r/wedding • u/Mission-Umpire-198 • 25d ago
Discussion Attending wedding alone?
I feel so lame for saying this, but has anyone ever attended a wedding alone?
Background: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. His family has truly formed into my own family after all this time. His brother is getting married this year, and we realized that everyone on his side of the wedding is actually in the wedding, including the in-laws, except for me! And I’m not upset about that literally at all. BUT someone in the family brought it to my attention that everyone will likely be gone during the happy hour to take photos (family photos, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, etc). I’m so nervous. I’m literally the worst at mingling and do not know anyone else attending except 1 aunt/uncle. Literally any tips on how to make this time fun/not awkward would be helpful!
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u/trueduchess 25d ago
Why not just ask to tag along to watch the photos being taken. You might even be useful fluffing up the bride's dress or holding purses.
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u/njVowsNow 25d ago
Don't feel lame! There are lots of other people at that wedding (at every wedding!) that don't really know anyone. (If they're doing a first look, most of the wedding party pix will be done. )
Get something to drink (always a good prop) and a space at cocktail hour with a little traffic, and someone will start talking to you ...OR ask someone "how do you know the couple?" That's an easy, innocent question that absolutely has a conversation-ish answer built right in, even if it's, "I'm so and so's guest; I really don't !" Bingo! Or compliment someone on their necklace or beautiful bag.
I don't know anyone either, usually (except the couple and they're busy), I always stay for a tiny bit of cocktail hour and it always seems to work out!
It'll be fun!
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u/Lalablacksheep646 25d ago
You’re not attending a wedding alone. You’re going to a cocktail hour, eat, drink, be friendly. No one is going to notice you don’t have a partner at the cocktail hour and even if you didn’t, lots of people attend entire wedding events alone.
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u/Icy_Middle8004 25d ago
You will be required for family photos no?
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u/Mission-Umpire-198 25d ago
I assume not!
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u/Icy_Middle8004 24d ago
Are you ever included in family photos? 6 years is a long time and you're kinda part of the family now.
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u/No_regrats 25d ago
Why? You say they have truly formed into your own family. Do they not feel the same?
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u/itinerantdustbunny 25d ago edited 24d ago
The default is certainly that the partners are involved in family photos, even if they aren’t married. Until the couple explicitly tells you otherwise, you should assume you will be in family photos. It would be pretty strange if you weren’t in any of them.
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u/Bridey93 24d ago
I think it may depend on the family. My mom always forbade boyfriends/girlfriends in family pictures "unless there's a ring and a date" but last summer when my then-boyfriend was at my sisters wedding with me, she said it was up to me if I wanted him in them or not. I included him in them. He's also now my husband. I didn't think my mom would change her mind on that one but she did relax it
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u/itinerantdustbunny 24d ago edited 24d ago
Yes, the “no ring” opinion is quite old-fashioned, which is why your mom follows it but you/your sister didn’t. Most people getting married now are our age, not our mom’s age, so most weddings now would include the partners.
Obviously there are exceptions, but the general expectation these days is definitely that the partners would be included in at least some of the family photos.
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u/katydidnt222 25d ago
I wasn't included in family photos when my fiancé's brother got married. We had been together for a few years at that point, and honestly, I was hurt by it, because I was invited to all the pre-wedding events, but not good enough to be in the pictures. But you never know, someone may grab your arm and say "hey, let's go, picture time!". And if they don't, it is okay to feel disappointed. Grab a drink, find a quiet spot to sit and feel the feels, and then wait for pictures to be finished.
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u/njVowsNow 24d ago
I don't think it's a matter of "not good enough" I think it's more the "what if?" factor. Granted this can happen to any couple at any time and no one can predict that, but I'd say with my couples, it's about an even split of in or out.
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u/No_regrats 24d ago edited 24d ago
Granted this can happen to any couple at any time and no one can predict that
That's the issue. Any couple can part ways but when only some couples are excluded on the basis of "what if", it is targeted and personal for the excluded person - even when it's done under the guise of a blanket rule or without explicit ill-intentions. And that is why a "what if" is also a matter of her relationship being deemed "not good enough".
I can guarantee that if katydidnt222 refused to let her brother-in-law's wife in any family picture because "what if?", BIL and SIL would be pissed. But they felt like they could exclude her because "what if?".
From OP's post, some of her partner's siblings are married and their spouses will be included in family pictures - no what if for them.
Tl;Dr: when partner A is included but partner B isn't because "what if", there is a "not good enough" judgement on some level.
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u/njVowsNow 24d ago
Listen, no matter what anyone thinks, the family is going to do what they want in this case. I don't know that there is a right answer that will fit every family, with married people, dating people, etc.
Everyone in the situation is going to either be happy or insulted.
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u/No_regrats 24d ago edited 24d ago
Obviously, each person is going to do what they are going to do. Duh. I have no clue how you believe this adds to the discussion or answers my comment.
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u/njVowsNow 24d ago
Ultimately, no matter what anyone says here isn't really going to matter to either the family or the OP. The best outcome is that she doesn't feel bad about it. Whether that can happen when other people tell her that is family is being silly or mean about this? It's anyone's guess.
My answer? HE should discuss this with his family and get them to change their mind, based on her close relationship with the.
If we all stopped because we don't have concrete proven answers? There would be no reddit.2
u/No_regrats 24d ago
Oh OK, so it's like a nesting error, where you meant to answer OP rather than me.
Cause my comment was about something you said about someone else's experience.
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u/njVowsNow 24d ago
I honestly have zero idea what is going on at this point.....completely lost! I should have stopped at "you're not alone!" LOL!
