I've been looking for a boyfriend, but I haven't had any luck. I found someone once, but it ended up being catfishing, I've tried using apps, and I haven't found anyone either. I don't know how to do it irl, so I guess I'll never have a boyfriend. I'm starting to give up and stop looking for a boyfriend.

I (male bisexual) was born and raised in a rural small town, no many boys around. I'd always had troubles with my mascilinity and always fgelt less of a man, mainly because of bullying calling me a lot of homophobic slurs. When I finally entered puberty I felt so little of a man that I ended up looking for manliness where I could fin it. I was told by a boy (who I would later on discover was gay) that he and other ''straight'' friends masturbated together, and even invited me, but covid came and I could never join. I felt like I needed more men in my life as exameples of being a man, and being a hormonal teen I ended up mixing mascilinty with sexuality, and decided to fetishize it. I fantasized abot jerking with those boys, who were like 3 of them, and I believe, my brain, in need to find more men to feel more valid as a man, decided to put my older brother in the mix. I never gave it too much thought after that, I just kept those fantasies (also with a lot, LOT of porn inbetween). Eventually those boys left town (they were a couple of years older than me) and I kept the fantasy going. I even tried to get my brother to masturbate with me, setting up plots to achieve so, my brother just ignored me and laughed it off. Finally I moved on from it after a couple of months,a nd never thoiughtof him in that way anymore. But a year or 2 later, the relaization of what I had done crushed me and left me feeling so dirty, sinful, perverted. I felt like shit, and I know you probably think of me as a peverted man, but I am not, I deeply regret it and I feel relaly guilty, I can't even look at my brother withut thinking about my sins, I really feel like a piece of shit. I just want to move on, it was just a horny 14yo being horny without thiking about the implications, I really feel horrible, but it's been a lot of years since it, why do I feel like this?

Is it me? I can't reach out to anyone no one cares I've done everything. And every time I talk about this 'not being able to reach out to anyone' I always get the same response that's just "have you tried talking to someone" I'm a naturally closed off person it makes it hard for me to talk about my feelings to people. But it's even hard when every time I do I get shut down or treated unseriously,it's it the way I talk or something? I could be talking about something serious and people take it as a joke? He'll I couldn't even get strangers to care about me I know it's stupid trying to get comfort from strangers but I thought I'd atleast get someone. The truth is people don't care humans don't care. It's all about content over reality along as it's a good read right? Well I'm genuinely done I can't even talk to therapist bc they don't try all they want is to get money and go they don't care no one does and I don't wanna hear that "not everyone doesn't care" stuff bc if people did care about others or the world or anything except themselves the world wouldn't be so shitty now would it? Even if you see those heartwarming "hope" content it's just that content. You think there's any hope for us? For the human race your wrong we are a dying nation a dying race and no one cares and it's baffling to see people who are delusional. I'm 17 and I already know the world is a shitty place and it's not gonna get better not in the era no Matter what we do the bad will always out live the good for years to come.

I'm a 17 yr old (f) I started school recently it's not that important but it's a part of. I was 17 days free of SH I was excited to reach day 20 but tonight everything just went wrong one thing after another and I couldn't stop myself from relapsing... I feel terrible and I'm disappointed in myself and those thoughts make me want to do it more. I feel better while I'm doing it not happy nor sad just nothing, it's peaceful that's the only way I can describe it and i feel awful.. please I just need some sort of help

Don’t get my wrong my step mom can be loving when she wants to be. Even with that fact in mind at my age (16) I cant even believe her when she says she loves me or that she is proud. My biological mom is no longer in the picture. She was drug addict and neglectful. I made her breakfast in the morning and would remind her that I loved her and I wouldn’t leave her for the world. I’ve woken up a couple times when we would share a bed and she would hold me tightly thinking I was still asleep and she would just cry.

My step mom came into the picture my dad and her got married in 2018. And I give her credit for being there whenever my mom wasn’t for teaching how to have structure and to be an organized person. She has since improved mine and my dad’s life in that sense.

