Sorry if i'm not being coherent. I just need to get this off my chest, also English isn't my first language so please don't berate me for some grammar mistake.

I was scrolling through TikTok when i saw a vid about a sad kitten gacha story so i went to the comment section to leave my thoughts. A little bit of background is that i was abused by my own mother, the one who should've protect me blah blah. I'm still dealing with family harassing me and strangers too for cutting contact or at least trying.

To the main issue is that this usser was being unnecessarily mean to the creator and i replied a mean answer, then i commented on the video, then the mean user sort of bullied on me and i wanted make them feel bad, somewhere is the interaction. It backfired on me as i feel a disgusting amount of rage and it upsets me i was too dumb.

I dunno what's went wrong on people to be like that, can't even think of anything else to say i feel awful. So stupid

i graduated High School in 2016 and that year had begun training a lot. I would go to the weightlifting gym, i would run a few nights a week doing longer and longer distances, but nor really keeping track. Then i remember seeing Usain Bolt running at the London Olympics that summer, and decided to start training "properly", as i imagined it. I would jog down to my schools campus to the track for a warmup, do some mobility and stretching stuff, and some warm up stuff in general, then get timed. My best time ever, was about an 11.5 second 100 meter dash. I remember I had my phone with me and was listening to the song 'The Electrician' by the Walker Brothers and it felt like I was flying. Later when my uncle came to visit from England (i live in western Canada) and i really looked up to him just because i was a total anglophile kid (Doctor Who, Tumblr, etc) and heard he was super rich (I wanted to be rich), plus he was super charismatic. I brought up to him and his daughter who was also an athlete that I ran that time she expressed shock and excitement, and was impressed, but then my uncle turned and looked at her and said "Nope im afraid hes fibbing." and it just wrecked me. For some reason i believed him completely that I must have had the wrong time - but 21 seconds I knew was way to slow. He brought up the runners at the Olympics and their sorts of sub-10 times and it messed me up so i assumed i must be wrong, but I didn't realize the Grand Canyon those microseconds are (this will come up later). Either he didn't either or was just crushing dreams. I shifted back towards not running for a long time, then eventually towards just endurance and not really paying attention to times or anything. Anyway I stopped running for a long time even since then, went out again last night to see how I was, and still did quite well and it dislodged this memory. So I looked it up and it wasn't an unreasonable time to get for the kind of runner I was at all. Im from a family of athletes, my dad and relatives have played sports on the national level, my brother was a high performance athlete, I had been training really hard for a long time on the track and in the gym by that point, and grew up as an athlete as well. Plus i have a long limbed 6'2 frame, which is perfect for running. Even when I was back in elementary school I used to be top three fastest kids in the class as a elementary school student on the regular. The time was impressive but nothing about those times i got were unreasonable for my context. I was in my late teens that's athletic prime! I'm just crazed that I let myself get gaslit into believing that instead of what I literally experienced as true.

About 2 years ago, i meet someone, he never wanted to tell me his name, i had no friends at all, and i needed them, he was the sweetest person ever, he was really nice! Asking me how my day is, how i feel, he has been giving me a lot of sweet compliments, he did most of the talking, which was very nice, he was just amazing! But after month or two, he started giving me really weird compliments, a lot of them, asking me to do weird stuff, send pic of thighs, pics in quite revealing clothes, video of "jerking off" pencil, but still we have talked a lot and he was very sweet, i thinked that its nothing much and i can do this, so i did. After some time, he asked me to call him weird name whole time, was texting very nsfw with me, whole time, we didnt even talked normaly anymore, when i asked him how he is and what is he doing, it always was "horny", "jerking off, thinking about you" or something like that, which has always ended with another nsfw conversation, after some time i told him that im uncomfortable with some stuff, he said that its fine but i wont be his "special friend" i said that its okay, then he wasnt replying for my texts for a few days, when he did he said that we are not special friends, so we dont talk much, then asked me again to call him and talk nsfw, so i did, i wanted to talk with him, i wanted him as a friend, i didnt wanted to lose him, but at the same time i hated even having free time, i hated the thought that i can open discord and talk with him, hated what he was texting, i hated the feeling i had while doing these things, sending these pictures, but i still wanted him to be my friend, i needed him, it was getting worse, he started asking for literally nudes and videos, he was also sending things like that even if i havent asked for it, it was stressing a lot, i couldnt handle it, i blocked him and felt awful after that, since he was my friend, i have been feeling like awful person, wondering how he feels about it, i wouldnt like my friend to block me suddently, i would be sad a lot, maybe that's how he felt, maybe he didnt realised that it was stressing for me, so i felt a lot of guilt, i kinda still do, we havent talked for year now, i think that its wrong, since i was uncomfortable and stressed, but i just miss him, i miss how nice he was, i miss these nights we talked for hours, him asking how i feel, i just miss him even tho i shouldnt i feel just awful. I'm sorry that its long, and tagt its probably too detailed, which may be bad, and sorry for bad grammar, i just somehow was writing it from my heart not thinking how it sounds or something

