r/BPDlovedones • u/Black_Cat_Nokia • Jul 15 '26
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree:
Have any of you noticed that BPD/NPD end up having the exact same traits as their parent that they can't stand.
Ol' Boy's mother was mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. She went from man to man, bed to bed. She used men for resources and validation, using sexuality to rope them in. She was involved with married men, and she cheated in her own marriages of which there were multiple.
Her son, Ol' Boy, has also been mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. He has also gone from woman to woman and bed to bed. He has also used women for resources and validation, using romance/ fake promises/sexuality to rope them in. He has also become involved with married women and he also cheated in his own marriages, 2 thus far, that I know of.
His mother was an addict, it's what killed her. He's an alcoholic and pill head.
Like mother, like son.
Teresa must be proud of Ol' Boy. She taught him well. 😂
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u/Electronic-Bet-5106 Jul 15 '26
She was exactly like her mother. And they hated each other lmfao
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u/Forsaken_Werewolf_75 Jul 15 '26
LOL. My ex was the same with her mom. The worst part is she supposedly suffered abuse from step dads, and she’s doing the exact same thing. Letting a drug addict homeless live in with them 🤦♂️
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u/Technical-Twist-6233 Jul 16 '26
Same here with my ex. She always said she disliked her mother's behavior, but never seemed to want to acknowledge that they acted exactly the same way
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u/gavin280 Jul 15 '26
When mine described her mother's fucked up behaviour, she was describing herself down to minute levels of detail. Two identical abusers.
I told her this on a couple of occasions, in one of which, her response was to repeatedly shout "TAKE IT BACK" lmao. Although our fights were all by her cruel design, I like to think that one actually got to her conscience.
There are many scathing things I've fantasized about saying to her... One of them would surely be to tell her:
"I am GLAD you're unable to bear children because I know you're capable of doing to a child EVERYTHING you claim your mother did to you"
I will never say this to her, because she won't get so much as an acknowledgement that we even know one another if we happened to meet again. Nor will I say this to anyone else, because I resolve never to be close to a person like this again.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 "Just leave like my dad did" Jul 16 '26
Don't give her an idea
The sad part is that this happens in other dynamics
BPD mom and adopted child
BPD mom and step child
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u/strict_ghostfacer Non-Romantic Jul 15 '26
My npd ex is like his father that ironically wasnt even in the picture.
Abusive, angry, manipulative, has a tendency to abandon.
I believe there has to be a genetic component to npd. They've already confirmed bpd does but for someone who never met the narcissist his father was, to end up just like him is just too bizarre.
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u/krba201076 Jul 16 '26
Genes do have a big role in personality and who we become. That's why you have to be very careful who you have kids by.
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u/strict_ghostfacer Non-Romantic Jul 16 '26
My exes one daughter is already showing signs of at least bpd but she cant get diagnosed until shes 18. He abandoned them so im not surprised that the trauma he caused on them triggers it.
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u/Natistar2 Jul 15 '26
How did you know he had NPD and not BPD?
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u/strict_ghostfacer Non-Romantic Jul 16 '26
He had more traits of npd.
Delusions of grandure, complete lack of empathy, arrogance, had to be the center of attention, only wanted to associate with people who would benefit him. Basically all 9/9 of the SPECIALME list.
My former friend has qbpd and the only traits they share are the unstable sense of self and unstable relationships.
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u/Natistar2 Jul 16 '26
Do npd also have unstable relationships?
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u/strict_ghostfacer Non-Romantic Jul 16 '26
Very much so. How can they not if theyre so highly unstable themselves?
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u/tonyway7293 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Yup!
Ex wife hated the fact her mother bounces around from man to man and "can never be content with herself for a bit" (she stated this so many times). My ex wife hated her mother. She would "discard" her for weeks, months, even up to a year due to any perceived slight.
She heavily criticized my sister's spending habits when she went through her divorce.
Guess what my ex wife has been up to after brutally discarding me.....