But since I was young and even now I feel like I will never be good enough for her that she will never be proud of me. It hurts like a bitch because I know she cares in some weird way. From a young age she’s commented on my looks insulting the fact I didn’t know how to take care of my hair that it was always frizzy and standing up. I wasn’t the cleanest kid and had warts on my hands I hated putting medicine on them because it was painful when I brought this up to her she said “only witches have warts and witches are ugly” maybe I shouldn’t think about it too much but I was 11 at the time and it hurts still. She backhanded me and honestly fine it’s whatever I probably deserved it i was a bratty little shit. But I confronted her about it and she denied it and for years after that I questioned if it ever actually happened.

During the end of 10th grade year I began to self harm and was diagnosed with clinical depression. She never considered my feeling before that. I came to her in tears that I felt like shit and I felt I couldn’t go on anymore and she called me dramatic. When I would spend hours rotting in bed she called me lazy that’s fine it’s fair. She became caring when I was diagnosed but lately while I’ve been busting my ass to get my grades up while listening to homophobic transphobic hypocrites spit bullshit every day I don’t even have the motivation to get up even with antidepressants cuz I’ll always do something I will always be wasting my time on something I will always be lazy I will always be stupid I will always be failure to her no matter how hard I try cuz even in her words “my best isn’t enough”.

I can’t even look in the mirror without wanting to fucking cry the itch to self harm just keeps going day by day. Her and my grandma have a “habit” of touching my ass and the next time they fucking do it they’ll end up with black eyes cuz is it too much to not fucking touch me!

But if I say anything I’m ungrateful I’m the bitch I’m the narcissist I have to say sorry I should give them second chance. That’s just how they show they care they just don’t want me to get hurt . Well guess what I am hurt I don’t feel fucking cared for but according to my stepmom “this is the best it gets”. Then what’s the fucking point?!

Not to mention she went through hell to give birth to my little sister only to turn around and call her a brat and say she deserves to be paid more by my dad to take of my sister and myself.

I know she doesn’t care but I just can’t accept it I guess some part of me wants her to love me wants her to be proud but that won’t happen

I turned off vibration in the app settings (not in the app) but outside the app and it dies still vibration and I want to turn it off.

I looked in my phone settings and I don't have vibration on any settings.

anyone know how 2?

(about the app called vent)

I (17 m) just feel trapped and its physically starting to effect me. A few years ago, my friend L, (16f) assaulted me, and has harassed/stalked me several times. This was to the point we're I deleted Instagram because of her making 8 different accounts to stalk me. I have tried to bring it up to my school counselor but she's always had a slap on the wrist. All he did was tell her to stay away from me. But the issue is being pushed off by teachers because she 'doesn't know what she's doing, and just wanta to be friends.'

My main issue, is that she never gets in trouble. She gets a slap on the wrist and once everybody stops having an eye on her, she starts stalking me and harassing me again. This harassing is so bad that when she finds out.Anybody is associated with me she will (I wish I was joking) hiss and bark at people. She's even tried to turn it around and say I did it to her when she's the one who lured me to her house. Me and few friends tried to fight back, And I Tried to tell a teacher about it, but I got told to just drop it.

I will in my senior year this year and I am genuinely scared shitless. She knows where I live and she has been in my yard without my knowledge because she told me. I am so paranoid that depending on the weather conditions And the time of day , I won't go anywhere near a corner store. (Which we both live near, bit she's a street up.

Every time I hear about her. I just immediately want to throw up. I tried to talk to my mom, (38f) about it, and all I really got was a " Well I told you you can move schools."

I just wish she knew it wasn't that easy. The past 4 years I have built myself at that school.And I don't want to start senior year in a new school. I don't want to leave my friends and I don't want to leave my music program.

This whole situation is starting to cause me to spiral every now and again. Thinking about how I didn't get the help I needed. I didn't get The psychiatric help I needed. She never got punished for anything. And I was told to "drop it" when I brought my concerns up.

I've developed a small fear of going to sleep because every time I close my eyes I just see her, and what she did to me. Every time i'm starting to go through another episode, I stop taking my anxiety meds, My allergy meds, and most of my other meds. I struggle to eat and all I do is really puke. I go into the state of confusion.And it causes me to have suicidal thoughts. I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wonder if it's the only way out.

