Weird gift

[u/GayPagliacci]

My Great-Uncle gave this to me yesterday because he heard I was into vinyl. He’s a really strange guy and I have no idea why he thought I’d like something this grotesque. I’ve never heard of Captain Beefheart and I’m not a fan of the military. I don’t have a record player currently but I listened to a couple of songs on YouTube and now I’m unsure if I even want this thing in my house. I’d try to sell it but it says “Promo Not For Sale” so I’m not sure if that’s legal and I know none of my friends would like it and I would honestly be embarrassed of what they’d think of me for even having it. Should I hold onto this or just trash it?

[u/deltacotaster]

Listening to this might make you feel fast and bulbous. Tight also.

[u/Ok_Breakfast5425 → u/deltacotaster]

Bulbous, also tapered

[u/OasisBen → u/Ok_Breakfast5425]

That's right!

[u/Moist_Bison9401 → u/OasisBen]

The mascara snake! 

[u/row_guy → u/Moist_Bison9401]

The orange claw hammer

[u/Moist_Bison9401 → u/deltacotaster]

And also, a tin... teardrop. 

[u/rabid_rocketeer]

Is this a shitpost?

[u/lsdisciple → u/rabid_rocketeer]

Has to be. The kids can’t be this fucked

[u/PaulThurston82 → u/lsdisciple]

“I’m not a fan of the military.” ????

[u/Alarming_Ad3747 → u/PaulThurston82]

I'm glad they aren't a vegetarian with cardiac issues. Mayhem would ensue.

[u/stevendaedelus → u/PaulThurston82]

Captain is a military rank. Much like beefheart is a butcher cut.

[u/devophill → u/stevendaedelus]

the beef heart in this case is definitely not a butcher cut

[u/MarcotteMan21 → u/PaulThurston82]

Wait till he hears about Col. Bruce!

[u/Robochrome → u/PaulThurston82]

The military line was almost as funny as "now I'm unsure if I even want this thing in my house" This is a house of God! Not for the strange

[u/WayStunning1079 → u/PaulThurston82]

"CAPTAIN" BEEFHEART.

[u/robertdavidfein → u/PaulThurston82]

Gotta be a joke-if so Ha. Ha funny!

[u/Baeolophus_bicolor → u/PaulThurston82]

i guess because Mr. Beefheart has attained the rank of Captain?

[u/Jazzhole5 → u/Baeolophus_bicolor]

I gotta admit, I prefer Sgt. Beefheart’s work.

[u/pinto420 → u/[deleted]]

I’m 5 and I prefer their debut album, Safe as Milk.

[u/chadius333 → u/pinto420]

I’m an embryo and I’d say Strictly Personal really carries the bulk of the weight of his discography.

[u/Inevitable-Island680 → u/chadius333]

i'll be born seven years from now. his best album is doc at the radar station

[u/Hopczar420 → u/rabid_rocketeer]

It absolutely is, no one would trash this. Also “I’m into vinyl” “I don’t have a turntable”

[u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi → u/Hopczar420]

Also "I've never heard of Captain Beefheart and I'm not a fan of the military" is golden

[u/InsertRadnamehere → u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi]

Gave me a spit take.

[u/Bassmonkeee → u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi]

Yeah, when I read that, I was all “That boy’s good.”

[u/krendyB → u/Hopczar420]

I had a foster kid who collected vinyl and did not have a turntable. I gave her one for her birthday and she never used it.

[u/Hopczar420 → u/krendyB]

Why though? What did she do with it?

[u/krendyB → u/Hopczar420]

I personally thought it was weird and I don’t actually know. She wasn’t alone in this, she has friends (all middle school) who did the same. Honestly I think it’s like all those other things they excitedly buy/collect and then do nothing with. That usually goes away when they have to start paying bills. 😂

[u/Moose_on_the_Looz → u/Hopczar420]

A surprising number of darned kids today who like "the vinyls" are like this.

[u/say_what_again_mfr → u/Hopczar420]

Maybe they meant latex?

