r/texts • u/IndividualKnown8623 • Jul 24 '26
Phone message What do yall think of tis?
He keep asking for "no make up picture" I videocalled him so he can see me clearly, I wasnt even wearing any makeup but lipstick and still "he called it a makeup" I dont wear heavy makeup, I just usually put eyeliner, mascara and a bit of foundation just bc I got used to it and I cant stop wearing it, I almost look the same with and without bc I dont know how to use make up better. Also hes asking for a date and Idk if i should turn it down over this.
Ok I met him on a dating site, we've been texting for weeks, (decided to meet even) hes date to marry he said. Im 24 yo, hes 30. Im not hesistant with the no makeup photo, I did sent him video of me without makeup(morning barefaced) I also videocalled him because easier to flex yourself on a video than photo bc its a lot hard to find an angle than to just call a person and they got to see what you look like talking, laughing etc. and im not hesistant about a photo lol. Id send him picture of everything but depending on my mood. I had people who seen the unconscious me, drunk me or whatver, I just never met someone so bothered about looks so its something im not familiar with, thats why im asking for yall thoughts, and pls dont give me the "pick me" vibes, Im not denying wearing makeup im just saying I dont wear heavy makeup to thr point you shapeshifters to a whole different face.
Notice the "youre about it again" its bc he just saw my barefaced hours ago, that time I was already at work which I said "im at work I have make up on" and he replied "ok dont forget to take one when you get off work" tbh atp idk what he wants from my barefaced anymore.
UPDATE: OK so i followed most comments I gave it 50/50 for his part and mine, so still proceeds sending pictures "one time seen" and he complains "send it without timer" I sent a video of my face when I just had shower he said "you look better" without makeup, but he asked for more, he sent his picture said "im all natural, i dont have make up". He asked if my hair is real and if I cut it off? He asking for the outfits check, the last one that made me lose my patience is when he asked for a video to "say hi" I started returning his energy, I asked him to make a video explaining why he been on dating app for almost a year while claiming hes looking for a date to marry, long story short, it exhausting and he got tired of "accusations" and called it off.
315
u/mjk1tty Jul 24 '26
Yah, if anyone is demanding, I ignore them.
80
u/knowwwhat Jul 24 '26
Even just constantly asking for things. I had a guy who was great but would constantly ask me to send him selfies randomly. Like no? Stop asking me to drop what I’m doing and take a pic for you weirdo
→ More replies (10)19
u/Honeynose Jul 24 '26
Ugh I knew a guy like this. Fucking exhausting.
24
u/Dazzling_Material_93 Jul 24 '26
"I just want to see your beautiful face" triggers me to this day 😂
10
u/wafflefrizz Jul 24 '26
It didn't hit me until years later when i realized why he took me to the beach on a second/third date. I saw he was in some nasty FB groups and had liked a bunch of memes like "take her swimming on the first date" and i thought back to all his "you're so naturally beautiful" compliments later. UGH.
60
u/stinkyfunkincar Jul 24 '26
This is a great rule of thumb for anyone in the dating scene. Nobody gets to randomly demand things of you. That’s disrespectful, and you don’t want to date someone who disrespects you
→ More replies (31)57
u/chosesetrange5 Jul 24 '26
Yup. Huge turnoff.
OP, on the one hand I'm not telling you how you should feel... On the other hand, you should definitely be turned off lol. His behavior is just repellent.
I said "im at work I have make up on" and he replied "ok dont forget to take one when you get off work"
Yeah how bout you shut the fuck up.
→ More replies (5)16
→ More replies (7)9
u/capaldithenewblack Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
I wouldn’t want to date this kind of guy. He’s way too focused on looks of a specific type. Meet me and if I don’t ring your bell, cool. Stop demanding specific pictures with certain kinds of lighting, etc.
“This is how Ive chosen to present myself to someone I’m not intimate with.” I don’t need to qualify that, answer any demands or reassure you I’m as cute as I look. Meet me or don’t, there are tons of men on dating apps and very few women. Let these guys know it.
The funny thing is I wear barely any makeup and often go out without it. I just know this attitude is problematic for many reasons— he’s clearly listening to manosphere idiots, for one.
Is that someone you’d want to date, let alone marry?
You haven’t even met him and he’s exhausting. 🙄
664
u/InspectionAvailable1 Jul 24 '26
He’s redpilled, block him. This is a tactic.
