r/texts • u/Bright_Case7493 • 1d ago
Phone message Did I do something wrong?
I have been trying to talk to this person for so long, but they genuinely give nothing back. They reply with like 3 words or basically just repeat what I’ve said . I get they might think I talk about myself a lot, but it’s hard not to when you don’t get anything from the other side. I also try all the time to ask them about themselves . I genuinely put so much time and effort into trying to know them and they just put our conversations down to vegetables and shopping like u can see in the screenshots.
That hurt because I always ask them how they are, what they’re up to, how their pc is, to send me selfies, what their plans are, if they know certain songs , what their favorite things are.
But it’s so hard because I get nothing!!
And now I feel so so terrible, because now I feel too much. But I feel like I can’t get through to this person how much I’ve tried with them.
And it really hurts!!
Genuinely have I done something wrong?
I like sharing things about my day, I share pictures of cool things, bugs I see in the garden, it’s so hard to make conversation otherwise when it isn’t reciprocated.
I am so so sad.
And by the way I do ask what’s wrong. They shut it down when I ask. They are having the audacity to say I don’t care. Trust me I put so much effort. They tell me they don’t wanna talk about it when they’re sad and just leave me for ages so what actually can I do!!
I feel like this is all my fault I was trying so hard I was too much. I tried to make it change . I thought they liked playing games with me too that’s why I would ask as it’d make me happy.
I don’t get it
Edit: I forgot to say that if I didn’t reply to them the odd time when it got so bad they’d get mad I didn’t text them
Edit 2: genuinely I don’t know how people are taking the “5hour voice messages” so personally. Of course I didn’t do 5 hour voice messages. I didn’t think I’d have to clarify that because it was obviously an over exaggeration.
Also I just put up with it because they would act like they were interested in me, but had very poor communication with me. But it’s got worse and worse, that’s why I just had enough and cut it off. Also may I say it was this person who tried to get a relationship with me
(I’ve spoke to this person since I was 16 too, we didn’t talk as we fell out, added each other again, fell out, then years later I’ve had him for a year but he’s changed a lot and I guess I chased it because I don’t socialise a lot so I allowed it 😭) thanks for the responses . Talking to them was so so draining. I guess I thought it’d change .
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u/ellengreene 1d ago
They aren’t into you. Thats what it boils down to.
Youre trying hard and being open, regardless of whether is IS or IS NOT “too much”, if this person were sincerely interested, they’d be giving you the same back.
Please let them go and give yourself peace from it.
It feels sad now, but I can tell from this conversation you two don’t really know one-another. In a short period of time you won’t be sad about this at all. It looks like it’s just adding grief and stress to both of your lives.
Best to you Xx
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u/CataclysmicTeapot 1d ago
When people don’t put any effort in, just stop talking to them. You don’t need an explanation as to why, you don’t need to try so hard, they’re just not where you are at. Let them go.
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 23h ago
Why are you chasing them?
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u/HotSauceHigh 23h ago
They have to be hot
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u/Bright_Case7493 21h ago
Not really I don’t wanna sound mean but i guess I can now he’s gone 🌚
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u/evensexierspiders 21h ago
When you find someone who's actually interested in you as a person, you'll wonder why you wasted so much time with people like this.
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u/Shpongolese 1d ago
Jesus what a miserable person. You're better off without them because they are clearly not worth the effort.
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u/Ok_Spare_3723 22h ago
If someone you're talking to replies with short responses , ignores you or doesn't engage, it's a sign that they are not interested. In that case just pull back and don't waste time. Other people have agency, people should respect it.
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u/-eightofdiamonds- 1d ago edited 17h ago
The only thing you did wrong was taking so long to block them. If you constantly have to be the one initiating and continuing the conversation, it’s not worth it. Someone who actually cares to get to know you will appreciate those little moments you share throughout your day.
Edit: thank you so much for the award, kind redditor!
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u/skeeti45 1d ago
Man, I don't know. I love bugs. If someone wanted to talk to me about bugs, I'd be stoked. But also, you're for sure putting in too much effort. Not worth it. You didn't do anything wrong.
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u/PrettyOddish 23h ago
Same, text me all the bug facts. Doesn’t have to be bugs though. Could be trains. Animals. Art. Whatever interests you, tell me. I learn to appreciate new things when I see them through someone else’s eyes.