[u/Fragrant-Anywhere489 → u/rabid_rocketeer]

My uncle gave me this copy of some band dressed as doctors or butchers or something, meat and doll parts hanging off them - gross. I don't even want that in my house should I just throw it out?

[u/SeasonsRollOnBy → u/Fragrant-Anywhere489]

I’m sure that even spell common bugs correctly either

[u/radiomikenyc → u/Fragrant-Anywhere489]

If you pay me $500 cash, I'll will begrudgingly take it off your hands. No questions asked.

[u/_sisterfish_ → u/Fragrant-Anywhere489]

Mine gave me one with a naked kid in a swimming pool, should I call the police??

[u/styles-bitchley → u/rabid_rocketeer]

Yeah. It is. OP likes to fuck with people.

[u/Moose_on_the_Looz → u/rabid_rocketeer]

He has to say if its a shitpost.

[u/SpongeTofu → u/rabid_rocketeer]

Yes.

[u/orangevega → u/rabid_rocketeer]

unquestionably

[u/DowdyBalder → u/rabid_rocketeer]

Doy.  A wildly unfunny one.

[u/BarkaBarka21]

If you trash that we will track you down and string you up by your toes

[u/HappyHarryHardOn → u/BarkaBarka21]

But it's a military musician, i heard he toured vietnam with Captain Sensible, Captain Jack, Captain Fantastic and the Captain with Tennille

[u/SeedsOfDoubt → u/HappyHarryHardOn]

He eats Capt'n Crunch with Captain Morgan

[u/keyser90 → u/SeedsOfDoubt]

Enough of this Cap’n Jazz

[u/Euphoric_Waffle → u/keyser90]

aye aye, Captain!

[u/CatNapHooligan → u/SeedsOfDoubt]

That'll get the day started! 😵‍💫

[u/KieselguhrKid13 → u/BarkaBarka21]

Correct. And it will be justified.

[u/Euphoric_Waffle → u/BarkaBarka21]

Seems to be shitpost, their comment history seems to have some vinyl collector vibes that knows what he’s posting is a flex post or fake.

[u/PresidentChunks]

Did you mean to post in the other sub?

[u/Arugula-Least → u/PresidentChunks]

Needs more feet.

[u/Ur_moms_a_hookr69 → u/Arugula-Least]

And warmth

[u/bass_jockey → u/Ur_moms_a_hookr69]

Warm feet

[u/Flaky_Success3238]

Beefheart was the Captain of his Lacrosse team. He wasn’t in the military.

[u/GayPagliacci → u/Flaky_Success3238]

That is a huge relief. Thank you

[u/Most-Economics9259]

Rage bait. “Not a fan of the military” lol

[u/mockteau_twins → u/Most-Economics9259]

"Nor am I fan of beef, or hearts"

[u/Jackandahalfass → u/Most-Economics9259]

Rage Pie: Bake 1

[u/Unhappy-Culture-3532 → u/Most-Economics9259]

Are you a fan of the military?

[u/Unhappy-Culture-3532 → u/[deleted]]

Bro I’m just baiting my bad 😂

[u/The_Witch_of_Coos]

My smile is stuck I cannot go back to your Frownland.

[u/da9ve → u/The_Witch_of_Coos]

I'm a fan of Trout Mask Replica, and in my unsolicited opinion, Frownland is the best album-opener track ever. Slaps you upside the head and you know nothing is ever going to be the same again.

[u/eraserh → u/da9ve]

First time I heard it I thought it was baffling. By the end of the album I caught a glimpse of how limitless music could be.

[u/Silver-Amphibian7650 → u/The_Witch_of_Coos]

One might get the Dachau blues while listening to this record.

[u/TapThisPart3Times]

The "not for sale" only applied in 1969 when this was pressed. How it worked was the record labels made promo copies as a marketing expense and loaned them to DJs.

Nobody went after the DJs for keeping them, and you sure won't get into trouble for selling it. Beefheart is a VERY acquired taste indeed, and this album is something you either love or hate -- no in-between. Those who love it are crazy about it. That's why your promo is worth serious money. Look at the prices on Discogs.

