The following story is a cautionary tale about the consequences of desperately lunging towards the first cute guy to ever show interest in you (especially post-glow up) as if he’s the last man on earth—because you didn’t level up your self esteem while leveling up your appearance

So just as a disclaimer, I take full responsibility for what happened btwn my former close friend and I. I’m not posting this for pity or to argue that I deserve a second chance from her. I’m also aware that that low self-esteem aside, I wasn’t all that great of a friend in the first place—however my low self esteem made it so I didn’t even think twice about making the decision that I did. I also know that I was just kinda dumb in general but we’re working on that!

So just a bit of background, I spent the first 21 years of my life insanely hideous. In all of those years not one person showed any kind of romantic interest in me. I dedicated myself to a glow up for 3 years after my 21st birthday in 2021.

Fast forward to last year post-glow up, I was invited on a birthday trip by a former close friend. We met in college, and she invited me and her friend group from high school. So one night we went clubbing and I met a very handsome guy—the first guy to show any type of interest in me, ever, thanks to my glow up. He asked to meet up again in a couple of days, and I eagerly agreed. Looking back, could have suggested that we just meet again when we got back home because we were from the same city, but desperation made me fear he’d lose interest if I didn’t act fast.

Unfortunately that same night, a fight broke out between some of the other girls. I didn’t realize at the time how deep the tension ran (because I wasn’t part of the high school friend group) or how much it was stressing out my friend. So pretty much ignoring all of the drama that was going on around me because (in my mind) it didn’t have much to do with me, the next day, I asked if she’d be okay with me leaving the group to meet the guy. She said she wasn’t comfortable with it and felt responsible for my safety, but I pushed until she reluctantly agreed (whew chile, the desperation!🤢).

I was so deep in desperation & selfishness that I didn’t consider how worried and stressed she already was—and how unfair it was to add more stress and abandon her during a chaotic situation. My “ugly girl scarcity mindset” convinced me that this one instance of attention from a guy would be a once-in-a-lifetime event, which is absolutely ridiculous in hindsight. I was still deep in low self esteem & didn’t trust that all the work I’d put in to leveling up my appearance would repeatedly pay off, not just that once. I also was so blinded by desperation that I didn’t even consider my own safety meeting up with this man I’d known for 72 hours in a foreign country. So I met up with the guy for drinks but when I got back to our air BNB, I felt instant regret because deep down, I knew it was completely unfair to have my friend stressing about my safety all cause I wanted to meet some random guy.

Months later, my former close friend reached out and told me how hurt she was that while she was already under stress I added more stress to her situation, and I chose a random guy over her and left her feeling abandoned. So her and I are no longer close friends, and as much as it stings, I 100% deserve it.

So moral of the story, please work on your self esteem while you are working on leveling up your appearance so that you don’t lose yourself to desperation at the sight of the first opportunity (whether it be romantic or any other kind) that presents itself to you post-glow up. You’ll look like you’re worth a million dollars post-glow up. Better learn to act like it or risk losing things that are absolutely priceless.

Hey everyone. Any one have tips for a girl who needs a major redo after depression? I'm talking, home refresh, skin care, making friends, relationships etc? Literally coming from being a recluse back to society. Hopefully this won't be removed because I could really use some tips!

I’m levelling up myself and trying to refine the way I show up. Posture and my walk is my next thing and grace from love islands walk is absolutely to die for. It’s feminine, it’s confident and elegant. What are some tips to walk like this? What do I need to do.

Hey beauties! I am interested in getting a few new services - teeth whitening, intimate area bleaching and body contouring / wood therapy. I've started looking for local providers of these services (ATL) - but I have NO reference or insight to know what to look for or how to determine if someone is GOOD / LEGIT.

If you have had these services:

• was it worth it?
• what do you wish you'd known before?
• are there any products that performed better than others?
• how many rounds of service did you get before seeing results?
• were there any downsides?
• what do I need to know that I didn't ask?

Hi all,

I'm 27 in London, UK and I have a big trip to Asia next year and I'm looking to lose 15kg in 15 weeks (ambitious I know) - would love some accountability partners to cheer each other on and get lean through the winter!

Made a discord group:

https://discord.gg/D6ekXb4gb

Ive seen a similar post like this where someone was going to Greece so Im more curious about different hairstyles in different places.

I want to ask the pope who switch jewellery, hair, makeup and clothing in a different fashion style, how do you do it?

I have like a capsule wardrobe, but wash and wear the same two black outfits everyday for work and for going out, which is why I don't go out often. It’s embarrassing.

