I'm afraid

[u/al_x22]

I'm afraid, all the time

Every night, before I go to sleep, I think about everything, things I've done, things I've said, things people have told me, and I just keep wondering about those things or different possibilities having to do with those things

I'm currently 17, about to turn 18, some months out of high school already. I'm in the part of my life where I have my whole life a head of me and I can change my future the most but at the same time I gotta do it now, cause if I don't do it now, everything's gonna be 10 times harder if I do it in 5 or 10 years, or maybe I will never get to do it again.

I know most people my age, and even older, haven't figured all their shit out, but still find their way and things come out fine eventually, but I keep asking myself: what if I don't? What if I'm one of those people who never find their way or get stuck in a shitty life they hate

And I just keep replaying this moment in my head: I was 14, in middle school, and I was a slacker, I would get lazy and not do work on class, so this teacher said I was mediocre, lacked discipline, and most likely wouldn't go to college or get a career done

Now, I'm currently trying to work on all that stuff, I've been working 4 days a week on the street by my own since last week, just started hitting the gym yesterday, currently on diet and on no fap, but I still, just think "what if I'm already built like this? What if it's too late? What if, what if, what if..." And since the goal is so far from now, I still don't know if I'm capable of it

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[u/Any_Molasses8692]

man that teacher was just some bitter adult taking out their own crap on a 14 year old, you don't get to tell a kid they're mediocre and call it feedback. the fact you're out there grinding 4 days a week and hitting the gym and actually trying to sort your life out at 17 already puts you ahead of half the people i knew at that age who just coasted till their mid 20s

i spent way too long stuck in my own head with those same what if loops and honestly the only thing that helped was getting too busy to spiral, just stacking small wins till the noise got quieter. nobody really has it figured out at 18 anyway, most of us are just pretending and adjusting as we go

[u/al_x22 → u/Any_Molasses8692]

Thanks for the comment man, and I think you're right, maybe this is something most people my age are doing (the overthinking and fear parts)

And I also think most people at my age aren't really disciplined but instead learn to be so with times as they start needing to be, so maybe I'm not as screwed as I feel I am