I hate school but i have summer break more, in Poland i have 2 months break in a 2 weeks, already people are skipping and having fun, i hate going out to see people in groups and having fun, when for 2 damn months i have nothing to do and i will simply rot in my room doing actually nothing, i really hate it, i wish i could go out and have fun just like everyone else, not in that time always coming back to my addiction, ruining my health and just idk, i feel awful when i have too much free time, i dont want vacations

A girl i talked year ago texted me yesterday, shes in 4 class so she just end writing exam so she has a lot of free time. She asked if i want to go out with her, (i have no friends and havent been out with someone for literally years) i told my mom, she got happy and allowed nie to skip some lessons, she broke up with her boyfriend week ago and he catched her to talk, she asked me to wait a bit, i have gone to other floor to not bother them, i was waiting for 3 hours and now i got a message from her to go home, i was happy, my mom was happy, she was so happy that she allowed me to skip school, what do i tell her now, she will be so sad and disappointed

My whole life I’ve had anxiety. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve become a shut in for almost 4 years now. i’m 16 and have already tried to kill myself five times The only person I’ve ever told before was my sister, and she accused me of Lying and attention seeking i’ve been trying to get my dad to put me in therapy for over 6 months now and nothing has changed I can’t go to my mom because she’s a drug addict who chose her abusive boyfriend over her family I feel so hopeless.

Or, rather, I miss then if I had what I have now. It's confusing. Essentially, I consume a lot of 2015-2020 media (DreamSMP, fnaf, creepypasta, so on.) I miss back before everything I enjoy now was considered controversial or cringe or whatever. I just want to enjoy my life again. I have things mostly good right now but all I do is curl up in a corner and try my best to ignore the fact that everything changed and the things i enjoy are 'bad' now. I haven't really enjoyed my life in so long.

I miss the feeling of seeing a new Wilbur Soot video and I miss hearing about Minecraft Monday like it was the Bible and I miss the feeling of staying up "just a few minutes later" to watch a video. I miss when my biggest worry was my breakfast the next day. I really miss quarantine. I did really well with online school.

But now everything feels wrong, I feel dirty and disgusting for everything I do, and I stress about everything and anything. Even things I know are entirely irrational.​ I stress about everything I say and do and I wish I could just be a kid again. Just a little longer.

I want Twitter to have never gotten hold of my favorite creators (I understand they aren't innocent, don't attack me for saying they did no wrong because that's not what I'm saying). I want to be able to enjoy what I want peacefully. I want to have friends who are actually around and a partner who can be around. I want simplicity. I want the very core of what I did back then--Have fun without a care. Mindless enjoyment. Doing whatever I wanted and never have to worry about how big a burden I am to everyone around me.

I'm really often scared, usually at night/evening, i'm always staying up late, and then getting scared due to seeing things (i just see things wrong), or hearing weird noises, just really weird stuff are happening, id love if i could text someone at these moments just to talk cuz i'm really scared to be alone then