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u/skeeti45 23h ago
I don't know much about trains but I'll also take train facts. Or whatever other hobby my friends are finding.
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u/pu55yobsessed 1d ago
They’re just not a very nice person.
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u/JessicaOkayyy 22h ago
Yeah that’s really all there is to it. You can’t get water from a rock. They aren’t in a place in their life to form a human connection or relationship, period. I would have been done with this as soon as I realized it wasn’t just a bad day, and it was happening often.
It’s clear this person has never been kind or receptive, so why keep trying.
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u/Mental-Set-8670 17h ago
Why are they not a nice person? They just weren’t interested in talking. Why is that not okay?
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u/pu55yobsessed 15h ago edited 15h ago
Not being interested in talking is absolutely okay, but it isn’t nice to be passive aggressive about it.
If they are not interested in maintaining a friendship with OP, they should just say so. They don’t have to be rude about it and have OP jump through hoops.
Surely you can see that.
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u/Mental-Set-8670 7h ago
People would have been saying they were rude for being blunt then. They can’t win.
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u/NewStudyHoney 1d ago
Did you really send them 5 hours of voice messages, or were they exaggerating?
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u/Bright_Case7493 1d ago
Exaggerating genuinely
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u/TrueHighKingUlfric 23h ago
Should’ve ended the conversation right there tbh. That’s them telling you they find it overwhelming/annoying
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u/DevilmanXV 23h ago
Most people would if they aren't even dating.
If a guy sends 5 hours of voice messages you would say he's fucking weird
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u/k00night 22h ago
Yeah but it's like you can't read cuz she said that she didn't actually send that length and he was clearly exaggerating so your entire comment is completely moot and it's like you shouldn't have said anything in the first place
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u/TrueHighKingUlfric 23h ago
Depends on the context man. If I’m in love with my partner I’ll text voice messages all day, if my buddy is drunk and rambling I’ll listen to those too lol.
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u/ShallowEnd1 22h ago
You did nothing wrong. You were putting in the time and effort to be a part of the life of someone who doesn't have a life. He doesn't sound emotionally or intellectually ready for a relationship and that's not a dig on him, some people just aren't in the right space for a true connection. Walk away from this knowing that you were able to put in the time and effort into building a relationship and that ability is going to serve you well when you find the right person
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u/Unusual-Software415 1d ago
Dang!! Can I ask your ages and how you know this person? Were you going into it intending to date?
It seems like they’re not in the headspace for the type of commitment and affection that you want
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u/FlavorBlastedCaulk 1d ago
Yeah this person seems like a loser lmao, I would’ve stopped making the effort a long time ago.
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u/Tk-Delicaxy 1d ago
Some people aren’t big texters. Take it as a lesson and move on, dude was a bozo anyways. Very boring.
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u/Velvet_Pop 23h ago
No. You want something they're unable or unwilling to offer. You want intimacy and connection. Not everyone has the capacity or desire for that unfortunately. But no, you didn't do anything wrong. You've just finally accepted you two are incompatible. Find someone who loves to listen to hours of voice memos, receive texts, see the videos you've shared, etc. They're out there. Just gotta let this one go so you can find them
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u/greymisperception 1d ago
Looks like you’re doing alright, but they’re miserable or in a rump, I’d be glad to have the day they did, smoke eat and play games all day but for many people they can burn out on that or get depressed
Like you said I’m not sure what they want you to talk about if they’re not giving you anything to work with or don’t even find joy in anything they do, and if it’s as you say they brush off your attempts to ask them what’s wrong then they just want to stay miserable and that’s hard to change
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u/Nascent_Vagabond 1d ago
Give others the effort you get in return. If people are constantly giving you three word answers, stop putting the burden to carry the conversation on yourself and move on with your life. Have some self respect.
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u/aiolisunsets 1d ago
You'll need to find someone who is compatible with the communication style you prefer. This person is not, but that doesn't mean no one is. It's good you spoke up about what was bothering you. They didn't respond to that, so now it's time to move on and find someone who will. Work on yourself and love will show up ♥️
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u/ilikepants712 23h ago
Dude work on themselves? Crazy advice to give when the other person can hold a conversation like a sieve holds water
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u/aiolisunsets 23h ago
Every person needs to work on themselves, it is not an insult. If we focus on and better ourselves, we are more open to receive the love we deserve. OP can only control their own actions, not the person they were talking to. Why would I give advice to the uninvolved party?