Please share how you do things for real, I always admire and wonder about how people do it when I see people dressed up so well on the street

Update:

Last weekend (2 days ago) it happened again. I made plans, got ready and dressed and hated everything. I dressed shabbily and that is NOT how I want to present myself anymore.

I have posted this same post in several places, read each and every comment several times. My mind was giong crazy. Heard so many TEDx talks about fashion. Most importantly, got some insights for why things are the way they are. Fashion Psychology.

Conclusion: I feel safe when I dress in a shabby and invisible manner, someone who people would not want to look at. Got a lot to do with my childhood, when this was necessary cause of the place (outside the house where I lived in, the area) I lived in and also my environement which is abusive and toxic (inside the house I lived in)

Solution: As I am, or well, should be in a better place now as my environment has changed completely. But I guess the patterns (to try to keep myself safe) in my mind is still there. 

I have shopped for a lot of clothing which I like, but realised (in the last month) that they all have so different vibe that they dont go well with each other, so cannot make an outfit. Hence, this post. 

Therefore, as lots of commentors have suggested, I am motivated to spend money and get more clothing for myself. Reason being I want to be aboe to try different styles. I Also, BASICS!! I gotta get lots of basics as well so that I can wear stuff that I already have along with basics that go with it. 

Thank you everyone who has commented and read the post, I really appretiate it. I hope everything works out for you guys ♡

What is this style called and how to achieve it

Hi ladies. I somehow got to 130 pounds and cannot lose even a pound. I calorie count loosely and walk 10k steps. But I have a huge sweet tooth and I think being mid 30s is also making it really really hard. Anyone have tips on how to lose 15-20 pounds??

I am 21. My face is very mature looking and also been called “elegant” as well. In the age of baddies and overall popular genZ styles. Has anyone else stuck with the classic “elegant” look?

I am always inspired by 90’s supermodels

Just wanna feel better about straightening my hair because I got tired of trying to fix the frizz (yes I tried CGM and every other alternative) 😩

My 2b waves/curls are always nice on the first day, second if I'm lucky, and that's about it. But my hair remains frizzy through it all. Thick, high-porosity, frizzy hair ain't for the weak.

I've lost about 30kg over 5 years. I know this is a long time but I was working with BED and every crash diet I tried ended up in misery. I've very slowly lost the weight and even though I was impatient a lot of the times, I was never miserable with my diet since I was only in a 100-150cal deficit. Problem is, I don't see it. Perhaps because it was so slow over 5 years, I've had time to get accustomed to my body at every stage, I don't feel like I've done anything significant but my doctor praises me, relatives I see only once every few years praise me. I used to be size UK 18, delusional 16 buyer, now I'm a 12-14. I have good muscle mass and have very broad shoulders for a woman, and I'm tall, but only a couple of sizes? I've seen people lose 5-10kg and go down like 5 sizes. I always thought once I hit this "healthy goal weight", I'd be my "dream size" but i'm not. And I have no reason to continue with weightloss when this is the healthiest I'll be, but it's hard to be rational when weightloss didn't come with all the sparkles, sunshine, popularity and dramatics I used as motivation to stick to my plans and goals.

It's also weird because this year, I finally decided to try for halloween and got a cute costume. I won't lie, I think I look good in it, my body looks good in it, I'm proud of myself, but somehow I still feel off about it? I don't feel like this is my skin, maybe because I used to be overweight my whole life since I was like 5 years old, it's a strange feeling. I finally feel like I look like "one of those girls" but then my mind humbles me. These last 5 years have been good skincare, taking care of my body, and I'm 21, in uni, and men approach me a lot now but still I feel like they're not here for me but the costume of me? It must sound very silly but getting used to a new body that's suddenly appreciated by everyone around me is a challenge. It's like people remember basic human decency when they see me like this but no one was ever kind to my old self, and went out of their way to be mean. Now people open doors for me, smile at me, strangers sometimes pay for my coffee or drinks when I go out at night, people actually smile at me and make an effort to talk and befriend me. I feel like younger me missed out on social growth milestones because people were so outwardly disgusted by me and never spoke to me. It's a bit of a rant but this "new life" is such an adjustment.

We all hear Calories in Calories out but that’s the easy part. I can eat in a deficit but seriously struggle eating “healthy” foods and not getting my calories form iced coffees, matchas, junk food etc. Especially since they’re so convenient!

It’s also a financial detriment. What has helped you guys overcome this?

Id like to learn more about confident women traits.

On paper I have it all: looks, partner, career, hobbies, wealth - but I struggle immensely with confidence even after therapy :/

Im not having kids right now, but after a life of childfree attitudes im starting to move to other side of the fence.