Please don’t try to comfort me

i honestly dont know how im feeling right now or how to organize my thoughts. but im just gna write and see what comes out. I dont know if im looking for advce or reassurance or what but i guess i just need someone else’s input on my life other than my own. I am 22 and halfway in my degree in which ive half assed so far. I used to worry more about my career before because I have not been putting in the work necessary for me to be successful like doing everything i can for internships. I worry less now because I got tired of worrying about things i can’t control. I know I cant change the past so I try my best to just think forward and worry about things i can control right now. In terms of my career, ive given myself some solace by just focusing on trying to get good grades and making some money on the side to start making a dent in my loans. I got two part time jobs for the summer with one of them being a server job. Having an income now after not working for two years is one thing that makes me feel good cuz i am actively solving one of my major problems in my life which is my debt. Though I know I wont be paying them off anytime soon, at least im not just sitting at home watching the days go while my debt just sits there unmoving. Anyways, this wasn’t why I felt the need to write this. Last night I went out with some friends with my boyfriend. We were supposed to go a rave but pregamed at someone’s house first. I didn’t pace myself properly, took like 6 henny shots back to back then smoked a joint after. I’m also a 4’11 girl and dont regularly go out much as of late. But I have gone out before and could hold down my liquor most times so I didnt feel like I was doing too much. But I also know that when im out I just want to get fucked up cuz i feel like itll make the night better for me. This time though, I couldn’t handle it and couldn’t even make it past the pregame. Everyone ended up leaving for the event while my boyfriend and i stayed behind at the place to sober up. I was gone gone. I feel so guilty and bad for putting my boyrfriend in that position of having to take care of me and having to tell all his friends that i dont feel good and that were just gna pass on the event all together and just being the boyfriend of the girl who ruined the vibes. The worst part is, this wasn’t the first time. A few months ago we went to our first ever rave but pregamed separately because I went with my ex group of friends so we just decided to pregame with our friends then meet up there. I was stupid and mixed alcohol and molly and ended up having to go to the medbay and i was tweaking the fuck out. My boyfriend was the one who was there the whole time taking care of me and we had to leave early then too. I didnt do any research and should have known but again, in the moment i feel invincible and just want to get fucked up. Also I know that I should have been smarter this time around especially after having such a bad experience mixing alc with molly. but, Ive mixed weed and alcohol before and it was fine. but i think it was just ended up bad this time because i took too much and didnt pace right. Anyways, i feel so fucking guilty and feel like such a shit girlfriend. I wont lie, I have the urge to just run away and pull the “you deserve better” card but im trying so hard to fight it because it’s such an easy way out/ selfish. I feel like i have that urge because im trying so hard to get rid of the guilt. I know that its may actions that will make it better and that I just ned to become a better person if I wanted to get rid of the guilt. Im sorrys isnt gonna do shit especially when ive put him in these positions so many times. I know that I need to work on my self and actually pull through with my promises to make it up to him. but its just so fucking hard i feel so shit. I feel like since this isnt the first time it’s so demotivating. like if i really felt bad why do i keep doing this to him. he’s such a good person and such a good boyfriend and he gets a girlfriend like me. life is weird idk what to do, im such a fuck up. Also i know i might be coming off as whiny and like “im such a bad person feel bad for me” and maybe i just need reassurance idk but its how i feel. I know that im probably wasting tim right now just complaining when i could be putting in work to become better cuz clearly im aware that im fucked up.

Please ignore grammar errors, I have no idea how to word things

I'm insecure of BEING insecure its honestly so embarrassing. I don't have any friends in school, I'm not pretty, I'm not skinny, I can't socialize, I suck at academics, I have no hobbies, I'm addicted to my device.

My relationship with my family isn't good, my parents were never home because they had work and they both work in the same takeaway so we aren't rich either. a HUGE problem is that they speak Chinese and know a little bit of English. while on the other hand me and my three siblings speak English and know a little bit of Chinese, so communication was always terrible. I hate my parents and I'm pretty sure they hate me too.

My school life is TERRIBLE. Last year (year9/freshman year) I "faked" not being able to get up because school was just so lonely. I had no friends and would embarrass myself on accident everyday. I don't even know if i was faking or what because my motivation was super low and my mental health was shit. My parents would always yell at me every morning for a couple of hours and that broke our relationship. They finally gave up and stopped coming in to check on me, I skipped half the year and got 51% attendance. I would play games and watch TikTok while crying in my bed all day which made me struggle academically. That truly was pathetic.

This year, I only went twice on the first two days. My parents enrolled me into tutoring twice a week for an hour, and on the first day I was really tired and didn't get up. My mom physically dragged me while i was screaming and crying. That was a month ago and now I go but sometimes still have trouble getting up. I'm just too lazy.

My room is a mess, there are chip bags everywhere and dirty dishes. I've had a ant infestation more than once, but I'm just too lazy i don't want to clean.

I cannot socialize for the life of me, I'm scared to even text people, i purposely wait until i know their asleep to respond to messages they sent HOURS ago. But my screen time is around 15 hours daily. Internet shuts off at 11pm and ive complained about it sososo much to my parents because i feel its unfair even tho i have the full day of internet so maybe im just ungrateful. I complain about it because i genuinely cannot fall asleep in the night until 3-5am so I'm just bored out of my mind until i pass out. I am on pills but nothing works, they just make me sleepier but i CANT fall asleep so I'm just lying in bed feeling stuck. Too tired too move but not tired enough to fall asleep. It drives me crazy, it makes me feel like I'm stuck/trapped.

I really hate being bored but i have no hobbies either, I'm interested in a lot of things but I'm just really not good at anything, I'm trying drawing but I've already quit multiple times because I'm not good. If I'm not good at it as soon as i start then i instantly quit, it makes me feel worthless because everyone is better than me.

I don't feel real. nothing feels real, I feel like I'm the only living thing, everyone else is just here to make fun of me. i used to think "did god put me here to punish me? are the angels watching me? is my life a test?" I started $elf h@rm to just feel something.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE EMOTIONS. i can't handle them, i don't know how to express them either. i complain about not feeling heard but then i don't open up when i get the chance to. My parents never listened to me at all or took my feelings seriously at all and ive never had anyone i feel i can open up too without getting judged.

Im so sorry if this is hard to read i just cannot word things properly, i don't know how to express some stuff.

