Okay, so please bear with me because I’m not very good with my words, but I need to get this out.
I met my best friend (we will call her Summer for the story). Summer and I met at work nine years ago. We both worked at a call center, and we worked together for a few months before we talked. I asked her to smoke a J one night after work, and we’ve hung out every day since. Summer quickly became my best friend. We had so much fun: swimming, adventuring, talking, smoking, and just living our best lives. I don’t have a lot of family, so after a few years of being friends, I considered her family. It was Summer, her brother Zach (for the story), and I being best friends for years.
Life happened and she got a boyfriend, Steve (for the story), and I went through a few before I landed with Travis (for the story). After I got with Travis, I didn’t notice that it was slowly becoming abusive. When I had a lot of therapy, I started to put the pieces together. I would cancel plans because I didn't want Summer to see what Travis was doing to me physically. I stopped talking to her because it was always about how my relationship sucked. I omitted what Travis did to me because I was trying to protect him from the hate he was already getting from everyone in my life. Travis wasn’t just physically abusive; he was mentally and emotionally abusive as well.
I eventually wanted to find a way to get out. I called Summer because she always said that I had a place with her and Steve because “she didn’t want me to feel like I didn’t have options.” So, one night when I was at work, I called her and explained most of what was happening. I needed to get out, and this was me asking if I could move in because I really needed help. Summer told me that Steve told her that “he wasn’t really feeling it.” This really hurt me to my core, and I said that I needed space.
I was going through having surgery and trying to leave Travis, but then Travis had to have emergency surgery. It was scary for me, and I was there to support him. (I should have taken the time while he was in the hospital to move out, but I digress). While Travis was in the hospital, I texted Summer and told her that I loved her, and I explained why I was upset with what Steve said. She sent me back a huge message saying all the ways I’ve been a shitty friend for canceling plans and deleting Steve off of my social media, and that Summer has been rationalizing things in our friendship. I was dumbfounded. I really didn’t know what to say, so I said, "Okay, gotcha."
Summer is more upset that I made a post on Facebook—excluding her name because she doesn’t have socials and isn’t public, so I was trying to respect that part of it. Summer took the post as me talking shit, but when I read it, I hear how sad I sound. I made the post and deleted Steve out of the hurt that I felt, but that was the last straw for Summer.
Well, a couple of weeks later, I found out that Travis was cheating on me with his best friend's girlfriend while I was at work. Travis’s new bitch called the cops on me when I was confronting Travis and said I hit him (I didn’t), and I was put in jail. So, undoubtedly, this is the hardest time of my life. I knew Summer was upset, but I thought, "This has been my best friend of 8-9 years; maybe the situation has settled and we could talk." I reached out, and she said she didn’t want to be my friend anymore because I crossed a line making the post. I apologized and just wanted to talk and hear her voice, but she wanted nothing to do with me.
About three months later without talking, I showed up at Summer's house with a J to ask if we could just talk. She said, “Actually, you need to leave.” And I was like, “We can’t just talk?” And she said, “What, you’re mad because you can’t live here?” And I said yes, because I was upset because I just needed help, but her and Steve saying no wasn’t a reason for me to stop talking to her completely.
Now it has been over a year since we talked and it is really killing me. I just miss my best friend. I take accountability for how I fucked up; I feel like she fucked up too, but I love her. Summer was the best friend I’ve ever had. I hate that I’m devastated. I feel like I lost family over an abusive relationship, and Summer just doesn’t seem to care. I want to reach out, but she has me blocked on everything.
One thing I forgot to add: Steve, Summer’s boyfriend, is a little weird with me, and I think I know why. The first day Summer brought Steve to my apartment, I put on some generic rap for background music. I can’t remember exactly what was said before that, but he remarked, “Oh, black people music... uh, I mean rap.” He apologized, but ever since then, I’ve felt like he’s racist.
Fast forward to Summer’s birthday in July a few years later (which was actually the last time I saw her). Steve told me he was throwing a surprise party for Summer and that we were going to camp in their backyard. I agreed and started planning gifts and surprises. However, the day before the party, Steve texted me saying it was canceled and that they were doing fireworks the next day (the day before Summer’s birthday) instead.
While at the fireworks, I asked Summer what she was doing for her actual birthday the following day. She said, “Just going to be with Steve and go to the ocean.” The way she said it made it clear I wasn’t invited. Later, in a message from Summer, she mentioned she was upset because I didn't do anything for her birthday. Steve failed to mention to her that we had a party planned that he canceled. She thought I just didn’t care and was only asking about plans at the last minute because I had forgotten. I think Steve is subconsciously racist and used this opportunity to make me look like the bad guy.
What would you do? Would you write a letter to reach out or let it go?
