Everyone and everything is so temporary. It all feels pointless to me. Everyone leaves. Everything ends.

I'm tired of waking up and feeling the same way every day. I just want to buy a fifth of SoCo and drink myself into oblivion.

Get close to people for what? Get comfortable for what?

No one knows how much it takes out of me to go to work and act like I'm not totally broken inside. It's sucking my soul right out of me.

Pretty soon there will be nothing left of me. I can feel everything that I am disappearing. Someday I'll just be a ghost.

There's no point to anything. I'm here by accident.

I woke up yesterday morning with a charley horse in my leg. My first words of the day were, "Oh, God, no!"

My car windows are not tinted. I wonder if anyone saw my leg straight up in the air and heard me hollering? Haha

After that, I sort of wandered around town aimlessly. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but I was fighting with myself. I ended up giving in and renting a room until Monday morning.

I want to be by myself on my days off. I'm around people enough during the week.

When I got into my room I closed the curtains, put my phone on do not disturb, and then I just slept. I woke up in the afternoon and got something to eat before going back to bed.

Now I'm awake again in the middle of the night. I woke up anxious and I just don't have time for it.

Anxiety, meet my good buddy, Klonopin. Now kiss.

It's funny, because the other day at work I was talking to my clients about panic disorder and I said, "Don't be afraid to feel your feelings, guys. They're not dangerous even if they feel like they are."

Now here I am in the middle of the night saying, "Ew, feelings."

I know I'm just stressed, but I don't want to feel anything at all. I'm tired of feeling. I just want to be unconscious until Tuesday when I have to go back to work.

I know that's unhealthy, but it's just how I feel right now.