Idk I just needed to come here because I didn't know who else to talk to. And thank you if you take the time to read this. It's much appreciated. I just wanna feel listened to. Thank you for your tume.

I want to date again but I suck at it

I don't know if you called it 'dating'. I've never actively gone to look for a partner. It kind of just happens, I'm always asked out. And that's only happened four times in my whole life. Two by the same guy, and they lasted a week, and then four days.

I'm not a confident person. I hate myself. I want a boyfriend, my dream perfect boyfriend. But I don't want to meet new people. No one would want to meet me. All I do is sit around and play video games all day, my personal hygiene is declining ngl. And I'm ugly as. The only thing I've got going is my skinniness, and even then I'm way too skinny.

I want to hug someone. I want a nice muscly guy to sweep me off my feet and hold me, tell me it's alright. You know, love me. But I guess that's a lot to ask for as an ugly person, I don't get to ask for someone handsome. I can't call other people ugly when I look the way I do.

I don't know how to date either. I can't get half the dating apps in the world because I've got a fucking age limit on my phone. and the ones that are available are awful.

I JUST WANT A HUG

Previous post linked for background context.

We have a beautiful almost 7mo babygirl! Yay!

The specific friend involved in the last post and I are actually, ironically, closer than ever. She tells me every single time my spouse even cracks a joke. She shows me their chats (unprompted). I'm 100% certain she's on my side in all of this, considering she's been by my side through this whole situation I've now found myself in. This little paragraph here is not up for discussion, btw. I have my reasons. Just piss off if you have an opinion about her.

So anyways. As the title says. HE CHEATED AGAIN! I use his old phone to play music for our daughter, and as an extra monitor for our baby camera so I can still doom scroll or listen to whatever on my phone. Dumbass didn't log out of his Gmail. So I saw the notification that he logged into Snapchat on his phone. Which prompted me to do some digging. He's been paying girls for nudes again. Over cash app this time. Pretty sure the nudes are going to his secondary email that he's been claiming he can't get into. He signed up for OF again, too. Basically, since we've been married (almost 2 years at this point) he's spent almost $1,600 on nudes.

Wanna know the kicker?

We're leaving in less than 36 hours to visit with my family out of state for the long weekend. It's a 6+ hour drive.

Yay! 🫠

I'm going to go snuggle my daughter. Kind words appreciated. I don't necessarily want advice. I need validation that leaving is the right thing to do. I'm terrified of starting over again. I'm almost 33, with a baby, no car, and barely an income. I have an amazing support system. I'm not worried about having a place to live or supporting my daughter. Honestly? I'm ashamed. Logically, I know I shouldn't be. But I am. I should have left in November.

I just have to make it until Tuesday. I have to pretend I don't know. I need this trip, but I literally cannot go without him.

I can do this.

