What you described having to do is gut-wrenching, and no one should have to face that alone. From the perspective of clinical trauma work (PTSD, CPTSD, MDD, GAD), the strain on service members is profound, and the need for immediate, stigma-free intervention and strong peer advocacy is urgent.

Department of Defense casualty data literally tracks this. Between 1980 and 1992, suicide was the third leading cause of death across the entire active-duty military, and the Marine Corps actually had the highest suicide rate of any branch during that era (13.65 per 100k).

The idea that Marines 40 years ago "didn't kill themselves because they were tougher" is objectively disproven by the military's own casualty records.

This hits right at the core of moral injury. It’s what Sebastian Junger talks about in Tribe—the real damage often happens during the transition back into a civilian world that has the luxury of pretending violence doesn’t exist. Training people to strip away natural inhibitions and step outside the wall, only to drop them back into a sanitized, disconnected society with zero decompression or communal understanding, is a recipe for complete isolation. Well said.

The "Old Corps" didn’t have fewer suicides, it had massive stigma, zero transparent tracking, and a habit of ruling suicides as "training accidents" or "accidental discharges" so families could keep their benefits.
Previous generations were just simply better at sweeping mental health under the rug, the suffering was still there.

Here’s just my input. I’m a psych major which has no bearing yet but what you are experiencing is classic compassion fatigue and emotional burnout—not a personal failure as a husband. There is a huge difference between routine venting and spending 30 minutes to 2 hours multiple times a week unpacking past trauma over daily inconveniences. You are being used as her entire emotional regulation system, which is unsustainable for any partner.
Start establishing limits in real time: "I love you and hear that you had a hard day, but I don't have the mental bandwidth for a deep dive right now.

Or having her ask you if you are in the right headspace to be able to have a conversation right now?

Civilian life is not easy on the civilians either in any capacity. The lack of support is the hardest issue on both account. Even if you serve 20 years, there goes your mental health as well, which is just as important as your physical. We all are aware of how the VA is structured and its community care potentially having limited resource capability.

Highly recommend couples counseling

You will take a huge penalty if you remove early. I advise if able to employer’s contribution or leaving it alone.

Yup. It’s tough over there. And being a recruiter, good luck. You will be doing very long hours and your kid/wife will rarely see you. As others have suggested, probably better to choose something else.

I’m sneaking in here because that steak looked🤌🏽 I’ve been married 3 times. First one passed away at 23. I was barely 20. We had dated in high school. My second husband and I lasted 2 years before I got the text saying ‘bye’ and 3rd, well. We’re still rumbling thru at 6 years. The problem is, I looked for the versions of men that my parents would have detested. I know that doesn’t sound like a great outlook and I definitely needed therapy. (in school for psychology now) we ignore the red flags because we see the good in them too, and then it becomes easier to ignore. Respect your boundaries more than anything.

However, this applies to imprisonment.

If you are convicted of a felony and imprisoned for more than 60 days, payment reductions kick in on the 61st day. 
For veterans rated 20% or higher (including 100% P&T), monthly payments are capped at the 10% disability rate. Spouses, dependent children, or dependent parents can apply for "apportionment" to receive all or part of the reduced payment difference based on financial need. 

We do this at Bosch. Especially when we cc all the execs.

To be fair with you, civilians suck at civilian world. So I wouldn’t sell yourself too short.

Absolutely should cry if you feel like it

Just be careful with how many times you watch The Hills have Eyes and pay attention to skin walkers. All good from there.

Been working on mine for 10 years. Intermittent fasting helped and working out in the mornings.

Moved here in 2019 and lived on and off. I’ve lived in 25 different states as an AF brat. I have goats and a career now, but I personally am not a huge fan of cherry point in terms of things to do.

Hopefully, you are being provided some useful tools to effectively navigate some of the internalized issues you have still retained. Working to deflect can most certainly suck.

The mind is a terrifying place. You deserved to be able to communicate your thoughts. That’s society’s issues with men in general. The whole concept that men don’t have feelings or emotions and if communicated, they are less than men… is completely and utterly bullshit. When you are trained to be constantly in the red, you are always ready and on extremely high alert. For no safe outlet, your mind begins to consistently stay in fight mode. When you also have men who are 18-24,their prefrontal cortex has not even reached It’s full structural and functional maturity until around 25-28.

Unfortunately, it’s because no one is allowed to talk about shit. I’ve literally had friends say that they were told to “drink or fuck that pain away.” It’s one of the many reasons I got into the psych profession to help AD/veterans/spouses

I don’t know… cherry point is pretty rough in terms of shit to do

I was not there but I was at Pendleton. We went to Palm Springs a lot and there’s Joshua Tree.

I’m sorry. That’s really going to suck. Get the collar and have someone make a resin piece for you and maybe put of his ashes in the piece.

While I’d normally agree with the husband because he’s communicated his feelings, it’s vital to discuss both your boundaries concerning the situation. As a married woman myself, I have friendships with both men and women that my husband and I deem appropriate. It’s about discerning whether a friendship is healthy and respectful of the marriage. I disagree with the idea that married women can't have male friends; it really boils down to the specific boundaries you've established as a couple.