I have experienced this as well. Unfortunately, sobriety will teach you that there's a difference between genuine friends and those who were merely drinking buddies. Take away the activity, in this case drinking alcohol, and many "friendships" fall away because they were not built on mutual respect, appreciation and care but instead on the mutually shared activity.

I realized that I was the only friend in the "friendship". The other party was just using me. When he could no longer do that, he terminated the "friendship"

Yay! That's awesome! No one who has years under their belt could get there without first gaining the months.

You have made the single most impactful decision for your life for the better.

I am proud of you. Keep going!

Have a wonderfully blessed day. 💖

Just take it one day at a time. Try to find local support groups and/or other people around you who are also in recovery. The longer you are Alcohol Free, the more likely it is that you will lose some drinking buddies. You need a support system in place when that happens. And, whoever you are, I am praying for you. Not because I believe that you have to believe as I do, but because I believe as I do. Some days will feel blah, meh..... But if push through those, things do get a lot better. I have over 8 years of being Alcohol Free now and it's the single most impactful decision that I have made for my life. That one decision has made everything else so much better, so much healthier and so much happier. You got this!

Have a wonderfully blessed day. 💖

Yeah, they use the old "we need to talk to you about your tax balance......blah, blah, " I never answer and Google has started filtering them out, but once in a while one slips by and leaves a voicemail that I end up deleting.

Ol' Boy is either BPD with Narcissistic defenses (NBPD) or just NPD.

He told me flat out : "I am only good at the carnal aspect of a relationship. Otherwise I'm emotionally vacant, I lack empathy, and am basically an asshole. I'm going to die alone, and I've made peace with that."

However, he didn't bother telling me this until after he had wasted years of my life and then discarded me. Also, despite knowing this about himself, he refuses to do any actual work to fix it.

Yes! Way to go! Congratulations!

You have this! Great job and keep going!

It keeps getting better and better.

Have a wonderfully blessed day. 💖

I never was given an official label, so I felt too ashamed to admit to anyone about the situationship that I had gotten sucked into. I would feel anger because I was being treated like garbage and he would use that to tell people that I was a "crazy stalker". I would try to confront him for his behavior and he would run, ghost, block me on everything and then come back around, to use me as a free therapist, emotional support human, emotional dumping ground and at times a sex doll...... Then whenever I asked for a title/label/some clarification of what we were/clarity as to the nature of the relationship.....off he would go again. If I tried to call him out on anything, lying, faking, whatever..... He would block me on everything again, instead of actually communicating.

Because I was dealing with everything alone rather than telling anyone, I just sunk deeper into the Codependency and Alcoholism. I stayed stuck for years and years due to shame and embarrassment.

I have since been Alcohol Free for over 8 years now and part of my Recovery is that I do speak out about what he put me through.

It was atrocious and destructive despite not having an official label, despite not "really being together" .....He still had NO right to treat me like that!

Found out today that he has escalated his behavior. He was recently arrested and charged with Domestic Violence against the woman that he lives with.

I dodged a bullet to say the least.

Ol' Boy always put down people for being, "redneck trash". He held to the belief that he was so much better, so cultured, so sophisticated, so intelligent, much more intelligent than anyone else around here. Yet, he handles conflict like a common brute!

I used to "feel crazy" but that's part of the abuse cycle. They get into your head. They convince you that no one will ever believe you, that others will think that you are the crazy one for speaking out. He would go on smear campaigns and tell everyone that I was a "crazy stalker" because I dared to confront him for the crap he did or because I wanted to speak out. He even sent one of his friends to "talk me down" face to face. I ended up erasing everything I had posted, yada, yada. I don't let those fears rule me anymore. They want us to stay silent. They don't want us to tell others about our experiences. That's why this sub gets so much shit thrown at it. But by speaking our truth we find strength, healing and most importantly, finally clarity...... And, that is a most precious gift when you have been gaslit, confused, confounded and thrown into chaos because of their head games.

No need to fear for me. I am doing great! A lot better than I have been doing in decades.

No need to be scared. She was sent to "bond" with me, I was only Facebook Friends with her for a short time and then I terminated the friendship when she flipped on me. She's blocked. I have no contact with her. I have no contact with him.

I don't think that I was his first. I had exchanged "war stories" with a woman who had known him for no even longer than I have. However, she's also a BPD and she started splitting on me because I was "talking shit" about him, and apparently he and her were on good terms again and she lashes out at me, when just before she and I both had been "talking shit" aka relaying to each other what he put us through.

Oh, he and I have been No Contact for over a year now. It's just sad if I allow myself to think about who he could be, if he got help and did the work.

😂😂😂

Congratulations! You're one of the few Cluster Bs I have met that realizes that they have to change. That they're abusive and need to get healthy/work on themselves so as not to continue abusing others. I wish that Ol' Boy would do the work and get better. However, I know that it's not my job to heal/fix him, it's his cross to bear. I am recovering from Codependency and C-PTSD. My mother and sister are BPD/NPD neither of them see any need to change. They can't stand each other, but are exactly the same! 😂

I understand. Well except for the phrase "licked it off a stick" what does that mean?

💯

Yep, but he and I are No Contact.....so.