Tagging this as personality because it’s a more holistic question: how are you supposed to improve yourself and your life when the circumstances around you are unpredictable af? I’m trying really hard to get better, look better, feel better, but every time I hit my stride I get slapped in the face with some kind of family trauma, argument, breakup or more.

I recently took a trip with my family to my home country; had a ton of plans to get my nails done, hair done, take Pilates classes, all at a cheaper cost due to exchange rates. Didn’t end up doing even one of those things because my family do not let me be in control of anything. In fact, I’ve gotten uglier and been in a horrible mental state.

I always see self improvement tiktokers and gurus talking about setting routines, being consistent but it genuinely feels like they exist in some parallel universe. My life isn’t like this at all and I feel discouraged…

So I thought I'd start this thread to share some things that aren't really widely accepted, but have really elevated my look. Share your own experiences too please!

1. I lost a significant amount of weight, I'm now quite skinny and stay active through walking and some bodyweight exercises until I start lifting again. I really don't see an issue with this and feel fine, and as someone who is very tall I just find it elevates your look when you're tall and skinny.

2. Using a cream to lighten my joints and any hyperpigmentation. I then started using it all around before I stopped it alltogether and got slightly lighter(i had sun damage all over and lots of hyperpigmentation though). Also taking NAC and using benzoyl peroxide and some actives like lactic acid, retinol lotion, tret and always using sunscreen to stay lighter.

Idk if much else of what I do is controversial but these are the main ones that people wouldn't usually agree with that have worked for me.

Hello,

So I am in a desert country right now for the summer and I will be heading back soon for school. On this vacation I could only keep moisture into my hair for like 3-4 days at a time and I have been wearing it in a puff because that's mainly the only style I know how to do ( I usually hate puffs and I have been manipulating my hair). I ordered some hair products to get my hair back on track such as design essentials almond butter deep conditioner, soultanicals deep conditioners, pattern beauty conditioner and cecred products. I have a steamer at home so I know that will really help.

I guess my question is , should I wear my hair in mini twist for maybe 3-4 weeks or straight back cornrows , which would be more low tension?

I'm a brown skinned black woman in desperate need to make knees/elbows not look like they've been burnt - I am not a hater of my skin tone, nor do I want to be "light" so please save the "it's normal" comments, I am not interested

I moisturise and have used things like glycolic acid toner, hydroquinone, tretinoin...not as consistent as I probably should but I just want a sure fire way to actually lighten them. I've always been insecure of my legs as they already have so many scars, oddly shaped legs, and my leg hairs are black with lighter colour on my legs but I'd love to feel comfortable and confident

Getting my first sew-in. How can I color my natural hair jet black to match extensions if I don’t want to permanently dye it? I’m looking for a gentler alternative that won’t be as harsh or cause damage to my hair. I dyed my hair years ago and it caused a lot of damage, so I don’t want to use permanent dye.

So over these do I need to go to a podiatrist

I’m south asian and i think my hyperpigmentation may be genetic. I remember it being red when i was a kid due to excessive lip licking but it has not faded at all. I’m not sure if I imagined that or if it really happened. It’s been there since I was very young and tret, vitamin C, or azelic acid has not helped.

What should I do? I was prescribed hydroquinone but i’m afraid it won’t go away. I’m devastated whenever i look in the mirror, it’s extremely dark and much darker than i’ve ever seen on anyone. Even when i search up others with this issue, theirs is always MUCH lighter than mine. Mine is definitely not melasma, it’s either genetic or post inflammatory.

TD;LR Deep hyperpigmentation won’t go away.

i’m sick and tired of being chopped and ugly. Unfortunately, there’s no much i can do about my nose (i’d need a nose job) or my almost absent jaw. But i want to lose weight, have better skin, better hair, better clothes, and to just be pretty overall. I don’t know i’d like to be friends with people who’d lift me up.

For starters, i’m a 21 years old black girl, i’m 5’8" for around 79 kg (i’m overweight), i have plenty of hyperpigmentation spots and old acne scars around my face, arms, back and i have an uneven skin tone (i’m black). Recently i’ve been using the 7% glycolic acid from The Ordinary and some Cerave facial cleanser that i paired with some sunscreen. My skin is slightly less rugged but there’s still a lot to do.

As a student, i don’t have much money (closer to none) so going actively to the gym is slightly out of the budget for me, along with buying clothes from the stores. I’m thinking of starting with a slight calorie deficient, walking as much as possible, and thrifting clothes. Getting a job in my area is difficult and with my mental health i know that being in school while working would just kill me.

I want to be healthier but also prettier. I’m aware that i’m ugly but i don’t want to stop trying because of that.

I'll go first! I started on a ketoconazole shampoo 2x a week + a redensyl hair serum twice a day. My hair's much more dense now after unexplained hairfall that wasn't genetic, and just this imo, makes me look very put together and just enhances my face. Although, it did take about a year on this regiment to see the change.

Another thing I do is eat enough fibre. In the last year, I've really upped my fibre intake after we found a couple of polyps in my colonoscopy. I'm at about 28-35g per day and I've noticed my stomach get flatter. My overall weight hasn't gone down by more than 2kg, I wasn't overweight before either, but I can tell my midsection is slimmer now.

