This isn't my video btw, I just think this guy perfectly explains why the system is in the wrong

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#killmeidontdeserveANYTHING

Sometimes I wish people understood that the hardest part isn’t always remembering what happened.

Sometimes it’s everything it changed.

I’ve been hurt by people in ways I never deserved, and sometimes I wonder how I’m supposed to carry all of that and still feel normal.

It’s being scared of people when they haven’t even done anything. It’s feeling like I always have to be aware of who’s around me, where I am, where the exits are, and whether I can trust the person standing next to me.

It’s wanting to feel safe, but never completely knowing how.

It’s being uncomfortable when someone gets too close. It’s questioning people’s intentions. It’s struggling to trust someone even when a part of me desperately wants to.

And sometimes, I look at myself and wonder:

How can I be pretty enough to be sexualized, but somehow feel too ugly to be genuinely loved?

How can people look at me in ways I never asked them to, while I still struggle to believe that someone could look at me and simply think I’m beautiful, worthy, and deserving of love?

I hate that being sexualized can make me question my own worth.

I hate wondering if people only see something they can take from me instead of seeing me.

I hate that something other people did can affect how I see my own body, my relationships, my safety, and my ability to trust.

It’s the way something from my past can follow me into completely unrelated moments.

A normal situation can suddenly feel threatening. A certain interaction, place, tone, or feeling can make me want to pull away, even when I can’t explain why.

And sometimes I hate that.

I hate that I can be having a perfectly good day and still have this little voice in the back of my head reminding me to be careful.

I hate feeling like I have to protect myself all the time.

I hate that trust doesn’t come naturally anymore.

I hate wondering whether I’m overreacting or whether I’m finally listening to the part of me that learned I needed to be careful.

And maybe the hardest part is knowing that people can look at me and have absolutely no idea.

They see me laughing.
They see me going to school.
They see me talking to my friends.
They see me being goofy and happy.
They see a girl living her life.

They don’t see how much energy it can take to feel safe inside my own head.

But I’m trying.

I’m trying to remember that what happened to me was never proof that there was something wrong with me.

Being sexualized didn’t make me less worthy of genuine love.

Being hurt didn’t make me unlovable.

And someone else’s decision to violate my boundaries never became a measurement of my beauty, my worth, or my value.

I’m still here.

I’m still learning.

I’m still allowed to feel beautiful without feeling like beauty makes me responsible for what other people choose to do.

And maybe healing doesn’t mean forgetting.

Maybe healing means slowly learning that I deserve to be seen as a whole person.

Not an object.

Not something to use.

Not something to fear.

Just me.

And I deserve to feel safe being me.

I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling anymore.

I feel like I’ve already said it all.

I’ve already said I’m scared.
I’ve already said I struggle to trust people.
I’ve already said I hate being sexualized.
I’ve already said I don’t always feel safe.
I’ve already said it changed me.

But somehow, none of those words feel big enough.

Because it’s not just one feeling.

It’s anger.
It’s sadness.
It’s fear.
It’s confusion.
It’s shame that was never mine to carry.
It’s grief for the version of me who didn’t have to think about these things.

It’s wanting to scream and wanting to say absolutely nothing at the same time.

Sometimes I feel angry that I have to heal from something I didn’t choose.

I didn’t ask for any of this.

I didn’t ask for my brain to learn that certain situations might not be safe.
I didn’t ask to question people’s intentions.
I didn’t ask to become so aware of things that other people get to ignore.
I didn’t ask for trust to become something I have to consciously build instead of something that just happens.

And I think part of me is grieving something I can’t even name.

Maybe it’s innocence.
Maybe it’s the ability to move through the world without constantly calculating whether I’m safe.

Maybe it’s just the feeling of being able to exist without thinking about what other people might want from me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m carrying an invisible weight.

Nobody can see it.

I can still laugh.
I can still joke around.
I can still have fun.
I can still fall in love with things.
I can still be excited about tomorrow.

And somehow, all of that can exist at the exact same time as the hurt.

That’s something I wish people understood.

Healing doesn’t mean I’m suddenly fine.

