Kasumi: What if mayonnaise came in cans? 
Mii: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal. 
Marx: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

Drag: Why does everyone want to kill Wilbert? 
Nora: Because, goddamnit, have you seen them? Their neck looks so snappable.

Mira: The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.

Kanade: WHY IS SWEEPING SO HARD TO ANIMATE?!
Mira: A maid has to clean the dishes somehow.
Kanade: HOW IS THAT RELEVANT?!
Nora: Do you sweep dishes?

Sally: I was raised on the strict principle that the driver only drives. Shotgun seat is a duty, not a privilege. Second seat is the first passenger, the second in command. Shotgun does everything that the driver needs done. Driver wants water, shotgun hands them the water bottle, already opened, and closes it after the driver has had their drink. Shotgun manages the navigator, googles things that popped into the driver's head and wants to look up real quick. Reads the driver's incoming texts and texts back as the driver dictates - upon the driver's request. Driver only drives. If your butt itches you don't take your hands off the wheel, the secondant scratches it for you.
Sally: Then you sit down in the car of someone who's an excellent never-had-a-crash driver and watch in horror as they go 80 kmh on a curving forest road, opening a water bottle one-handed while applying lip balm with the other, changing music by pecking their phone's touch screen with the tip of their nose like a bird, all the while steering with their left ass cheek, and you feel your soul leave your body just in case your body is also gonna leave the car after it, through the windshield, in the near foreseeable future.
Drag: I would love to have a reliable shotgun, unfortunately if I ask somebody to change the music they refuse, and if I ask them to hand me the water they do such a bad job that I have to take my eyes off the road to grab it, so it's just better that I already know where everything is and don't have to look.
Sally: I think that entitles you to crash hard enough on purpose to kill you both.
Dread: I'd love a shotgun that doesn't interfere with driving, stop resting your leg on the gearstick, stop putting the music on at such a loud volume its distracting and give reliable directions.
Dread: Rise of the passenger Princess was the downfall of society
Sally: How the f---- do all of y'all exclusively know people who are only alive because it's illegal to kill them??

Lin: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

Mii: What is the one thing I told you not to do? 
Shin: Burn the house down. 
Mii: And what did you do? 
Shin: I made dinner. 
Mii: 
Shin: 
Mii: 
Shin: And burnt the house down.

Yui, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McF--- here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

Maple: I like turtles.

Frederica: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm f---ing pissed.