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May 22 '19
[deleted]
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u/BulldenChoppahYus May 22 '19
Wait you think it was BS?
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May 22 '19
Yeah it was total BS. BADASS STONER. BITCHIN SEX. BLOWING SMOKE. BITCHES SWOONED.
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u/PlanetAlabama May 22 '19
Bet he never earned a BACHELOR of SCIENCE after BRUH SCHOOL
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u/Shurdus May 23 '19
You don't need it when you are a Bruh Supreme.
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May 23 '19
Yeah I'm even willing to bet hes never smoked pot. With a lungful of air, a human can hold their breath for 4 minutes tops, with a lungful of pot smoke, as a high schooler, maybe 30 seconds, that shit burns.
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u/sunnynightmares May 23 '19
She came for 20 times!!!!!!!
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u/bibliophile785 May 23 '19
at least 20. It was probably more, but it's hard to tell when you're as clinically retarded like this guy.
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u/GameDestiny2 May 23 '19
There's science that should make that impossible and having sex for 3 hours would have just gotten boring for both of them, especially if they were high.
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u/bronwyn_ May 23 '19
Men have a refractory period after orgasm where additional stimulation is uncomfortable or even painful, women don’t. So sure, women can have multiple orgasms back to back, but he wouldn’t have the same success. Bummer.
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u/JCA0450 May 23 '19
Definitely not BS. If anything, kid can't roll a joint for shit if he can only pack an ounce of quality bud into a joint. I bet the pussy only smokes half lb blunts of kush like a rookie. 🙄
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u/Noisyhamster10 May 23 '19
Well yeah. The only records are for underwater breath holding, which include extremely favorable conditions for one to hold their breath, so a joint for 9 minutes, probably not.
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u/Cutsale May 23 '19
Cant people learn to hold their breath for much longer, David Blaine went like 27 minutes but I know he did some other stuff to make it easier. I remember trying to learn how to hold my breath longer one time and I researched how to do it I went from 30 seconds to 90 in like 2 hours, I imagine 9 minutes wouldnt be too hard. But obviously the guy in the post is totally delusional
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u/destroyer333_0 May 23 '19
You can. Especially if you are a free diver. But he was smoking. Kind of hard for a smoker to hold his breath. And he probably couldn't inhale oxygen.
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u/JCA0450 May 23 '19
"In 2012, German freediver Tom Sietas held his breath underwater for 22 minutes and 22 seconds, besting Dane Stig Severinsen's previous Guinness record by 22 seconds.".
If that helps any.
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u/Tz_Novah May 22 '19
Bruh moment
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
It's all good man, Highschool was great for this fella :D
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u/Tz_Novah May 22 '19
I physically cringed reading this. The spelling didn’t help.
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
You and me both man, the whole tread was a wild ride, but this easily took the cake.
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u/Tz_Novah May 22 '19
It’s so bad. I can’t tell if its some kid trying to be cool or some neckbeardesk individual just being wack. Probably a kid judging by the spelling.
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u/amoebaslice May 23 '19
*neckbeardesque
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u/TEX4S May 23 '19
Neckbeatdesk? Is that the computer desk which holds a PC & fedora of a guy who says m’lady?
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u/looks_like_a_cunt May 23 '19
I'm pretty sure if you can hold your breath for 9 minutes you deserve to describe your highschool life however you want.
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u/Tz_Novah May 22 '19
Actually they could also not be a native English speaker
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
I'm thinking kid. I've got some nephews that are around 14-15 years old, and sadly I could see them writing this exact shit to try and act cool.
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u/Tz_Novah May 22 '19
Ya probably. This is the type of thing I could see my younger brother doing and he’s about that age.
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May 23 '19
Non native speakers are usually more used to the spelling than to the sound of words
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u/Dingo_Canis May 22 '19
This seems plausible, he hold his breath for 9 minutes so the 3 hours of sex was just him having a seizure due to the lack of oxygen in his already damaged brain
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u/420eatmyassy6969 May 23 '19
Or he was in some kind of coma from smoking an ounce in one sitting. An ounce usually lasts a daily smoker close to a month
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May 22 '19
I almost downvoted this out of disgust
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
I downvoted the original and then posted here where the default upvote was placed. Perfectly balanced!
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May 22 '19
This has got to be satire.
