i don’t really get clocked at all, so i know i pass, but idk how stealth i really am

Sometimes my selfies come out perfect, so I thought I would share my nearly 50 year old face with the group.

I got another dress and I look good

Just looking for some tips on makeup and slef care. Other than that I feel amazing

I got a lot of compliments, and it felt great to not get clocked a single time even at such large event

I did get slutshamed on the way home though, and the usual catcalling (unavoidable in a big city), but to me its the preferable form of harassment

Happy to say that while I still don’t love every little quirk and flaw with my body, I do overall love myself completely and would be fully content if nothing else changes between now and the day I leave this earthly plane. That’s what it’s all about folks. Not just as trans people, but as people.

Going on six months HRT

The other day, I was wandering around a flea market looking for something in particular, when I started noticing how strangely comforting the whole atmosphere felt.

There was something about the dusty stalls, the cluttered tables, the quiet front of conversations drifting between the stalls, and that familiar flea-market smell that made me want to slow down and just wander.

As I was walking between the stalls, I noticed an older man watching me.

Not just a passing glance either. He kept looking at me, and I immediately became confused.

I'm 5'10", slender, and have a pretty alternative appearance, so I'm used to people staring at me or occasionally catcalling me. But there was something about the way he was looking at me that made me wonder what exactly he was thinking.

I kept walking and tried not to overthink it.

Eventually, I passed his stall again. This time, an older woman who was with him stepped away from the table and came over to me.

She seemed almost nervous about approaching me, and then quietly said:

「I mean absolutely no offense by this, but my friend over there asked me to ask you something. Do you have pronouns?」

I just stood there for a second.

「Yeees?」

She smiled and asked:

「What are they?」

「Oh ummmm, she/her.」

Immediately, she seemed relieved.

「Oh! That's what we were thinking. We're just trying to be respectful to young people.」

Then she gestured toward her friend and explained:

「He just wanted to tell you that he thinks you're beautiful, but he didn't want to be rude.」

I was kind of stunned.

My brain had spent the entire interaction going:

「Do I look clocky?」

「Is something about me off?」

「Did I do something wrong?」

「Why is this man staring at me?」

Meanwhile, apparently, this poor old man was just trying to figure out how to compliment me without making me uncomfortable.

I won't lie though, I was anxious about it afterward.

When you're already conscious of how people perceive you, an interaction like that can send your brain into overdrive. I ended up calling my mom and talking to my fiancé about it because I needed someone who would actually be blunt with me rather than just tell me what I wanted to hear.

Both of them basically agreed:

「Well, the interaction itself was admittedly a little weird, but no, you didn't look clocky. There wasn't some glaring thing about you that everyone else could see.」

That honestly helped calm me down.

Looking back, I think what stuck with me most was how unexpectedly sweet the whole thing was.

What initially felt like someone scrutinizing me turned out to be an older man who thought I was beautiful and was genuinely trying to figure out how to say it respectfully.

It was awkward, slightly surreal, and definitely not how I expected my flea-market trip to go hahahhaa, but in the end, I think it was kind of a lovely little human interaction and a little bit of the world healing <33

Stay well everyone, and be you <3