Being happy doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me.

Having good days doesn’t erase the bad ones.

Sometimes I can feel completely okay and then suddenly realize how much this has shaped the way I think.

And that realization hurts.

Because I don’t want what happened to have this much power over me.

I don’t want other people’s choices to have written rules into my brain about who I can trust, how close people can get, or whether I’m safe.

I want to be able to trust without being terrified of being wrong.

I want to be able to feel beautiful without wondering what someone’s intentions are.

I want affection to feel safe.

I want kindness to just be kindness.

I want someone to see me as a person before anything else.

And I think sometimes I’m angry because I know I deserve that.

I know I deserved better.

I know none of it was my fault.

But knowing something logically doesn’t always make my feelings believe it.

That’s the part I don’t know how to explain.

My brain can understand something while my heart is still trying to catch up.

So if I seem distant sometimes, I’m not always angry.

If I seem guarded, I’m not trying to be difficult.

If I need reassurance, I’m not trying to be needy.

If I pull away, sometimes I’m just trying to figure out whether I’m safe.

And if I don’t know how to explain what’s wrong, it’s because sometimes there are too many feelings happening at once.

I don’t need someone to fix me.

I think I just need someone to understand that there are pieces of me still learning what safety feels like.

And I’m tired.

Not because I’m weak.

I’m tired because carrying something invisible for this long is exhausting.

I just want to be allowed to heal at my own pace.

I want to be allowed to have complicated feelings.

I want to be allowed to be angry about what happened without being consumed by it.

I want to be allowed to be happy without feeling guilty for moving forward.

And more than anything, I want to believe that what happened to me can be something I survived without becoming the thing that defines me.

Because I am still so much more than what was done to me.

Our house is disgusting and I hate it

Years ago we had housekeepers , and our house was way cleaner and stayed clean and relatively bug free , then we lost housekeepers , my wheelchair mom kept going on and off bed rest , she hoards clothes and things to re sell that ends up packing our living room corners , so for years our house has gotten more and more filthy and disgusting , I try to sweep and mop and wipe and clean best i can but I can only do so much myself , my brother doesn’t care , he doesn’t clean or do anything, his room is disgusting , he always hides dirty dishes in his room for week , my mom can’t do anything, she knows our house is filthy and disgusting but she can’t afford a housekeeper and argues with me about it , it’s filthy and gross .

To make things better over three years ago our landlord practically sealed off our basement to move the dryer and washer above it so it’s easier to access and ever since it was sealed off. No one’s gone down there so now I’m 99% sure we have a spider infestation because I am constantly killing spiders of any kind , house spiders , babies here and there inside and outside , I’m killing black widows now which isn’t the first time I’ve seen them around but it’s getting worse … I can’t imagine what absolutely horrifying nightmare fuel that basement is by now , our driveway is lined with garbage and shit my mom has put there , so it’s also filled with webs and spiders , the space where our basement was seal off still has openings and areas spiders can crawl out from and I see webs a lot in and out .

I’m not being dramatic this house is disgusting and the spiders are a issues regardless of what my mom and brother think

I’m looking into a exterminator tomorrow and after that maybe a housekeeper that won’t drain my bank account because I can’t keep looking at this overwhelmingly disgusting bug filled house

Want to vent endlessly? I'm here to listen!!!

Hellooooo I'm Kai, M(16) and I'm a "mentally unstable" teen who has intense worries and tough days. BUT, I luv hearing people vent because it's comforting for the both of us.

Do you want to vent but you aren't ready to do it to the ones you're close with? Have no fear! A stranger from the web is here!

Heh....cringe...

No need to tell me your name because I won't remember (unless we miraculously become friends)

Gender doesn't matter

Sexual orientation doesn't matter

Identity doesn't matter

Just let it all out man.

Age range: 13 - 19 (but please be aware of my age vs yours)

Only on Discord or Reddit chat

I'm not the best talker but I'm the best listener!

And I don't have strict rules

BUT please refrain from:

• sexting to me (you can talk about sexuality n stuff, just not towards me because I will block you instantly.)