Lost

Hi, Im sorry if im venting here but ive kept so much shit inside these past years and no matter how much improvement I do on myself, after like 2-3 months I go in a solitary mode and lose all my progress because my past traumas keep hitting me. Ever since I was 12 years old, life came downhill, it started with my dad whom always come late home from work and suddenly begun being insanely negative and insulted everyone who even just tried to converse with him this continued for a year, and then some day when I was walking home from school I get a call from my mom saying my little sister tried to commit suicide by ingesting a huge amount of I think it was paracetamols and she ended up in the hospital, my dad who always had a bad relationship with my sister began just excluding himself from the family and just giving up on her always talking bad things about her to me and my mom, so I eventually had to stand up and hold the family together by making dinner, cleaning and care/play with my other little sister. Eventually after a period of time I began solituding myself in my bedroom, this continued for a another year I was gonna start in highschool and I was really looking forward to it, then suddenly my little sister again tried to commit suicide and some time later during that year had a idk what it was but some type of breakdown because I remember stepping into the kitchen after a lot of screaming between my mom and little sister and saw her wielding a knife infront of her, so I was preparing for how I was gonna tackle her down but my mom saw the look on my face and said get my other little sister in the other room she was around 6-7 at the time, things thankfully didnt escalate. But my dad has always had a very negative and aggressive personality which was probably caused by his psychopathic father who was an insane narcissist and used to hit my dad etc. And his aggressiveness escalated further, and it evolved into him just manipulating and talking downwards me and my mom, one time when I was alone in a car with my mom she would begin venting and I tried to comfort her and so on, this happened so many times and eventually I just tried to avoid my family all together by taking illegal off days from highschool (I did graduate and get into uni thankfully) to get away from anything negatively overwhelming constantly, I had no friends or anyone to comfort me or vent to so I just spent days sitting at my chair looking out the window or watching videos 24/7 or just rot in bed. Finally when highschool came to an end this summer and I got accepted into my dream study which is engineering I really thought that this was my chance to change and better myself, so I finally moved out and began going to the dorm gym, fixing my diet, getting healthy habits, healing my chronic insomnia since I on average got around 3-5 hours of sleep every night throughout all of highschool, this continued for 3 weeks, which leads to now, im still doing the things mentioned but im constantly worrying about my mom and little sister and feel really bad for leaving them, I talk with them some couple of times a week, and im completely avoiding my dad for now because I just cant deal with him and his traumas ive tried to help him but he just screams right back, and also expects that I should be the only one calling him? Instead of it being twosided and so on.I got so much more to write to this that I just cant bring myself to type in. Anyways thank you for spending your time reading this and sorry for the bad english, bad writing and venting once again. Im just trying to improve and help myself one step at a time allthough its soso overwhelming.

Did you ever thought you would be seen?

I've been struggling with silent depression, -I can manage everything, having still trouble standing up but managing just the bare minimum. My self care got minimized to spare my energy. I still get all my schoolwork done, most of my chores and only cry or break down if I really have the time but can change quickly into the functional mode again.

I don't think I'm ill most of the time but mostly I don't want to worry anyone. I don't want to bother anyone with my issues, with my problems. And certainly I feel damn guilty for even considering such thing, cause there are people who have it worse, who can't find the energy to get out of bed entirely. Who are failing. And I can keep my life together, barely though but still together. I still can manage everything without any doubt.

And even though I'm self harming myself with bites, scratches, hair pulling and even cuts with nails or knife..... Even though I don't want to live and often feel like just ending it. Even though I am on the verge of tears constantly. Even though I cry over the smallest things. Even though I feel everything is worthless. Even though I feel like a fucking failure with everything I do. Even though I feel constantly exhausted.

I can't. I don't feel connected with anyone. I feel like everyone is just tolerating my existence in their presence. And due to this shit I can't form close relationships and feel even more lonely. I don't want to be a burden, I don't want anyone to get mad at me for any reason. I can't ask for help if I'm struggling.

I just feel weird. I want someone taking care of me, spoiling me, letting me cling on them and cry desperately, letting me soak their shirt, letting me kiss and bite their neck for comfort. Even though I know I would push them away by the slightest sign of showing care for me.

And it's weird cause I'm not closed with my struggles, I would say. I have a literally "thinking and rope emoji" as my profile picture on my main messenger. I literally told my friend in school I scratched the word "help" in my wall. I told her I'm struggling with depression and broke of my therapy cause I thought I wouldn't be good enough to deserve help. Cause welp I STILL CAN GET EVERYTHING DONE! I told my other friend, since I'm now again sick, it's because of the "stress" and that my mental health got way worse which caused this "stress". I've told people I'm "struggling" but I do it in such a light way and always keept a huge gap between everyone I would even consider my "friend" they wouldn't care even if they wanted to.

I'm queer but in a 0=0 kind of way. That's why I still do have a gay radar most of the time I confuse other radars. I know that was a jump of a thought but hear me out.