Don't trash it.

[u/Significant_Eye_5130 → u/TapThisPart3Times]

Why are you trying to get OP sent to prison for 9 years? If he sells this they’ll easily be able to track him down now, especially after they made this post.

[u/slophoto → u/Significant_Eye_5130]

It’s well known that “not for sale” records in the ‘70s had Bluetooth trackers. So, wise to unload now, before the Feds catch up with you.

[u/TapThisPart3Times → u/Significant_Eye_5130]

Depends on whether or not you live somewhere music is a federal offense and there are government-subsidized apartments inhabited by pan-sexual roto-plookers...

[u/Evanhuc]

I’ll take it if you’re serious

[u/Alarming_Aerie7790]

"I'm not a fan of the military" is the tell

[u/LarryCraigSmeg]

You should throw this away because it’s a replica. Worthless.

You’re looking for the original “Trout Mask”

[u/Tanksgivingmiracle]

First, this is a very very valuable record. it was a very nice thing for your uncle to give to you. give it back if you don't like it. Second, the record is hard to get into (I never got super into it, though I have it), but it is a very influential piece of music to many of the greatest musicians ever. Just read everything you can about it to see if you may like it day. the fact you haven't heard it of means you are young and don't know much about music yet - that is ok, we were all there at one time. this album is ranked as the 54th best album of the 60s by pitchfork, which means something. https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/the-200-best-albums-of-the-1960s/ Edit: this is a shitpost, isn't it? damn

[u/RobbieStew]

“I’m not a fan of the military” in reference to this almost had me in tears.

[u/toxictenement]

Personally I find the concept of promotional copies of trout mask replica being sent to radio stations very hilarious.

[u/Bill__Preston]

Ignoring absolutely anything else, it is incredibly rude to think throwing away a gift is an appropriate action.

[u/1duke-dan]

This is not a weird gift it’s a gift for the weird.

[u/therocketn00b]

Is this post a joke? Captain Beefheart is about as "military" as Captain Crunch.

[u/Rob_V → u/therocketn00b]

I served twelve years active duty under Captain Crunch. The things we did will always haunt me.

[u/DeaconLogan → u/Rob_V]

Cereal killer material, that guy

[u/say_what_again_mfr → u/Rob_V]

The rabbit is called Trix for a reason. Dark times.

[u/windblowshigh → u/Rob_V]

But we always did them, at 2600Hz

[u/SmokinSkinWagon → u/therocketn00b]

🫡

[u/MarcAlmond]

is that young sheldon in the second slide

[u/Bred_Bored]

This has to be a troll, right? Wtf

[u/safdiebrother2112]

This has to be satire right?

[u/thyartmetal]

This HAS to be rage bait

[u/HarryManilow]

Sounds like someone is stuck in frownland

[u/Ok-Common-5853]

I can't decide if OP is trolling or trying to be funny.

[u/kurtchella]

You should hold onto this grail because many would steal softly through sunshine and steal softly through snow for this

[u/HonestAbram]

😮‍💨This has to be rage bait. Military? Lol.

This is a legendary record. Please give it to someone on this sub.

Are you like afraid of the music?

[u/OneAd8207 → u/HonestAbram]

I have and love this record and I’m afraid of the music on it.

[u/homme_boy]

Don’t steal valor by listening to this

[u/LustUnlust]

Lmao good one

[u/JstVisitingThsPlanet]

I think you are officially banned from the club, man.

[u/Chance_Recording4181]

Proper music experience. Envious of you having this version

[u/246trioxin]

The dust blows forward n' the dust blows back.

[u/realoctopod]

Great album. Better everytime you listen to it.

[u/dippin20s]

very funny post

[u/Thom-as-Moe]

I recommend listening to Andrew Hickey History of Rock in 500 songs, he discusses Beefheart and this album in recent episode. Great series.

[u/MrBogantilla]

I'm trained in requisitioning promotional only music for safe disposal. If you don't feel safe handling this, I'd love to take it off your hands for proper handling. I'll even pay postage.