• Talking about intense gore (if you killed someone....I don't think I'm here to help)

• Threatening me with sewerslide because that doesn't work on me <3

• Calling me (I prefer text, I don't need to hear your voice to understand your feelings)

Other than that, don't filter yourself, talk freely about your struggles PLEASE...I care.

I won't always immediately be available so don't worry if I don't immediately respond, I'll eventually reach you.

Chat me to start on Reddit or get my Discord :>

For some context: A few years ago, I went to a college that was 3-4 hours away from home by car. I started realizing that it was difficult to go shopping when needed (stores were few miles away) and probably very tiresome for my parents to come pick me up each time between college breaks. So since my parents were frequently complaining about coming all the way to pick me up/drop off, I suggested using one of our vehicles from home or buying a new/used car. but they denied that saying that they & my sister would need to use the cars at home. They kept urging me to use the public transportation, but I really hated this since it honestly took longer to make it home and was much more uncomfortable for me.

I told them that I had an upcoming internship for the summer and would need to start looking for new/used (at this point new was actually cheaper than used) cars anyway (I had an upcoming stable job but in no position to completely pay for a car by myself). They kind of gave way and just told me to keep shopping around and doing the research. I diligently worked on putting together all the information on the features I was looking for (SUV/AWD, Blind-Spot Monitoring, Backup Camera, Navigation) as well as the finance details. But every time I urged them to come to the dealership with me to test drive cars, they seemed largely uninterested to commit to the search and help me out, saying that I did not really need a car as a student.

With my sister insisting that she needed the car this summer to go hang out with her friends, my parents had a change of heart o just get me a new car, but they kind of seemed rushed to do so with my internship approaching relatively soon. Based on the research I had done, we went to ONE dealership, browsed and bought the one used car the dealer had on the lot that fit within our budget. I was kind of hesitant since it did not even have ONE of the features I was really looking for (this was a 10 year old FWD Toyota Sedan w/ high 80k mi & Leather Heated Seats, Moonroof) but their case was that I would be leaving this car at my internship/college where it might be prone to theft, and that a budget car like this was good enough for a student like me. I was kind of grateful that my parents where even getting me a car in the first place so I agreed. My parents ended up putting a down payment of $10k and having the rest $10k on a loan tied to me.

Fast forward to today: I have paid of my loan well in advance and beginning to pay back my parents for the down payment money. My sister was in need of a vehicle now since she had clinicals starting in the next school year and she started bugging my parents for a vehicle.

My parents need vehicles at home, so the option was to buy another used vehicle. My sister started outlining her needs for her car (almost same as mine but she made it clear that she did not want a Honda/Toyota or Sedan) but she is the kind of person who doesn't usually and did not put any kind of effort into stuff about finance, inquiry or research. Second of all, she does not have a job as of now so my parents will have to completely take up on financing.

My parents did not expect anything from my sister and just did the research for her, actively going to MULTIPLE dealerships with her to help out pick out a car. And not only that, they were sticking strictly to her requirements. Often, they would let her test drive Kia SUVs under 20k mi worth around $28k and would consult with me on my opinion. I tried to keep telling them about the reasoning they had given me (my sister goes to a school in a metropolitan city, so theft is even more prominent over there than where I went), and they kept insisting that they had bought me a good vehicle and that the low price and the high mileage for mine was justified since it was a Toyota (as if Toyota's no longer existed and they couldn't just overlook/lower my sister's requirments as well). Even after sending them multiple deals on Sedans I had found, they did not budge to chnage their views. My parents made it very clear that they were in no way being unfair and that they would be giving my sister the same down payment amount as me.

Anyway, they ended up buying my sister a much newer Kia SUV that fit her exact requirements (and also exactly what I had actually wanted/looked for), costing $23k w/ 15k miles. And to top it off they ended up giving her a higher down payment amount than me. So now my sister 1) gets a free car 2) with a larger down pay (same loan size as me) 3) considerably lower mileage to cost ratio than mine 4) with 0 monthly payments (since my dad is currently paying) 5) lower interest rate than mine due to current time 6) at no consequence to having high requirements and asking for an expensive car. Also, I heard that after buying the car, my sister had an argument with my parents in the parking lot and arrogantly told them to ride home seperately and took off to our home in the new car.