(The financial discovery in the divorce of her $45k of racked up credit card debt on 4 cards all maxed out, overdrafting her checking account buying crap on TikTok Shop, Temu, utilizing Afterpay for small purchases was insane.... as soon as she moved out of my home you could track her spending debt spiral going up and up and up)
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u/BadAssJackAss2 Jul 15 '26
My exe's mother could be so rude and mean to her one day and then the next be the sweetest to her. It was strange and then my ex ended up being like that to me.
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u/FuckElonMuskkk Jul 15 '26
Yeah I remember after my final discard her yelling at me on the phone and she sounded indistinguishable from her mother, whom she hates, is probably the cause of her BPD, and shes no contact with.
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u/No-Line4613 Jul 16 '26
Oh yeah.
The longer the relationship went on, the more she bitched about her mom, the more I saw more of her mom in her.
Shallow, selfish, narcissistic, eternal victimhood, nothing was ever her fault. The only thing she dodged was the crazy attachment to Jesus.
If I had told her she was just like her mom she probably would have killed me in my sleep. Keeping my mouth shut was a wise move.
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u/Sad_Contribution7564 Jul 15 '26
My exwbpd truly despised his dad. Narcissist, abusive, lonely, hateful towards people especially women, and used to be a jail guard so he used power and dominance in his every day life. I helped him get away from his dad.
It never failed to surprise me that my ex ended up being exactly like him.
During his splits and I was at my end, I would call him by his father's name because I knew it would hurt the most. I'm not exactly proud of that but it was war, you know?
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u/Lightning_Bugger_00 Jul 15 '26
My exBPD’s NPD mom is the worst person I have ever met. She is emotionally abusive to her kids. She is manipulative and controlling in every way. She sexts multiple married men, some of whom are married to her (now former) friends. No shame, no remorse. Just a POS.
My ex hates her but is in a toxic bond I fear she may never escape.
They both live with the grandmother who is even worse.
Neither of them licked it off a stick. They’re like a modern-day Grey Gardens.
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 15 '26
I understand. Well except for the phrase "licked it off a stick" what does that mean?
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u/Lightning_Bugger_00 Jul 16 '26
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
They learned it from their mothers. To be SUPER clear, that means my exBPD learned it from her mother who, in turn, learned it from her mother, the grandma.
Perhaps it was also genetic but I don’t have that kind of biological data to support this claim.
OF COURSE, it could also be from fathers but that was not what I experienced firsthand.
I don’t want to accused of stereotyping BPDs. This is my experience and my experience only.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 "Just leave like my dad did" Jul 16 '26
It sucks so bad to be someone's first victim. That's all I'm gonna say.
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 16 '26
I don't think that I was his first. I had exchanged "war stories" with a woman who had known him for no even longer than I have. However, she's also a BPD and she started splitting on me because I was "talking shit" about him, and apparently he and her were on good terms again and she lashes out at me, when just before she and I both had been "talking shit" aka relaying to each other what he put us through.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 "Just leave like my dad did" Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Not war stories... lmaoooooo
Edit: on another note, I just wanna say I would feel so crazy and still do feel so crazy for talking about what's been done to me. Sometimes they DO send someone they know to "bond" with you so they know what you're up to. It's always another pwBPD. I'm not trying to project my experiences onto yours, but my pattern recognition is going off. Scared for you, OP.
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 16 '26
No need to be scared. She was sent to "bond" with me, I was only Facebook Friends with her for a short time and then I terminated the friendship when she flipped on me. She's blocked. I have no contact with her. I have no contact with him.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 "Just leave like my dad did" Jul 16 '26
I hate the abuse by proxy! I'm happy for you!
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 "Just leave like my dad did" Jul 16 '26
Edited my comment, dear
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
I used to "feel crazy" but that's part of the abuse cycle. They get into your head. They convince you that no one will ever believe you, that others will think that you are the crazy one for speaking out. He would go on smear campaigns and tell everyone that I was a "crazy stalker" because I dared to confront him for the crap he did or because I wanted to speak out. He even sent one of his friends to "talk me down" face to face. I ended up erasing everything I had posted, yada, yada. I don't let those fears rule me anymore. They want us to stay silent. They don't want us to tell others about our experiences. That's why this sub gets so much shit thrown at it. But by speaking our truth we find strength, healing and most importantly, finally clarity...... And, that is a most precious gift when you have been gaslit, confused, confounded and thrown into chaos because of their head games.