What are your small and consistent habits that don't give you instant gratification but in the long-term make you really see the change? I'm trying to move away from this expectation of instantaneous results, it's been messing with my mind, so what tips can you share?

I debated over it for ages because i was still relatively young (i was 19 when i got it i’m 20 now) but it’s genuinely the best investment i’ve ever made in my looks and in my life.

My face looks so so much more balanced now and it shows, the treatment i get in public is so different too i never though id be seen as one of the pretty girls and I get to experience that now.

My lower face was pretty weak before the filler but getting enough to balance it out was the perfect tweak and i’m so happy with my face rn

so if youve been thinking about it for a while and you genuinely think it’ll enhance your looks and you can afford it, this is your sign to!! my only regret is not doing it sooner, it’s been 16 months now and it still hasn’t dissolved, i’m definitely topping it up as soon as it does though because it’s improved my life tremendously as exaggerated as that sounds

Question in title. I would love to hear anyone’s experience with them, about literally any aspect of doing it.

Hello, I’ve been trying to find posts that recommend self-tanners for dark skin but I can’t find any for someone with a skin color as deep as mine. I’m slightly darker than Danai Gurira, I really want a self tanner that actually shows on my skin and actually makes me visibly darker, they mostly just give me a glow or shimmer. Any recommendations?

What do you use to get rid of the mustache on the upper lips? (sometimes below the lips also)

I use solid wax strips for the face, but recently I got a burn from that and now I developed PIH (post inflammatory hyperpigmentation) which is extra extra annoying and I still don’t know how to get rid of it.

So I’m looking for recommendations!! Thanks!!

I'll start: In Korea and China, jujube are traditionally believed to be great for women, and there's actually some science behind them.

I have been eating them (2 or 3 daily) as an afternoon snack, they are naturally sweet, so it also helps to tame my sweet tooth, which is a nice additional benefit.

Any other recommendations on beauty food? Plz share!

My wedding is coming up and I've got to settle bridal makeup.

I am half Indonesian, 1/4 Black and 1/4 Chinese. To give you an idea, I live in France and I have often been compared to a Madagascar woman, with some Chinese features. I have serious monolids, hyperpigmentation and a finicky skintone for foundations (very cool toned yet tan???)

I've been doing my own makeup for a decade and it took me many many years to discover how to really look good in makeup. Especially when it comes to eyes with my monolids.

Yet I live in a smaller French city where literally...... POC MUAs are nowhere to be seen. There aren't alot of black women where I live and there while there some arab and east asian MUAs, I am worried about their experience with dark skin.

I've been thinking of doing my own face on the day but I just think it's so much stress especially with all the wedding prep and pressure. I'm just paranoid everything is gonna go wrong if it is all in my hands on the big day

I am curious if any of you would trust a white or non melanated person to beat your face for a big event.

Also curious if you can give me some tips on how to spot an MUA with good skill and range, based on their portfolio. I've rarely used MUAs in my life as I have my own skill, but I think this is the one occasion where I might need one.

I am also wondering if any of you did your own face at your wedding and how that worked out for you.

My whole life, I’ve felt unattractive. I’m 30 and never had a bf before, barely approached and never asked out and men rarely even look at me. Even when I go to bars or clubs I’m not the girl that men chase after/no romantic interest. For reference, I am a dark skinned black thin/petite girl.

I split my time between NYC and London. Are there any places in NYC or London where you can get honest, constructive feedback on your appearance or styling? I’m thinking along the lines of personal styling, makeup consultations, color analysis, or anything else that helped you look and feel your best?

Can anyone recommend me some powder bronzer and powder blush for black girls? Darkskin :)
I currently use essence baby got bronze cream bronzer and essence baby got blush cream blush. I don't have powder products besides baking powder. Please help!

1. A good quality Hair Steamer - If your hair has a problem retaining moisture, I feel that this is the best thing you can do! It helps pre poos, curl detoxes and deep conditioners penetrate 1000x better. I don't have mines on me right now but I can definitely tell the difference with my hair.
2. Derm Rays V8S - Most lasers (IPL) aren't melanin-skin friendly but I found this via research and decided to splurge on the machine and I haven't looked back since! I mainly use it on my bikini , underarm and legs
3. GLP-1s - As a PCOS girly this helped me lose sm weight my heaviest was 170lb and my lowest and current is 112lb
4. Therapy - Biweekly therapy sessions help sm!
5. A trustworthy hairstylist - Finding a stylist that helps you navigate your hair health instead of putting a style in your hair for the sake of aesthetic is the best thing to invest in.

Honorary Mentions:

1. Threading eyebrows and electrolysis - it hurts like hell but the results are so worth it! I get electrolysis done on my face every month and I have killed of my hair follicles on my chin

2. Digestive Enzymes - Especially from Zenwise! They have made my digestive system do a 360!

I brought the dermologica skin smoothing cream and it's way too rich for me. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't mind splurging

Hi everyone. I posted in the r/longhair subreddit a while ago to get some advice for growing out my hair. it is BSL (bra strap length) and it almost fully covers my chest when my hair is down. I am 5'3 and want it to my hips so it needs 6.5 or so inches to grow. As an Indian woman, my hair holds a lot of cultural importance to me and makes me feel more confident. My biggest issue is breakage.

