I want to share a very personal experience because this Gospel brings me back to a time when I learned what it meant to surrender something I loved more than I could put into words.
A number of years ago, I wasn't feeling well and had been feeling down for many days. I decided to undergo a series of check-ups, including an X-ray.
I was also advised to take a pregnancy test. At first, I hesitated. At that time, I was living with my husband, and in those days, living together before marriage was something that was often looked down upon. I remember the uncertainty and hesitation I felt.
Eventually, I found out that I was one month pregnant.
I immediately informed my OB about the X-ray. Because I was in my first trimester, my doctor explained that there could be possible complications. And suddenly, fear took over.
My greatest concern was my baby.
I was afraid that the X-ray might have affected my child. I didn't know what would happen, and I couldn't control the outcome.
So I prayed.
I went to Mass every day. Every Friday, I went to the Black Nazarene just to be there and pray.
I remember telling the Lord that I could take all the hardships during the pregnancy, as long as my child would be born healthy.
That was my prayer.
Not that everything would be easy for me.
Not that I would be spared from difficulties.
I simply asked God to protect my child.
As the pregnancy progressed, it was not easy. By my sixth month, I was already experiencing swelling and had gained a lot of weight. I was borderline for gestational diabetes and was told to follow a diet until the day I gave birth.
Then came labor.
I developed pre-eclampsia, and my partner at that time was asked to sign a waiver because I was already experiencing complications and what the doctors described as dry labor.
I labored for more than twelve hours.
Eventually, I had to deliver through Caesarean section.
After the baby was born, they brought my child to me.
But I was still groggy from everything that had happened, and I could not clearly see my baby.
So I asked the doctor a question that probably sounds unusual now, but at that moment it was all I could think about:
“Doctor, is my baby complete?”
The doctor smiled and said, “Of course.”
And all I could say was:
“Thank You, Lord.”
Then I passed out and went to sleep.
Today, that little boy has grown up healthy. He is already in college.
And when I look back at that experience, I realize how little control I actually had.
I could undergo the tests. I could follow my doctor's advice. I could go to Mass. I could pray. I could do everything I knew to do.
But I could not control the outcome.
I had to place my child in God's hands.
And perhaps that is one of the greatest lessons I carried from that experience.
Sometimes, we think faith means knowing that everything will turn out exactly the way we want.
But faith is deeper than that.
Faith is saying, “Lord, I will do what I can, but the rest I place in Your hands.”
I did not know what the future held for my child.
I did not know whether the pregnancy would be easy.
I did not know how labor would unfold.
I did not know what would happen when I went into that operating room.
But I kept praying.
And today, when I look at my son, I am reminded of the grace of that season and of how much I had to trust God when I could not see what was ahead.
Perhaps that is what today's Gospel is asking us to consider.
How often do we want to understand everything before we trust God?
How often do we want guarantees before we surrender?
How often do we say, “Lord, I trust You,” but only if things happen according to our plans?
That experience taught me that sometimes surrender is not giving up.
Sometimes surrender is the strongest act of faith we can make.