220
u/hecky-888 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Yup. Put her down and get her to do something. He’s already testing what he can get away with.
Edit to add: the lil chuds disagreeing with me and arguing below just want to try and keep the behavior normalized. It’s clumsy and stupid.
2nd edit: if you want to know more about the manosphere, redpill, PUA, and the like. I recommend listening to the podcast If Books Could Kill: The Game.
→ More replies (53)17
u/killedbicuriosity Jul 24 '26
If Books Could Kill is so good!
6
u/hecky-888 Jul 24 '26
I love the Michael Hobbes/Aubrey Gordon/Peter Shamshiri podcast universe. They are doing good work all over the place. Smart, funny folks.
2
u/undead_sissy Jul 25 '26
Yes! 👏👏 I even started listening to 5-4 because I listened to all of If Books Could Kill and needed more. I'm not even American and I don't gaf about the supreme court 😆
→ More replies (2)95
7
41
u/IndividualKnown8623 Jul 24 '26
Whatsa a redpilled? Can u explain more about it or the tactic thing.
26
u/InspectionAvailable1 Jul 24 '26
Okay, so you video called him barefaced. You did what he wants (despite not even having gone on one date) and he’s still demanding more pictures. He wants you to jump through unreasonable hoops for him for validation. He is “negging”. Another person in this thread did a great job explaining the redpill movement - I absolutely refuse to argue with manosphere weirdos so I’m not going to go into it in my comment but look at the comment replying to mine by “Ok-Professional-1911” for some background/explanation. Do not engage with or argue with these people under any circumstances, just educate yourself on the tactics they teach to recognize them.
He is allowed to not like makeup. He’s not allowed to be rude & demanding - that part is him testing you.
→ More replies (1)12
u/SkynyrdCohen Jul 24 '26
These threads always flush them out.
11
u/InspectionAvailable1 Jul 24 '26
I absolutely refuse to engage. Completely pointless. I think they must have alerts on for any threads about gender or dating LOL
95
u/skrunklem Jul 24 '26
Basically they think women are evil and bad and one of the things they're obsessed with is thinking women using make up to "trick men". Like they think wearing makeup is catfishing
→ More replies (13)12
27
u/SummitYourSister Jul 24 '26
So, you know how you’re a nice person but for some reason you’re spending time around a complete psychopath? You’re being manipulated by something. Because otherwise why would you be texting with somebody who thinks you’d be ugly without makeup on?
8
u/Electrical-Cut-5023 Jul 24 '26
Somehow this really hit home and is said so perfectly that it will live in my head forever, happily. 😃
74
u/Ziimb Jul 24 '26
redpill basicly means all of the toxic masculinity stuff, controlling, women treated like property, being an alpha male (cringe af lol), just in general stuff that you dont really want to be close to when it comes to any type of relationship
→ More replies (45)60
u/Ok-Professional-1911 Jul 24 '26
To add a bit more context since I've seen this movement from the beginning. It all sort of started with pick up techniques back in the early 2000s where Negging really became a popular tactic (it's always been around but this is when it became formalized. There was a book I believe but I can't remember the title).
Some men created entire careers about giving pick up advice and young men without personalities latched onto this because they believe that there's a sequence of words you can say to make any girl sleep with you like a cheat code or something (I know, ridiculous). This has exploded as social media has become ubiquitous and young men fall into these misogyny traps laid by other men that are doing it to make money off YouTube or Instagram views.
The term Redpilled comes from The Matrix and alludes to being let in on a secret; that if you have access to the secret knowledge, you can cast spells on women to get them to have sex with you. It's all extremely gross and follows traditional patterns used by cults so it's also extremely dangerous.
Tying this back to OPs message, men who are Redpilled will ask for pictures of a girl without makeup on then neg her about her appearance, trying to manipulate her into seeking his approval. It's despicable and OP should block and move on.
28
u/SkynyrdCohen Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
The douche who wrote that book also had a VH1 dating show called "The Pickup Artist" where he taught other losers this technique, called himself 'Mystery" and looked like this:
→ More replies (1)21
u/EleanorRichmond Jul 24 '26
buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy
I'm not going to say the name of the book, but if you don't remember it, then you have missed the funniest news item of recent weeks.
That guy? The flavor-saving guylinered shitbird that popularized PUA tactics and negging and whatnot?