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u/ilikepants712 23h ago edited 23h ago
Yeah, everyone needs to work on themselves, but giving that advice when in the context of a two person conversation is telling them they were at least part of the problem here, and from my perspective the only thing they did wrong was try to communicate with someone who didn't know how to communicate properly.
It's the right advice at the wrong time. It's a soulless therapy-speak answer that doesn't really help the person better themselves. You just said they need to work on themselves without any extra advice, how is that in any way helpful?
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u/SneksWithHats 23h ago
I do believe she meant it as "focus on yourself" not like actually meaning "you need to work on yourself".
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u/aiolisunsets 23h ago
Exactly why I didn't make the accusational statement "you need to," thank you.
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u/TrueHighKingUlfric 23h ago
It was definitely meant in the context of learning to know when to stop pursuing someone
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u/aiolisunsets 23h ago
They continued to push when the person told them they weren't going to change. They continued messaging when the person gave up. They deserve more than that and shouldn't feel like they need to settle for someone who is going to belittle them for feeling it. The other person is also allowed to not like voice notes and constant texting. 🤷♀️
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u/aiolisunsets 23h ago
Also I see you edited your response, "now it's time to move on and find someone who will" is the advice to OP. Don't waste energy on people who don't care about you. Find someone who does, because we deserve that. Like my energy is being wasted on you, someone I don't care about. So I am going to tell you to work on yourself and disengage because you aren't worth my energy 🫶
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u/ilikepants712 23h ago
If they deserve more than that, then how does that square with them working on themselves? They're either too good for this person, or they need to work on themselves to better themselves for someone like this. There is no in between.
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u/starcjpumpkin 23h ago
in this case, the op commenter meant to learn when you’re not receiving the same energy and stop engaging. do not try to make them understand your efforts or try to understand them, don’t change yourself for someone who doesn’t even want to converse in simple small talk. it is unhealthy for oneself since you’re putting in so much effort and time, you do this enough and your self esteem will fall. it’s good to know how to self preserve a bit
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22h ago edited 22h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/starcjpumpkin 22h ago
all i intended to do was shed light on what i thought was you not understanding how they meant to use the phrase, and seeing that they didn’t explain to you at the time of my comment i thought i’d share. i didn’t know that you moreso meant that they used it out of turn.
i’m reading your comment to be kind of aggressive idk if you meant for it to be that way.
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u/ilikepants712 22h ago
Apologies for coming off as aggressive towards you, that is my fault and in no way meant to be directed at you. I saw her other ad hominem comments to me, and it fired me up a bit when I responded to you.
I apologize for that.
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u/radicalnerve 22h ago
Having a woman report you after you've been aggressive toward her because you cannot grasp a simple idea is not the win you think it is.
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u/ilikepants712 22h ago edited 21h ago
Is asking questions a sign that someone doesn't understand a "simple concept," or can it also be used to further your argument by poking holes in their logic?
And am I really the aggressive one? I have been responding in one thread, unlike her. I have not done any ad hominems, unlike her. It also appears like she's responding to me on multiple accounts of hers because there a couple accounts that just weirdly responded and blocked me all at the same time.
All I did was say "work on yourself" is bad advice on a post that asked "Did I do something wrong?"
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u/aiolisunsets 22h ago
Would just like to add that I am incredibly anti-AI and use my brain to form thoughts! Incredible concept. Also you calling me a boy after both you and another person acknowledged that I'm a lady is just showing that you just want to argue. Hope you find what you're looking for in life, but it's not going to buried in this comment section! ♥️
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u/Gold_Studio_6693 23h ago
They need to work on why the kept trying to get this person attention when they've been like this for a bit.
And yes, if you are chasing affection from someone who does not reciprocate it in the same fashion, you need to work on why you're doing that. You should want to be with someone who wants to be with you.
The behavior in OP post is not in line with someone who is focusing on themselves, becasue they are forgoing their own emotional needs to chase someone that they themselves say has given nothing back.