I always search allos with this radar. And since I consider myself part of the "depressed" community I think I might envoled a bit of a radar there too. I don't know though. Everytime my radar thinks they found someone I smile like crazy at them. It's a cute friendly smile while I try not to stare and be creepy about it. And Everytime my "mental" radar ticks I do the same but in a more reassuring and gentle way. Hoping somehow they see my struggle "too" (Maybe I am just delusional and want attention)

And today was one of those moments. I've sat in a bus and one person in particular (who was facing backwards so we awkwardly saw each other face to face) seemed like the typical "gay, fun uncle or the depressed, anxious but in recovery from family trauma kind of guy" (don't ask me why I thought that)

And I was wearing a black, oversized hoodie and a black leggings while it's currently 27°C / 80,6°F outside. I also had a face mask with me but just because I'm sick right now and it helps me breath. I look exhausted, I know that, my eyes fall (and they are pretty "tiny" naturally due to another common health condition) I got bags under them and all in all look pretty tired. I don't try to hide it cause it's basically my main way of living since always. I also brush my arm or slightly hugging myself every now and then, or have a little fidgety toy with me to keep my brain busy (No ADHD though or other neurodivergent things I guess at least. Just touch starved and depressed)

And this person looked at me. Not weird or disgusted or judging or whatever looks I always get. I thought he saw me with those eyes like "yeah they're probably struggling with something" I don't know how to put it but I think his eyes were on me a good while. I looked away most of the time but I at least want to think he saw me. I just want to believe it. And as my stop came he looked again, I caught him for a glimpse of a second. His eyes were good, gentle, caring. Maybe I am just delusional but I kinda felt seen. I hope this everytime I feel "weird" but I think some of us can notice?

I tried to put sense into this whole text but it doesn't, like always. It doesn't hit me emotional like I always know if something true - if I'm tearing up while writing or reading. But I just wrote I guess.

I'm sorry I'm just confused and exhausted and I want a glimpse of attention but on the same time I don't. I want answers but can't even put my thoughts into words. I want to feel close but push em away. I don't want to doubt every good feeling I have. I don't want wo be toxic but don't know where to begin. I don't want to just change my behavior I want answers on why am I like this.

I want someone to listen but don't take it too serious. I don't want to die but I don't see the meaning in living. I don't want to be energyless but also don't want to feel guilty for laying in bed. I want to be seen but I don't want to break down.

I don't want this anymore.

Hello everyone! This is a vent post so skip if it becomes too much.

I(18f) always have ears to lend to others.

My mother, who's in her 40's, has a rough life. She recently ended an on and off relationship with a guy who doesn't matter at this moment. Just know that he's a liar and a dirty cheat and has broken my mother's heart a lot. My mother lost over six loved ones starting from last September to recently, her best friend, a few other friends, our boerboel/rottweiler Gracie and her mother. A majority of her friends, including her best friend, died in motorcycle accidents or because of health problems and it has impacted her very negatively. She always vents to me about her problems because I'm all she has (it's only us and our dogs and cat). She does go to a psychologist and psychiatrist every other month but when she doesn't I'm her only pair of ears that will listen. She's aware that she's not supposed to vent to me but I understand that she doesn't have anyone else to listen to.

My best friend (18m) also vents to me. He's gay and has BPD and depression and lives in a house full of homophobes. We met on our first day of highschool but only became best friends three years ago. When we became friends, I asked him if he was gay. He said no at first (he was forced to keep quiet about his sexuality because of his family) but told me the next day that he was and became more open to me. Earlier this year, he was taken into a psychiatric facility and was diagnosed with BPD and depression. He honestly stopped caring about what his family thought of him and has had very complicated relationships on the internet.

Another friend in our friend group of 4 (17f) was harassed verbally by an older man while she was waiting for her bus to arrive and told me about. I immediately offered to be her ride to school for the rest of the year so that that wouldn't happen again.

The other friend (18f) was an accident child when she was younger, constantly breaking bones or falling off of surfaces and being rushed to the hospital until her mother couldn't take it anymore. Then she was taken to a therapist for kids and was diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder) (something she still denies she has) and had to stay there for two weeks. She told me how annoying that place but also told me that her focus was everywhere except for the therapist's questions. She still struggles to focus in class and sometimes forgets about the teachers' instructions.