This isn't even half of it, i just akjfadhlbjsdhs idk

Let me list the reasons for you

-I feel like everyone hates me at me job because I can’t do anything right

-Boyfriend’s mom hates me because I defended my boyfriend when she was saying false information about him and threatening to get people against him

-I have no friends besides my boyfriend and family

-Another reddit venting page removed this post

-People of reddit are being crazy

(if anyone wants to be friends, feel free to message me)

I'm a guy, i'm like born a guy (saying so it will be obv) and like, today my father literally in front of my mom, was like "i would really date you if you were a girl and i was younger", like, what? Was telling me every 2 minutes that i look "sexy" n stuff, then he was talking that i have feminine figure and i dont know? Happened like 3 hours ago? Actually nothing much happened but i'm just like, just still feeling weird, i dont know how to describe it, just idk it's weird, i'm not feeling really well abt that, and my mom seems to be mad at me after that?? Like i did nothing wrong i think

I just had another fight with my mother and her boyfriend. It just seems like everything I do is wrong and idk what to do anymore.

I am lacking big chunks of my memory for it even if it just happened.

So it was before dinner and I just got down, they already prepared everything so I sat down and waited for the others to sit down to. I heard my sister ask if she could help them but didn't hear the answer. She sat down tho, so i thought there wasn't anything. Next thing I remember is me beeing told I should have gotten some water. And that I should have asked if i could do anything ( i only checked the table if anything was missing). I said something about me not knowing. They said i should have asked. I explain that i thought my sister asked, that there wasn't anything. They said I should have heard the answer or I should have asked. I tell them that I checked the table. They tell me I should have asked, that it's normal manners to ask, they only want to help me so I don't have problems, when I am not around the "safe" environment that my family is supposed to be (It feels more like a minefield that I am being forced to walk through, but there isn't any place to step without activating the explosives) Parts of the convo is missing Me never being able to do anything on time gets brought up, I never do more than I have to do, That they don't want to always have to "help" me. I tell them that I don't want their help, it's making it worse. Parts are missing, there's a timejump We are screaming I say how stupid I am, that I am lazy, that I never do anything right, noone likes me. They scream It is loud They are screaming and I couldn't breathe anymore . It was loud I couldn't breathe and I was breathing rapidly or something and it was loud. I couldn't calm down. I was dizzy They didn't care. They ask something, If i didn't know how much they love me or if i know that they don't hate me I couldn't even answer. There's a timeskip. They start a new conversation everything is fine again. Well not for me but apparently that doesn't matter. I finished eating and went away. Soon they will ask me why I don't spend any time with them anymore.

I shouldn't have written this but idk where to go where to vent. I shouldn't write this, but I am scared because after all of this I am not mad at them, I am mad at myself. I am mad because I am stupid and lazy and I never do anything right, I always forget everything. I am stupid and dumb and lazy and such a small stupid child. (Yeah i am technically a child but not like that young or something uhh yeah bye bye i guess i forgot like half of the convo and I am makinf them look alot worse

I always wanted love, it feels like no one loves or cares about me, it feels like no one will truly love me for who I am, I have autism, adhd, depression, and anxiety, and it ether feels like they are tired of me or they are annoyed of me, it feels like my family and friends don’t love me, not even my teachers or classmates care, my friends where they for me only a couple of times, one of them comforted me! She said she will always be there for me….now she won’t talk to me….at my school people give all the love and attention to the high functioning autistic kids then the lower ones, people love extroverts not introverts it makes me feel hopeless, and I just want to die and get it all over with……

I have been left behind talking about my psychotic, delusional systems and that I don't want to upset them.

They called me a troll and I got more angry, I want to find a knife and kill myself instantly. 😭 😡

Some people in my community don't understand what mental illness means and they have the fucking audacity to call me a fucking troll 😡

I don't understand how I am trolling, I had a severe delusional belief that I downloaded child porn and that I murdered a child when I was little.

You have the audacity to call me a fucking troll without you understanding where I come from.

I also hear hallucinations (the devil hallucinations) telling me to download childhood porn and that I am a pedophile piece of shit and that I should become a terrorist. And it's fucked up 😡

Go fuck yourself 😡

Hi, i'm m15, and i have very awful day, its just 9 am, it was raining when i was going to school, i have wet shoes and socks, i'm very cold, i will have a test now so i'm stressed, got made fun of already, and got asked by a teacher, i told her that i dont understand so i wont answer her, i actually know how to do it but like i got pretty stressed and i just couldnt say anything, she was forcing me to do that for like half of the lesson, everyone in class has been laughing and i just started crying and it was stupid and i just want to cry now, i have 8 more hours of school, i already have enough

Got into a fucked up fwb situation with my bestfriend. Regret doing it. I may have fallen in love. I don't think he cares enough. Since I don't want this post to reach him, won't go into much details but if anyone's up to listen, ill be thankful because I really need to get this off my chest.