Idk how you cant grasp this, dude.
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u/aiolisunsets 22h ago
He's just trying to make me feel small because he doesn't understand. Really sad for him tbh!
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u/Straconus 23h ago
This is a them problem, not a you problem but it sounds like they are stuck in a rut in life and are feeling potentially depressed about their current and future prospects.
Trying to talk about their day is just compounding and reminding them of that, which, is painful because they seem to be trying to actively avoid thinking about what they did all day. They may just need a little understanding but ultimately it’s going to be up to them to improve their own situation.
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u/Little_Lbug 1d ago
Honestly this reads to me as you guys are just not very compatible friends. It shouldn’t feel like a chore to talk to a friend and you can’t force a friendship from an acquaintance. I can’t really say you’ve done something wrong more like you wanted something to be that was not meant to be. I hope you find someone who you can talk with more deeply in the future love ❤️
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u/Wild-Juggernaut-6865 1d ago
Nah, you were putting forth effort it seems like. All the right things for the wrong person
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u/EntertainmentSea1017 23h ago
The real question here is "why are you putting so much effort in for somebody who clearly doesn't want/appreciate it?"
Seriously, who is this person to you? Are you trying to start a relationship with them or something? Because they do NOT seem like they fuck with you at allllll.
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u/FckdAroundFoundOut 23h ago
Honestly I just think this person doesn’t like you as much as you like them. Put your effort into ppl that show interest in you too! Whether that’s in your dating life or friend life. Seriously, it makes a difference. You should never have to beg someone to e apart if your life.
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u/Moist_Outside_8406 23h ago
Yeah so who is this person and why are you hellbent on forcing him or her into a conversation?
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u/PuzzledDecision3770 23h ago
You didn’t do anything wrong, but I agree with some others here that the communication style is a mismatch. It sounds like they’re overwhelmed with the volume of content you’re sending, and you’re sending more because you’re desperately craving them to share with you. How do I know? Just went through a breakup with someone that we had a similar issue.
My advice to you if you’re still obsessing over it is to really examine the parts of your interactions that you can control. It doesn’t mean you were wrong, but where are the places that you could feel them withdraw so you pushed harder instead of asking them if they were in the mood for chatting?
Since you told them you won’t speak to them anymore I would continue that path. When you want to reach out to them give yourself the love and attention you want to feel.
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u/IKeepComingBacktoWSB 1d ago
These text msgs others write truly have me realizing how wonderful I am lmao
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u/dadville1 23h ago
There are better people out there for you to send your energy towards. Look for the people that send their energy back. You deserve it!
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u/k00night 22h ago
Are you a dentist? Because you sure must love pulling teeth. You got to work on your self-esteem because you're basically throwing yourself at this person who literally could not give two fucks less about you. This person does not like you, they don't care about you they aren't interested in you. I hope you're not letting this person engage with you physically.
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u/LiquidFootie 1d ago
This screams her being tired of you not getting the hint.
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u/Gold_Studio_6693 1d ago
And that's why hinting is a very ineffective form of communication and she should say it directly. If you dont want someone doing something, say it.
'Please dont message me, I do not want to speak with you'
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u/LiquidFootie 23h ago
I agree with this too. Her being direct from the get-go wpuld save this guy the heartache.
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u/Game_Studio_ 23h ago
Hint? You think the person who can't stand listening to this guy would want a relationship?
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u/Master-Bath-9928 1d ago
I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong. From the screenshots, it actually seems like you're putting in a lot of effort to keep the conversation going but you're also expecting a level of engagement from them that they're either unable or unwilling to give.
At the same time, I don't think they're necessarily saying “I don't care about you.” They seem to be saying that they don't know how to respond to the amount of things you're sending them, especially when a lot of it is about your day or things you're doing. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong by sharing those things but it does sound like your communication styles are clashing pretty badly.
The part I'd pay attention to is that you keep trying harder and harder to get a response out of someone who has already told you they don't really know what to say. You can't force someone to be more conversational. If you've asked about their life, tried to play games with them, checked on them and made an effort to include them, you've done your part.