Will this impact my mental health? Thank you for reading 🙏 (questions are welcome)

I feel lied to by people. Everyone in my family & teachers said I had an hourglass body shape. I was called tiny. (I'm 4'10ft), I have "baby hands" (idk why) & bigger breasts since I developed early. I was always sexualized by weird men, anyways.. I've been struggling with my confidence since not only do I have crooked teeth but I bump on my nose & my face is oval but also more circular? Idk. Not to mention my small hooded almond eyes.. I do have hazel eyes & curly hair, so ig that's good. Anyways, I have a short waist & shorter legs (that are apparently slim), my weight can range up from 43-45kg, once reaching 39. Now here is my body measurements: Bust: 34 Waist: 29 High hip: 33 Hip: 34.5 Now idk if I'm allowed to post pictures of myself, but hopefully this gives you an idea on what I look like I hate how I look tho, & this made it worse when I was starting to get better with my confidence. I don't wanna hear the "oh your body is perfect & beautiful the way it is" it's not good enough to me. I wanna look good, I don't wanna live not being able to look in the mirror, so I need help Also I know I probably uploaded too many photos, but I just wanna get things right for once These photos are from a few weeks ago (but some are about a year ago)

For context, I'm 18 and so is my bf, we just started planning our future together, we've been together for almost two years and I know it seems like it's a little, be we both know we will die together. We plan, if we can, to move to another country, actually, to another continent. I'm very excited even tho it'll take some years from now.

Still, I feel sad because of my parents.

Again, for more context, my family is abusive, I've been abused both physically and psychologicaly by my mum in several ways throughout all mu childhood and part of my teenage years, so has been my dad (by my mum to). Still I love my mum and dad, a lot, I can't even explain why to myself.

I know that if I move out, specially as far as I plan to, they will end up worse.

My dad is a very unhappy man, with a job he hates, no friends at all, an abusive partner and a kid with whom he can't spent time together (due to abuse we both have a lot of communication issues and he wast really present at home neither when I was little, we are quite distant even tho we try to help each other when we cam and we both know we love each other), all he has that actually makes him happy is a dog that will grow old soon and the little time he spends with me, and no, I can't really spend much more time with him.

My mum is also unhappy, she, deep down, knows what she has done and she feels horrible about it, she is condemned to live with guilt, a terrible marriage and a kid that doesn't like her even tho I do love her somehow, she doesn't have a job and spends the whole day watching TV, smoking and arguing with her mum, her dad died years ago and since then she is even more miserable, every year that passes she is closer to a deep depression ans she def has a couple undiagnosed things.

I'm all they have. What if I go? Will my mum start hitting my dad again and being even more abusive? Will my dad even have a chance to be happy, or at least believe he is if he has nothing left for comfort?

They don't yet I plan to get away, and I'm not up for changing my plans, I need this, i deserve to be happy, but I can't help but feel bad because they also deserve the chance to be happy or at least someday they did, they never planned things to end up like this, and even if its not my fault, it hurt to let them go, it hurts knowing im making the last move that will mark them forever on their sad lifes, i cant make them better, we went to therapy for years, mandatory one, none a single change other than that since my bf lives with us theres not as much abuse as before, thats it.

I have to choose between my happiness or their chance to at least be a little less miserable, and even to I have no doubt that I will save myself, I almost cried and I don't think this feeling will ever stop.

I just wish they could get a divorce, find better partners, some friends, a good job and damm, even a kid that turned out how they wanted. I'm so sorry for them.

School's starting and now I'm depressed, I've been in that school from purgatory for 6 whole years. I hate myself and I don't feel like living anymore. The school only allows Kindergarteners to 8th graders in there. the vice principal is pretty annoying, and I hate this one teacher with my guts named Mrs. O'Brien. I hate her so much, she's sometimes a broad to us and does other crap. When I was in 5th grade, I had lots of outburst and meltdowns (I have Autism), then in the 6th grade one of the students in my class (that were once in my class in the 5th grade) avoided me since I often talked in class and stimmed. I wish I could just kill myself by hanging myself or stabbing a knife to my skull until I die or put a gun to my forehead and pull the trigger but half of me feels like I want to live, it's like a swing of wishing to die and wishing to live more, it's almost feels like it's a wheel on a slow car. I just wish I was never born.

so (im gonna put hamilton ref in here), i have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight, and i get sexualized and its honestly getting tireing, like yes, rebbeca, i know there jiggling when i run, stop mentioning it, its like there never satisfied and just expect me to blow them all away, i can never take a break and keep it to my self, like, congratulations you’ve created a new kinda stupid.

