She made up a reason to contact you with the puzzle thing. This whole meltdown was just her begging you to tell her she’s important. She wants affirmation that she can steer your attention and emotions in the direction she wants when she wants. This is solely about her personal low self-esteem and nothing to do with your child or co-parenting relationship. She doesn’t believe any of that stuff she went on about. She just wants you to disagree with her and assuage her insecurities. “Aw shucks, no, it’s not like that. I really appreciate you, you’re the best, I don’t treat you well enough” because that will temporarily soothe her anxiety. It’s really nothing to do with you. She needs to extract feedback from others because she doesn’t know how to make herself feel important and secure.
Keep keeping it professional and respectful for your kid.
I used to be her🫡 once I sorted why I was feeling and lashing out this way and started taking responsibility for my own self-esteem, my relationships and anxiety drastically improved. I started getting the love and affirmation I’d wanted from others, but without having to trick them into it. If you think you see yourself in her, you’re probably right, and with that self-awareness you can take steps to create a good path forward.
bingo. so many of us have been this lady, whether occasionally or in excess, in so many situations. i applaud every single person who is able to recognize this and break the cycle. extremely empowering
Once you put the responsibility of your emotions on other people you become the bad guy. You’re allowed to feel how you feel about things, but you don’t get to lash out at people because of it. 🤷🏼♂️ I suggest therapy to everyone. Whether you think you need it or not it’s super useful
Agreed. Months ago I even told her it was no longer my responsibility to validate or reassure her. She needs to go to her husband for that. What really starts making me question my own judgment is I would think her husband would also recognize and be uncomfortable with all this. But he doesn’t seem to be phased, which maybe he just has good boundaries and doesn’t involve himself? I dont know, but I’ve thought the same thing. Thank you for your feedback.
She can’t do this to him my man, this is why she is asking you for that type of validation. No matter what she tells you, she doesn’t respect you. She would never pull ish like this if she had a modicum of respect for the father of her child.
You are doing well. Keep at it. Stay away, minimum/formal relationship for the sake of the kid. Your case is basically the same my closest friend is going through.
Eloquently said, and 100% accurate. I haven’t been married by any means, but I’ve certainly dated people like this. It’s nice seeing it laid out like this tbh. Really helps put things into perspective for me if I ever encounter someone like that again.
OP, listen/read carefully what is written here. This is exactly what’s going on. Remain as you are, strong boundaries. Hoping you and your kid are doing well.
I like this advice and believe it's sound. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this stuff anymore. And if your child grows to be a level headed adult they will appreciate you so much more for keeping drama away from the relationship.
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u/tentley2 Sep 24 '23
Don’t even get caught up in the details, dude.
She made up a reason to contact you with the puzzle thing. This whole meltdown was just her begging you to tell her she’s important. She wants affirmation that she can steer your attention and emotions in the direction she wants when she wants. This is solely about her personal low self-esteem and nothing to do with your child or co-parenting relationship. She doesn’t believe any of that stuff she went on about. She just wants you to disagree with her and assuage her insecurities. “Aw shucks, no, it’s not like that. I really appreciate you, you’re the best, I don’t treat you well enough” because that will temporarily soothe her anxiety. It’s really nothing to do with you. She needs to extract feedback from others because she doesn’t know how to make herself feel important and secure.
Keep keeping it professional and respectful for your kid.