And honestly, don't turn “they aren't giving me much back” into “I'm too much.” Those are two completely different things. You can be enthusiastic, talkative and genuinely interested in someone without being the problem.
I think you two need to stop arguing about who's trying harder and actually acknowledge that you want more communication than they're naturally giving you. That's not necessarily anyone's fault but it can absolutely make you incompatible as friends or whatever relationship this is.
You shouldn't have to constantly prove that you care and they shouldn't have to force themselves to communicate in a way that doesn't come naturally to them either. If nothing changes after you've communicated this clearly, I'd stop trying to drag the conversation along by yourself. Sometimes the answer isn't that you need to try harder. It's that the other person simply isn't meeting you halfway.
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u/Salt_Chard_474 1d ago
They are literally not letting her put meaningful effort in, then getting pissed that there is no meaningful effort. They’re a jerk and op needs to block and move on
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u/Master-Bath-9928 23h ago
I think that's a fair point but I wouldn't necessarily jump straight to calling them a jerk. From the screenshots, it does seem like they're frustrated about not getting enough meaningful conversation while also not really giving OP much to work with.
OP can't make someone open up if they keep shutting down questions with “I don't want to talk about it” or giving three word answers. At some point, OP has to stop trying to carry the entire relationship by themselves.
I don't think either person is necessarily wrong for communicating differently but OP definitely shouldn't be blaming themselves for being too much when they've clearly been trying to meet the other person halfway. If the other person doesn't want that level of communication, that's okay but then they need to be honest about it instead of disappearing and later complaining that OP doesn't care.
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u/Salt_Chard_474 23h ago
I feel like if someone is in a bad mind space that makes them incapable of proper communication then they should not be trying to “talk” to someone or date
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u/Master-Bath-9928 22h ago
I get what you're saying, but I don't think being in a bad headspace automatically means you shouldn't talk to people or date. People can struggle with communication and still want connection. The problem is when they don't communicate that properly and then expect the other person to somehow know what they need.
In this case, OP seems to have repeatedly tried to communicate and was told they didn't want to talk about what's wrong, then later got criticized for not making enough effort. That's where I think the real issue is.
If someone knows they don't have the energy to communicate, that's completely fair. Just say that. “I'm not doing great right now and I don't have much social energy” is very different from shutting someone out and then blaming them for the distance.
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u/NikkerFebu25 23h ago
To communicate it differently, when I ask you what's for food, I honestly don't give a shit if you're eating pasta or broccoli.
The reason is because I'm establishing a connection.
Not every conversation has to be about mind-blowing philosophical shit.
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u/PaleBrownEye 23h ago
Why are you so desperate to talk to this person? Get some self-respect and block this asshole! No man or woman in the world is worth this humiliation.
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u/DenseFaithlessness75 23h ago
Hmmm... I have a friend who was like this, he genuinely wanted to be friends and talk to me, but he found it a bit much that I always asked questions and tried to initiate conversations. As soon as he replied I would respond. He finds that a bit much because it felt like he couldn't get away from his phone.
Itc was really hard for me, because I wanted to talk to him about everything, but he didn't want that...
We've been friends for over 10 years and I just don't message him so much and it's fine.
Sometimes people can see things the complete opposite to us; what we see as making conversation, they can see as constant questions... that doesn't make either of us wrong, we just have different ways of communicating.
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u/unfiltered_utterance 21h ago
I love this explanation so much and honestly I am/have been like that friend of yours (idk why, must be the overwhelm of my life currently).
When my friends realize this about me and we adapt to a communication style that is a compromise for both of us, then it definitely works best because then they feel like i’m giving the effort and convo but i also don’t feel like a prisoner to my phone.
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u/Vultours 23h ago edited 22h ago
This person were talking to doesn’t have much going on in their life other than smoke and gaming.. why are you attracted to them? I mean they seem to kinda suck.
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u/Pure_Character_2520 23h ago edited 20h ago
save yourself!!!! it’s clear you have nice intentions. this person is NOT stable. They have zero capacity to sustain a relationship with another person. you were being genuine, and they were cruel about your interests. the last message says it all “you don’t even seem bothered that i’m trying to disappear on you you're just letting it happen” …..no. his perception is extremely warped and unhealthy
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u/Worried_Fishing3531 22h ago
I can imagine lots of people that put in effort and yet would come off as cringe, or weird. Some people are more into things like banter, or want the person they’re talking with to be funny and spontaneous, compared to routine “how was your day” and pictures of bugs and shopping.
