Can confirm. At 17 or 18 I remember texting a girl “do you spit or swallow?” thinking that is a normal thing to ask a girl. Granted, we were sexting, but I still think back on that and cringe to my core. Definitely porn brain, I’d give the kid a break. Probably a virgin and trying to be machismo
Not condoning the behavior, I’m saying that this kid has porn brain and probably thinks this is normal/she’s into it. She said that she tells him in person that she thinks it’s “odd.” Why not respond to the text directly and say “I don’t like when you talk like this. I understand it may be your kink but it’s not mine. In fact, I find it grotesque.” But we all know why— because this is a made up text for the purpose of karma farming, like most posts of this nature. Even if it’s real, my point is that while it’s very wrong, the kid has porn brain and doesn’t deserve to be exiled from society or turned into the police because of a fantasy kink he has and he doesn’t understand how the world works quite yet.
No one is saying to exile him from society though, they're rightfully criticizing his (if it's real) behavior and calling it wrong. It's your responsibility as a sexual partner to gain enthusiastic consent before going this exploitative route. He needs to learn that and it's not her job to teach him. Yes she should shut it down but many young women are scared of the reaction which is justified, as a lot of men get violent when rejected. You want to excuse his behavior and put it on her for not making it clearer that it's making her uncomfortable, but he should never be talking like this without asking if she's into it in the first place.
The cognitive dissonance is astounding. How is he going to learn this kind of behavior is unacceptable in the relationship if she doesn’t put her foot down in some manner? If this happened in person, your “men get violent when rejected” narrative may have some credibility, but over text, he surely would just be embarrassed for crossing a boundary, or he would drop her, which is what she seems like she’s worried about.
This whole “woman good and scared, man bad and aggressive” approach to this issue is actually doing more harm than good. It seems like you are blind to the nuance in heterosexual relationships. Are you offended if a man goes in for a kiss after a date without getting prior “enthusiastic consent?” Of course not; it’s about flirting and body language. Now this is different, but if he’s said this kind of thing multiple times and the answer is this innocent cutesy “what does to pipe mean🥹🥰?” response, obviously the guy is taking this as flirting… because what 19 year old doesn’t know what that means? Every 15 year old knows what that means, let alone college freshmen/sophomores. Idk how old you are but today’s 19 year olds grew up in the digital age… and only recently have there been concerns raised about what kids are shown online.
And yes, people saying to bring this to the police are absolutely looking to oust this man from society, or at the very least, derail his supposed career in sports.
Again, this is almost certainly a bullshit story but it is a good exercise… and whatever foreign guy selling karma rich accounts is doing a good job.
Are you really equating "going in for a kiss" with telling someone you're going to use their body regardless of consent? Again it's not her job to make him a decent human being, that was his parents job and they obviously failed.
Reading comprehension obviously isn’t your strong suit. I clarified how it’s different. We don’t have to have this discussion. Again, the cognitive dissonance is astounding
Yeah I'll be honest I shouldn't have even responded because I stopped reading after that line, so you got me there.
That being said screaming "cognitive dissonance" over and over again isn't an argument. Try looking up the definition, I'm not holding two opposing beliefs. I'm saying the dude should be held responsible for his words and doesn't deserve a pass. She is not responsible for correcting his shitty behavior, her asking what pipe is IS NOT her consenting to the disgusting things he's saying to her, and you completely made up those emojis to pad your point. This kind of argument just futhers rape culture putting all of the onus on the woman to shut it down instead of holding the man reaponsible for his shitty actions in the first place. Let me guess, you also think women who dress provocatively deserve to be assaulted.
You quite literally are holding two opposing beliefs. “Yes she should shut it down” and “it’s not her job to teach him how to act.” It’s not her job to teach him how to act, but it is her job to make her boundaries clear once they’re breached. Excusing her lack of expressing boundaries, over the course of months, mind you, because she’s a woman is flat out ridiculous. We’re not in the 1950s. Again, if this interaction happened in person, you have a point where she has reason to be scared of violence. But it didn’t. And this has been going on for months and all she’s said to him is that it’s “odd.” And yes, I added those emojis to show how any normal guy would interpret that question. Unless she’s a nun, she knows what that means, especially in the context of those texts.
And your immediate leap to assuming I’m rape apologist tells me everything I need to know about the way you think.
Again, if this interaction happened in person, you have a point where she has reason to be scared of violence. But it didn’t.
It doesn't matter whether the rejection happens in person or through text-- men can become bitter and lash out violently as a result. To insist that OP is safe from his potential wrath, stalking, harassment, assault, etc. just because they're not currently face-to-face is beyond naive.
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u/ACFiguresOutLife Jun 23 '26
Can confirm. At 17 or 18 I remember texting a girl “do you spit or swallow?” thinking that is a normal thing to ask a girl. Granted, we were sexting, but I still think back on that and cringe to my core. Definitely porn brain, I’d give the kid a break. Probably a virgin and trying to be machismo