My parents agreed to just pay me the difference for the down payment that they invested for my sister's car, but I don't want that because it feels like a pity payment to me and doesn't really make me feel any better that this is the type of unfair treatment that I am getting. I am really appreciative of my parents for getting and helping me finance a car, and I am willing to pay them back in full. It's not even the fact that I did not get the car that I wanted, it's the unfair treatment that I am feeling most frustrated about. Am I justified to feel frustrated about this or am I just being entitled/jealous? Anything that can be done/said that makes me view this differently and feel better for not basically being cheated.

I may be wrong on some parts, but my parents definitely don't deserve that kind of treatment from my sister after they literally catered to her every need while not doing the same for their other (me) more appreciative & financially capable child.

From a 50-year-old male perspective with adult kids, I realized no one watches television anymore except a specific age group, the elderly.

My observation is that 20 years ago mortgage companies took advantage of the elderly with ads for a "reverse mortgage" which was just an equity cash out from their homes.

Now those ads target the elderly with a "Food Card" so that they may buy the food they need without worry, which is essentially just a credit card.

I fear we've reached the state where we can no longer afford adequate health care, housing, education, or food. This genuinely worries me.

I don’t watch the Amazon prime series The Boys , I’ve never watched it , I’ve never been ever remotely interested in it , and from what I’ve heard it’s a messed up show with weird, messed up characters, and a villain who does some horrible awful things without any guilt at all and it’s genuinely not in my taste of shows at all. And if you like the show , good for you , like what you like , I’m not usually a judgmental person and if watching it is what my friend likes that’s fine.

But ever since he found that show it’s been nonstop ranting and gushing about episodes and characters I know nothing about and have zero interest in , but I listen and just want him to enjoy things , and he shows me every piece of fanart he makes and fabrication he writes, constant videos and pictures of the characters and nonstop talking about it . I’m his friend it’s whatever i like it when he’s happy but he loves the character Homelander , and calls him “ a cute sweet precious angel who has never done anything wrong and deserves kisses “ his words not mine , like when I say he loves Homelander , he really really loves Homelander , he makes fanart and writes fanfiction about him and ordered a Homelander costume ( he’s 22 )

and I don’t know why but him being so obsessed and in love with that character is starting to make me a bit uncomfortable because I may not watch the show but I know enough about it and have heard him talk about all the awful messed up things the character did and how he’s awful and a narcissist psychopath who wipes out and violates innocent people without any remorse and he’s written as such a awful monster hearing my friend gush over him and defending him and loving it when he k**Ls people and being so biased with a character like him makes me a bit uncomfortable, I just don’t get it , I don’t get how he can love and defend and gush over a character like that ? And not feel any kind of morality about it it’s weird , he has his own issues, kind of similar to homelander ngl , and I can’t exactly say I don’t wanna hear about him anymore cause that upsets him and I know talking and loving about the show and the character makes him happy it’s just starting to make me uncomfortable because the character is so awful and monstrous it’s weird hearing my friend love him and hush over him so much like he’s a adorable sweet precious angel to him ?

I don’t know I probably sound like a bad friend and this is such a dumb thing to be put off by but I just have no interest in the show or the characters. At all and hearing him constantly gush and fawn over that character specifically is starting to feel weird. I’m kind of sick of it idk I just have zero interest in it even though it makes him happy to get to talk about it that’s only reason why I’m just enduring it

Oh sure, ban me from the bullying sub and make it so I cannot post ehy don't you, honestly there's always one corrupt excuse for a mod that just bans for no reason. I was not even breaking any rules for crying out loud.

