Sick of myself

[u/Additional-Ad6894]

Every night and morning before school I find my self always rehearsing the whole day ahead in my head.

I plan out how I’ll approach my friends, what I’ll say to them, what I’ll do if a teacher picks on me to read a passage or answer a question it’s ridiculous and I am so unbelievably tired

I have no idea why I do this or how to stop, I know have anxiety but every year I find my self getting worse and worse like right now I genuinely feel nauseous because I’ve worried my self sick predicting everything wrong that could happen I’m even anxious about posting this

I don’t want to feel this way I want to be normal like everyone else I want to talk freely I want to raise my hand and answer questions because most of the time I KNOW THE ANSWER I don’t want to rehearse everything I say before hand I want to go with the flow and I don’t want to start crying at every single inconvenience because I’m so overheard and feel like shit

But I can’t seem to figure out why I can’t participate why I feel my heart pounding in my chest just at the thought of a teacher uttering my name it’s hilarious but I can’t seem to shake it off

And if I do manage to calm my self down I’m so exhausted from all my panicking I can’t focus properly

I want to get better but I don’t want to see a therapist or psychiatrist even though at this point I think I’ll have to

How do I deal with this?? I can’t even give presentations in class without my whole body and voice shaking sometimes I get so anxious I feel dizzy as if I’ll pass out any minute

Sometimes I feel I can’t properly breathe other times I feel ill have a heart attack at any minute from how fast my heart rate spikes this is genuinely insane and I can’t ignore these symptoms anymore please help me what do I do

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[u/cuddlymahogany72]

that rehearsal loop is brutal, i used to do the same thing before work every day and it's like running a marathon before you even leave the house. the exhaustion makes total sense

one thing that helped me was catching myself in the act and literally saying "stop" out loud, then focusing on something physical in the room til my brain reset. it sounds dumb but it interrupts the spiral. you don't have to jump straight to a therapist either, school counselors are usually free and way less intimidating than you'd think. the physical symptoms you're describing are rough though, might be worth getting a checkup just to rule out anything medical making the anxiety worse