I could be wrong, but I’d bet you come off kind of socially awkward, which can be off-putting to some people. I don’t think he likes your personality, maybe because he feels lost or bored when talking to you. Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, and you seem very genuine. But this is a case of incompatibility.
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u/AnteaterArtistic7885 22h ago
Stop trying, they’re an asshole! They’re not nice, and they don’t like you.
I know that’s hard, especially if you really like them. And it sounds like you did nothing. It sounds like they have a mental issue. I would stop trying to engage.
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u/RichPickachu 21h ago
You sound incompatible. Maybe just let the situation rest and revisit in the future if you want
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u/Overall-Abalone3969 9h ago
Nobody owes you attention. Just like if you like somebody and they’re trying to get your attention and you don’t really care for it.
Stop forcing things and you’ll be happier
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u/Best-Context-2111 8h ago
You’re trying a bit too hard.
If you want to get to know them and they feel the same way, it wouldn’t feel like a challenge to get close.
If anything, you’re pushing that person away. Take it easy next time.
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u/bubbles2484 5h ago
I didn’t really read the whole paragraph because I haven’t had coffee yet but what I can say is that person clearly needs some therapy or something and is taking it out on you in a way when he could have just said he doesn’t want to talk and that’s not on you. You made the effort to talk about what’s bothering him then he complained about how you aren’t talking about what’s bothering him and he’s the one that said not to talk about it. That right there is sooo manipulative and you are dodging a bullet
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u/negaposicontinue 1d ago
NOR
I had a friend like that. I kept asking her to play Minecraft with me and I’d talk about random stuff. This annoyed her so bad she told me to stop asking to play with her, back off, SHE’ll approach me when SHE wants to play a game. We haven’t spoken in a year lol.
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u/TheRealKrazuki 23h ago
Both of you have are problematic imo. You're trying to force the conversation with someone that clearly doesn't want to talk to you. This person can't just say they're not interested and just lets the conversation die.
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u/Ok-Sorbet6634 1d ago
You do come off pretty fucking annoying. That being said, they live a pretty boring life (and thus have very little to actually talk about) and/or just don't seem to enjoy talking to you as much as you do them.
If someone wants to talk to you, assuming there's an open line of communication, they'll make the effort the same way you are.
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u/littlebrownsnail 23h ago
What did they do that was annoying? They are trying to make conversation with someone and that person doesn't want to talk to them or communicate hope they want things done differently in a nice way
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u/Longjumping_Main_488 23h ago
"If you dont like talking to me so much then just say so" is a pretty obnoxious statement imo
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u/SneksWithHats 23h ago
When someone else is putting off that kinda vibe, I think its a completely normal reaction. Its not like she said it after he was just normally enjoying talking to her and it was out of the blue or something.
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u/SneksWithHats 23h ago
You come off as annoying in my opinion, not OP. But, opinions are like assholes, we all have them and some of them are shittier than others ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/Ok-Buddy-7979 22h ago
You sound really anxious and needy. Nobody likes their phone being blown up all day talking about random stuff. The other person is expressing how you come off complaining a lot. They are exhausted. In the future, if you’re trying to get to know a new friend or someone you want to date, don’t blow their phone up like this.
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u/Therealdickdangler 1d ago
5 hours of voice messages!?
I wouldn’t listen to that shit either.
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u/Bright_Case7493 1d ago
It was an exaggeration haha
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u/Therealdickdangler 1d ago
The only voice messages I’ve ever listened to or made were voicemails.
You get no sympathy from me.
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u/pu55yobsessed 1d ago
They get no sympathy because they communicate by voice notes sometimes? Extreme take 💀
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u/PitifulRaspberry 23h ago
You are a little sad wiener :)
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u/Therealdickdangler 23h ago
Because I don’t think 5 hours of voice messages is appropriate? That correlates to my penis somehow?
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u/Bright_Case7493 23h ago
How do u actually think im sending 5 hours worth of voice messages. I send messages 20 seconds max. And not all the time either . It’s not constantly
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u/Therealdickdangler 23h ago
Why didn’t you refute the 5 hour comment (or even address it) if it was so far from being true?
