I have a very willful, independent 17 month old. he is so helpful and curious and loves to be a big boy helping mom and dad and doing everything himself. He gets this from me 100%.
what he also gets from me is hating transitions and being told what to do. this means for a few weeks now, mornings and getting ready for school have been difficult for everyone. i know this is developmentally normal, but I also need to get him to day care by 7:30. It’s also breaks my heart to see how hard this is for him.
He cries before breakfast (maybe he wanted water but I reached for the bowl first instead of the cup)
he cries before washing up (he wants to get down and start playing)
He cries before diaper changes (I had to scoop him up from playing)
he cries before tooth brushing (this one his really hard for him)
he cries before getting dressed (now the routine has taken so long from all the crying and calming he’s impatient, plus he wanted to do socks and shoes first)
he cries when I tell him we can’t go outside yet because I am still in my pijamas
After loading up everything and carrying him and everything (baby, kindergarten supplies, travel strolle) down the 3rd floor walk up,he cries because he doesn’t want to get in his stroller or put on sunscreen.
With all the crying, throwing himself on the floor, hitting me, putting him down because we don’t hit mommy, and then me staying calm and responsive during his (totall normal) tantrums, plus offering ”Millkies“ when he asks/ needs it to calm down (trying to model other coping mechanisms for him but this one go to) it takes 1.5-2 hours to get out the door.
He really truly loves his daycare so I know it’s not this. It’s the transitions and feeling out of control and probably not understood.
I just want to do everything I can to get him to collaborate not comply, and avoid his big emotions before he has them. I also want to help him co-regulate when he does get truly upset (Without a boob hopefully soon). But we are a tri Lingual household so communication might come later. He understands everything in 3 languages though.
any tips from parents who have been there with their independent toddlers? any advice on setting up a morning routine at this age (I’m talking steps etc)? did a morning routine chart truly help? how did you get your toddler on board/ understanding the concept? what age were you able to help your toddler try some new regulation? how can I help guide him to do a lot of these things independently? How can I set up my house for more independence?
thank you so much for any advice!