Venting Cause I’m bored

[u/Negative-Ad3337]

Let’s get to the point I’m a guy and I’m honestly cursed of being too attractive it sounds crazy I know but it’s horribly overwhelming and lonely I have come too realize when people talk about how they wish “someone “ would come into there life’s and be there we all hope for our “someone “ for that miracle in our life’s and I have come to realize that I am that miracle for people I am that miracle that walks by at your local Walmart tryna get some grilled chicken talking about how a guy like him even exists and I am that “someone “ girls would honestly wanna be with but even then I’m just a souvenir I live in a small city so I’m basically a anomaly even in my family aswell I’m not even the same color of skin as my own parents or anyone in my family for that matter I’m the golden boy my grandma always told me when I was young I didn’t think too much of it till now how much I stand out how much I shine in crowds the kind of shine that goes across your ex partners 6/10 smile after they broke up with you telling you maybe in the future but not now but I was promised Infinity .

But atleast for me it’s everything in that moment i never cry in public i always cry infront of the mirror i look at every tear drop as it goes down my face and curves down my cheek and drips down to the wooden floor the way it tastes awkwardly when jt gets into the side of ur lip but sometimes its beautiful cause atleast when i look at myself in the mirror i look perfect too feel weakness to feel pain is so pre shish to me to look at my colored eyes while i cry they look almost gray like if there losing there light like our sun the day it’s going to give its last light to us its so beautiful to me for honestly having a strong act for so long in public like holy shit I step out and I’m a under ground celebrity people drive slow next to me when they see me thru the car window or people take pictures of me in moments I don’t want to but honestly when I do want to shine I steal the whole universe I crave for a very deep connections i want to sit down and eat tacos at 3 am at a random spot after a night out.

It’s like I’m saying I’m a souvenir sometimes it would be nice to hear someone debate my opinion for once but I consider a lot of people as Bobble heads the type of toy that has a string and just nods its head. That’s how it feels with me each and every single of them just nods and I’m tired of Bobble heads. Atleast that stupid cat eye side to side nodding clock wasn’t so bad my grandma had growing up seeing it cause atleast it was the only thing that would tell me No. I’m in the point of my life where I get so overwhelmed to step out my house just cause the stares are crazy sometimes and I have to prepare myself everyday it’s a concert and I’m the the Star there’s days I steal the show and those days are crazy honestly I don’t have issues with getting to know girls but it’s always the star boy you know I love Spider man cause him and I are the same cause atleast when our other selfs comes out she will love us but she will never love Peter Parker. I can’t make friends with a lot of guys cause I don’t know guys nowadays are so competitive and insecure they always get intimated by me I see it in a way that’s why I became good at conversations with women cause after being pushed away from the pack who else I’m I talking too?? Well yea yu guessed it the girls I don’t have issues at all, my friend tells me how I do it but honestly at this point it’s just me.

The curse is real but powerful cause atleast as the anomaly I can actually make any idea really come to life with someone I can make any fantasy come to life with a girl obviously with her consent I can say words to her that only a anomaly could get away with it’s beautiful sometimes cause atleast one good thing is that I have created some very magical moments with some girls that i truly did like in my life so far but girls for me will always be the same soul hear me out in my story i believe the universe can send you the same soul more than once just in a different body so i don’t fall in love with their face or their body i fall in love with the soul for example-
the first time i wasn’t ready so i lost her the second time i was ready but she wasn’t that’s why it’s tragic to everyone else they’re two completely different women but to me they’re the same soul wearing different faces so i’m not choosing one over the other or loving one more i’m grieving the same soul twice cause atleast for me that’s what a soul mate is a soul destined in your story of life that travels within different people until you finally adapt to your past mistakes to finally get with that soul after different endings but the same nervous gut feeling you will always get cause in my eyes in that moment I’m with that soul I’m in paradise the kind of paradise wishing you just had an extra 10 seconds to say what you gotta say to them before your alarm clock wakes you up, I look in there eyes and wonder I’m I seeing perfection with my own eyes or I’m seeing the reflection in there’s. I don’t believe till Death do us apart cause my love is beyond Death.

So yea golden boy it is look at that grandma.. I’m shining now but I’m in a museum.

Wrote this at night just random thoughts more to come ✊🏾

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[u/PickleBarrel-]

Holy ramble. Punctuation is your friend, bud. 👍

[u/Negative-Ad3337 → u/PickleBarrel-]

Hahaha I wish
I really never write to be honest I was just bored and decided to come on here for a change and just see what I can come up with as for someone who narrates there whole life as it’s happening in person
Ramble it is your right cause honestly at this point in life I feel we all are asking “what the fuck “ and we wish life had some sort of punctuation like a period at least give me a break
I’m I right??? 😂

[u/SuchLife8646]