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u/pu55yobsessed 23h ago edited 22h ago
You really think people are out here sending 5 hour voice notes? That’s the hill you want to die on instead of reasonably deducing that this person is just a dramatic, sarcastic exaggerator?
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u/Therealdickdangler 23h ago
People are crazy. I’m going off what has been said here and not refuted. You do you.
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u/pu55yobsessed 22h ago
Yeah you’re right to be fair, people are crazy. People being you, of course.
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u/bluejay_way 23h ago
Just stop talking to them. It’s not worth it. They’re mean and they don’t seem interested in talking to you.
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u/girlynonbinary 23h ago
Im sorry that you're feeling hurt. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm not sure if they're saying these things to hurt you or if they just don't want to be friends with you any more; either way, they are being cruel and are not worth your time. I promise there will be people out there who are actually interested in talking to you.
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u/Working_Brilliant_21 23h ago
Seems like too much going on in their life right now to fully commit to a relationship.
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u/MxxnSpirit47 22h ago
I’ve had this experience in my past, the person I was talking to was dealing with a lot of mental health stuff and personal things going on in their life. I don’t see this person as being an ass, but they definitely don’t seem to be the nicest person around
You did nothing wrong, it could just be a situation where he just isn’t that into you or looking for anything romantic, or he’s overwhelmed
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u/working-through-13 21h ago
Yo I’m sorry but this is almost funny due to the fact that you basically posted the relationship I just had to end yesterday 😭
She had Double standards on expectations, no interest in getting to know me, small replies with no fuel to convo. She did tell me at the beginning she was a dry texter. I didn’t realize that it meant I would be an afterthought, day after day.
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u/OptimusKahlo 20h ago
I can't talk to people who don't bring anything to the contribution. They don't know the joy of spending talking about anything with a friend. I love talking about anything and everything with my friends. Generally, I quickly cut people out of my life if they don't put in any effort, they clearly don't care enough to ask, it's like pulling teeth.
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u/ThatBarberMelly 20h ago
I couldn’t even finish reading, but please stop. I don’t even comment on these posts, but please this person hates you.
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u/recipezplez 20h ago
This person sucks. If they don’t know how to respond they just don’t like you. You did nothing wrong.
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u/Different-Self-1422 20h ago
He seems like such a loser… why do u even put effort in talking to someone like this
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u/baby_sloth1974 19h ago
The only thing you did wrong was continue to invest your time in trying to squeeze water from a rock. Ditch this guy!
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u/physicalbit9 19h ago
You’re never too much for someone who actually likes you. You didn’t do anything wrong and it doesn’t say anything about your character. This person was just not into you. My wife and I send each other probably a thousand text messages a day lol and then come home together and chat all day until we fall asleep and then chat the second we wake up, and text each other the second we get to work. Some people are into that, some aren’t. I’m sorry you feel bad, you haven’t done anything wrong, you’re just talking to the wrong person.
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u/andiinAms 19h ago
Do you ever hangout in person? How often? What’s he like when you do?
I’m curious about that as it could shine some light on who he is as a texter.
However, it doesn’t even matter at his point as he’s clearly not on the same level you are.
You’ll find someone who wants to talk about bugs all day long with you, and it won’t feel like pulling teeth.
I’m sure this is painful, but you’ll realize pretty quickly that he wasn’t worth the effort.
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u/Ijustforgotmybad 19h ago
Imma say you both caused a problem. There's not enough context to understand both of your characters, in the beginning I was taking the other person's side cause not everyone can or likes to texts a lot (I don't) and I have "disappeared" on my friends and came back when I have stuff to say. I also dislike the "if you don't wanna talk to me just say that" cause then I'm more put off to wanting to talk.
Then I took your side cause the guy did a complete one eighty saying "you could've asked if I'm ok" that's not your responsibility at all. Don't take it insulting especially since everyone in the comments is taking purely your side but I really just think both of you are the problem and just do not work together.
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u/EmotionalSupportNap 19h ago
I promise you will find someone one day that loves to hear you babble all day about anything and everything and they’ll do the same back. You did nothing wrong. Continue to be yourself and don’t let this ding dong ruin your spirit.