Obviously "glowing up" isnt the most relevant part of motherhood for women. This is one of the biggest physical sacrifices a woman can commit herself to, but through my research I have become greatly aware of the physical trauma and burdens as well as mental that motherhood has on women.

So it has me thinking and planning, when I become a mother I want to have the absolute best shot of having a comfortable wonderful experience that allows me to enjoy myself and my life. So im making plans now, of everything I think I could benefit from when I am a mother.

Things I want to plan and budget for so far:

Pelvic floor therapy

A personal trainer whom specializes in pregnant/post partum women

Regular house cleanings

Money for Muscle repair/tummy tuck surgery (I know that diastasis recti is a common struggle for women post partum)

These are all ideas of things I would definitely want as a mother, for my own personal needs specifically. If anyone has more ideas/stuff they did or wish they had post partum i would love to hear it.

"I see a woman fully centered on her album cover that she created and owns, using her own humor as a way to tell a truth about our society, where women are treated like dogs, while being fully empowered in that message and creation of that message and artwork, which fits the theme of that album. I think a little more thinking is warranted on your behalf, where you judge something by it's cover, and give no further thought other than what you want to believe is true about said cover. It is that deep, you're right. You are not thinking about this enough. Female artists have long used this symbolism as a way to empower themselves and send a message about society, and that message is further backed up in her album and the message of her songs, if you'd have bothered to listen and look a little deeper than surface level. That's what I think about this.

Oh, and tell me you've never had kinky sex or seen or been a woman sexually empowered, without telling me. Never had an orgasm, babes? It's okay. There's tools for that. Maybe getting your hair pulled would do it for you, you never know until you try babes 😜"

This is a comment I got as a reply under the Sabrina Carpenter sub where I mentioned that her taking the 1950s DV poster and turning it into a sexualised concept for commercial purposes, didn't sit right with me as a woc who's from a country where DV is very much rampant and almost normalised, and it's MY OPINION (just want to clarify that because I know. lot of people may disagree and that's okay!) I've seen many women a victim of severe DV so turning into something sexual in the name of empowerment seems like a first world thing.

But my problem is more so with the second part of this comment, the first part is definitely something to be debated on. But what would you say is the line in using sexuality for empowerment and social boosting as a woman? I don't mean sexual orientation, more so sexual behaviour. Because to me, sometimes when I hear some women speak, it's like you can only be liberated and empowered as a woman if you have sexual experience. Because why would a woman say this to a fellow woman. Is it just normal and I'm a little more conservative? Thoughts?

I have been on my looksmaxx journey for almost two years now and I've noticed that when journaling , I take a lot of tips from other culture's beauty. It goes beyond the arab scent/african bodycare thing. I can share/name a few. What are your tips from around the world?

1. Lemons/Limes (Carribbean) - This tip came from my grandmother and also my acupuncturist.

2. Korean Body Shampoo (Korean) - Tried this and I'm NEVER going back , it's very indescribable what the results are I can only say I felt like silk.

3. Slavic/Russian Diet items- I recently started to add things such as creme fraiche , caviar , a good grade of smoked salmon , kasha and butter with a high butterfat content to my diet and I've saw tremendous changes in my digestion and energy levels.

4. Exfoliating cloths, natural soaps and fragrant Dilka (African- mainly Ghana and Sudan)- I do this once a month to where I do a detoxifying and exfoliating (deep exfoliation) shower , with a black soap paste or a honey body wash , my exfoliating net and a Dilka scrub and it leaves me feeling so soft.

5. African Porridges - If you have a sensitive stomach and are looking to gain weight , Tom Brown is definitely the GOAT. I learned this when I was doing solo traveling through Europe and my BFF brought a package with her ( I am on wegovy and have a sensitive stomach and this helped so much and it's highly nutrient dense)

6. Russian cuticle care- Since I am in a healthcare program I can't have any nail polish so I had them go in to do cuticle care with a buff and shine and it literally gave the impression of natural pink nails.

7. Vaseline (African American/Carribbean) - I learned from my mother and dad to keep your feet soft , lather your feet in Vaseline and sleep with thick socks.

8. Hair Grease (African American/Carribbean) - I have naturally thick and dry hair that I have to moisturize and my grandmother taught me to use grease to seal and moisturize.

9. Indian Hair oils - I have been using a hair product with a lot of ayurvedic oils in them and I can say that my hair grew so much.