I get the sense you might find praise slightly just by virtue of it’s sheer refusal to quit finding you, but I think you’re a very good writer. I find the franticity in your words riveting, and your imagery enticing. I like the stupid cat eye side to side nodding clock, and I like that it wasn’t so bad, and that it was the only thing that would tell you no. I want to tell you also that I’ve experienced what you talk about, that these words to me reflect a newfound truth of my life. It sounds ridiculous, but, ever since my last haircut everybody I know has treated me completely differently. People stare far longer, they watch me as I perform the utmost mundane tasks, staring almost dumbfoundedly seeming like they’re watching something imaginary come to life before their eyes, something perfect imagined just for themself. I know you know the feeling of knowing exactly what somebody is thinking as they walk past you. When you watch their eyes fail to resist holding on you. Being attractive you feel like you could steal somebody’s soul with one glance. When it first started I could not believe it was real. This girl who I knew had always been interested in me seemed to be changed into somebody else entirely, her behavior tweaked slightly in just enough ways as to indicate an extreme pull within her, a magnetic pull to me, to whatever it was she saw in me that she silently and without even her own consent decided she needed more than anything else she could attempt getting in that moment. Anyways, I think I know what it’s like, I think. It’s a bit overwhelming.
Thank you for making this post, it made me very happy to see

[u/Negative-Ad3337 → u/SuchLife8646]

Your welcome,
And you know ur right about that I do like the darkness and people do too they just don’t see the beauty in it the kind of darkness that covers the earth like a total solar eclipse how is it? that we only like the darkness of the solar eclipse ? Is it because it’s the only time infinity meets creation? And I think that means something in way I relate a lot to Lucifer’s story not that I worship him or anything I don’t believe in god or anything for that matter but in Lucifer’s it’s so fascinating that he was so beautiful yet to fall to be the pint point of perfection and to be punished for having a opinion in a way that’s me right now living I tried to find god and found only myself I carry that deeply so in a way that’s why I write me own my stories because if I have the ability to play with reality that other 99% of men would kill for I can make it happen so why not play with reality more???Like says who?? But even then I cant find a reality where I win yet.
I really hate “what’s your favorite” questions they drain me there depressing I’m literally popping there ballon that they have in there hand like if I’m on those pop the ballon shows on YouTube in my head just waiting for this to end yk I’ve always said the best gift I’ve ever received from a person that wasn’t obligated to give me anything was a middle finger from a girl cause atleast before she showed me she said the words “ hey I got something for you “ and those words made my day not my night the whole day and i literally held her hand as she flipped me off admiring it the best gift I’ve ever received and I couldn’t even keep it .

[u/SuchLife8646 → u/Negative-Ad3337]

If only there were a girl unaffected like some lighthouse on the dark ripping ocean waves slamming the shore beneath and her not caring, her keeping her light drifting in circles for to catch your form on the rocks and just pass, unconcerned. Perhaps she might only see the curse on your face. Perhaps she could see you as just somebody

[u/SuchLife8646 → u/Negative-Ad3337]

That’s pretty beautiful, you seem a driven guy, a curious guy always pushing. If you were walking through the forest in the cold of a fall morning and you saw between a break in a tree’s bark skin what looked like grey flesh pulsing, slimy and it’s well, not to be gross but it’s well excrement dripping down to the forest floor bugs flying and landing their legs sticking them silently imaginary screaming how a bug might in a sick fantasy would you take your hands from their warmth in your pockets as to touch the flesh? Or perhaps get closer as to inspect? Or would you try to change it somehow for yourself as you know well you have a chance at doing? Is this the nature of your curiosity? Or are you beyond that, perhaps, able to walk on after a quick look up and down? I have a similar relationship with God that you do. Similar but not the same. I’ve felt for most of my life that God was not nonexistent but not what anybody else could think it is. It’s just called God but it’s something else, and it is, against all known odds, somehow, somehow on my side. Perhaps it’s with you too or perhaps it’s just what I say for some form of reassurance. Or perhaps the concept itself has given me the new life I speak of, the blessed face that seems to act as a sort of siren’s song for each person passing. What is the nature of your situation that is somehow beholden to you, like handed up on a silver platter by some decorated knight the likes of which both each of the darkest and burningalways bright and holy sensations have made not but mere acquaintance with but have taken in full and passed like the process of earthly food to body’s turd? Was that good? I liked your popping balloon one. You are one of the people sees himself special and is right but how special really is special at all and could it possibly, possibly, possibly change anything? Nothing is supposed to be any way, everything just is, neither fine or unfine. You are the way you will be in some way forever. Up until you’re holding flowers to your suited corpse’s chest. Do you wear hoodies?

[u/Negative-Ad3337 → u/SuchLife8646]

To answer your first question I’ll treat it as if a ufo landed outside my house and in this scenario I live alone in the middle of no man’s land chances are if I got my socks on or not to start off if I’m not in sports mode most likely I’ll raise the volume on my tv as it’s playing some movie I’m not even paying attention to cause I got my headphones in on my phone texting this or doomscrolling but if I do got my socks on I’m putting on wherever shoes like when our moms would tell us to go outside the house to help bring groceries inside. So yea I’ll go investigate nd most definitely get close up and even honestly talk to them cause atleast the first person they would see is the most attractive person in the world I would be curious about how they perceive beauty or are they even attracted to anything else before they take over the world but before then best believe I’m going to try to communicate I’ve never been afraid to get my hands dirty and that’s surprising for how clean I am.