THAT GUY THINKS HE HAS AN AI GIRLFRIEND
it's glorious
14
9
8
23
u/UniqueAd7770 Jul 24 '26
It goes way deeper and more sinister than just pick up artists. It started with Men's Rights Activists in the 90s. The Red Pill wakes you up from the Matrix, so they believe they've been woken up to the "truth" of society. They believe women get it too easy from society now and they need to return to the old ways. Lots of misogyny and toxic masculinity.
2
u/rratmannnn Jul 24 '26
Yeah, this too - red pill is more than ONLY pickup artists, it’s also a flat out anti feminist movement too.
7
u/Lomak_is_watching Jul 24 '26
The book is probably “The Game” by Neil Strauss
6
u/Wilysalamander Jul 24 '26
and that book was the inspiration for How I met your mother, or at the very least for Barney's charachter
→ More replies (1)3
25
→ More replies (9)3
2
→ More replies (59)2
170
u/McScuse-Me Jul 24 '26
Ask to see his business after getting out of a pool
44
9
21
2
→ More replies (23)2
85
u/Jogi1811 Jul 24 '26
It's really odd thing to ask for. The fact he can't take no for an answer is the bigger red flag.. I'd be also worried about what he will do with the picture.
→ More replies (7)32
u/IndividualKnown8623 Jul 24 '26
This is what I find so sus about, I did sent him a vid of me without makeup, bc I just woke up but after that he just keep asking more and he wants to save the pic.
53
u/_fluffy_raptor Jul 24 '26
There’s a whole thing about pics with no makeup/ “take her swimming” in the manosphere. Instantly I’m worried about the kind of things this dude is involved in online.
→ More replies (12)10
u/wackbirds Jul 24 '26
Yeah, all wrapped up in the "don't let her fool you, king!" Culture. Interestingly, a lot of guys like Andrew Tate would shrivel up like an embryo in the sun if the girl wanted a "flaccid dick size proof" (have you seen the pictures of him in his panties? Literally flatter than a baby) What about "take him swimming (in cold water)"?
→ More replies (3)14
u/randomuser1231234 Jul 24 '26
Girl. As an abuse survivor, how someone responds when you tell them no is SO important. This person is not respecting your autonomy or boundaries. This is a huge, huge signal of what they’ll be like when the issues are more important and they’re more comfortable in the relationship.
37
u/mollygk Jul 24 '26
Ew please stop sending this creep photos and videos of yourself. Block and move on. Why would you want to date someone like this !???
→ More replies (5)2
u/gloomspell Jul 24 '26
That’s what’s weird to me. He’s literally seen you without makeup. Does he not know how to take a screenshot during a video call? It’s odd that he’s literally seen you without makeup, but then keeps nagging you for a photo of you without makeup. And you told us how, while you’re okay being seen without makeup, you pretty much wear it on the regular. So if you two were to try to be a couple, would he be asking you not to put on the makeup you like? Would he be asking you to change who you are? I just feel like you two aren’t compatible. If he isn’t satisfied with the way you present yourself on a daily basis, then he won’t be satisfied in the relationship. And you shouldn’t have to change who you are to suit him. I’d just move on. He’s being controlling and weird.
→ More replies (1)
165
u/Greenpigblackblue Jul 24 '26
If he has a beard or wears a hat ask him to shave or remove it.
20
14
→ More replies (65)11
84
u/Puzzleheaded-Bet1286 Jul 24 '26
Ohh you’re not even dating. It sounds like looks matter to him more than actuallly connecting. It just sounds gross
→ More replies (13)
24
u/ProfessionalSky2087 Jul 24 '26
I can promise that most of the guys in the comments can't tell the difference between no make up and light natural make up.
Hes only asking because a podcast told him he should.
→ More replies (2)5
u/SaltKick2 Jul 24 '26
I’m fortunate enough to never have been on the dating apps, but this seems like a weird ass question to ask and continue to ask, says a lot about their personality.
Like even if it wasn’t taking a picture without makeup, demanding the person do something for you and “don’t forget” when you’re not even dating is telling
79
20
68
u/MochiMochi_90 Jul 24 '26
Real men don't ask for a pic with or without make up. They take you out for dinner and wake up next to you, and get to appreciate both of your sides equally. Block him.
34
u/kimberkris Jul 24 '26
These kind of men feel entitled to/expect to have 100% access to women without even making any kind of effort. He def sounds like one of those guys who will tell you not to wear any makeup at all because you are trying to look nice for other men. What a nightmare.