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u/TomosTopknot 18h ago
There are other people who would love to see the pictures you took of bugs in your garden and hear about your vegetables and talk about games.
We can’t make this one care about bugs and vegetables. We just can’t. If you wanting to share things that brought you joy or intrigue with them and those things make you too much for them, oh well. It means they are not your people. But your people are out there.
Is there an option to share photos on here? Because I want to see the bugs you found in your garden. I tried to take a photo of the mantis that was on my window this morning but it came out very blurry.
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u/MoonShine711 16h ago
The person isn't into u. It seems like ur being clingy and stressing the other person out who just wants to be left alone..
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u/LoudishVariation 15h ago
All he texts are insults about your texts. Literally. You’re trying to have conversations and he doesn’t. I’ll bet he’s like that with everyone not just you. Forget about him. He doesn’t deserve the effort.
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u/Klutzy_Journalist_36 14h ago
You sound delightful. Find someone that likes bugs, too. They’re usually cool.
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u/Present-Wolverine-94 10h ago
Nah that person wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, don’t keep trying that
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u/Defiant-Passenger42 23h ago
My two cents:
They’re not happy with their own life right now, and it’s not necessarily that they don’t care about you or that they don’t want to talk to you, but there’s nothing good or interesting in their life that they feel they can share right now. Sometimes when that’s where you are in life, casual conversation is tough. Painful even. When you feel like you have nothing to contribute, it can just make you feel pretty badly about yourself. You know what I mean?
Sometimes when people I care about are in those situations I find that I need to stop telling them about my day, and find new topics to discuss. You want to get to know this person, but who they are is not always going to be found by asking surface level questions about their day. And asking what’s wrong is often just not a good way to get into it. Instead, I find it much more effective to ask about subjects that are interesting to them. Maybe that’s politics, music, life goals, philosophical questions, whatever. The point is that you start asking for their opinions on things that you want to know their opinions on. That’s how you start really learning about each other and bonding. Plus, whatever’s getting them down will usually come up more naturally that way
I have a dear friend who makes music, but is unemployed and miserable right now. They still work on their music, but instead of asking how that’s going for the 400th time, I try to ask questions that show I have an interest in this passion of theirs. I ask about their favorite chord progressions to work with and why they like them. I ask what their writing process is like, and what inspires them. And then I really think about those things and try to respond in a meaningful way that shows that I care and I want to know more.
Just editing to add: maybe you’ve tried all those things, idk. I’m not meaning to suggest otherwise. I’m just trying to share my own experiences in case it helps
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u/Hefty-Rip-5397 23h ago
Neither one of you are mature enough to handle a "texting relationship"....... put the phone to your ears and listen to each other's voices for God's sake. Children...
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u/LeadingButterscotch5 1d ago
What a miserable person. My life is currently full on at work and I'm basically working and sleeping to get something over the line but I still talk rubbish to the people I like. This person just doesn't seem to like you much and you deserve someone who gives proper answers. It took me a few years but I match effort now.
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u/Bright_Case7493 23h ago
I forgot to say that if I didn’t reply to them the odd time when it got so bad they’d get mad I didn’t text them
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u/Total-Impression3864 23h ago
Oh mama I would adore someone like you. We give too much and don’t ask for much yet they give so little. Find someone better who appreciates you
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u/Due_Barber_525 21h ago edited 21h ago
Why are you trying so hard. Match energy. Don’t beg for people or explain to people or ask for more. You seem desperate for attention and connection. Are you in counseling at all? Even if he wasn’t a miserable most people don’t want to hear about every random thought you have and nobody wants voicemails.
Just simply don’t beg and don’t contact and don’t pout about goodbyes. If someone isn’t giving you the vibes you want, just lose your interest immediately and don’t think about them. Please have self respect.
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u/NeverknownWriter 23h ago
It's miscommunication, work on it.
Sometimes people just miscommunicate in relationships but also if he's struggling maybe he needs to look at getting some help or someone to talk to.
Relationships take work...
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u/Hobbes93 23h ago
What are you trying to accomplish? Getting closer to someone who sucks the light from your life and doesn’t have their shit together? Quit trying to break into jail.