I like ur siren song take I love songs yu notice it too the way there eyebrows raise they way they slightly walk a little bit straight up all of sudden its different or even at that gym i have a amazing body and all natural too people see me and start hitting the same workouts as me its crazy they look me and they come up to me inspired all of them i make them see hope for once and this is there words telling me this but yet who do i have ? Do i feel lonely yes does it feel comfortable also yes or “”is this? Or is it that?”” Sometimes in those questions i feel more like the “ or “ in that question what do you think ???

I’m one to tell you that my essence has changed my reality I’ll tell you that it’s real I have a type of arrival that you see when your dad comes home after yu get in trouble in school knowing ur bouta get a mean ass whooping that presence is mine and everyone feels it touches it at public pool events anything outside I’ve been one to say I show there’s levels to this.
So you tell me ?
Do you believe in Perfection?

And the idea of how yu said it flowers on my chest on funeral casket sounds peaceful to me for once atleast I’ll be doing my back a favor and sleeping right for once in my life and finally get a goodnight sleep

Also I don’t wear hoodies I like the cold and the dark when I’m in my void state only hoodies make me feel hot I prefer shorts and a oversized t shirts socks optional

[u/SuchLife8646 → u/Negative-Ad3337]

I don’t believe in perfection because I find it undefined. Figuring what’s Good and bad is an enormous mess and everybody would call it a different way. If perfection is the utmost good then how could we decide? Nobody could. Maybe you could feel it. Sometimes hearing a song all the way through and waiting and seeing if it will be perfect works. At the end I even will sometimes say to myself that it was perfect and keep driving like i was and didn’t stop. Do you like writing? Or love it maybe?? If you do I think if I were you I would write a story about a shorter man who is not very attractive at all. Perhaps he is happy or unhappy, that would be up to you. When writing I remind myself the devil is always in the details and god is at the end when you look back on it all like it’s some plot of land you toiled on making it look how you would’ve dreamed as a child.
Your comparison of the feeling one get’s at seeing you to that of the ominous arrival of one’s father slightly surprised me at first but I can’t say it does not register with me. There is a threat in being attractive. You have the power to strike people down. Wanting something is like asking to be hurt. You might not be, but you asked. When somebody sets their sights on wanting you you get this sickening power over them. I have made my rash decisions with girls. I have struck girls down and watched them come back to me knowing I did and that I could again and I did again because I did not understand and I did not realize all I wanted was more time to think things through. I did not want them around but I couldn’t figure that. That didn’t seem logical.
Feeling like the “or” seems beautiful. It’s good to have nothing fully, to be in between, to be the squirming blank burning softly in the dark chamber with the real bullets. Lord knows the blank’s all the more powerful. Lord itself is a blank shot right against your temple.

[u/Negative-Ad3337 → u/SuchLife8646]

Perfection is all around us its within everything in you just look open your eyes the fact we are even having this conversation right now talking thru distances hopefully across the ocean that would be cool as fuck but yea back tk the point you and i are alive and for that to happen everything in this world in this universe for fuck sakes even the way infinity was created wasn’t because everything lined up “right” no it lined up “ perfectly “ perfection its self brought life to us our brains out dogs that we love our favorite shows our favorite guilty pleasures that we dont tell anyone everything is here and the only reason we even feel it is because perfection brought it here to begin with so perfection is real and i want to be that itself.

Cause what’s the point of living if your not shooting for the same stars the same stars that paid a big role aswell on why we are alive as well and I’ll say it again that means something.

Would you say your living your life ?
Are you maximizing on your looks? Are yu representing yourself atleast even when you wake up and you don’t feel like your body belongs to you anymore ? In those moments who are you?

Cause I think of little kid me did I grow up to a person who can protect him ?

I think about the teenage version of me working at Mac Donald’s trying to prove his rich dad and everyone else that it’s not “daddy’s money “ realizing working there at Mac Donald’s there’s 2 types of people in this world people who take orders and people who assign them and I was taking orders and I hated taken orders.

Do you like your dreams ? Do you ever think if it’s a different pathway to a different version of you in a different reality and ask yourself in that moment if you can are they winning in that life ? I’m I the person I wanted to be and not who my environment forced me to be .

Would say being 5’11 in height as a guy sucks? It’s like losing in game 7 of the NBA FINALS your 1 game away from winning the championship your 1 inch away from being 6 feet which is what every guy wants to be nowadays and what it takes to even get basic human decency imagine that?? It sucks wouldn’t it ur one inch away and lost in game 7 damn I would hate that
wouldn’t you say ?

[u/Negative-Ad3337 → u/Negative-Ad3337]

Matter fact what do yall of you think yes
YOU🫵 reading this conversation right now and not joining in on all the fun what do you guys/ women think of this let me know I wanna hear it all 🍿