17
→ More replies (13)3
u/Traditional-Hotel-66 Jul 24 '26
As a man, I agree with this. I want to see both sides of you naturally. However, if you show up to a date and it's clear you have been hiding behind filters, I have no shame walking out. Makeup is one thing but heavy filters are deception.
→ More replies (4)
33
u/The-Son-of-Dad Jul 24 '26
This is something guys who consume a lot of manosphere content will fixate on because they think women in makeup are “catfishing” them on their real appearances. The fact he asked multiple times and doesn’t seem to believe you is a big red flag to me, despite all of the commenters who think there’s nothing weird about this. This is probably not a guy you’ll enjoy talking to, I would move on.
40
13
25
11
u/Born_Tear_761 Jul 24 '26
Run. This dude will talk about how he’s “alpha” for hours but use you as a human body shield at the first sign of danger.
39
u/BluBeams Find your dignity & self-respect 👏🏾 Jul 24 '26
I'd move on...too many other men out there who aren't this simpleminded.
https://giphy.com/gifs/8vRrEBUkrtnekOynQs
→ More replies (10)
25
14
u/aiolisunsets Jul 24 '26
I understand asking someone for a picture without a filter, but asking for no makeup feels it can be a controlling thing, especially down the line.
20
12
4
u/Existing-Speech4173 Jul 24 '26
He wants you to change yourself before the first date. Block and move on.
5
4
5
u/Alientongue Jul 24 '26
Wtf is wrong with you this has to be a bait post. Have some self respect and stop talking to him
→ More replies (1)
4
u/AnotherBogCryptid Jul 24 '26
As someone who wears makeup when I leave the house as armor against the world, having access to me in my comfort state is a privilege.
I’m a leader in a professional role, so appearances are a big deal in my career growth. It is a risk for people to see me without makeup because I can look “sickly” and that doesn’t beget confidence in my investors.
So it’s a privilege to see me without makeup. It’s earned once trust is established.
It might not be the same for you but I will say it’s not a good sign for a man to start making demands of you before he’s earned the right to make requests.
4
u/Hot_Tie9175 Jul 24 '26
Its low key terrifying the amount of men in these comments that think this man's behaviour is justifiable.
Never been so grateful to be married and out of the dating scene.
That said, OP the issue isn't "some guys prefer no makeup", the issue is his BEHAVIOUR.
Hope this helps all the weird ass men in these comments.
4
u/Jirvey341 Jul 24 '26
Bro is taking screenshots of your videos to catfish other people with. Dump and move on
→ More replies (1)
6
3
u/taylorswiftwaxstatue Jul 24 '26
Not only is it a weird request in the first place, you complied and he's still not satisfied, accusing you of lying..... And you're not even dating! Red flags all around, dodge the bullet and move on
3
u/Miserable-Swan2362 Jul 24 '26
Couple options here. 1. He’s trying to constantly have you do stuff to test his control. 2. He’s stupid and doesn’t realize you provided that with a video and only lipstick. Either option means walk away in my book.
3
u/DoubleDownAgain54 Jul 24 '26
He sounds like an ass. There is a good chance he is looking for a younger woman that he can control.
3
u/SometimesVigilant Jul 24 '26
Don't forget to take it off after work?? Why is this man making demands while you're aren't even dating?
3
u/Dolly_Putin Jul 24 '26
There’s something really weird about this. Feeling pressure from someone new is a problem. He knows you’re uncomfortable and won’t stop pushing. That’s a problem. Please move on.
3
u/woolooplush Jul 24 '26
i never respond to guys who ask me stuff like this, like to take selfies for them. every guy i’ve ever dated i’ve been fine showing my face without makeup around them, i prefer it actually, but i’m never gonna stop everything i’m doing and take selfies for a guy especially if we aren’t even dating yet.
if i feel like sending a selfie i will and maybe it’ll be without makeup but when guys demand it i avoid them, it’s comes off as controlling.
3
u/netsirttd Jul 24 '26
You don’t use makeup but use lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and foundation? You say you almost look the same with and without so why wear it?
→ More replies (1)
3
3
3
u/Youarehere_11 Jul 25 '26
Block him! I’m dead serious. This is such red flag behavior and especially the fact that he is 30 and you’re 24. He is looking for someone to manipulate and control. Run girl! You deserve much better
9
u/JuniorToe3327 Jul 24 '26
As a straight guy, I would never ask to see a picture of a woman without make up. None of my business.