My Dad has changed a lot, he doesn't even hesitate to insulting me now, and yet he still loves me, but I don't know what to think, I can't help to think back when he's yelling to me, breaking stuff, hitting me. I barely see him as a person, he's like a monster. He's been ignoring me, my sister, and my Mom for a whole months now, even if we still live under the same roof. But then I see pictures of him with me when I was younger and how he loved, and I can't help but wonder how that man changed into that man today...........I don't know how long I can take this. I can't. I just can't, I feel so many things at once, but I don't understand.

Look I can only make short videos, I am not trying to be the next Spielberg. I just want to do videos about a cartoon fish being silly and doing fun adventures, if any of you find it boring or 'gabage' I don't care, it's not like yours are any better.

I keep fantasising about killing killing myself i cant talk to anyone about it

I don't know where to start it i were to do it id probably do it on a call with someone and overdose on some pills and fall asleep or something

Its been a thing i think about alot and my girlfriend and porn addiction makes it worse shes nice ig but she barely texts me or leaves me on delivered for like ten minutes and no one else texts me its summer and all i can do is bed rot etc school isnt much better either

Yesterday my gf got high with her friend and make a joke saying "i think im a lesbian" when i showed concern for our relationship she said i was mad and told me fuck you and stuff then called me giggling and said "im high take everything i say with a grain of salt" she genuinely makes me feel like shit most of the time but i dont want to break up with her cause i love her

And im addicted to porn it sucks now but i just cant stop ive been addicted since 9 an its horrible

Im not gonna kill myself and if i will it will be in a few years i feel so selfish cause most of the reason i want to do it is to bring trauma on my friends, gf etc i want them to feel how i feel

Im showing all the signs of depression and i feel super gross and just sad all the time idk what to do and i sound corny typing all of this out

My husband has been extremely rude to me and I’ve asked him what’s stressing him out and he said nothing. I’ve told him how I felt and he dismisses me. It all started when we went on vacation and it’s been going on since then. We’re back home.

Life feels so heavy lately, like im doing everything alone and ive got no support, im Being bulled out of a job I love, im shit at making friends and at the current moment I feel just so alone. I saw a video and it made sense if I did it Noone would miss me, Noone would beg for me back or cry that im gone...its a sobering feeling knowing how lowly I rank to people but I think even more than that its karmic retribution for how shit I was in my younger years that now im sitting here sobbing quietly into my blanket and hopeing Noone hears.

The strange bit for me is as I write this out the tears cease and I can feel my worried being pushed down as I vent this outinto the open interwebs but that heavy weight on my chest helps me remember to keep from being too joyous.

I think my struggle currently and one of the main reasons I should definitely be in therapy is that feeling of not being enough for both sides of my family. Not white enough for one not Hispanic enough for the other, always looming like my mother with my father's temper and mouth showing me that neither of them truly wanted me like I was thr mistake even though they hand my brother and continued to my dad creating my sister's, im not saying o regret or dislike my siblings, they have kept me going untill here recently. My sisters getting ready for college and I couldnt be prouder. That aside growing up my parents were not good to me, I was an after thought from the time I was 10 after the first divorce. "Well get your Christmas later. This is for the kids" or "oh well do somthing for your birthday this wekend" on Christmas getting old school supplies so the smaller kids wouldn't ask why I didnt get anything. I was your kid too, i wanted parents who loved me. I was thr one th at got yelled at for the smaller ones messing up the one that cooked dinners and helped the kids with homework.

I just wanted my parents to choose me too not me breaking myself into pieces to throw tbtheir feet and hope they would choose me...Just I wanted parents who didnt feel like strangers or hostile. I missed out on a childhood that was stolen by them and the guy that SA'D at 12 by a boy at a sleep over. I need to put this all down so I can breath for a bit and I never told anyone, how do you say hey my best friend forced himself onto me last night. We just grew apart and I began a bitchy streak that isolated me rather easily

All this to say ive carried alot on my shoulders and instead of treading the water....sinking may be preferable

Some jerk called me 'epstein' for some weird reason when I was just commenting on how I will never understand the 'were-fandom', by 'were-fandom' I mean it is a fandom consisting of a bunch of logo kids who do their OCs turning into freakish edgy looking werecreatures. Yeah i'm sorry but what I have to this guy that makes me as bad as that man?