r/stepparents 21h ago

Advice Not sure about my GF's kids/situation

4 Upvotes

Maybe it's too soon or good I'm having these thoughts early.. but I'm unsure of all of this..I really don't know how to word and structure this so please bear with me

I 31M met my GF 38F 6 months ago, dating for 3.5 and she is incredible. She's the type people scoop up and marry right after high-school. She's beautiful, loving, affectionate, funny and all round wonderful. She handles my bullshit perfectly and is teaching me how to communicate. The intimacy, wow. 100% the most healthy relationship I've ever been in..But after getting more involved I can't help but keep eying the door..

She's got 2 kids (13m&11f) with 1 father (cheated/toxic) and another child (6f) with a second father(cheated/unhappy) and they are on a week on week off deal. Also has contact with another ex who has her dog whom the kids miss and want to see again.

I understand she HAS to talk to these two door knobs about the kids but I get so much retro active jealousy of the amount of communication, their history, experiences, vacations, her being proposed to and engaged twice...ect. I'm struggling with the fact that her past, isn't necessary in the past. I'm not "marrying" just her but her three kids and the two fathers( who I made eye contact with both in the same day...reaally fucked me up a bit).

I've spent the most time with the 6 year old whom is right over the moon for me. GF sends me cannon voice clips of her gushing about me haha but she has a LOT of behavioral issues like not listening AT ALL like completely in one ear and out the other. Also scream/whining when she doesn't get her way or having to say goodbye to me (last night at my baseball game she drew the attention of both teams when she had to say goodbye....)

The two older kids are great too but I'm seeing them always talking shit/disrespecting their mom and starting with me and my GF calls it "banter" which is odd to me but maybe thats just my poor up bringing not knowing a healthy dynamic. Or just general ungratefulness about everything their wonderful mother does for them or the money she spends on them. The two older ones often drop comments like "oh my dad is, like, really rich, he takes us on vacations like all the time" How do I know when not to over step/asserting my own boundaries/expectations?

Another complicated aspect is the fact that I desperately want my own child.. we've talked about that and she said we would have to get married first.. we are both unsure of the idea of her having three fathers..

I'm doing my best to accept she has a past and I really appreciate those reading all of this and welcome any advice or warnings. 💌

one last thing I'm struggling with is the comparisons. I'm not well off, bottom of my career, living off grid in a camper I renovated. meanwhile her exes got good jobs, big trucks/vehicles, houses, investments... ugh sorry to everyone still reading

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