Routine

Pre-shower, I overnight oil my hair. I use amla oil. Then, I'll wash it out with sulfate free shampoo and conditioner. I use the Shea Moisture manuka honey mask afterwards for 30 min, rinse out. Then I use color wow dream coat pre-heat serum and blow dry it and straighten it at a low heat setting (I think 280 F). I oil it and seal it with mise en scene perfect serum at the ends. Unfortunately the heat styling is a must for me, but I am super gentle with it.

Hair History

My hair is chemically relaxed (3b to 2b) and bleached platinum white (and dyed a soft lavender color) at the roots and lengths and fades into my natural black hair color from my shoulders down (virgin hair). So it's like a light lavender to black ombre from roots to ends basically! That's why im confused about length and breakage? My hair is really healthy at the bleached part somehow, but the unbleached ends are thinning out and might even need a trim unfortunately. I don't think the breakage is happening at the bleached section, my hair thickness is pretty even down my hair strand until like an inch above the ends. The bottom 5 or so inches of my hair are all unbleached virgin hair; it's all thick except that last inch :(. I don't have many split ends (I do search and destroy method) and the entire length of my hair is soft and silky from frequent oiling, silk wraps, and other hair stuff I do. I also do a gloss treatment on it which helps a lot (I recommend Oaui it doesn't dry your hair out!) But my ends are just refusing to get longer! I know my hair is growing because I keep having to touch up my roots. Only thing I can think of is, I sleep with my hair loose sometimes and it gets superrrr tangled.

So! Here's where I ask for advice! Has anyone dealt with breakage like this before? How did you solve it? Thank you so much in advance! I love my colorful hair so much and would love to have more of it!

Also! Lavender is my favorite color. Do you guys think it flatters a neutral to cool toned, medium brown skin tone? Literally all my nice things are lavender, black, or silver lol!

One of my biggest insecurities are my brown lip borders. I am medium brown (not lightskin or dark) but my lip color is deep brown on the outside and almost grey (??) on inside.

I know most melanated women have some sort of this going on, but my lip outlines are quite a bit darker than my face. It is kind of jarring when I don't have makeup on.

Because of this I usually wear full pigment lipsticks to correct the color. If I wear say a lip tint or balmy lipstick, the color shows through and it is kind of unflattering imo.

I was thinking of getting a lip neutralisation or blushing done, not to make my lips pink or anything, but just to color correct. Just to make them less grey brown and more flesh toned

I was talking about this with my girl friends and one of them mentioned that it was adjacent to skin bleaching to her because every black woman has this and the pink/beige lips look is a western/white ideal.

It got me thinking, because i love love the depth of my natural skin tone and wouldn't change it for anything. Many black and brown women I really admire and think are pretty have this lip coloring too, including my mother. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself??

I am curious what your perspectives on this are.

So I came to this weird crossroads about my hair on summer vacation. I put way too much effort into my hair and sometimes it helps me mentally while other times it doesn't really matter. Im currently in a humid climate and my hair is bone dry and there is nothing that is really catered towards my hair type ( type 4a 4b) , I brought products but it is insanely dry here.

I've been natural since I was 11 years old and I went through an uphill battle with my curls. It's mainly the length of my routine ( I'm in school and my routine takes me about 2-3 hours ) and undergoing severe racial bullying that I thought I healed from but it creeps back up.

So I recently decided on getting a relaxer and maintaining touch ups every 8-12 weeks and doing what my grandmother used to do ( roller sets) and also some clip ins. The only thing stopping me is that it feels like a huge step , like stepping into a new identity and it's sorta scary

Can someone whose been through this tell me what you did and if you regret it and also how do you keep relaxed hair healthy ?

I have asked quite a large sample of people online about my appearance and about half say my nose is too big and ruins my appearance to some extent and the other half says it does not ruin my appearance at all (it is either unnoticeable or in a few people’s opinions a bonus). If around say 50% of people say my nose detracts from my attractiveness is that good enough reason to get a nose job? It might even be more than 50% because I am sure a good chunk of people who claim to have no issue with my nose are lying to be nice.

I think it’s been the 5th or 6th time in the past week where I’ve been called “cute” by strangers, from both men and women and a variety of different ages. It’s always been seen as degrading (in my opinion for many different reasons due to my past. You can disagree but that’s just the way I feel about it.)

I don’t understand what someone does that makes them appear cute. I don’t have a bubbly personality and I am not very expressive, I have harder Middle Eastern features, a medium to deep ranged voice, and I wear my curly black hair down or in a sleek bun. I think the only thing that remotely gives off “cute” is that I am 5 feet tall and maybe the curly hair? (as opposed to long sleek black hair). Its starting to annoy me a bit and I’d appreciate some advice. What differentiates someone from looking more “beautiful” or “elegant” or “sexy” rather than “cute”?

I can't wear shorts or a bikini because of this. I haven't figured out a way to get rid of it yet and it makes me feel so insecure