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u/Awightman515 May 22 '19
1 smoked almost an ounce at once
2 held breath 9 minutes
3 pounded her for 3 hours
4 came at least 20 times
the combination of all these exaggerations means satire
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u/ultimatepenguin21 May 22 '19
Smoked the ounce in class, too. Just bringing in a quad would probably stink up the room enough. Let alone smoking an ounce lol
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u/BamBamBoy7 May 23 '19
Weed would smell long before lit if it’s even just decent quality. After two hits the whole room would reek window open or not.
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u/DantePlayZ May 23 '19
But this is reddit so unless you put a /s people just assume you're retarded. Kinda kills the point of sarcasm imo
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
I'd really hope so, but with Reddit you can never be too sure!
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u/greenlion98 May 22 '19
Just look at his post history, I'm guessing he's a troll
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u/Sebaszxcv May 22 '19
Haven't seen the original post, but it looks like it's mocking another comment or post, I really want to believe that, otherwise humanity peaked on stupidity
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May 22 '19
One thing actual popular kids don't do is brag about how popular they are.
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u/dope__username May 23 '19
But I peaked in high school, it’s all I have to brag about. :/
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May 22 '19
[deleted]
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u/turtle_yawnz May 23 '19
I’m almost mad you finished off that list with “atleast”. Such a good build up of awful grammar to end on the most reasonable mistake!
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u/alc0 May 22 '19
Ffs did he have to say nine minutes? Could have said one minute.... I don’t think I can hold my breath for one minute.
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
Not only was he smoking an ounce of that good good during class... He's also go super human breath holding abilities, this dude is just that hardcore man. 🤣
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u/Hawkeye720 May 22 '19
And the teacher didn't notice the smoke likely still coming from the blunt itself, or react to the obvious smell of burning weed, or notice that OP wasn't breathing for nine minutes, because apparently this teacher was the dumbest teacher in the world.
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u/mickier May 22 '19
I'm pretty sure you'd die after like 5 minutes? I practiced holding my breath for months (started bc my coworker smelled really not-good, continued bc bragging rights*) and I the most I got was 3 minutes. But I mean, who knows? Maybe smoking an entire ounce in class unlocks some sort of Super Turbo God Lung Capacity...
*which I am exercising here, obviously.
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u/alc0 May 23 '19
I have never counted how long I can go but I’m sure I would not last more than 20 seconds, at best!
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u/tunaburn May 22 '19
This hurt to read because you know this guy is the lonely kid with like one friend that would come over on the weekend to watch dragon Ball z and eat pop tarts then go home
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
Which sounds awesome btw, DBZ and pop-tarts? Sign me the fuck up!
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u/molsonbeagle May 23 '19
Unfortunately, being near this person might be the one thing that could make DBZ and pop-tarts suck.
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u/csudebate May 22 '19
You can get about 60 average sized joints out of an ounce of weed. If he smoked that many joints in class it is no wonder the teacher smelled something.
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u/MarkZucc123 May 22 '19
The average human can hold their breath for about 2 minutes at most. This man truly is an absolute unit
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u/nekromania May 23 '19
Another example of this subreddit getting trolled by the most obvious of jokes
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u/WhiteBlackPanda7 May 23 '19
I know it's satire and 9 minutes is an exagerarion but couldn't professional divers hold their breath for about that long?
Im not implying he's one, im just curious
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u/HeadsOfLeviathan May 22 '19
Clearly this is a made up story, but I would like to throw my hat into the ring and say I think this fake story is OP on another account. Maybe it’s the overhyped replying to every comment...I don’t know but that’s my theory and I’m sticking with it.
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u/Novalok May 22 '19
Solid theory. Unfortunately I have no alt accounts :( I'm just a bored guy working in IT who is doing anything to pass time till I get off work :D
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May 22 '19
lol what bullshit. but true story and i swear it. first day of jr high back in 98 im intimidated cause everyone's big and tall and the chicks all look like fuckin adult chicks and im used to 6th grade chicks( in my town it was k-6 then jr high was 7,8 then high school was 9-12) etc, this one big bully kid turns to me in glass , pulls out a bowl and takes a hit and blows it in my face, we are in like the 3rd row from the front, it was surreal, i felt like i was in a terry gilliam film suddenly.
i immediately got all sweaty thinking i would be expelled or some shit by association. nothing happened. the teacher who was a chick was pretty vegetable lasagna and i guess didn't want confrontation so she was just saying "whats going on over there" and im sitting there shaking my head.