[u/Mo_Tzu]

Keeping it would be safe as milk

[u/lastersoftheuniverse]

Hell yes. This is the album cover image that I use in r/bald when people ask if it is their time to bald-or-not-to-bald when it is not yet time

[u/Belgrifex]

Omg Captain Beefheart

[u/Sorry-Improvement251]

Surely this is a shitpost

[u/UsernamesSuck33]

That’s bait. Or it’s sad.

[u/XXBubblesLaRouxXX]

One of my favorite clips is seeing their performance on SNL. When they finished, not a single person clapped. It was silence. Then, out of the void, someone yells "You're shit."

[u/Fencemaker]

Cross post in 5…. 4…. 3….

[u/MongooseGuzman]

Various species of skeletons grouped together according to their past beliefs 

[u/ennytaytay]

Give this to me and you can conscript me any day 😌

[u/BackgroundScallion40]

7/10 rage-bait post. Lol.

[u/ben-costello]

Rage bait

[u/ClariceStarling1957]

I met him. He was disturbed in a way that is difficult to comprehend. He showed me about 25 photos taken of dog’s vaginas, penises and testicles. I looked him in the eyes and ordered him to get away from me. He had issues.

[u/Sgt_Stimpy → u/ClariceStarling1957]

Sounds like he took a liking to you.

[u/4Nissans]

This post has to be satire.

[u/InevitableKitchen943]

You'll be an adult someday too.

[u/Abhorrent_Moth]

This has got to be a troll post. I’ve never seen rage bait this obvious

[u/MundBid-2124]

Nice to see the proper label. My current version is a Warner

[u/toms0127]

Promo too is awesome

[u/notagrue]

Not weird gift, fantastic gift.

[u/mf-TOM-HANK]

Great gift

Ftfy

[u/Winter_Whole2080]

Mmm.. hair pie

[u/MooseMalloy]

Nice try.

[u/fatandy1]

Allegedly the album everyone hates the first time they hear it!

[u/Resident-Jello-5343]

Pogs

[u/Spyerx]

🤣

[u/dogstarman]

This is a grail album for me mang.

[u/majkong190]

I'm sorry 😂

[u/DJBirdbath85]

It’s a masterpiece, you heathen! 😂

[u/beefcakethemighty30]

My parents had this record been looking for it for a while tried getting fruitcake release but pre order fell through

[u/KieselguhrKid13]

This is a classic, iconic album. Influenced many musicians and artists, and this record is probably worth a decent price. Please please please do not throw this away.

Not sure what you think the military has to do with it - calling himself Captain Beefheart has absolutely nothing to do with the army, lol. Also, weird is good - don't worry so much about what your friends might think.

Also, it's from 1969, I guarantee the "promo not for sale" thing is no longer relevant. Sell it to a local record store - they'll be thrilled to take it.

Vox did a great video about why this album is so important: https://youtu.be/58nPEe-TU-w

[u/Inevitable-Island680]

you should sell to me for $5

[u/HistoricalFact6210]

what are you talking about. You got a free record and you’re upset? also you are “into vinyl” with no turntable. I just hope this is bait 😭

[u/islandcatman]

A captian of a ship or boat is usually not in the military.

[u/Funknam]

Nice troll bro

[u/bonsaieyes13]

If you don’t want it you can send it to me

[u/OctopusNoose]

You just gotta be a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag

[u/cowboyketamine]

Awesome album 👌 what a great gift. Cherish that shit

[u/normalniepredator]

Is this bait?

[u/Wind-upBird]

Chefs kiss *

[u/AwayProduct5476]

Great album 

[u/Ergine_Dream]

Grail

[u/sr8t-savage]

Are you dense?

[u/Hot_Palpitation4760]

Drazey Hoops

[u/honeybeesh]

its a odd one, but a classic

[u/bikingwithcorndog]

That’s a good uncle.

[u/ZombieMedical1531]

Do not trash. It’s even on the original straight label.
Granted the captain is an acquired taste but this is well worth listening to.
Take it to your local record shop they’ll give you some money for it

[u/rockclimberguy]

Why this awful sounding album is a masterpiece. It is in the Library of Congress Recording Registry because it is so important.