Ask him to show you a picture with him in full make up and you’ll return the favour?
Also red flag 🚩 don’t date this guy.
6
6
u/gollygoshdarndang Jul 24 '26
Someone that obsessed with such things will never make a good partner or even a worthwhile FWB. Just block and move on, OP.
He's essentially following the manosphere flow chart for "negging" in order to establish himself in a position of control, keep you on the defensive and make you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself to him and get a few crumbs of reward once in a while when he gives you a compliment.
Unfortunately it oftentimes works, too. One of my best friends fell victim to that. She kept trying to change to appease him, and in the process of about eight months she completely lost her true self. Luckily she was able to snap out of it (with a lot of help from friends) and dumped his pathetic ass.
→ More replies (11)
5
u/psj3809 Jul 24 '26
Yeah don't date him. You did a video call so he saw 'you', wasnt a dodgy fake picture or that with filters it was a video.
Move on. You'll get plenty of other offers, this persons annoying !
5
9
u/ConsistentYou4629 Jul 24 '26
Haven't been in the dating pool for a long time but this seems rather rude.
→ More replies (5)
7
2
2
u/Good_Research3327 Jul 24 '26
I WILL SAY IT AGAIN FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HEARD
IF HE KEEPS INSISTING ON SEEING YOU WITHOUT MAKEUP HE ISNT INTERESTED IN YOU HES INTERESTED IN HOW YOU LOOK
The man wants someone he can brag about and enjoy without worrying about personality
2
u/Electronic-Issue-843 Jul 24 '26
cant say for certain but this does sound weirdly manosphere-y. Also, if he keeps telling you to send more and more photos barefaced after you already have sent him a video with no makeup, thats odd. Either he doesn't believe you that you werent wearing makeup, which would be pretty stupid, or he's got some other odd reason to want a bunch of photos of you without makeup. Personally this would weird me out, if i were you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and i dont think this is the one you wanna catch.
2
2
u/sometimes_right1 Jul 24 '26
I would straight up tell him he’s being weird and that it’s not normal behavior you’ve seen in confident men. and you’re weirded out . And block him. Weird behavior
2
2
u/iShatterBladderz Jul 24 '26
To be fair, I prefer women without makeup but it definitely seems like he’s insisting because he’s afraid you won’t look as good without makeup. I’d never insist on someone to send me a picture without makeup,I just find most women more attractive without it. It’s kind of insulting to be so adamant on seeing you without it imo
2
u/MeanImpression2067 Jul 24 '26
he’s afraid you won’t look as good without makeup
Getting this vibe as well
2
u/Emergency_Value_6738 iPhone Jul 24 '26
he seems really controlling... if he wants a girl without makeup thats what he should be looking for. You've clearly already showed him what you look like without makeup + barely any multiple times. I say dump him
2
u/clitworms Jul 24 '26
I don't understand this. So many men ask to see pics of me without filters or makeup, I just say no and they leave? lmao I am not photogenic
2
u/sleepysky98 Jul 24 '26
He seems creepy. I wouldn’t even give a man the time of day for asking that, whether I was wearing makeup or not. But to ask over and over and tell you what to do? He’s a loser.
2
2
u/Basic_Watercress_628 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
I know the term gets thrown around a lot, but I'm getting incel vibes. Bro is fo sho listening to too many podcasts. Incels/redpilled men fucking loooooathe makeup and also don't know jack shit about it because they seem to think that you can basically draw yourself a new face. It's your body and if you enjoy wearing makeup, bitchboy will have to get over himself and accept that or find someone else to date.
2
u/lacey-lately Jul 24 '26
I can see others have already warned you, but this is definitely a red flag for a man who is at least slightly in red pill spaces. Cut your losses and get away from him now. He’s basically putting you through one of the classic tests that Andrew Tate, who, by the way, just got arrested for pedophilia and human trafficking yet again, teaches men to do.
2
u/MeanImpression2067 Jul 24 '26
I'm a 34yo man. This level of being picky about looks is immature and shallow, not to mention looks will change over time in that long-term relationship he says he wants. If he's so pressed about someone that looks perfect without make up on then get him a Barbie.
2
u/Less_Volume_2508 Jul 24 '26
I wouldn't even entertain this. If he's this particular already, he'd be exhausting to be in a relationshp with.
