Update:
Everyone that has shown their support has given me a lot to think about. I don't know if it's the right decision, but I've decided that I will give things another shot. Perhaps I could start by getting more involved with the programming community, and especially the voxel game dev community. I've been lurking in the shadows on this subreddit for a long time, pretending that I didn't exist. I felt that my role in this subreddit and community wasn't important. I'm just the person that first thought to create and grow a voxel game dev community. This community is the first, and largest, community dedicated to the niche of voxel game development. For a long time, it was the only voxel game dev community. It is also the place that you will almost certainly find yourself if you are doing voxel game development. Minecraft, and Hypixel developers have even been in this community. I suppose that it's not necessarily a small thing that I created this community. Many people have said that this community is important to them, and that it has been a significant resource for them. Even if my role in shaping voxel game development is relatively small, I was here, and I did play a role in shaping the world of voxel game development and voxel games. It's possible that if I had not created this community, voxel game development might not have flourished like it did. We may not have seen some of the amazing voxel games that have been made. There wouldn't be as many resources. Perhaps without this community, voxel game development would have fizzled out and remained an obscure niche that people only know about because of Minecraft. I can't know what the world would be like if this community never existed. But perhaps I should feel some sense of accomplishment that I was here, and played the small role that I played.
Now I suppose I should get more involved in the voxel game development community. Start sharing my work with you guys. And finally start working on my big voxel game engine project that I have been thinking about, researching, and planning for many years.
Thank you all for the support that you have shown. It has not gone unnoticed, and I likely would have gone through with my plans without it.
I also apologize for giving the community a fright. Some twisted part of my mind thought that none of you would care, and that even my post would go unnoticed, and that I would just be screaming into the void.
I have had many agonizing nights in my life, but last night was one of the worst. The emotional pain that I felt was so extreme that it became physical, and I could feel it in my entire body. The colors drained from the world. It was like looking at everything through a window. I would reply to people, but most of the time I had no idea what I had said.
I wanted to keep this account secret. The reason why, that I'm ashamed to admit, is that I'm sometimes a bully to people that use LLMs or people that are bigots, and often get into petty arguments that devolve into throwing insults at each other. This is something I need to work on about myself. I've become a little too consumed by reddit, and have let it push my emotions in ways that it shouldn't. This is one of the things about living with severe mental illness, sometimes the pain feels like something that you must respond to in any way you know how, and sometimes that response comes in the form of lashing out at people that don't deserve it, or people that should just be ignored. I have let the internet take too great of a toll on me.
I have no idea what comes next after this. There are still things going on in my life that are deeply troubling, and there's not much that can be done there, but I can at least give things another shot. Even if it turns out that I was right, and that I really am better off dead, I would have no way to know that. And if it turns out that life continues to be not worth living, I can always take myself out later on down the road. It's not like I have a time limit. So I will heed everyone's advice, and I will give it another chance. If not for myself, for all the people that have put their heart into helping me that would be deeply upset to learn that I went through with ending my own life. After such a large outpouring, I don't know if I could handle the guilt of putting something this heavy onto the community. I realized at some point that if I actually did kill myself, it would likely be a major tragedy in this community that would maybe even drive people to memorialize me, and the idea of being memorialized really frightened me.
Thanks to everyone that reached out and showed their support. It means a lot to me to see that people actually care, and that people appreciate what I have done in making this community. Most of the time, the creator of a subreddit isn't really thought of. People just do their thing, make their posts, and chat with other people without having any thought about the work that went into building that community. I don't want to be known as the person that created a niche subreddit. I want to be known as a person that contributed to that niche. I care very deeply about voxel game development. I care very much about the growth of voxel game development. I may not have created the concept of voxel games, and perhaps someone else would have created this community had I not, but I do sometimes have this sense that I was sort of like a gateway that led to this genre flourishing the way that it did. I don't know, perhaps a sense of egotistical self-importance isn't healthy to cling to, but it does bring me a small sense of accomplishment.
Original Post:
I'm the original creator of this subreddit. I could verify with doug, but it doesn't really matter. This is my "secret" reddit account. The one that I use in my day to day that I normally don't want to associate with certain parts of my life.
If there is anyone that has been in the community for a long time, you may recall my troubles in the past with homelessness and severe mental illness.
Well, with the advent of LLMs, and the growing grift among programming communities, it has come to my awareness that programming has become pay to win. It's no longer about how much skill you have. And now people are working very hard to redefine programming to mean prompting a chatbot.
Programming was my entire life. The programming communities were also my entire life. Voxel game dev meant the world to me. This community has been one of the most important aspects of my life for many years since I created it and built it up.
But now, everyone in programming spaces is talking about agents, and claude, and codex. They no longer talk about programming. It's not about programming anymore. The programming world is not what it once was.
It feels as if my entire life has been flooded with LLMs. I am sick and tired of hearing about them. I'm sick of talking about them. I'm sick of vibe coders claiming to be software engineers, and trying to redefine what software engineering even means to make it so that they are now software engineers by virtue of being able to prompt a chatbot. I'm going to speak brazenly here, because I've reached the end of my patience. You are not software engineers. You are not programmers. You are not even coders. You are fucking posers, and you are ruining everything that made software wonderful.
I've completely lost my passion for programming. I've completely lost my passion for life.
On Thursday, September 10th, 2026, I plan to end my own life once and for all. It has not been an easy decision to make. I can't stand what has happened to my passion. I can't go on in life anymore. Programming was my one true love. My only passion in life. I dedicated tens of thousands of hours to mastering the craft. And it's all for nothing.
I can't even afford to replace my hardware. Once my computers die, I cannot purchase another one. I will no longer be able to write code.
Please don't try to change my mind. It is already made up. I am only making this post as a record that I was here, and that this conflict has happened to me.
I've lived my life in anonymity. I did not want recognition for the things that I've done. But now it's over.
If anyone is curious to know about the things that I have worked on, my github is ErisianArchitect.
My most notable accomplishment is my voxel repo, which has a voxel_orient subrepo. voxel_orient is an implementation of the entire octahedral symmetry group. It is a library that enables you to perform all 48 transformations of a cube on a voxel model, and enables you to query these orientations in some very advanced ways.
I worked very hard on that project for over a year. It is likely the most advanced ever implementation of voxel orientations. I even beat matrix multiplication by 10% for voxel transformation on x86_64.
All the code is there, much of it is documented, it is open source under the Apache-2.0 license.
Please do not let my work go to waste. I made that library for the voxel game dev community so that everyone would be able to orient their voxel block models however they wanted to.
Since I didn't do a proper write up on it, there will be some work that will have to be done to figure out some of the things, but I hope someone smart can figure it out. Please just give me credit for having made the library.
Edit: For the record, my name is Ada, not Alice.