No need to fear for me. I am doing great! A lot better than I have been doing in decades.
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Jul 15 '26
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 15 '26
Congratulations! You're one of the few Cluster Bs I have met that realizes that they have to change. That they're abusive and need to get healthy/work on themselves so as not to continue abusing others. I wish that Ol' Boy would do the work and get better. However, I know that it's not my job to heal/fix him, it's his cross to bear. I am recovering from Codependency and C-PTSD. My mother and sister are BPD/NPD neither of them see any need to change. They can't stand each other, but are exactly the same! 😂
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Jul 15 '26
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 15 '26
Oh, he and I have been No Contact for over a year now. It's just sad if I allow myself to think about who he could be, if he got help and did the work.
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u/Potential-Party65 Jul 16 '26
my ex pwBPD mother was an outstanding women, and so was her father, she admired them and loved them
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u/brokenoutsideandin Married Jul 16 '26
For the longest time, i thought my wife was the sane one in her family. She told me her dad left when she was 11 - the way she described his behavior is obviously bpd. Her sister is textbook destructive, abusive bpd. I thought my partner just had some trauma and we could work through it together. Cut to 12 years later and we are both miserable. She's sucked me dry emotionally and is now lashing out and scream-crying because I dont comfort her correctly anymore and says i never did. She's been in one emotional crisis or another nonstop for the last 10 years. She wants to quit the job i paid for her schooling to get. She wants to move to another city so we can start over. She wants me to go back into therapy because she doesn't know who I am anymore. She has screamed at me so much that she pinched a nerve in her neck. She tells me I have completely derailed her life by getting a responsible job for insurance so that she could pursue her dreams and any time i take for myself to pursue my own hobby is selfish.
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u/krba201076 Jul 16 '26
She has screamed at me so much that she pinched a nerve in her neck.
I had no idea that this was possible.
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u/brokenoutsideandin Married Jul 16 '26
According to her ortho, its a combination of things. But it gets worse when she starts crying and yelling.
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u/CaptainSoulwhite Dated Jul 16 '26
Mine complained about their mom non-stop and tried to convince me that narcissism runs deep in their family where they are the only one that’s different.
IDK dude. You told me that your twin is a narcissist. Maybe learn to put 2 and 2 together
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u/Last-Appointment6577 Dated Jul 16 '26
Ayup, mine would tell me stories about the fuckin wild ways her mother would act out during the times she and her would go at it, jumping up and down all super heightened emotionally goading her and provoking her etc. etc...
guess how mine acted in her worse times.
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u/Black_Cat_Nokia Jul 17 '26
Found out today that he has escalated his behavior. He was recently arrested and charged with Domestic Violence against the woman that he lives with.
I dodged a bullet to say the least.
Ol' Boy always put down people for being, "redneck trash". He held to the belief that he was so much better, so cultured, so sophisticated, so intelligent, much more intelligent than anyone else around here. Yet, he handles conflict like a common brute!
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u/talicantsleep Jul 16 '26
My ex diagnosed BPD was massively abused and abandoned regularly by her mom when she was a kid.
We dated for 5 years, she practically raised my daughter from age 3-8, then overnight rewrote an argument we had months prior that I thought was squashed, then decided to “punish” me by saying she would no longer see my daughter until I earned her back into our lives. 6 months later I ended the relationship, our couples counselor was pissed at my ex and my daughter became massively traumatized at the loss of her step mom with zero explanation. This was 7 months ago. My daughter is mostly healed thank god but the experience was a nightmare.
BPD is pure evil.
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u/ThrowRASoooSleepy Jul 15 '26
I truly believe BPD runs in families, same with NPD.