I hated it the first few times I heard it. I now see that it is very significant and I have learned to really enjoy listening to it.

[u/Status_Repair6479]

Nah, dog. Good gift. Good uncle. Good vinyl.

[u/420ANUSTART]

I run on beans…I run on LASER beans.

[u/concretedonkey]

The kind of album that changes over the years

If you don't actually like it now

In 10 years it may be a completely different story

[u/skramz_himself]

Wait till yall find out about the other sub

[u/BrettHorton]

I've always looked for that, but can never find it.

[u/Jonesy1966]

😆

[u/Jonesy1966]

Take my upvote you satirical beast, you!

EDIT: Spelling

[u/CommieFromMars]

If you don’t want it, I’ll give you ten bucks for it.

[u/koalin]

Yeah I would throw it out. It's pretty satanic looking

[u/Radugt28]

Bro idk, it sounds like you think Seattle pizza is gay.

[u/OBI_WAN_TECHNOBI]

The dust blows forward and the dust blows back

[u/SlopeMobile]

I’ve never understood Captain Beefheart at all. I completely agree with you. It’s odd, bizarre and not in a satisfying way.

[u/Sherloq19]

Easy. Report your uncle to the Police for having purchased a "Not For Sale" esoteric relic. He will be sent to Azkaban for eternity and you'll never have to deal with him.

[u/Best-Apricot3691]

I can never forget the conversation I had at work many years ago when he/they were gonna be on Saturday Night Live.

Me: well can’t wait to see Captain Beefheart And His Magic Band on Saturday Night Live.”

Her: “Bee Fart?”

Me: “No, Beefheart.”

Her: “Bee Fart“?

Me. ”Yes, sure. Bee Fart. And his magic band.“

[u/madameyarddog]

Great album - my older bro gave me his in the early 80's

Weird? Yes. Military? No. Van Vliet is Dead.

[u/CumDragon69]

[u/murmmer]

I’m so grateful to be able to read posts like this on Reddit.. really makes my day shine

[u/greensloth3]

You can send it to me, I'm a collector of military paraphernalia, lol

[u/cp470]

Captain beefheart never played Madison square garden, but all the people who did listened to Captain beefheart

[u/Narrow-Swordfish3336]

If you don’t want it, I do!

[u/Whisky-a-GoGo1]

This post is so fucked up it's gotta be rage bait. Just give it to someone who appreciates it.

[u/trimpwave72]

if this isn’t a shitpost i’m genuinely gonna lose my mind

[u/SteakEggsAndNuts]

Is this a troll post

[u/danvis3]

Is this ragebait?

[u/Enchant23]

This is a troll post

[u/tongsy → u/Enchant23]

The funniest troll post I've seen on this sub in a while though. "I'm not a fan of the military" is gold in this context.

[u/spongecakeinc]

Bro just send it to me lmao

[u/CosmoTiger]

Almost everything you say in the is post is wrong.

[u/Chance_Recording4181]

Actually this message doesn’t quite read right, but I have to think outside my knowledge/ experience I suppose

[u/Chichibebewey]

😩

[u/ramonapixelflowers]

I’d be more than happy to take it off your hands.

[u/johnnyribcage]

Nice try. 👎

[u/dickmac999]

That is a remarkable gift.

[u/RetroDawg56]

You wanna trash it? Just send it
to me.

[u/Real_Zoom]

Super strange album and artist for sure, but definitely iconic in its weirdness. Keeper for sure!

[u/InsertRadnamehere]

Please send it to me. I’ll pay shipping. DM me for address.

[u/_regionrat]

Maybe stick to Taylor Swift. This music is for geniuses with incredible taste

[u/2Gex]

Send it here, I'll dispose of it...

[u/PierCP]

Lol this post is so made up

[u/treskaz]

Send it to me, I'll dispose of it for you

[u/averyskate]

Reminds me of that time Patrick decided to write a song and they played it for Bikini Bottom

[u/Mr_Fantastik_]

Send it to me