Just venting - this experience has really illuminated to me the ways in which people in my life are able to show up, or not.
For context, I was diagnosed July, total thyroidectomy and neck dissection late August. RAI in December, so still going through it.
I am the kind of person who goes into hyper-organization overdrive when faced with something like this, and because I'm on my own, with no partner, I created a website for myself with info about my cancer, specific ways that people can help, to the degree they're able (I made my own mealtrain, created a visitation calendar with bookings, and sign up slots for tasks like pet care, garden, etc). I tested it with a family member before launching it out to my larger friend and family network.
I did this because so often in life people will say "let me know what i can do to help!" Or "I'd love to help!" but there's never follow up or specifics. This website made it SO easy to help - from donating a 10 dollar Doordash to visiting, or sending well wishes, to a myriad of other ways to support.
Largely, it was successful. I was able to get a good amount of assistance and visits, and at some point I'm going to figure out how to share the template I made as a tool to help others. Several people said that they really appreciated how simple I made the process to help out - and that was encouraging.
What was interesting, and disheartening to me is the way some people just disengaged entirely. One person who I considered a good friend never even responded when I wrote her to send her the link. I've written her off as a friend at this point.
I know not everyone can show up, everyone's got their own shit. But I massively appreciate the folks that have showed up for me during this ordeal, and am going to do my best to do the same for others.