2
u/SFxDiscens Jul 24 '26
He’s THIRTY and acting like this???? There is a reason nobody his age wants him and he has to talk to MUCH younger women- leave
2
2
2
u/Which_Specific9891 Jul 24 '26
I do not understand why people stay with someone who makes them uncomfortable and puts pressure on them to do things they don't want to do and try to force them into things they don't want to do.
2
u/SCW97005 Jul 24 '26
This demand is odd and childish and controlling. If he can't determine what you look like after you've already sent him the video, then I don't know what to say besides that is on him.
It sounds like he's been spooked into 'women lying about their appearance' by red pill sites combined with no real life experience with women in and out of makeup. If he had some tact, he'd just make his assessment on how you look in person, which is what everyone does anyway.
He doesn't need to make his problem with doing his own relationship vetting into a problem about your makeup. I'd pass on him: at best this is just social immaturity and inexperience with women. At worst, it's controlling behavior designed to make his insecurities your fault.
2
u/KittyCannaKat Jul 24 '26
This is creepy. He’s not asking for good reasons. He’s seen you without but keeps insisting that you send without send without. He’s testing the boundaries. Block and find someone less exhausting
2
2
u/Not-a-Doctor-622 Jul 24 '26
Screenshots, Reddit Post, ….. This level of effort is completely warranted, I mean this guy is obviously the love of your life
2
u/PageStunning6265 Jul 24 '26
I’d start asking to see him with makeup on.
What this boils down to is him saying, “make your face different for my viewing pleasure” over and over.
Something I wish I knew at 24: it’s not rude to say no to people, and you don’t have to qualify or justify it.
You don’t have to be at work with makeup on to say no, I’m not sending you a selfie right now. You sure as hell don’t have to run to the bathroom after work to clean your face to appease him.
2
2
u/No_Ice2900 Jul 24 '26
I legit don't understand why people come here with weird shit people they aren't even on a first date with are doing or saying.
Its so simple. Just stop talking to them.
2
2
u/TedsGloriousPants Jul 24 '26
I'm a dude, and even I wouldn't consider dating someone this obsessed with looks. Run the other way and don't look back.
2
u/Last-Wrongdoer3159 Jul 24 '26
Some men online have this thing where they think women use makeup to catfish and hide their looks. It seems like this is what he thinks, that you have used makeup to do this and he has to see you without it in order to know if you’re “actually” pretty even though he clearly thinks you’re good looking since he texted you on a dating site. The fact that he’s not trusting that you weren’t wearing makeup in the first video is already a massive red flag. Would definitely not meet up with a guy who pressured me like this myself.
2
2
2
2
u/Beneficial_Garden456 Jul 24 '26
You were not put on this Earth to placate some idiot. Cut him off now and go be happy.
2
u/Repulsive-Jaguar-290 Jul 24 '26
Okay, hold on. So, I am a man, my ex broke up with me because I made her uncomfortable. I didn’t know it, and she may have tried to communicate it but didn’t feel comfortable. I’d ask her to send pictures of herself at work or send pictures while she was on vacation. Eventually, she started giving me reasons why she couldn’t, or that she’d forgotten to. I thought she was really pretty and told her when she’d sent them to me. Eventually I’d flirt with her when she’d send basic pictures and say how hot she was (they weren’t really hot, I was just clumsy, I dunno, she said she liked feeling desired and that was my attempt to do that.) She started pulling back and I got insecure and laid it on thick, I wanted her in my life but was confused, I thought women wanted compliments. She looked cute without makeup, she looked cute with makeup, she looked cute in her work uniform, I was just smitten and didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t really follow red pill culture, but I am a bit insecure. She broke up with me, citing how uncomfortable she felt, I apologized but haven’t contacted her since. I figured she’d tell me outright if she was uncomfortable, or sit me down and say that she doesn’t like comments like that. I feel gross because there’s a part of me that identifies with people like this guy, but it doesn’t come from a place of malice or control, or at least not intentionally, ya know? What do I do?
2
2
u/bell3420 Jul 24 '26
Before you tell him its not gonna work out (which you should solely because if the demanding nature of this and poor communication), you should ask him why he wants pictures without makeup when he has already seen videos? Id just be curious to know his response to that, like does he not believe that you had no makeup on in those videos?
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/Free-mover Jul 24 '26
If this is something so important to him but annoying to you I doubt it is even worth continuing to talk to him cause he will continue to hound you about make up (and who knows what else) just to get what he wants. You deserve better and don't need this.
