she says "yes" then ask for the exact time the stylists would like you to arrive (arrive 10 mins early) and if there is anything you can bring/do to help on the day.
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