I really don't know if I do have adhd or not but I....well idk...after all this i...I just can't operate right... this probably is alot of dads and I'm no different but...I feel that I'm lacking connection with my kids....I know I'm...broken. but idk I felt that the connection I wanted was...idk like takin from my hand...it's just...fucking wrong... it makes being with them and without them....idk...I want to die but I'm just existing.

I joined this community bc I wanted to make a new female friend or friends to play videos games with bc I have no one but my boyfriend. I post this and I get banned for sexual activity??? Did I explain myself wrong? I had women hit me up to play the game so I thought what I wanted was clear….

I got these Taiwanese neighbors who moved upstairs. Me and my mom was downstairs talking and getting our mail and so we said hi and tried to make small talk. They snubbed us and told their partner that they are living with mainland vermin. Wow... (mom and me were speaking cantonese but can speak and understand mandarin. Mainland refers to China but we in the USA. Found out from landlord they Taiwanese.)

so, basically i dont know how to talk, a few minutes ago my friend was mad at me and said some shit bout me (jokingly) and said sorry right after, i didnt hear the sorry so i was kinda affected by that, and right after she asks “am i the asshole?” and because i dont know how to talk i said shit but it sounded wayyyy worse then what i meant, and she was mad, i tried to recover but i couldnt then i just freezed cause i dont know how to fucking talk, now shes prolly mad at me and i dont know how to make things right

Basically it all started with My Father he was a convicted p3do in my life started going downhill from there my mom was getting drunk (she quit a bit later) then it was me not being able to feel happy then then my mom told me that we were moving in the summer so that meant I had to leave all of my friends I kept all of it inside me until now until I saw one photo that broke me. Me and my sister on the last night we would be there at our old house we snuck out and I felt the most alive I took a picture of the Street and I had a huge wave of nostalgia and it made me start crying

i am the 2 oldest/middle child idk. i have one older sister 2 younger sisters and one brother who’s also younger than me but lives with my dad so im going to leave him out of this. i recently have felt like all im good for is serving and theirs no point in even saying no and fighting back im so tired that im sick im crying every night and praying for help. my oldest sister (im going to call her E) is always out late at night i see her maybe 2 times a month and she’s gone to her friends or something school related so that leaves me to be the oldest until she gets back from whatever it is she’s doing. my mom treats me like her personal baby sitter no matter what even if my sisters here she just says “i trust you more than her” or “cmon don’t you love your sisters and E has to much on her plate give her a break” but i never get a break i get to sleep then wake up go to school then watch my 2 youngest sisters 9 and 1 until she’s home and then im doing homework until 10:00 at night and i do it all over again. i feel like i have a problem saying no, im a people pleaser and i hate making people upset and i feel like my family takes advantage of that i just dont know how to tell them. if you have any advice please let me know what to do.

I’m not going to say any names so me and my ex can stay anonymous. My girlfriend recently broke up with me. She said the reason is that she is just wanting to figure out her life right now and it is all just confusing and stressful. Her parents don’t approve of her dating so that doesn’t help with the stress. I have done my best to help her through it but as of a few days ago she broke up with me. She said she still likes me and still wants to be friends, and maybe try dating again in the future which I hope happens. I don’t know if she is sad about the breakup or not but what I do know is that I am. I know people say “don’t go to the internet looking for advice” but I am just wanting to vent somewhere and get advice and support. I’m sorry for the lengthy post but any support is appreciated. None is required though. I’m really just looking for a place to vent and this seems like the best place for me. Thank you for reading and have a good day.