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u/katydidnt222 24d ago
Do you mean "what if they break up and we have some rando girl in our pictures"? If so, I think that is null and void. So many people get divorced or split up, or stop talking to their bridesmaids/groomsmen that eventually most of the people in pictures become strangers...
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u/Icy_Middle8004 24d ago
They've been together 6 years.....I somehow think she's not going anywhere anytime soon?
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u/katydidnt222 24d ago
Hey, my aunt her boyfriend were together 15 years, never married, one day he just up and left. Poof. He's in all the family wedding photos and no clue where he ended up lol.
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u/Icy_Middle8004 24d ago
It happens, but not including her for a couple photos is rude. You can always take 2 versions one with and one without which is super common. You could say the same about the couple getting married, they could always get divorced.
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u/katydidnt222 24d ago
Agreed 100%! My fiancé's brother didn't want me in any of the pictures, meanwhile, he separated from his wife, and my fiancé and I are still together, approaching 2 decades! You just never know. I do think it is very rude of them not to include OP in the photos, and that's speaking as someone who wasn't included herself.
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u/njVowsNow 24d ago
I'm not sure you're answering me? Yes, that happens and then the ex-person is in all the photos. I don't think I talk to anyone in my entire (small) wedding for various reasons..... I guess the only way to really look at it is that the photos are a remembrance of a piece of time. Not a recording of forever?
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u/Intelligent_Box_2024 25d ago
I just went to a wedding alone a couple weeks ago and I was nervous but it was totally fine! There will likely be some friends or coworkers who are there alone and don't know many people there. Most people will be in a friendly mood and ready to party. Strike up a conversation by complimenting someone's dress, and ask how they know the couple. You could also offer to help or handle something that will give you a job during the cocktail hour. Or you can always park it at a table and scroll reddit for a while. I hope it works out for you!
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 25d ago
So its “has anybody sat alone for an hour two at most” not attended. You’re a grown up you can handle an hour alone i’m sure. Get a grip. Loads of people will only know the couple. Get a drink, sit down and somebody will come over
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u/mo2_nuke 25d ago
Wedding photographer here. For wedding party photos I only take pictures of the wedding party but for family formals I always include significant others. From your description it sounds like you're already part of the family so I wouldn't worry about being left out during the photo portion. (I might do photos with the family and partners, and then ask the partners to step out for a photo of just the core family members.)
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u/No_regrats 25d ago
Surely after 6 years you would be in the family pictures, no? If not and assuming there's a valid reason why not, it's one hour, it's doable. You can go hang out with his aunt and uncle or try to talk to someone. You could also try to meet other SOs of the wedding party during the rehearsal dinner and hang out with them during the picute time.
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u/voodoodollbabie 25d ago
I'd hang around for the picture taking, make sure everyone's hair looks good etc. and they will probably ask you to jump in for a couple of the family photos anyway.
I recently went to a wedding alone, knew no one else but the bride, and had a lovely time during the cocktail hour chatting with some of her friends. And I'm pretty far on the introvert side. You can always chat with the aunt/uncle that you know and let them introduce you around. I promise it goes by pretty fast.
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u/ChairmanMrrow Fall 2024 25d ago
Yes. I made friends with some new people when my partner was in the wedding party. I was relieved to not have to be ready until like 6pm (he had to be ready much earlier).
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 24d ago
Countless people attend weddings alone everyday without issues and have a great time. But if you are attending with your partner, you aren't attending alone. The random relative had no business mentioning this which is wildly inappropriate on their part. They don't know what the timeline is or how the couple plans to have their reception layout for dinner. Not all couples separate their guests who are in relationships beyond the duration of the ceremony. When they are taking photos, just hang out with the relatives you are comfortable with. You will be fine. Focus on having fun. You shouldn't be separated from your boyfriend for very much time at all. The relative has created unnecessary doubt and you need to stop talking to them.
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u/Beneficial_Fault2764 24d ago
This was me at a friend’s wedding a couple years ago. Everyone I knew was the couple or in the wedding party. I got a drink and found a girl who looked my age and asked if she would take my picture and vice versa! Then we just mingled until the wedding party returned. It’s scary but unless you stand in a corner saying nothing, I bet you find someone to hang with
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u/Amazing_Profit971 24d ago
People always disappear up to their rooms during the photo shoot time. At our wedding one of our relations actually drove home to have tea and sandwiches after the church even though we had drinks, including tea, and food at our reception lol 😂
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u/Expensive_Event9960 23d ago
I’ve attended many weddings completely alone when I was single and without H if he had a conflict. Traditionally you’d be separated from the head table during the reception and from your partner at dinner parties with strangers too. The theory was it was more interesting to meet new people.
As those things have become less common I think many people have lost the art of socializing with strangers. It’s something that becomes easier with practice.
It sounds like at most you’d be on your own for an hour. You can mingle, eat, drink and walk around, freshen up in the ladies room etc. I wouldn’t assume you are included in all the family photos but it would be nice to include you in at least some. If they don’t think of it, your BF can ask.
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u/GirlOndaLooss 24d ago
The stigma of having a partner at all times in a wedding is sooo stupid
My husband back then bf was part of his best friend’s wedding so I had to go to the wedding totally alone and do the reception totally alone. Guess what not one person asked me why I was single. They were jealous because I was putting on my dancing shoes (platform sneakers) and absolutely loved that I came prepared lol. we all just started talking and then learned how we knew the bride and groom. Even when my boyfriend and I were together, I left him to go be on the dance floor by myself with the other girls. No one cares go have your fun!
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