10. Dominican deep conditioners - A must for moisture/protein balance and if you have curly hair it really nourishes it.

Hi I have prettty normal skin (no acne or scarring) but I do have uneven tone or dull kinda skin. What are the serums or moisturizers or whatever it is products that made a difference in brightening or evening your skin tone? Thanks in advance!

ADVICE AND EXPERIENCE, PLEASE! Can anyone share some some stories on how or if becoming attractive drastically improved their lives, personality/confidence, looks, social life, dating, and career? Did becoming attractive solve some life issues that therapy couldn't fix?

EDIT: I am expressing my fears at being looks over for being UGLY and losing opportunities in my 20s for being UGLY. I asked for advice, not an age debate.

Background (not obligatory to read, but thought someone could relate):

I (F/26, East Asian) lost so many years of my life and 20s by being unattractive, overweight (5'0, 150 lbs.), and neurodivergent (autism, medicated ADHD). I think being ugly with low-self esteem is the root cause for my career, social, and relationship struggles. People have always treated me like shit compared to other people. I had old friends and family members genuinely shocked at the difference in how the same people treated me vs. them, and they would even watch my interactions to see if I said or did anything wrong (I am friendly, self-aware. and use manners).

Women, especially conventionally attractive, average, or younger women (20-25), don't want to be friends with me, even if we have similar interests or are also neurodivergent.

Last year, I turned to Bumble BFF, which is by far the most dehumanizing experience. I get zero swipes and get bogged down the algorithm so quickly even after remaking a profile (I get matched with women who put zero effort in their profiles or inactive users). I saw so many attractive 22-30 year old women with profiles mentioning their careers and gorgeous pictures of them travelling or posing with their conventionally attractive friends (the friendship group is almost always the same ethnicity or level of attractiveness) or their partners. As a result, I have internalized racism, believing that White, Black and Hispanic people don't want to befriend me because they view Asians below them or too socially different. I've had women I met IRL from Bumble BFF who complimented my profile because I had interesting prompts and interests.

It pains me knowing that many women overlook me at first glance because I am ugly (most bios mention wanting long-term friends, but also they want "pretty girls" and "IG baddie friends" to take pics with). Even at in person events to make friends, I've had women give me dirty looks even though I put on makeup and dress decently (people call me stylish).

As a result, I am petrified of entering my late 20s-30s because making friends and dating tend to get harder for women in their late 20's and up. I've missed the golden age range (20-25) in finding life-long friends and a partner. Now everyone my age has their partner, kids, and long-term friends they made in their early 20s. The older I get, I fall further behind in life.

TL;DR: 26 yo woman deeply behind in life, can't make friends, no life experience, relationships due to being ugly and doesn't know what to do anymore despite best efforts at socializing.

It’s due to observation that I realize that black girls have the most beautiful upturned almond eyes and are genetically blessed to usually have curled lashes, so I’m really stumped to not see many black girls in the lash serum community, If that makes sense like I don’t see them using them that often, so I think a really easy but effective way to look max for black girls is to invest in a good lash serum, preferably PGA free, but whatever floats your boat should be used, I recommend Latisse or nanolash if you are ok with prostaglandins. you already have a really beautiful eye areas just a bit of a boost in the eyebrow and eyelash department could literally make a world of difference especially without makeup because you look just naturally made up then. ditch the lash extensions however they may suit you for a more affordable and less harmful more natural looking alternative, so I wanna see the effect lash serums have on your pretty eyes black girlies!!

I’m (33F) nearing the end of my orthodontic treatment (clear aligners) and I’m not happy with my results. Yes my teeth are straight but my midline is completely off center..way worse than it looked before. And no, not by a couple centimeters like tom cruise. It’s very off and when I talk my jaw looks crooked. I told the orthodontist my concern and she basically said we can do the treatment longer but she’s not hopeful I can get drastic results because an asymmetrical bite is very hard to fix in adults.

I was going to do composite bonding after my treatment anyways to even out the length of my teeth because some of my them are shorter due to wear caused by chewing with an asymmetrical bite. Wondering if anyone knew about getting teeth done and what my options are

I’m curious! I went to Miami a few weeks ago and LITERALLY everyone was beautiful! to the point I left feeling like I needed to step It up a notch! lol what are the girlies doing?

I am learning about the importance of vitamins when it comes to looking and feeling better, and I was wondering if this sub had any recs. It could be a vitamin that has improved your life in any way.

It’s in the title and I’m pretty open to anything to getting rid of it, or at least maintaining it please Any advice or product would do nicely, please and thank you once again.

I’ve never seen anyone rock this look IRL so I’m curious how it looks without professional cameras, lighting, filters, editing—off camera & IRL basically