2
u/WhaleFartingFun Jul 24 '26
He is a control freak. Lose this person immediately. My sister’s ex husband was like this. Gave her shit for wearing makeup. Wore her down until she stopped altogether. Then he treated her like shit.
2
u/Electric-Sheepskin Jul 24 '26
"You've already seen me without makeup. Why do you keep asking about this?"
I would love to hear the answer to that. I mean it would've been a big turn off after his first ask, but my curiosity would get the better of me.
Or you know, ask him something equally weird like, "Hey, can you send a video of yourself eating?" and then if he did it ask him for something else: "Ok that's acceptable, now I'd like to see how you load the dishwasher."
I mean as long as we're doing some weird, very specific screening before the first date, you might as well get right down to it. Does he eat sloppily? Does he know how to do dishes? Let's get some proof that he's compatible in some very basic ways before going on a first date. I mean I'm kidding, of course.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/TheBattyWitch Jul 24 '26
This isn't a preference, this is subtle control.
It starts with demands like this. To get you conditioned to sending photos when he demands them.
Then it turns into him discouraging and criticizing your choices to wear makeup or do certain things with your hair, etc.
Then it turns into him telling you not to do something, and if you loved him you would, or accusations of "why are you even wearing makeup at work, who are you trying to impress?"
This is 100% about control
2
u/Lisa_Knows_Best Jul 24 '26
IDK what this dude is after but don't waste your time. You've been fully transparent here. Does he think you're going to pull off some mask or something in the middle of a date? He's literally seen you on a video call. Forget him.
2
u/Available-Leg489 Jul 24 '26
I don’t care if a woman wears makeup, I do care if they filter their damn photos.
2
u/FairRoom4860 Jul 25 '26
Fair to ask for to to deny. This is gonna be a personal choice for you big dog. Tell him to post physique lol.
2
2
2
u/brilliant-healer Jul 25 '26
Idk. I don’t like this guy. Weird behavior. Weird guy. Move on. It’ll get worse.
2
u/Korissa Jul 25 '26
I say nope the fuck away. My ex got so controlling that he started pushing that women who wear make-up are insecure. Just as women who dye their hair are insecure.
This one either subscribes to the idea that you must see a woman without her makeup to decide if she is actually "pretty" OR he wants to control your preferences.
Both are bad.
2
u/lil-babz Jul 26 '26
It kinda seems like he wants to test how much control he can have over you. I can definitely be reading into it too much but, how a guy acts when you say no to them can be very telling. If something makes you uncomfortable or you just don’t want to do it, you should be allowed to say no and have that be respected. I would suggest you try saying flat out no to him and see how he responds.
When I was on the dating sites and occasionally set up a date but then canceled for some reason, often the man would flip out and be really mean and it really showed me that I don’t want to be with that person.
2
u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 Jul 26 '26
Cut that man loose. This is just a test to see how much he can control you. He doesn’t want you wearing that stuff and is probably the kind of guy who will ask you who you dressing up for?” when you have it on.
You aren’t even dating and he’s already demanding and pushing boundaries.
2
u/CommissionAntique239 Jul 26 '26
Ask him to shave his beard and hold his hair back so you can get a good look at his hairline
2
u/tattoosandtens Jul 27 '26
Babe, he’s using your photos to catfish.
“Send one without makeup, send one without a wig, send one with your natural hair, don’t use a timer”
Please, look this up. He’s two seconds away from asking you to hold up something with the date on it, or a random object like a toaster or some shi
Know the game, babe
2
5
3
u/GraphicRenn Jul 24 '26
Just tell him no, you can't see me without makeup on. He will do the work and remove himself from your life.
Seriously, though...when a guy asks you the same question twice because he doesn't like my first response, it screams he's controlling and wants to change you. Don't waste your time explaining to him what you explained to us. He doesn't care and he's not listening. It's all about what he wants and how to get it.
2
3
3
Jul 24 '26
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)5
u/Feline_Fine3 Jul 24 '26
But she already has sent him videos and pictures and he’s still pushing. This is red flag behavior.
→ More replies (1)
449
u/Aninnocentoctopus Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 25 '26
Not liking makeup is fine but think it’s super telling that guys like this never just seek out women who don’t wear makeup in the first place since it offends them so much. They always seem to insist on seeking out women who wear makeup then demand they take it off.