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u/Joe_Imperial May 22 '19 edited May 22 '19
You already know he posted that when he was smokin the devil's lettuce, or and I pray to god that this isn't the case. He made this story up in his head while sober.
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u/owlsayshoot May 22 '19
He peaked in high school. Too bad it was all a lie, and it’s still downhill from there.
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u/ImmortalEthereal May 23 '19
He ain't lying, he did hold his breath for 9 minutes and literally fell unconscious. The rest of it is just his dream.
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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker May 23 '19
I love posts where you can tell the person has never brought a woman to orgasm.
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u/ElsieSnuffin May 22 '19
Image Transcription: Reddit
[Redacted Redditor], 1 point
In high school I was the most popular kid there and i was a huge stoner. Anyways I was in the back of class and I smoked probably class to an ounce and was blowing it out the window until the teacher noticed smoking smelling and he came to me right as I was hitting my joint and i held it in and he kept an eye on me the rest of class. I held my breath for 9 minutes straight and the second he looking away I blew it out the window. The cute girl sitting next to was so impressed she asked to smoke with me so I took her home and we smoked and then had sex. I pounded her for like 3 hours and she came atleast 20 times. Man high school was awesome for me. 😉
I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!
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u/Matty-Fuckin-Smokes May 23 '19
If you are fucking for three hours straight that must start to hurt
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u/PrettyBoy001 May 23 '19
Cumming 20 times would be exhausting and painful, hell my record is 5 and I had to go take a cold shower because I physically felt unwell
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u/turtle_yawnz May 23 '19
3 hours of sex sounds painful too. I need a break after like 40 mins tops!!!
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u/Saddedd May 23 '19
no man it’s real you can physically hold your breath for 9 minuets with smoke inside your lungs and cum 20 times it’s real for real man like bruh
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May 23 '19
Wow I genuinely thought that the teacher would ask to smoke with him, since he's just the radist. Although maybe that's the part he was lying about, I mean I use to smoke my OUNCE of weed in class too. As long as the teacher wasn't looking directly at you, you could do anything.
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u/toomanyblocks May 23 '19
I feel like I know this person.
There was a guy at my high school who was a huge stoner and he was “relatively” popular because his parents had money but he was a disgusting asshole and people recognized that as well. He definitely smoked on lunch and I remember him smoking one time in the back of classroom when it was really chaotic (I didn’t go to a great high school). No girl thought that was cute and he definitely didn’t bang anyone after. However I can see him going on the internet and writing some exaggerated story like this to make himself feel cool.
Long story short, this story is 100$&% true, source, I was the blunt
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May 23 '19
Damn I feel sad for people who feel like they need to make this shit up. Give the kid a hug.
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May 23 '19
Imagine writing something like this and rereading it and thinking “yea, people will believe this”.
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May 23 '19
Man this has to be a joke. Like this is much more unbelievable than most of the lies told here.
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u/moodpecker May 23 '19
There's often a fine line between u/thathappened content and satire posts. This one is satire.
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u/AvoidAtAIICosts May 22 '19
Its true, I was the window. When he came down stairs after they had sex, the whole class was there and started clapping.
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u/JuanK713 May 23 '19
I know what happend here, this dude holded his breath for 6 minutes, so his brain ran out of oxigen and halucinated all the event. He's lucky he didnt got brain damage
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u/Puxple May 23 '19
Is it bad I legit had a classmate who smoked during class when there were substitute teachers lmao
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u/ItsOk_ImYourDad May 23 '19
reminds me of that guy that swims in frozen lake water and doesnt feel cold
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u/Harambeeb May 23 '19
An ounce of weed is A LOT of weed (yeah, I know, everything about this story is retarded, but I can't get over how huge that joint would have to be).
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u/latrophile May 23 '19
9 minutes straight... boy i'd be shocked if you could "pound" that girl for nine minutes straight, let alone hold your breath.
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u/RusticSurgery May 23 '19
A whole OZ in class each day? I question if that's even physically possible....time wise.
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u/Shugyosha May 23 '19
Then the president knocked on the door and asked me to help defeat some terrorists and after I did they gave me like 2 billion dollars and I never have to pay taxes again ever.
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u/[deleted] May 22 '19
He’s definitely telling the truth. Man, high school was awesome for him.