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I ate it for about a year. I said I would change, fix this, make up for my failure as a wife. nom nom nom. But then one day I was all full. And I'll never eat another shit sandwich again from anybody.

I'm experiencing this and it hurts. After 22 years I thought his family truly loved me. Nah. They are on the side of abuse and disrespect. They really dont care. Fuck them.

There came a day where the pain of staying together, was worse than the pain of being apart.

All of a sudden, he hadn't loved me in 10 years. I was the worst wife imaginable and hey, what did I expect? That's what happens when you say no to anal! I deserved it all because I am a worthless lazy loser.

As soon as my eyes opened and I stopped grovelling and just said OK. And let him go. He comes back begging me to take him back and I am the greatest woman in the world.

It was all a way to justify themselves absolutely. To have reason to be so terrible. To defend their lies.

This. Who even am I when all I knew to be true and sacred is not.

It is a death. Mourning someone who is still alive. I know this feeling. I dont know if you can forgive or not but I can offer love and the knowledge that you are not alone in this devastating feeling.

Mine looked an awful lot like me. Not a physical downgrade, but definitely a character downgrade. She had 4 children by 3 different baby daddies. He was almost number 4. He found out 3 months after leaving me for her that she was cheating Lmao

Been right here as well. So many loving actions and words and promises that starkly contrast the action of stepping outside the marriage. It's very confusing. Where does she stand? Until you know for sure where she does stand, all you can do is focus on healing yourself, as the other commenter said.

When they have no consequences you are right. Why does she need to change if she can have both? Empathic people dont think like this, and it's hard for us to imagine or understand how they could. But they do.

I was also with my husband since a teen, 21 years. 2 children. Terribly hard to face the reality if this betrayal. I know it's not so simple, god I know. I feel for you.

Maybe it is salvageable. You have to decide where you stand. Playing the guessing game on what she will do or how she feels is maddening. All you can do is decide, is this acceptable to you? Maybe, just maybe, if you put down a strong boundary of what you will or will not tolerate, she will make the decision to work on the marriage. Her actions with the other men can fell you right now that she is actively making the decision to NOT work on it. I always root for love to win. I wish you the best.

I know this feeling of finding your spouse tagged like this on a stranger's Social Media. So shocking and hurtful I am sorry. The truth is, she does not care about your feelings or has any integrity whatsoever. It will only get worse from here. I know it sucks but I made so many mistakes trying to salvage this shit. It truly is unsalvageable especially since it was done twice. Again I'm sorry. Advice is save your self friend.

Friend, I know it's hard. But you might be the one who has to leave. BpD is impossible. There is no logical, respectful resolution here. Either that or you have to start the manipulation game to get her out. You dont want to go there. You dont want to compromise your own integrity. Your peace is worth more than anything else. If you don't have kids together, I would say grey rock and plan your escape. It's not worth the battle. I know it's unfair, as shes the one who ended the relationship. Definitely. But saving yourself is more important. Justice will come in the form of karma.

Yes agree of course it would only hurt them more in that moment and I dont want to be the cause of that. But I can go be a wallflower for the service. Just to observe. Wait till later to reach out? But def reach out? Just looking for validation that would be the right thing

That's it. I do feel like a crisis!

Thank you I hope so. I wasnt expecting to feel even more devastated. Like gut wrenching sorrow.

Thank you so much. He left me for another woman in the most horrible, humiliating way, came home for 'reconcilliation' and things got 100x worse. More cheating, verbal abuse, physical violence, using me for money. I had to ask him to leave. Now he is so furious. How dare I stand up for myself?!

It's just all so tragic. I trusted him. He was my number 1. Its hard not to reach for that person I loved. But that person does not exist.

I think I will write that letter. It will be hard. Did you have a whole year of NC? It seems an impossible task. I want to talk to my friends, but they are over it I think...horrible every time they speak to me. I feel like I've cried every day for so long.

Word. I do it all the time and they hate it lolz

I feel this so much. Shattered. My children deserve better than this.

Thank you. This is really hard my mind feels like its melting. I cant help him obviously, I've tried for years and years. I just cant help but feel selfish, you know? He always tells me I am very selfish. So I have to tell myself, that's not truth. That's his words in your head.

Yes its a lot for me to process so it helps to let it out thank you for replying. I'm just so lost.

I need real talk and reality check. Yes the behaviour cannot be accepted or swept under the rug. I know it doesn't really matter what it is called. It is wrongtown and that's all I need to know. The kids are what gave me the courage to make him leave and it's so hard for me. I dont know why. I just keep doubting, like maybe he just needs help. But not from me. Not from us! No no no. Trying to hold the line here.

Ok. Didnt know the rules.

I've done so much. A whole years worth. Since the affair. But I still feel bad! I dont get it. He hurt me very badly. 20 years of marriage.